Traffic slowed to a lull. ‘Oh great not another freaking checkpoint’ Jessica thought. As traffic funneled into a single file, she began getting her papers in order.
Arriving in front of the officer, he began his usual spiel. “License and Registration ma’am.” As Jess handed the papers to the officer, a group of 4 men in heavily-armored, flame-retardant-esque suits began waving devices over her car. “Okay, ma’am, please take one of these,” he said, handing Jess an amethyst pill. Jess swallowed it, as the officer began his test. “Testing the pill. Please tell a lie,” the officer half-said into a recorder, half to Jess.
“This is all a dream.” Jess responded. Suddenly, something began crawling up her throat, and suddenly, she found herself spitting out a large cockroach. She handed the disgusting creature to the checkpoint guard.
“Thank you ma’am. Now, have you committed any crimes recently?”.
“No.” No cockroach.
“Have you been a good use to society.”
“Yes.” No cockroach.
“Final question. Have you or anyone you’ve been in contact with recently came into the possession or use of magic or magical objects.”
“No officer, now can I please just go?” Seeing there was no cockroach, the officer waved her on by, the effects of the pill would cause her to tell the truth for the next hour.
Five minutes later, Jess was entering her shared apartment, placing her bags in her room and awaited the arrival of her roommates, Reilly and Kayla. About a half hour later, Kayla returned home. She was just as tired as Jess, having been stopped because of the same checkpoint Jess had encountered. The two began setting up for dinner, as Reilly was almost always late.
After 10 minutes, Reilly came into the house. “Hey, sorry I’m late, I was at this awesome club.”
Kayla and Jess had already set the dining room table and they had already began devouring their burgers. “We’re having your favorite, burgers.” Jess told her. Reilly put her stuff away and sat down at the table. Rather than digging in, Reilly just stared at the burger. “What’s up?” Kayla asked.
“Oh… I guess I’m just not hungry.” Reilly replied. Jess and Kayla stared at Reilly in shock. It’s true Reilly was rather thin, but skipping a free meal was something she definitely would not do.
“Ok. What’s up?” Jess asked.
“I’ll tell you… but you have to promise that you won’t tell anyone.” Reilly bargained.
Jess and Kayla shared an annoyed look before both saying, “We swear we won’t tell anyone.”
“Ok… so I was just walking around town, when I found this really awesome bar -”
“And you ate dinner there without us?” Kayla interjected.
“No! But I did take part in the stage show…” It was then that Reilly lifted up her shirt and revealed a giant gaping hole through her stomach, about 8 inches in diameter.
Jess and Kayla rushed to the bathroom as quickly as they could, feeling the cockroaches already begin to crawl up their throats.
“Okay, start from the beginning again.” Jess said. They had managed to kill the cockroaches by flushing them down the toilet.
“Well, I was walking around downtown, when I saw this really cool looking bar.” Reilly avoided looking at her roommates, instead choosing to play with the whole in her stomach, sticking her hand in and out. “When I went in, they dragged me into another room for questioning, asking how I found them and other stuff. I stayed for a couple of rounds … one thing led to another and I returned home with a hole in my stomach.”
“Why do you keep skipping that part of the story?” Kayla asked in frustration.
“What part?” Reilly asked with the same sincerity she had answered with every time prior.
“The ‘one thing led to another part’. You know, the part where you actually get a hole in your stomach.”
“Umm … I can’t remember.” Reilly said, further burying her arms into the hole into her chest.
“Aren’t you worried at all that you’ll get caught by the cops or something?”
“No, apparently this spell works against those in the government and any of their cameras. Something to do with a chip in their head or something.”
“Well, at least we won’t get in any trouble with the security cameras then,” Jess said, pointing to the security camera mounted on the wall in every apartment building.
“Do you at least remember where the bar is?” Kayla asked.
“Oh yah, I was going to go back to it later anyways.” Reilly responded.
“Do you know if they can fix this? Because Me and Kayla aren’t going to be able to get out of the city because of you.” Jess complained.
“Hopefully? Again, my memories a little hazy on what they actually did in there…”
“Well, we’ll call in sick tomorrow and head back, but I swear, if they can’t fix this, we’re going to go to the police.” Kayla said.
“Oh, come on, you’re not the least bit excited or curious about this?” Reilly asked.
Kayla rolled her eyes, as she left the group and went to her room.
“Actually,” Jess inquired, “I’m curious, how does it feel?”
“A little tingly. But hey, at least I don’t feel hungry anymore.”
The next morning, the three girls began their quest to find the magical bar that Reilly had visited the day before. “So, I remember going down 1st and Perry’s and then … walking down a shady alleyway.”
