The next production with the theatre group I was in was Oklahoma!. To me that was a disappointment, because there were no costuming challenges. I opted to be in the chorus, mainly to keep in touch with people and have something to occupy the time not spent marking the work produced by my pupils. Of course, I had a couple of personal costume projects on the go too, but they were mostly stuck for lack of design inspiration.

It was during this slump that Callum got in touch, asking if I was available to participate in one of his projects. In response to his email, I returned a calendar with my rehearsal dates and the term's parents' evenings, but also saying that I was only available for extended events at weekends and specifying that I wanted to be consulted about things beforehand, so that there were no unpleasant surprises and I could prepare myself for whatever role the project required.

Emails flew back and forth. I knew when the date of the event was and we had organised three prep-days. Callum said that he only really needed two, but he booked three, in case some short-notice event cropped up and he had to cancel.

On the first of these dates, after another very good lunch, Callum had me in the motion capture suit again and performing a wide variety of actions. He even had me performing more motion capture in chequered gloves; he said that this was because his plan involved me wearing rigid gloves and he wanted to build them with the joints and other flexing parts in exactly the right places, so I was not handicapped by them.

After the computers had seen me doing everything that Callum wanted, I cornered him and insisted on knowing what my role in his project was. Apart from being curious, I wanted to discover what acting, if any, I would need to do and be able to give some thoughtful feedback about things that might make my life more comfortable or perhaps even improve the result of the project.

"The shortest answer is that you will be in the role of a robot maid at a dinner party; I gather that the attendees and the hosts are in some kind of on-going competition to one-up each other. It seems that they started by trying to cook better meals, this escalated to hiring chefs, some with Michelin stars, and has spilled over into table decorations, fancy venues and hiring people in themed outfits to serve the meals." Seeing the expression on my face, he said, "I know; some people have more money than sense; but I can't complain if some of that money is coming in my direction.

"The hostess has decided on a futuristic theme and came to me in the hope I could provide robot costumes for waiters. I had to disappoint her on that point; a robot suit needs to be custom made ahead of time and fitted to the person who is going to wear it. She seemed disappointed, so I said that I knew someone who might be willing to spend the time being fitted for a robot suit and I could help the kitchen to table logistics, by using a bit of magical know-how to have the meals delivered by a thing that looks like a replicator. So all you would need to do is operate the replicator and deliver the plates from the machine to the guests. How does that sound?"

"Ok, I guess. My short time waiting tables while I was at college, wasn't the best time of my life, but it taught me a thing or two about self control. Will I be expected to clump about making pneumatic wheezing noises or more like servo motors?"

"That's a good question. I had not thought about sound effects. I suppose in general any noises my magic stuff makes is covered by music. I'll have to contact the client and find out."

"And what about rest breaks and toilet arrangements? As Sleeping Beauty floating in a box, rest wasn't a problem, but I had to take care of the lack of toilet breaks myself. I hope you've got those covered."

"I'll look into it," he said, "but I expect that the client will want you about throughout the dinner party. If she does, I'll see what I can work out to help."

I thought a bit more then asked, "And how am I meant to talk, if at all? If I'm expected to talk in stilted tones or use some device to change my voice, I'll need to get some practice in."

"I'll have to add that to the list things to ask the client, but I should have an answer by next time, when you come to try the robot suit on, ok?"

"It seems it is just as well we scheduled three sessions, because two might not have been enough. If I think of anything else, I'll drop you an email, but unless there's anything else, I ought to be getting home, because there's a stack of work a mile high to mark."

--------

The second session was interesting. Before lunch he showed me the robot suit and told me that he would need me to get into it, but that could wait until after lunch. The suit looked like a chromed shell with black rubber tubes at the joints to allow articulation. The only part that was not chrome or black was the area on the front of the head where there was something like a clear plastic mask; I was relieved to notice some holes where my nostrils would be, but was still a bit concerned that the inside would mist up with me breathing and make life more difficult and spoil the effect. There also seemed to be no allowance for me to be able to hear.

Callum took me to the kitchen where he prepared lunch while we talked about the questions I had raised the previous time.

"I must say that it certainly looks good, not exactly what I'd imagined when you told me about the idea, but it looks good. Although the breasts seem a bit bigger than necessary." To my untrained eye they looked a size or two above my Cs.

"That was the client's choice. She said she wanted sexy, but not sexual. I showed the initial drafts of the design to her husband and he wanted bigger breasts; fortunately the hostess was there to help keep things within the bounds of reason. I'm guessing that you are no stranger to enhancing your bust for your costumes."

I thought about that for a moment. I had enhanced my bust on occasion, but generally to present more cleavage than I naturally possess, rather than increasing my apparent breast size.

