“And so, my final score for the Go-Go Ball is a 2/10. While the concept of a yo-yo that never comes back to you can play for a small chuckle if you give it to a friend to try, you’re never going to have any additional enjoyment from such a dumb concept, especially since it’s such a pain to rewind every time. Make sure to leave a like, comment, and subscribe. Don’t forget to tune in next week where I’m going to review something other than a toy!”

As an internet reviewer, one of the scariest things is trying something new. People like to typically watch a person who remains consistent and provides niche content, and providing something different can easily lose viewers and therefore lose revenue. However, after nearly 50 something videos, I feel that I definitely earned the right to try something different. Besides, it’s still a nostalgic product related to a toy, so I shouldn’t lose too many viewers … I hope.

For once, the editing phase wasn’t nearly as bad as I expected it to be. There wasn’t really much to discuss about the toy, so the actual review part was pretty simple. The most complicated part was making a parody of the extreme advertisements the toy had, and even then it was mostly simple effects with “extreme” tilts, zooms, and the occasional green screen effect.

I finished the editing at noon, leaving me with a couple hours of downtime to enjoy until Jamie got back from her job. While we’ve been steadily getting more subscribers, and more ad revenue, we still aren’t earning enough for us both to live off the earnings and do this full-time. Hell, we don’t even really earn enough for one of us to be doing this full-time. Jamie has considered taking a second job to help us get enough to afford some of the rarer toys we’ve found on the market, but I’d rather force myself to get a real job before we even think about having her do two.

Anyway, I got to doing the same thing I always do when I have a ton of free time, browsing eMazon for rare toys. We had an ever growing wish list on the site, and so far we had nearly twenty toys in line for reviews. These toys, of course, were mostly the more rare products we wish we could afford. Like this one guy who was selling a limited edition set of the unreleased Tranimal-morphers based upon that one set of kids books. He wanted thousands of dollars and wasn't willing to sell them unless they were a complete set! Which was well past the budget we had set up for the show.

The budget was one of the main reasons I’m glad Jamie accepted my offer to work on the show. Before she got on, I made a horrible mess of our finances and nearly had to give up the house to pay for my stupid purchases. Thankfully, Jamie’s father was willing to loan us the money, which we’ve nearly paid back, and now we’ve even begun a savings fund for some of the more expensive items on our wish list. The magic 9-ball was the first of these, and our viewers absolutely ate that review up. Probably because everything else we had been reviewing that month was cheap 90’s toys that cost less than a couple dollars each.

After what felt like only minutes exploring eMazon, from below came Jamie barging through the front door shouting “I’m home!” I heard her climb up the stairs in her work heels, with what sounded like a more extreme version of her after-work exhaustion. “You’ll never believe it, but the rumors were apparently true.” She came into the bedroom and collapsed onto our bed, throwing a pill bottle at me. She laid still on the bed as I examined the label:

“Mr. Potato Head Multi-Vitamins: Now with 40% more vitamin B7. Based upon the hit Helen-Bandera TV show of the 70’s, Mr. Potato Head Vitamins offers children the vitamins they need, while making it a fun affair! And not just for children anymore! With our improved recipe even adults can join in the fun!
Instructions:
- For a child’s dose, take 1 pill. Effects are non-permanent and harmless. Effects lass 1 hour. May take multiple doses per day, so long as dose does not exceed 2 pills in a single hour period for people under 18.
- For an adult’s dose, take 2 pill. Effects are non-permanent and harmless. Effects lass 12 hours. May take multiple doses per day, so long as dose does not exceed 3 pills in a single 12 hour period for people over 18.
- DO NOT TAKE MORE THAN 3 PILLS IN A SINGLE HOUR PERIOD. THIS WILL CAUSE HARMFUL AND IRREVERSIBLE EFFECTS.
Contents:
…”

