“Welcome!” A loud voice thundered around the room, the walls shaking. A lighter color fog started blowing out of the walls near the door, as a giant, slightly transparent head materialized in the air above the fog. The head had a perfectly trimmed brown beard that had the lightest splotching of gray showing. His hair, likewise, was showing age in that it was very slightly balding, however it very well could have been that he simply had a large forehead. His head had a slightly triangular shape to it, with noticeable wrinkles near the corners of his lips and his brown eyes when he smiled. “To my domain. The next few weeks will be grueling, however…” His slightly British voice petered out as the head took a look around the contestants and the looks the production members were giving him. “What? Is the Wizard of Oz bit too much?”
“Maybe just a bit,” Drake said.
“What? Why didn’t anyone- Oh alright then, give me a moment.” The head, which most of the contestants surmised belonged to the person holding this competition, David Angel, disappeared in an instant. The sound of things clattering could be heard from the other side of the large red door, until the door unlocked with a satisfying click. “Alright, alright. Come inside already so I can give my big speech,” While David’s head was very similar to the giant head that had greeted him, his stature was much less amazing. He was actually a rather short man, thin, and wearing a standard tuxedo.
The group made their way inside the large red doors, into a much more modest looking entry hall. The room was your standard two story foyer, a large wooden staircase climbed upwards from where they stood, and then branched out in two separate directions toward unassuming wooden doors. A crystal chandelier hung from the ceiling overhead and lit the room in twinkling lights. On the ground floor were four separate wooden doors that matched those on the second floor.
Nearby, sitting in a chair that resembled a throne more than a chair, was a woman with a bit of a belly in a red dinner gown. Her blond hair was immaculately curled, and as she waved David introduced her, “Ladies and gentlemen, my beautiful wife, Amanda Angel.”
“David honey, I can introduce myself,” Amanda said in a similarly light British accent, struggling to stand up from her chair.
“Amanda dear, don’t-“
“No, no. I can manage.” Amanda continued to struggle to continue to get up from her chair, until she was finally standing on her own. “I *huff* am Amanda Angel, the amazing assistant extraordinaire. Welcome to our lovely abode.”
“Great dear, but I didn’t get to do my spiel yet.”
“You didn’t? I thought you were doing that Wizard of Oz thing.”
“Well, I was, but they decided that might have been too much for American reality TV.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry to intrude.”
“No problem dear,” David said, giving her a light kiss on the cheek, “Now let me do my thing.”
“Alright, I’ll just be in the bedroom if you need me,” Amanda said, waddling towards one of the doors and entering it.
David turned back to the TV show he was supposed to be addressing. “Anyways, where was I?” David straightened his suit as he tried to recapture his train of thought, “Oh yes! So, this is my place. Obviously, it’s magical. I wouldn’t be able to live as well as I do if I didn’t use magic to enhance my life. But anyways, um… Ground rules! They’re rather simple. Don’t break anything you aren’t willing to buy. You’re free to go anywhere in my house, but my bedroom is strictly off limits unless either I or Amanda invite you. Finally, and most important of all, just have fun with it. My casa is your casa as the Spanish would probably say." David began walking away from the group, “Anyways, I’m going to go enjoy some alone time with my wife. Drake here can explain the rest. See you all soon,” David then opened a different door and disappeared through it.
“Great… thanks David,” Drake said, visibly annoyed that David had completely forgot almost everything he was supposed to say to the contestants.
“Alright gang, the rules to the competition are simple. Each week David will assign you a different task to do, and your performance in these tasks will be judged by the audience at home. The person who’s performance was deemed the worst will be removed from the premises. You’ve each been assigned a different bedroom and designated training space, and will be able to schedule training time with David when you’re actually given a challenge. Additionally, a midweek mini challenge will be assigned every Wednesday, with the prize or punishment being decided by the audience at home.”
“Anyways, go on and explore. If you need me, I’m going to be in my trailer.” Drake said, walking through yet another of the wooden doors, leaving the contestants alone in the foyer with the camera crew.
The contestants looked at each other in confusion, before Saffron spoke up and said, “I don’t know about you all, but I’m going to go find my room.” She skipped over to one of the doors, opened it, and found herself skipping back into the foyer through one of the doors on the second floor. “Wait… What?”
“Oh yeah,” David’s voice echoed throughout the room, “Forgot to explain, the doors are magic. Just think of where you want to go and they’ll take you there. I left a list of possible rooms in each of your rooms. Also, I’m sorry that there is no wifi or signal in here. Magic screws with the router too much so I stopped paying for it.”
“Wait. We can’t use our phones?” Jill said, on the verge of hyperventilating, but her words fell on deaf ears as each of the contestants made their way towards a wooden door, opening it and entering their bedroom.
~~~
Holli
Holli found herself in a very classy looking suite that reminded her in many ways of the various hotel suites she would stay in while on tour with Arnold around the country. There was a small living room with a kitchenette, and a short hallway that lead to a well stocked bathroom and a classic bedroom. Of course, rather than the standard decorations one could expect from a hotel, the decorations were noticeably themed towards her interests. In the opposite corner of the living room from the door stood an umbrella bucket that held a variety of swords of different varieties. While there was a traditional easy chair, in place of the couch was a bed of nails. In the bedroom, standing right next to her bed was an iron maiden. “Oh wow, David sure knows how to add that personal touch,” Holli said, walking over to the mini fridge and pulling out a red wine and some cheese, before plopping down on the bed of nails, the nails sinking several inches into her butt as she pulled the list of available room towards herself.
