Mad Magician 4

In his consulting room Simon looked at the note he had been given by his magician patient, Arthur. "Is this all there is? Just two addresses and two instructions?"

"Yes; kind of." Arthur waited for the inevitable question about what he meant by that.

"So, you want me to send the address of your storage unit and this other address to Dorothy along with instructions to collect the keys from the solicitors and to organise that your equipment is checked out and serviced. Do you think that will be enough?"

"Dot is brighter than you seem to give her credit for. But really I was going to suggest that you word the text you will be sending on my phone in whatever way you want, because I know you don't truly trust my motives or my methods." The magician eyed the safe that held the mobile phone in question.

"So, what is this other address?" Despite protocol suggesting that he should not use the laptop on his desk while consulting with a patient, he called up the Street View of the address.

"It's 'The Magic Repair Shop'. It's run by Ned; a lot of magicians use him to maintain their equipment. I would trust him to get my equipment back into top shape and look after Dot too?"

The image that appeared on Simon's computer showed a slightly run-down shop front with the display in the window blocking sight into the shop. On the board above the window had 'The Magic Repair Shop' painted in silver on a faded blue background. Lettering on the window announced 'We can repair anything (except a broken heart)'.

"Isn't the name a bit obvious?"

"It might be if Ned only worked with magicians' stuff, but he has become fascinated by technology and does things like repairing mobiles and tablets and microwaves; so the general public think the shop's name is a bit of hyperbole, rather than the literal truth."

"Ok, Arthur, I'll compose a text and send the information this morning. Now onto the real reason for you being here. How are you feeling today?"

Arthur clicked his fingers and appeared to study the flame that stood a millimetre above his upraised thumb; in fact, he was concentrating to make it appear a little larger and more steady than it might otherwise have been. "I think it is getting a bit smaller, but I don't know how long that will last if I don't to use more magic soon. I long for the day when I can't just click my finger and it happens." He clicked the finger of his other hand, allowing the first flame to reduce to its natural size, while he looked in despair at the yellow flame flickering on the top of his other thumb.

"The good news is that your offer to self-fund treatment with Miss Parker, has been sent to the board and is on the agenda for next Thursday. I shall be there to support your proposal. I am hopeful that there might be a decision within a week or so after that and Dorothy could be starting your treatment with three or four weeks."

"That sounds good. I just hope that with the magical exercises I've been doing and such-like, I can keep the magic from doing anything disastrous in the meantime."

"Ok, let me know if you think things are getting close to dangerous, and maybe we can arrange a 'therapy session' with Dorothy privately. Of course, if we can avoid such measures, it would be preferable."

"Thank you. It's good to know that there is the potential there, but I agree, it would be better if we can resolve this through the proper channels." The magician let the flames on his thumbs fizzle out.

"Now before we end the session, I would like to thank you for alerting me to the fact that Brian is not taken the medication we have prescribed; I had one of the premises team check the drains and we found Brian's pills."

"I wasn't expecting you to do something like that. What are you going to do with the knowledge?"

"Well, having confirmed your assertion that Brian's improvement was down to his weekly disappearances and not to the change in drugs, I have reduced the prescription. I hope that acknowledging his improvement will help him improve further, while not letting on that I know about the ruse. I hope that, with less drugs to get rid of, he will find things a little less stressful and his improvement will increase." He paused.

Arthur waited for the expected question.

"Can you tell where he goes, when we can't find him?"

The magician drew his closed thumb and forefinger across his lips. "I think that all you need to know at the moment is that Brian is no danger to anyone while he is visiting his 'Treatment Specialist' and if what he's told me over the last few times is right, I anticipate that you will be seeing a breakthrough with Brian in the next couple of months and he may even tell you himself what he has been up to."

----------

Dot looked at the three text messages on the phone. The first told her to collect the keys she would need from the solicitors and visit someone called Ned to arrange for Arthur's equipment to be checked over and where necessary repaired. The second gave the address of Arthur's storage and the third gave the address of 'The Magic Repair Shop'. It looked as though her new job was going to be as dull as she had told Jenna it would be.

Today was as good a day as any to get started, so she went to her wardrobe to select clothes to work in. She chose a skirt suit in her favourite pale blue with a darker blue blouse underneath.

As she rushed down the stairs, she was spotted by Jenna. "You're done up fancy. What's the occasion?"