What followed was a long list of vitamins, some of which were familiar while others I’d never even heard of before. Jamie sat up on the bed and said, “You would not believe what I had to go through to freaking find that. We apparently weren’t the only ones who received emails about that little gas station having those for cheap, ‘cause by the time I got there after work there was only one bottle left.” She then collapsed back on the bed, as she began to peel off her heels and stockings.
“Well, I’m super impressed you found it! Now we can save an extra week and get an even rarer toy to review.”
“Yah… it’s fantastic.” She said in a distracted tone. Jamie was off the bed now, undressing out of her work clothes and putting on a more comfortable hoodie and sweat pants. There was clearly something weighing on her mind.
“So… uh. How was work?” I asked, already expecting the answer.
“Horrible! Donovan has us working like dogs trying to finish these stupid quarterly review sheets. Meanwhile, he’s just sitting in his office acting all smug because ‘he’s the boss, and it’s not his responsibility to write reviews for all his underlings’.” She flopped back down on the bed and continued, “Not to mention the fact that Brenda wants me to write the review of her employees or she’s going to tell Donovan I used my sick days for spa visits, which he’ll probably believe seeing as how he’s completely in love with that bitch. It just pisses me off so much!” She made to get up, but I lightly pushed her back down on the bed.
“OK, clearly you’re exhausted and extremely emotional right now. Why don’t you stay here and unwind while I go down and cook us some Spaghetti for dinner?”
“You really don’t have -“
“I insist.” I said, pulling off the blanket that I had been wrapped up and used it to cover her up. “Now take a nap and maybe after dinner we’ll play around with these” I said shaking the pill bottle in my hands.
“O-okay.” She said, still clearly worked up from work, but she laid her head down on her pillow and closed her eyes anyways.
“Sleep tight.” I said, kissing her on the forehead as I went downstairs and started cooking.

After Jamie had woken up, we ate my homemade Spaghetti in silence. After cleaning up the dishes, we cuddled up and started watching Meet the Robertsons because it was on TV. After the movie finished, we headed downstairs to the testing environment and created a save before even opening the bottle, in order to keep it vacuumed sealed in case we wanted to sell it later.

It wasn’t all that often that we chose to sell stuff. Call us hoarders if you want, but it would probably be more accurate to call us collectors, or even protectors seeing as at least a third of the magical stuff we find has ended the world in an alternate timeline. One did it twice! We take the burden of these reality altering toys (such as the magic 9-ball) and make sure to lock them up so that they don’t cause any harm.

“So… are you sure you want to be the tester for this one?” I asked.
“Of course, I’m always the first to test new toys.”
“Yah, but… you seem a little pent up right now. Plus, we have all weekend to test it out so…”
“No. We need to keep on schedule. So hand over the bottle already!” She said impatiently.
“Ok! Ok.” I handed the pill bottle to her as she began to shake two pills out. “Wait. We should probably start with a kids dose to see what it does.” Jamie nodded, placing one pill back into the bottle as she swallowed the other.

It took ten minutes for the pills to take effect (at least that’s what our timer said), but her change arrived with a visible shiver crawling over her body. “Okay,” She said, “Let’s take me apart!” She reached up and grabbed her right arm above her elbow, pulling her non-dominant appendage off with a sound of plastic rubbing on plastic. Her shoulder now ended in a round, flat expanse of skin, with the only evidence of anything being off was that there was a hole roughly a half-inch in diameter. Attached to the shoulder of her removed arm was what appeared to be a peach-colored plastic rod that was about as wide as the hole in her shoulder and about three inches long. Jamie tried to bend the rod, but despite her best efforts it stayed rigid. She placed the arm on the ground, where it inched across the floor a bit in order to reach her laptop, then turned to me and asked, “You going to help? Or do I have to disassemble myself?”