“Of course you did,” whispered Kayla under her breath. The three entered the alleyway, walking around half a block’s length before reaching an intersection.
“So, I went forward first…” they continued forward, reaching a similar intersection. “And then, I went left …” they turned left, “and another left … “ and again, “and then I got a feeling like I should get out of this maze before I get permanently lost, so I turned left again” they turned, reaching the first intersection they had arrived at. “But then, I heard someone else going into the maze, so I took another left turn, and then…” Kayla grew silent as she began to run through the maze of intersections, with Reilly and Jess not far behind her. After a series of complex turns and backtracking, the trio eventually came upon a wooden door, with a single sign above reading BAR.
“Great choice in bars Reilly. I can’t wait for the second part of our field trip, where the ‘kind men’ come to get ‘donations’ from us,” Kayla complained. Jess and Reilly entered the bar, with Kayla reluctantly following behind them.
The bar was truly a sight to behold. Booths lined the right wall, red leather decorating the seats and fancy lamps hanging above each table. The bar had a red marble countertop and a fancy wooden finish. Behind the bar was wall-to-wall bottles of wine, scotch, and any other type of alcohol that could feasibly be imagined. The red leather stools were lined up perfectly. As it was only noon, there was nobody manning the bar.
A small stage stood in the middle of the bar. Well, you couldn’t really call it a stage, it was more like a raised platform, circular and only about 8 feet in diameter. There were 3 spotlights on the ceiling that were pointed towards it.
Other then that, there wasn’t really anything else abnormal about the bar. There was a wooden door in the back, and the bathrooms were in a small hallway near the front of the bar.
“Hey! What are you girls doing here?” A big burly man in a tuxedo demanded, entering from a door in the back. He had wild, unkept hair, including a long beard, and sharp teeth. He approached the girls. “Oh wait! Didn’t I tell you not to come back here?” He yelled at Reilly. “That’s it. I warned you what we would do with your parts, now you’re really going -“
“Rex. Heel,” said a second man, stepping out of the same door. He was also in a tuxedo, but had a clean-shaven face and short hair. He walked up, and whispered something into his ear, calming him down.
“Fine…” Rex grumbled, “but I’ve got my eyes on them…” Rex left out the front door.
“Now. Reilly, was it? Step into my office.” He gestured for the three girls to enter the door he had entered from. The three girls entered, with the man following behind him.
The office was rather normal. It had a large oak desk, with a classic green reading lamp upon it. A closet stood in the corner, with a top hat and cane standing nearby. The only other piece of furniture was a single chair behind the desk. The man sat down and gestured saying, “Please, sit down.” Suddenly, 3 chairs materialized behind the girls, allowing them to sit down. “Now, Reilly.”
“Yes Mr. Perlack?” Reilly responded.
“We talked about this when you rudely entered my bar yesterday.”
“Yes Mr. Perlack.”
“I told you you couldn’t bring others here, because they could jeopardize our entire mission, and we would have to change locations for the third time in a month.”
“I know, but I only brought them here so you could help figure out how they can get around the magic test.”
Mr. Perlack stared quietly for a moment, before laughing a hearty laugh. “Is that all? You could have just emailed me. I gave you my card, remember?”
Reilly reached into her pocket, pulling out a glowing business card. “Oh yah… Guess it just slipped my mind.”
“Well now. It’s very simple to get around the test. We’ve been doing it for years.” Mr. Perlack said, suddenly getting a sly grin across his face, “But… because your friends here now know about this speakeasy, I think you all could help me out with something.”
“Anything!” Reilly said excitedly. Kayla began to protest, but Reilly had covered her mouth.
“Well girls. My assistants for the show called in sick… so I was wondering if you all would substitute in.”
“And what if we refuse?” Kayla said, managing to break free from Reilly’s grasp.
“Well, I didn’t want to play this card, but if you don’t help, I don’t think I’ll have the strength to put the incantation to help you get around the magic test…” Mr. Perlack said with a sly grin.
The girls pondered their predicament. Finally, Kayla spoke up, “Nothing too extreme?”
“Not if you don’t want to.”
Reilly looked at Kayla with pleading eyes. “Okay, we’ll do it.”
It was around 8:00 at night when the crowd in the bar was finally large enough for Mr. Perlack to begin his show.
With a puff of smoke, the room went dark, and upon the platform stood Mr. Perlack. “Welcome magic lovers!” He announced, “Today, for one time only, we’re doing our amazing magic show with three special guest assistants” He waved his hands around, suddenly pulling out a sheet of paper. “Please give a round of applause for the beautiful Kayla!”