"I got my first errand from my employer. It's not very exciting, but I thought it would be appropriate to dress smart for my first proper day, even if no-one's likely to notice."

"So what are you going to do?"

"Nothing much. Just collecting some keys from the lawyers and taking them to someone who will check out Arthur's equipment and repair any stuff that needs it. And it's on the other side of town. Luckily, there's a bus in a few minutes, so I can get to the centre; so I can't hang around discussing it all day."

Jenna gave her a smile, that expected a full report of the day's doings, but did not attempt to keep the conversation going.

Catching the bus to the city centre was much simpler using the payment app on the phone; no need to have the correct money in hand. She sat in one of the middle seats and checked her tablet to discover how to get to her destinations from the bus station.

The solicitors were a brisk five minute walk from where her ride ended, but she had a bit of difficulty finding it, because the offices were up some stairs in an alley between the shop they were over and the next one. Dot entered and rang the bell on the reception counter, to announce her presence, because no-one was in sight.

A woman in a pink cardigan looked out from a door near the far-end of the corridor from the small reception area. "Hello! How can we help you?" she said with cheerful suspicion.

"I'm Dorothy Parker. Arthur sent me to collect his keys."

"Good, glad to meet you, Dot. (You do prefer to be called Dot, right?) I'm glad to meet you. I'm Glad (it's short for Gladys)." In response to Dot's half-hearted smile. "I know it's not a good joke, so sue me; I'm a lawyer not a comedian." When Dot continued not to laugh, Gladys said, "If memory serves, we have three sets of Arthur's keys. Do you know which ones you need?"

Dot looked down at her phone and called up the second of the messages. Having read the address out she sat to wait while the lawyer, went to locate the correct set of keys. While she waited, she formulate a plan, that she hoped would make her feel more pro-active than just being a runner of errands.

Gladys returned with a small bunch of keys on a ring dangling from a brown paper label. As Dot took hold of the keys, she asked, "You said that you've got two other sets of his keys. Do you mind if I ask what other keys of Arthur's you have? So that I can remind him about them the next time I see him."

"No problem. We have the keys to his flat; we send someone every month or so to check that nothing disastrous is happening and keep the dust down. The other set looks like it might be to some safe-deposit box; I'm guessing that would be where he keeping his notes on his methods.”

“Thank you, Gladys. I'm supposed to take these to the Magic repair shop, do you know it?”

“Yes, if you continue down the alley to the end and then turn left, you'll be there in no time. Give my regards to Ned when you see him!”

----------

Dot walked down the alley, which she could have sworn was a dead-end when she first entered it. It ended in another backstreet. Dot turned left and crossed one junction before seeing her destination on the other side of the road. From her memory of checking where she was going on her bus-ride, she felt sure that her walk from the lawyers to the repair shop could not be traced on the town map.

Dot entered, setting the bell above the door jingling. The other side of the counter a small balding man was doing something with a computer. “Good morning, Alice,” he called. He suddenly froze, before turning round with an apologetic expression on his face. “I suppose you get that a lot, sorry. You must be Arthur's new assistant. How can I help you?”

“Um, yes, I'm Dot. Arthur sent me to arrange for his equipment to be checked and repaired, if needed. I guess, you're Ned.”

“At your service! So, Dot,” Ned said, in a manner that suggested that he was tasting her name to see if it felt right on his tongue, “how's Arturo? I heard he got put away after the incident with the prince.”

“He's planning to make a comeback as plain Arthur. That's why he wants his gear looked over, so that it's ready for him, when we start rehearsals. When can you fit me in?”

“Is now too soon? I assume you've got his keys from Gladys.”

“I don't know. Haven't you got a shop to look after?”

“I'm my own boss and there's no-one due to pick up this afternoon. And any lost sales will be more than compensated by work on stuff I truly love and the company of a young lady.”

“Do you really need me there? I could just give you the keys and the address?”

“Unless you've already been, I think Arthur would like you to visit and get a feel for the equipment and maybe you could find some video of his performances to get some idea of what your going to be doing.” Ned moved to the door, opened and closed it, then turned the cardboard sign that displayed the word 'open' to the outside world to show 'closed'.

Back at the counter, Ned said, “Come along!”

“But shouldn't you lock up?”

“I did. Try it if you like.”

Dot went to the door and tried to open it; it did not budge.