I smirked, grabbing her left leg off the floor and giving it a tug. Unfortunately, it did not come off as I expected, instead taking both her hips and other leg with it, with a similar half-inch hole on the underside of her torso and the accompanying rod sticking perpendicularly off of her hips. “That’s weird.”
“What?” Jamie asked. Looking at she was doing, I saw that she was picking at her lips, already having removed her nose, which laid on the floor. Unlike with her arm and legs, the hole on her face were significantly smaller, only being about a quarter-inch wide, and the accompanying rod on the nose was only about inch long. Finally getting some purchase underneath her lips, Jamie pulled them off, placing them on the floor next to her nose and giving her face another weird looking orifice.
“Well, your legs seem to be stuck to your hips.” I said, tugging on the leg again to confirm the fact.
“Well,” Jamie said, plucking off her left ear, “Most of the potato head toys didn’t have separate legs, they were just two feet molded together.”
“But in Toy’s Life they were separate.” I pointed out.
“Yeah, but these were clearly more based on the old toys before that movie made it popular,” Jamie then started picking around her left eye, before finding some purchase and pulling it. Strangely enough, her eyes came off in one piece as well, with the peg residing on the small patch of skin between the eyes. She carefully placed it on the floor facing him. “Okay, I think that’s as much as I can get off by myself.”
“Cool.” I said, pulling her left arm out of its socket. I then grabbed at her head and gave it a slight tug, causing it to pop off of her torso with the larger rods of her other large appendages. Now that I had her head in my hands, I could hear the sound of plastic rattling around inside her head. Grabbing at her hair, I gave it an experimental tug, only for her red hair to come off like a wig. The top of her head had a hole that was slightly larger than her other head holes, but still smaller than her body holes, while the wig had a matching peg sticking out of the bottom of it. Turning her head around, I immediately noticed the drastic change to the back of her head. Instead of simply being bald, the entirety of the back of her head had what looked to be a tiny door made of her skin. Opening the door, I aimed towards the floor as the pieces of plastic that had been rattling in her head fell to the ground.

Now lying on the floor was an assortment of various facial features. There were two pairs of lips, one plump with deep, sultry red lipstick, the other in an inhuman green. There were also three noses (a small, button-shaped one; a comically large, purple one; and a small green trunk), two pairs of ears (two ears that were similar to her normal ones but had piercings all along the lobe; the other looked like miniature, silver trumpet bells), three sets of eyes (a set of brown eyes; a set of blue eyes with bright purple make-up surrounding them; and a set of three eyes, two in the normal space with a third in the space between, that matched her green eyes), two pairs of glasses (sunglasses and a pink pair that matched her back-up pair for when she didn’t want to wear contacts), a tongue with a peg sticking out the back, a mustache that matched her red hair, a beard that looked like it would go well with the mustache, a blond wig styled in a pony tail, and a set of green antenna on a pegged headband.
“Is that it?” Jamie asked, doing her best to survey the face pieces from her eye’s location on the floor.
“I read something about this on the bottle. The kids mode only has a small sample of products because they expected them to use actual pieces from their Mr. Potato head toys.”
“Well, I can go out and buy some toys tomorrow, but we’re just going to have to make do with these tonight,” Jamie said, “now how about we make this playtime a little more personal?” I could hear the unmistakable sound of desire in her voice.
Grabbing her legs from the floor and sitting them up, I grabbed at the hem of her sweats and pulled down, only for her legs to go tumbling with them. Not perturbed, I attempted to pull them down on the floor, but they seemed to almost be fused to her skin. Pulling at the bottom edge of her shirt and meeting similar resistance, I came to the conclusion that it was probably impossible to remove her clothes. “Hey, I think the fact that you’re in kids mode means we can’t do anything crazy until your dose wears off.”
“Really?” she said, the snark obvious in her voice, “isn’t there something you’re forgetting?”
Looking towards her lips, than towards her eyes, I got the look of approval from her eyes, so I grabbed the pair of lips, unzipped my jeans, and placed the lips over my awaiting member.

One of the great perks of the magic nature of the toys we review is that our sex life has become amazing, to the point where vanilla sex has become a little boring for us. It’s one of the primary reasons why we moved the sofa out from the testing room and replaced it with the futon from the guest room. We’ve so far been very careful to use protection, cause the last thing we would want is to have a child. Especially if Jamie were transformed when she was impregnated. Who knows what horrible creation that would unleash onto the world.