Kayla awkwardly approached the platform as the bar clapped. She was wearing a silver sequin dress, as per the request of Mr. Perlack. “Now, here at The Salamangka Bar offer three wonderful types of magic to our patrons. The first of which is Neo-Magic. For those of you who aren't aware, this form of magic is rather recent. We do all the tricks without any props.”
He walked up to Kayla, holding up her right arm, whispering, “just tell me when I go too far.” He addressed the crowd, “These include such things as additions …” suddenly, an extra finger appeared upon her hand. Kayla squeaked in surprise, attempting to get away, but some force held her in place. “… detachment …” the magician grabbed the extra finger, pulling it off in front of everyone. Kayla wiggled it, show she still had control over it. “… replacement …” he attached the dislocated finger to Kayla’s forehead, causing her to go cross-eyed as she stared at it. “… and disappearing.” Suddenly, the finger disappeared, leaving Kayla exactly as she had came on stage. The crowd applauded, while Mr. Perlack took a bow.
“For this next trick, I will request the use of Kayla’s arms, but it’s her decision.” He announced to the crowd.
Kayla stood for a good minute in the painful silence of the stares of the entire bar, before blushing and saying, “O-o-okay.” Mr. Perlack grabbed both of her arms, pulling them off with an audible squeak from Kayla.
“Let’s give Kayla a round of applause folks!” Mr. Perlack says, flopping the girls arms (which she had lost control of after he had taken them off) and causing them to clap with the rest of the bar. Kayla blushed, before quickly rushing off the stage and into the back room.
“Next up we have -”
Reilly, in a gold-sequined dress, walked up, grabbed the microphone and interrupted Mr. Perlack, saying, “Hey y’all. It’s me! Reilly from last night!” The bar erupted with cat-calls and wolf-whistles.
“Y-y-yes.” Mr. Perlack continued, “I’m sure a majority of you remember her from yesterday’s presentation,” he said, producing the cylindrical hunk of flesh from inside his cape that was formerly Reilly’s stomach, much to the crowd’s delight.
A large device was pullet out onto the stage by an unseen force. It was a full body casket, composed of 6 boxes, all the exact same dimensions. There were 2 boxes for her legs, 2 for her arms, and 2 boxes for her body, split height-wise. “Now, Reilly. Please enter the device.”
As she climbed in, Mr. Perlack began his explanation of the trick. “In addition to Neo-Magic, we also offer Practical Magic This sort of stuff is more traditional, with boxes and props, what have you. While it’s slightly more limited than Neo-Magic, many people find it much more impressive.” Reilly pushed her head through the top of the device, wiggling to make sure all her parts are in their proper position for the trick.
Finally in place, Mr. Perlack pulled out a large wood saw. He began slowly creeping towards Reilly, to which she responded with a, “Hurry up! I’m tired of waiting!” (and cheers of approval from the crowd). Shrugging, Mr. Perlack lined up the saw, and began sawing through the right arm box. Reilly was in a state of euphoria as he sawed through her arm and subsequent limbs, pushing them off to the side of the stage as he cut through them. He then placed his hand underneath her head, sawing through her neck, eliciting a scream out of her. As she calmed down, the audience cheered, and Mr. Perlack placed her head upon an octagonal pedestal.
Mr. Perlack then placed the saw in the edge between the two boxes the made up the part containing her torso and hips. As he sawed through the boxes, Reilly’s head began screaming in delight louder than she had before. He separated the boxes, placing walls into the empty edges for all the boxes.
“And there you go, ladies and gentlement!” he bowed to the applause of the crowded bar. “And now, we’ll reconstruct Reilly, but with a twist!” He winked to the crowd. From out of thin air, two additional boxes (again, with similar proportions to the other boxes) and placed Kayla’s arms into each one. He shuffled the boxes before pausing and asking Reilly, “Hey… Do you remember which box I put your legs in?”
“What do you mean?” she whispered (but still loud enough that anyone paying attention would be able to hear what she was saying).
“Well… I was going to just reattach Kayla’s arms to your chest underneath your own, but I forgot which ones contain your legs.” He told Reilly (but directed more towards the audience).
Reilly, playing along, sighed, replying “Okay. I’ll try wiggling them.”
Mr. Perlack lined up the similar boxes in anticipation of what was to come. A shuffling came from a box to Mr. Perlack’s left. He opened it from the top to make sure, saying, “Okay, that’s one.” The box next to it began shaking as well.
“That’s t-” he was interrupted, as the box on the far left began shaking … and the one on the far right .. and one in the middle. Soon, all of the boxes were shaking.