“A little trick I learnt from Robert Houdin,” Ned offered by way of explanation.

Dot felt that she ought to know about who that was, but decided against exposing her ignorance.

Ned led Dot through a store-room to alley beyond. Dot followed passed the box van parked in the alley and out onto another street and into another alley. At a door in a wall that only had a shuttered portal, Ned stopped. “You did say you had the keys.” Dot fumbled in her handbag and produced the keys and unlocked the door, while wondering how they had walked the several miles that she thought were between the repair shop and the storage place in a few minutes. Seeming to pick up on her perplexity, Ned said, “I despise motor vehicles, nasty smelly things; so I prefer to walk when I can and don't need to move the stuff around. It's easy when you know all the shortcuts.”

Dot unlocked the door and they entered. The main area was a chaotic jumble of magical boxes and other large-scale equipment that Dot did not recognise and the rear wall was lined with shelves stacked with smaller magical props. This chaos jostled up to two painted lines on the floor; one a little larger than a van next to the shutter-door and another in the far corner which was totally empty.

Ned sniffed. “Someone's been in here recently.”

“That was probably Charlie about a week ago.” Ned looked at Dot with an expression that said that he was impressed with her magical sensitivity. “He was sent to collect the stuff that Arthur needed for my audition. I hope he returned the things to the right places.” Ned nodded.

“I had forgotten that Arthur had collected so much tat; there are plenty of gems in here, but there's also stuff I wouldn't bother smashing before I tossed it into a skip. This is going to take several weeks to check through if I work every Sunday and shut the shop for a couple of days each week.”

“I don't think it's quite that urgent. I get the impression that it will be several months before he needs all of it. From what he told me when we last spoke, the most urgent items are a few items to get me used to having magic done on me and possibly something that will drain some extra magic.” Seeing Ned raise a questioning eyebrow, she continued, “He tells me that while he's been away that, because he hasn't been allowed to do much magic, he's had some build-up of it and it has been, I don't the proper term, but, discharging in destructive ways.”

“I thought I felt some thunder over the horizon, that would explain it. Maybe what he really needs is a channel to let some of the magic out. Something that he can fiddle with magically without appearing to be dangerous.” Ned strode to the shelves and made a few speculative noises while he rummaged amongst the props stacked there. “Ah-Ha! I think these will be the ideal thing.” he held up a set of six steel rings. “Do you think that you could get these to him? I think it will help.”

“I can try.” Dot said, taking the rings Ned held out to her. “It would mean getting them passed his keeper, but these look innocent enough to me. I guess I'll also send a short list of magic things that you suggest is ok right now or can be repaired in the next couple of weeks so that I have something to take when I get to see him next.”

“So, what have you already tried?” asked Ned. “It will help me gauge what to prioritise.”

“He started with floating me on air.” Dot pointed at the clear area away from the shutter-door. “I think that he used those chairs and the board to get me in the air in the first place, then he used that head chopping thing and really chopped my head off, then we had a bit of a discussion with my head resting on that table, before he put my head back on.”

Ned moved over to the pile of props and appeared to be sniffing them. “There was someone else involved, but I can't tell much about them, because there's something else off about the chopper.”

“I guess that would be his keeper, Simon. He seems to really want to help Arthur. I couldn't properly tell whether it was because he liked Arthur or wanted to get rid of him.”

Ned sniffed again. “I think a bit of both; a bit like wanting to release an animal into the wild, because it is becoming too much trouble to keep and because you know that it would be happier in the wild. But that does not explain why the chopper seems extra spicy.”

“Oh, that'd probably be because he demonstrated it on pepperoni snacks.” In the face of Ned's look of disapproval, she added, “It was all I could get from the pub where the audition was held. He said that it explained the stinging I felt when he cut off my head; the capsicum stuff got on the blade or something. He had told me it would be painless.”

“Unless Arthur's lost his touch it would have been better than painless. If he has any major fault, it is not thoroughly thinking through the consequences of varying things; there are reasons why guillotines and such are demonstrated on innocuous vegetables, like carrots and cabbages. The blade will need to be cleaned with alcohol, not just plain water to get the stinging compounds off. I'll see if I can find some; he should have some iso-propyl around here.”

“Ok, that makes sense. I text him to say that you will check through his illusions and ask if there are any he would like you to prioritise.”