Just as I was about to climax, the lips that were doing a number on my member suddenly went limp. Despite the sudden lack of lip movement, I still released my load into the inert set of lips, the fluid quickly filling the now hard cavity and spilling out. Horny and confused, I looked to the ground to see that Jamie had somehow managed to wiggle her left arm towards the pile on the floor and attachedthe plump lips to her face. “Sorry honey,” she said, in a voice noticeably her own, but slightly deeper, “You know I hate the taste, and I wanted to see what would happen to my old parts when I put on a new piece.”
“That’s fine,” I said, managing to pry the hard lips off my member. When the lips were off the tip, they closed, the slightest hint of semen running across the now plastic edge of her old lips, “just warn a guy the next time you want to try something that could potentially hurt my privates and make a mess.” Grabbing some tissues of the nearby table, I wiped the lips clean and did my best to clean up the rest of my mess.
“Yeah, my bad. Do you mind helping me get back together now?”
“Sure.”

After a little bit of tinkering, we managed to get Jamie back together again with some time to spare before the pills effects were supposed to run out.
“Oooh wait!” she said, reaching down into the pile of assorted facial features, “cover your eyes!” Doing as she told, I waited in anticipation until she said I could open my eyes, only to be greeted by a weird site. She had on the set of three eyes, green lips, green trunk, trumpet bells, and was completely bald save for the green antenna sticking out from her head. “Well?” she asked, her antenna twitching, “Do you find this sexy?” She licked her lips with her now green tongue.
I began chuckling, “Well, maybe if you skin matched…”
“Really?” she asked, taking out her cellphone. “Oh wow,” she said, snapping a picture as she snickered, “you’re right. At least our followers will enjoy this.” She became absorbed in her phone, focusing on picking the perfect filter and writing a description

I mostly left Jamie in charge of the show’s various social media accounts. Jamie would post most of the updates on videos and teaser images on the episode to our the normal accounts on GB, Tweeter, and The ‘Gram. However, she also had a little known tmbler account for our more adventurous episodes. She explained having all these accounts was a good way to get the word out about our show, but I was never really good at it. To me, it only ever looks like the people who interact with those accounts are the ones who watch the show weekly anyway.

The timer went off, indicating the pills effect should have ran out. Looking towards Jamie, I saw that despite the fact she was an alien just moments ago, she was her normal self once again. All the various facial features that littered the floor were also missing.
“At least clean-up is easy,” she said, sending the pictures she would later update to The ‘Gram through the cloud to our reset-protected folder.
“I suppose.” I said, sending my notes to the same folder and checking that they downloaded properly before pressing the reset button and finding my hand filled with the unopened pill bottle once again. “Okay, I guess it’s my turn.” I said, unsealing the bottle once again and pouring two pills into my hands.
Just as I was about to down both the pills, I caught a glimpse of Jamie giving me the puppy dog eyes. Lowering my hand I whined, “But you got to test the kids dose.” She continued giving me the puppy dog look. “But I wanted to play with this too.” She still had those puppy dog eyes. “But-“ She leaned in closer, giving me an even better look at her eyes.
“Fine.” I gave up, bowing my head in defeat as I deposited the pills into her hands. Squealing in giddy, she swallowed the pills giddily.

After around 10 minutes had passed once again, a visible shiver passed down Jamie’s body once more. This time, rather than pulling off her arm, she began by stripping off her clothes.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“Well, if we’re going to be having sexy time again, I want to actually enjoy a bit of it.” She threw her clothes onto the futon, moving to the center of her room to give me a good view.
Sitting down on the floor, Jamie began by pulling on her leg, but rather than her hips coming off like before, only her leg came off, leaving the classic hole and peg. “Oooh! It looks like the adult mode has some more detach points. I wonder…” she said absent-mindedly as she began poking around her vagina. Grabbing one of the folds, she managed to pull it off, leaving a hole similar to her face holes on her now blank crotch. Laughing, she threw it in my direction. “Here, enjoy yourself.”