~~~
Cameron
Cameron’s room was noticeably different, looking more like the bachelor’s pad of an apartment he had before moving in with Alex. On the wall there was a rather garish looking display of neon lights that looked like four aces spread out in somebody’s hands. There was no kitchen, however there was a fully stocked bar. A lazy boy sat mere feet away from a jacuzzi, and besides the bar, the only table in the room was a pool table. “A guy could get used to this,” Cameron said, reading through the list of rooms that were available to him in this palace.
~~~
Leela
The marble walls of her bedroom reminded Leela of the many temples she visited while taking her year long self-discovery tour in India. Leela took off her shoes, placing them by her bedroom door as she continued to walk through her room. There were a variety of wicker pots of varying sizes strewn around the room, and a small cabinet filled with a variety of spices was affixed to the wall next to a small fridge. A yoga mat was rolled up and leaning against the far wall. Walking on over to the large sofa, Leela flopped down, her arms stretching bonelessly over the edge of the sofa. “Ooh boy. This seems like a lovely place for a girl to relax.” Her arm snaked off the edge of the sofa, slithering towards the piece of paper listing the rooms that were open for the competition.
~~~
Saffron
Saffron’s room was pretty different from all of the others. Rather than fancy decorations, or anything magical of the sort, Saffron’s room was a simple ten foot by ten foot room. The only things in it were a California King sized bed, and a literal mountain of stuffed animals of varying sizes and shapes covering the mattress, to the point where one could barely see that there was a mattress at all. “Oh my God! And you’re telling me this is all for me?” Saffron said, after being given an unseen nod from the camera man, she squealed, jumping into the mountain of stuffed animals, disappearing like Scrooge McDuck into his pool of money. When she resurfaced, her smile was practically from ear to ear as she said, “I’ve never had my own room before!”
~~~
Ophelia
And once again there was complete culture shock as the camera cut to Ophelia’s room. The room was completely covered in shadows, the only source of light was from the fire beneath a cauldron in the center of the room. The cauldron itself was perpetually spilling out smoke that made it difficult to see that there was no flooring. Instead of carpeting or floorboards, the ground was completely covered in a blackish green moss. On one wall sat a variety of jars holding both normal ingredients and alien abominations. On the other, books written in a strange language that clearly wasn’t English lined the simple shelves affixed to the wall. The briefest flash of a smile cross Ophelia’s face, before her trademark scowl reappeared momentarily. “It’s alright,” She said, looking into the cauldron and seeing the list of available rooms floating in the liquid.
~~~
Jill
Jill was the last to arrive in her bedroom. Her bedroom was probably the largest of them all, having a kitchenette, a bedroom, bathroom, living room, and a squash court refitted to help act as a single person’s practice tennis court. In her living room, there was also a self cranking wringer. “Oh wow! This is leagues better than my college dorm!” She snatched up the list of rooms she could explore, and started examining the tennis court in greater detail.
~~~
After they had all finished reading the list, David’s voice echoed through their house once again, “Alright everyone. When you’re all settled in, come on down to the Dining room so I can give you all your first challenge!”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
& Question Corner &
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To Holli Kim: “Can you explain how you managed to stay looking 30 years old, despite being around 65?” -quad2
So, when I was about 25, I was young and fresh on the assistant scene in Las Vegas around the late 1970’s/early 1980’s. I met this magician, who at the time I thought was a really nice guy, named Arnold Lassiter. We got to chatting, and after some drinks he managed to get me to sign an assistant’s contract with him. Of course, I wasn’t that naïve and even drunk managed to talk him out of a lot of the stipulations that he used to turn his other assistants into essentially mind controlled bimbos. One of the parts of his contract I kept in was that as long as I was employed by him, I wouldn’t age a day. So, when my contract finally ran out five years ago, and I rightfully didn’t re-sign with him (despite his protests I might add), my aging process finally started up again, hence why I am actually 65 years old, but 30 years old physically. Let me tell you, this has been a big annoyance in my life, especially when people meet my husband and just assume that he’s my sugar daddy or something, even though I’m actually older than he is.
To Ophelia Greenwald: “So, you’re an actual witch who’s interested in learning stage magic?” -HeraldOfOpera
Sadly, I must inform you that I am still in the training stages of becoming a true witch. I have been working tirelessly to finally awaken the full potential of the spirit of Gaia that dwells inside me, but my powers have still yet to manifest much. To address your second point, I know it may seem beneath someone of my potential, however one never improves themselves if they refuse to step out of their circle of comfort. Besides, it’s interesting to me as someone who works almost exclusively with the ancient magicks to experience this new golden age of magic.
To Saffron: “There’s some dude here who says he’s a king but the state of his clothing makes me skeptical of that. You know him?” -HeraldOfOpera
Dude, I have no clue what you’re talking about. All I know is if he doesn’t take that mask off I’m going to start royally freaking out.
To Everyone: “Do you like penguins?” -HeraldOfOpera
Leela: Yes.
Saffron: Me and my sisters absolutely love penguins! I actually have a penguin pillow pet that I can not live without named Percy.
Cameron: I guess I like penguins as much as the next person, my favorite ones are the ones that look like they’re wearing little suits.
Ophelia: I appreciate any creature that can survive in the areas where Gaia’s wrath is harshest. This goes for any creature of the tundra or the desert.
Jill: Penguins are cool, I guess?
Holli: It’s been forever since I’ve seen a penguin. I like them, although I think I'd put the kiwi as my favorite flightless bird.
Drake: I like penguins, but I recommend never working with them.
David: The only bird I like is the dove, maybe the occasional pigeon if it’s been trained right.
Amanda: Ooh, that gives me some great ideas of decorations for the baby’s room!
The USPS delivery man could not be reached for comment.