“Good idea! I have a feeling that you will be even better for him than Alice was.”

“He said that he felt that I was more compatible then Alice was. Is that meant to be some kind of compliment?”

As Ned rummaged along the shelving, he replied, “Knowing Arthur as I do, I would say that he definitely meant it as a compliment, but there is such a thing as too compatible.” Dot made a 'go on!' noise, because she was only part paying attention to Ned, the rest of her mind was composing the text she would send. “As I may have implied,” Ned continued, “Arthur can be a bit of a dreamer; not always fully connected to the requirements of reality. If you were similarly flighty as well as being magically compatible, it would likely spell disaster for you both. He needs someone with both feet firmly on the ground; in our short acquaintance I feel that you are the 'winch' that will stop Arthur's 'hot-air balloon' from disappearing into the clouds never to be seen again; and maybe bring it down to earth once in a while.”

Ned turned towards Dot holding a rectangular metal can and some cloths. “It's not what I was looking for, but this acetone will do the job just as well.” As he returned to the cleared area, he had already unscrewed the cap and was dowsing the cloth liberally. The smell of nail-polish remover assailed Dot while Ned pulled the blade from the stock and began wiping both sides with the moistened rag. After minute of wiping he waved the blade about for ten seconds and then sniffed it again. “Still slight traces of the Simon you mentioned, but the capsaicin is gone. I think we had better try it out to be completely sure.”

“You want to cut my head off? I hardly know you!”

“And how long was it before you allowed Arthur to cut your head off?”

“Um, about half an hour, maybe, but he didn't really ask. I didn't really know that he planned to cut my head off, until my head was falling into the basket. If I remember right, he was trying prove some point he had about us being compatible, rather than, what he should have been doing, which was convincing me I wanted to be his assistant.”

“That sounds too much like the Arthur I know. Let's hope that his time away has improved him in some way.”

“I suppose you did ask, rather than get me in a position that you could just do it. But how do know we are magically compatible enough to do it?”

“Because, if we weren't, you'd be half way across town wondering where I had disappeared to. Some assistants I'd have to hold the hand of, to carry them with me through the short-cuts on the walk here.”

Dot felt complimented, but was not quite sure how. She also felt uneasy about the prospect of being beheaded a second time. “Ok, and how long do you plan to have my head off for?”

“Oh, a couple of minutes at the most, just long enough to talk to you about how it feels and to check the cut surface and find out if the blade or the magic has been damaged.”

“Do you need any help in setting it up?”

“I don't need any help on that front, but you can help if you like; it's never too early to get a feel for handling the props. Why don't you bring the stock to the middle of the area here and take out the top part, while I clean the blade again to be absolutely sure that it won't sting.”

Dot fetched the stock part of the trick and wheeled it to the centre of the cleared area. She turned it round trying to remember which side was the front so that she could face the front towards the audience of magical cabinets that cluttered the rest of the room. “This is the front, right?” she asked as she used her toes to lock the wheels.

“Technically, it does not matter, but generally you find the fixings go on the front. It gives those that want to believe in the magic the idea that the fixings are secure all round and those looking for the trick the possibility that the fixings they can't see are part of the trick, even if they are not.”

Dot lifted the top part of the stock out of the slotted uprights and gently leaned it against one of those uprights. Ned came towards her carrying the blade assembly in one hand and the table with its stand where she had spent part of her audition as a disembodied head in the other. “What's with the table?” she asked.

“That's so I can talk to you properly once your head is off; I know from experience that talking to a head in your hands can be a trying experience for both the head and the holder. It'll also allow you to concentrate on how it feels without the worry that I might drop you.”

“I guess that makes sense. So, what kinds of feelings am on the lookout for?”

“You remember what it felt like last time?”

Dot nodded. “I remember, but, apart from the stinging, I couldn't describe it.”

“That's ok. This time it should not sting, but it will feel a bit different. Don't try to describe the core sensation, just how it differs from last time. I had occasion to do a little magic on Alice, so I have some idea which differences will be down to how my magic differs from Arthur's and what might be the result of damage to the blade.”

With the small table placed close at hand and the blade resting on top, Ned moved to pick up the top of the stock. Dot moved to the back of the frame, knelt between the rearward supports and lowered her neck into the cut-out in the top of the lower stock. Her hands went down to the supports. She waited while Ned fitted the upper stock and pegged the hasp-plates in place. “What about a basket of cushions to catch my head?” Dot asked as she heard the blade being slotted into the top of the apparatus and soon after felt it rest on the back of her neck.