While I got busy thanking Jamie for her earlier work, Jamie continued deconstructing herself. Pulling down on her hips, her hips came off once again, but pushing down on her stomach revealed that it was stuck hard. Grabbing at her breasts, Jamie found that each came off separately, leaving her with two holes on her chest. She then began deconstructing her head once again, pulling every thing off and discovering the only change was her eyes had developed separate pegs. Just as she finished getting everything she could, I also managed to get her to climax.

“Okay, I’m done.” Jamie announced semi-exhaustedly.
“I can see that.” I joked. I grabbed her mostly blank head off her body and removed her hair once more. Excitedly, I opened the door on the back of her head, expecting to see some extremely weird facial features, but instead was greeted with a piece of stylized paper.

It read ‘Greetings! For the enjoyment of the adults who have chosen to use our multi-vitamin, we at Briar Briar have allowed you full access to the Mr. Potato Head Part Inventor_^(tm). Located within the cavity of the torso and accessed through the door on the back, the part inventor allows for the creation, storage, and destruction of specialized parts. The transformed must simply think up the part or the corresponding serial number (located in our Mr. Potato Head Catalog), and the location of any connecting pegs and/or holes, and the part shall appear within the Mr. Potato Head Part Inventor_^(tm). Happy Creating! -Briar Briar Ltd.’

“Honey, you’re going to love this.” I said, putting the piece of paper back into her head.
After explaining what the note had said, Jamie’s eyes made a funny look as she concentrated. “Okay, try opening my back.” Sitting her torso up, I turned her around, seeing the new skin door on her back that looked extremely similar to the one on the back of her head. Opening it up, I reached within her, pulling out the tongue with a peg attached that had been in the previous set of pieces. “Cool, we know that the part inventor works now.”
“Why’d you bring back the tongue?”
“Oh,” she said, her head having been reassembled by her arms on the floor while I had read the note, “I saw it in the previous group of parts and was curious if it had any special properties.” Her arms reached around her head, taking her lips off, so I took the next step and attached the tongue to her mouth hole.

Her regular lips entered the inert state once more as the tongue now residing openly on Jamie’s face sprung to life. Although it was clear she was trying to say something, it appeared as though the tongue was simply a tongue, and didn’t have anything special about it other than it was outside her mouth. Removing the tongue and placing her lips back on, she said, “Well, that’s disappointing.”
“They can’t all be winners.” I pointed out, assisting her in attaching the rest of her limbs to her body (but leaving her important bits aside for now) and helping her to her feet.
“Well, we should test the boundaries of this Part Inventor_^(tm) before getting back to play time.”
“Can’t we just save that for later?”
Her face contorted in concentration while she said, “Of course not, now my first idea’s already in my back.” She turned around, aiming her bare ass in front of my face. Opening her back, I pulled out what appeared to be a replica of Jamie’s normal right arm, except it a transparent orange color. Jamie had already removed her right arm in anticipation.
When I connected  the arm to Jamie’s shoulder socket, it immediately dropped to the floor, spreading out as if it were some kind of plasma. “Cool. I wanted to see what would happen if I made something that was a non-solid.” Jamie picked at the orange peg that remained where her shoulder was, pulling it out and causing the liquid to coalesce into the orange arm from before. “Here, I loaded up the next thing.”

Opening her back door, I reached in and grabbed something large. Really large in fact, as I had to grab it with both my hands to get a good grasp on it. Pulling, I watched in awe as a large mound began to emerge from Jamie’s back. It was so large, it actually caused the door in her back to expand well past its normal boundaries. Finally, after her back stretched several feet, the thing came out of her back with a *pop*.

In my hands I realized I was now gripping what appeared to be a life-size Mr. Potato Head body. Giving a small squeeze, the body had a similar consistency to a human body, rather than the lifeless plastic bodies of the regular toys. “Wow! That’s pretty cool.”
“Were you trying to make this?” I asked, placing the body on the floor.