Mr. Perlack gave a grin to the crowd. closing the lid of the box. He turned around, announcing to the crowd, “Now! for the real rearrangement!” Pulling out the circular piece of Reilly, he opened a secret compartment upon the top of the pedestal, placed the hunk inside (belly button down), and closed the compartment. Lining up the boxes with each side of the octagonal pedestal. Mr. Perlack said, “One! Two! Three!” before hitting the side of the boxes with a magic wand.
The sides of the boxes fell apart, revealing the new Reilly, her head attached to a central point, and 8 legs lying upon each box. As she, shakily, stood up, it became apparent that she was now wearing a golden-sequined skirt that covered to all eight of her knees. Looking down upon her new form, she squealed in delight, hopping into the air and falling off the table (luckily Mr. Prelack managed to catch her before she fell to the floor).
As the shock of the crowd wore off, the applause grew to a deafening level. Reilly, with all eight feet planted upon the floor, took a bow, and shakily made her way to the back room.
“And now,” Mr Perlack began as the applause finally died down, “we have our final demonstration of the night. The lovely, Jess!” Jess walked out from the back door in a platinum-sequined dress. “Jess here will be demonstrating some of the uses of alchemical magic. This sort of magic is enchantments of objects or potions, and can range from instantaneous to slow-boiled transformations, changes, etc.”
A table appeared which had upon it 2 bracelets, a toaster, and a purple bottle. “We’re running out of time, so I’ll just go through these quickly.” Mr. Perlack said. He reached down, picking up the two bracelets, both silver with ruby in the center. “These are two similar bracelets that I’ll use to show how change of scope on a enchantment.” He attached the two bracelets to each of Jess’s wrists.
“Both of these bracelets have been enchanted to make it possible to pull of Jess’s hands” to demonstrate he grabbed Jess’s right hand, and with a light pull the hand popped off, one half of the bracelet attached to the end of her hand and the stump of her arm. “As you can see, this one came off with the gentlest of pulls, while this one…” He grabbed Jess’s left hand and pulled. Jess’s arm stretched out with half of the bracelet attached where it had started, and the other half attached to her hand. Mr. Perlack kept stretching out Jess’s arm, walking off the stage towards the front of the bar. When he finally reached the front door, the stretched out section of Jess’s arms seemed to break apart in the middle, with both ends whipping to their respective arm.
Mr. Perlack made his way back to the stage as the crowd applauded the performance of the enchanted objects. He helped Jess get her hands back on, but it wasn’t until after he had taken off the bracelets that Jess realized the hands were on the wrong arms. “Next, an enchanted object you don’t wear, the magic toaster!” He handed Jess two pieces of bread, to which she put into the toaster’s slots.
The audience watched in anticipation for what the trick would accomplish. It was only the few staring at Jess who realized what was happening. As the toast was cooking, Jess’s normally pale skin was slowly becoming more and more tan. As more people began watching Jess, her skin slowly grew darker and darker, her hair, eyes, and fingernails becoming noticeably darker in comparison to her platinum dress. Finally, as her body reached a full on jet-black color, the toast popped up. Everyone applauded, but some looked with disappointment, as there didn’t seem to be any change but cosmetically. It was then that Mr. Perlack hit Jess with a hammer, causing her crisp, still body to completely break apart into dust, leaving her as a black pile of soot with a platinum dress laying nearby. The audience exploded into a frenzy of cheers.
“Well, this final trick is just a potion. This is a two-parter, that both reconstitutes her, and will then transform her. We offer many of these types of potions at our lovely bar, so if you would like some, please ask the bartender after the demonstration.” He pulled the dress from the pile of soot, placing it on the table. He then grabbed the purple bottle, uncapping it and pouring it onto the pile.
As the purple liquid hit the soot, it began to congeal into a singular pile. The mass began to grow upwards, and the skin bleached into a more pale tone. When Jess was completely reformed, stark naked (however Mr. Perlack was decent enough to use pixelation magic to cover the less family-friendly parts), with a look of bliss upon her face.
Then, in the blink of less than a second, Jess was completely different. She became, or all things, a cherry blossom tree. The crowd applauded, but Mr. Perlack held up a hand, indicating the trick was not over yet. The tree began to move, and slowly, features began to form. A hand here, a nose there, until there stood a beautiful dryad. Her hair was bright pink, and she was wearing a dress created from cherry blossom petals. She took a bow to raucous applause.
As she headed to the back room where the previous assistants had gone, Mr. Perlack made an announcement, “Thank you all for coming, if you with to have any Practical or Neo-Magic requests, I’ll be back out in about a half-hour to fulfill some of them. Our bar offers potions, for a price. If you would like to have an object enchanted, please talk to the bartender, and we’ll create an appointment to do it. If you’d like to know when our next full show like this will be, please sign up at the bar to join our magical mailing list. Good night everybody!” With a puff of smoke, the magician was gone.