“No need,” said Ned. “I'll hold your head and move it to the table once it's disconnected. All you need to do is reach up and pull down on the handle to cut it off.”

“Does it work that way?”

“It works any way the magician wants it to work, but on a cautionary note, it works as you might expect from common-sense without a magician present. The good thing here is that blade is really as blunt as bag of wet mice, so the worst that you could do is bruise your neck.” Ned squatted in front of the chopper and his larger than expected hands pressed her temples with the balls of his thumbs, while a couple of fingers met around the back of her head. “I've got you; now just reach up and pulled down evenly on the ends of the handles. 'evenly' is important, because if it is too uneven it may jam in the runners and that would be unpleasant for you.

Taking her courage in her hands, Dot reached up to find the handles of the blade assembly. With her hands in place, she paused. “Do you want me to countdown or something?”

“Not necessary, but helpful. Do it in your own time, but in the next minute, because I'm beginning to feel the strain in my calves.”

Feeling that she needed to psych herself up to do this, began to count from three. Having reached one, she surprised herself by pulling down on the handles and feeling the momentary halt in her breath as the blade passed through her neck and particularly her windpipe. The next moments were disorienting as Ned stood and carried her head two short paces to place it on the stand on the table.

“If it weren't for the high level of compatibility, I would say that you have the potential to be a far better assistant than Arthur deserves; I know a few experienced assistants that would not have had the courage to do that.”

Dot smiled at the compliment, while she closed her eyes to aid in the concentration needed to manoeuvre her body from its kneeling position, which was beginning to hurt her knees, to sitting cross-legged.

“Now what?” she asked.

“The point of this was to find out if the blade had been damaged, so describe how you feel different from when Arthur did this to you.”

“It feels wetter than when Arthur did it.”

“Interesting. Alice said it felt like someone had rubbed a freshly cut cucumber over her skin.”

“That's good, but it feels like it's wetter, maybe a slice of melon instead.”

“Anything else?”

“It feels a bit gritty. Like someone sprinkled salt on the stand before you put my head down.”

“Thank you. That would seem to indicate that blade has been pitted slightly. I'll have to get it back to the my workshop to work out if the metal or the magic or both have been damaged, then fix it. I'll also have to warn my client magicians of the dangers of using peppers and related products as demonstration items in guillotine-type illusions.”

“Good. Now could you put my head back, please.”

“Why don't you try to come and collect your head and put it on, yourself?” suggested Ned.

“Because I can't see where I'm going with my body and I don't want to accidentally knock my head off this table.”

“Ok, I'll take your head to your body, just sit still and it should fine; I just hoped, given the way you repositioned yourself away from the chopper, you might have the moving around headless talent too.”

“I might, but for the moment I don't want to chance it until I get my head around what's been happening to me, and my head back on my shoulders.”

With Dot restored to one piece. They agreed that Dot would text Arthur about which illusions needed to be given priority and Ned would begin by repairing the head chopper and check out the rest as time allowed.

“Do you need my number, so that I can let you in when you need to collect stuff and such like.”

“No need, I found a spare set of keys while I was looking for something to get the pepper juices off of the blade, so I don't have to disturb you every time I visit. Besides, I've already got your number. I may call if I need your to help check out a prop or test it after repair, but that should not be all that often.”

----------

Dot walked the couple of miles home. Jenna greeted her with a barrage of questions.

“It was ok, I guess,” said Dot. “I met the lawyer, she was nice and gave me the keys to Arthur's storage unit. Then I met the man who agreed to service his equipment. Nothing much else happened.”

When Dot mentioned having access to a magician's equipment storage, she could feel the question brewing in Jenna's mind about when she was going to get to see it. “The repairman warned me against trying anything without expert supervision; so you can park any plans to try and persuade me to give you a tour of the place. And if I find the keys missing, I'll kick you so hard that you'll miss next week and the week after. Now I've got to report to my boss.”

Dot walked out and went upstairs to her bedroom. She texted, “Got keys from Gladys. Met Ned, he will check you equipment over the next few months. He is repairing the head chopper, it was damaged during our audition. Please send list of priority items that you would like ready for when we can rehearse.”