“Well, I was curious if I could make parts bigger than my body, which it seems I can, but I really wanted to test the serial number system. This is just what appeared when I thought of serial number 0.” Jamie explained, already busy placing her facial features onto the body on the floor.
“So, can you feel it?”
“I couldn't when it came out, but as soon as I put the first part on it feel just as attached as my normal torso.” She said, continuing to transfer her body onto the oblong body.

Having successfully moved her body parts over, she shakily stood up her new body, her hips merging unnaturally into the ovoid body that housed her facial features in unnatural places. “Well, what do you think?”
“You look ridiculous.” I said, pulling out my phone and taking a picture.
“Oh, like you wouldn’t want this,” she said, turning around and sticking her rear end out towards him. As she did so, she revealed the door now on her backside, which I opened and placed her old torso into.
“Well, maybe…” I said, closing her hatch and rubbing my hands up her sides.
“Maybe later then,” she turned and winked before clumsily walking over and pressing the reset button once more.

I switched places with her as I appeared in front of the computer once more with the unopened bottle of pills in my head. “Aww. Why did you do that?”
“We have one more thing to test before we can get back into sexy time,” Jamie said, grabbing the pills out my hand, wrenching it open and poured a bunch into her hand and quickly swallowed them.
“Hey!” I shouted, grabbing the bottle from her before she could swallow any more.
“If I’m not back in ten minutes, hit the reset!” She shouted as the change began to take a hold of her. Before my eyes she seemed to begin to dissolve from her extremities, the dissolved parts turning into dust that began to cover the floor. As more and more of her turned into dust, a wind began to swirl in the room, blowing her dust particles off the floor and all around the room. Eventually, there was nothing left of Jamie laying on the floor.

What followed was an extremely uneventful ten minutes as I grabbed Jamie’s laptop and sent the information from the last reset into the shared cloud server, and added the fact that more than two pills simply turned a person to dust. After the time had ran down, I pushed the reset button, returning the pill bottle to my hand and Jamie back to normal. “So how was it?”
“It was amazing! I was everywhere all at once!” Jamie said, going into excruciating detail on what it felt like to cover everything in the room, and how she could feel everything I did.
“Great! So is it finally my turn?” I asked.
“Oooh! Wait! I have an idea!” She said, grabbing the pill bottle once more.
“But it’s my turn!” I whined half-heartedly, knowing she was just going to get her way anyway.
“Don’t worry! You’ll love this. Just close your eyes and count down from one hundred,” She said, grabbing my hands and placing them over my eyes.
“Fine. But we’re next time we play, I’m going to get to use the toy.”
“That’s fine!” she said, as the sound of plastic things falling to the floor entered my ears.

After counting down, I removed my hands from my eyes to a strange sight. Lying on the floor was what appeared to be a detached sphere of flesh, roughly the size and shape of a large boob. Picking it up, the flesh indeed felt like boob flesh, but it appeared as though there were 6 holes spread equidistance from one another. What was missing, however, was a door, like all the other bodies that had been created so far. Looking on the floor, I could see some pieces of plastic, which must have been what Jamie was hoping I would plug into her. The pieces were Jamie’s lips, two rather large nipples, two copies of Jamie’s nicely shaven pussy, and Jamie’s asshole. Attaching Jamie’s lips to the boob, they began to move. “Hey Eric, I figured out how to get rid of the door when you don’t want it to be there. I want to stay like this tonight, so please don’t reset until it’s morning. Feel free to play with me however you want, I gave these parts extra endurance, so you shouldn’t have to worry about me tiring out. I also made sure these parts will disconnect from me mentally when they’re off, so take off these lips if I get too loud.”

Looks like I won’t be getting any sleep tonight.

Mr. Potato Head Pills
Final Score: 10/10
Pros:
-  A large variety of ways to change yourself
-  Free access to wide variety of Potato Head approved parts in Adult Mode
-  Fun for the whole family
Cons:
-  Potential for accidentally disappearing forever
-  Kids may accidentally take an adult dose and see some inappropriate things