"Ok. How did your meeting with the client go? Did you get answers to the questions I asked about last time?"

"Yes. I seemed that they were things that the client had not thought of either, but she was very pleased to be offered options. He went for the servo motor sound effect; it will be fitted to the suit for next time. There's not much point in doing that until we know that the suit fits correctly, because it will involve fitting sensors so that the sounds synchronise with your movement."

"Did you ask about toilet breaks?" I asked. I wanted to know whether my comfort had been considered.

"Sorry no breaks, but I'm working on how to sort that."

"I was just thinking that it all looks a bit close-fitting to allow for a bag, unless that was a secondary reason for those breasts."

"Like I said, I'm working on it, but using that extra space at the chest would make a reasonable fallback plan, if what I'm thinking doesn't work out. I'll let you know which way I'm going with that next time."

"Fine, just so long as I know beforehand."

"You also asked about voice and characterisation. The client wants you to act like a proper waitress and address the guests and the hosts as 'Sir' and 'Madam'. He also wanted you to speak in a light female robot tone. The vocoder is built into the suit, so when you speak it will come out in the tones the client wants; I've even had another one built, so that you can take it home and practice with it; you don't want to look startled at the sound of your changed voice. You'll get the first taste of your new voice once you're in the suit."

I was about to ask about how I was meant to hear while wearing the suit, but he interrupted by placing a plate in front of me and encouraging me to eat it while it was still hot. It looked good and tasted good, so I lost track of the conversation we were having. He turned the conversation to my work as a maths teacher and what shows I was involved with; it was nice that he was taking an interest.

In passing, I mentioned my concern that Andrea was falling behind in my class. "Maybe what she needs is a reason to apply herself, if as you say she is doing well in most other classes."

"I had thought of that, but could not come up with something that would motivate her. Most of the kids either enjoy that maths is quite abstract or have found something that they like that they need the maths for. I've tried to talk to her, but she doesn't seem to want to know; I guess if someone was making me do something I thought was pointless, I wouldn't want to talk to them either."

"Maybe I could come and talk to her for you. I've got an odd feeling that I might be able to help," he offered. Before I could say that I probably should not have mentioned it, he added, "Before you ask, I am CRB checked; a lot of magicians are, especially if they do shows for children."

I said that I would see what I could arrange if he really meant it.

With the meal finished we returned to the task of checking out the robot suit and making sure it fitted. The first part was to put on an all-over garment, similar to the motion-capture suit, but all black. This was followed by putting the rubbery sleeves over my joints and then clipping the metal pieces of the outfit to the studs on the rubber sections and locking them into place. This took nearly an hour, but once most of it was on, I was surprised by how easy the movement was. I was a little restricted in some of the gestures, but it was not much more limiting than some of the costumes I had made.

By this stage, the only parts of me not encased were my head and hands. The gloves and helmet were sat on a table. He suggested that we go for a walk, to get me used to the way I needed to move in the suit and to find any bits that chafed or were too tight, before adding to the burden. We had a walk round the garden. After about five minutes I had almost forgotten that I was wearing the suit; it was surprisingly comfortable.

When we returned to the workshop, Callum checked out a squeak in the left knee, which he quickly diagnosed as just needing a bit of lubrication. "Won't oiling it mean that there will be an oily smell, which would interfere with the diners' experience?"

"Good point, but I wasn't going to used oil in the first place, because it can sometimes become tacky and the opposite of a lubricant. I've got some powdered graphite that'll do the job without any smells or stickiness. I'll do that before your next visit; we can cope with a little squeaking while we check everything else out."

"So, is it the helmet or the gloves next?"

"I thought we'd get the head-piece fitted; to make sure that you can breath well enough and see sufficiently to. Once I know if I need to modify it any, we'll move onto the gloves, and after that I'll show you the basics of operating the replicator and we'll see how easily you can handle plates and glasses and such. If you decide that you need practice, I'll let you have these gloves to practise with and make a new set for next time."

He lifted the helmet from the table and flicked a few catches. The head seemed to be hinged at the top of the skull. "If you sit in that chair, it'll be easier for me to fit this. I'll try not to catch any of your hair, but no guarantees; I'll sort out a hair-net or something for next time, unless you have that kind of thing already." I did, but I did not get to say so, because he placed the helmet over my head and asked me to hold the front part so that my face fitted in the face-plate. My view of the world, instantly steamed up, while Callum stroked my hair and closed the helmet to the back of my head.

I tried to say, "I can't see." while he made some adjustments and there were clicks as the front and back parts of the head-piece connected. I did not get finish uttering the second word, because I was so surprised about how my voice now sounded. It stuttered to a halt, caused by the delay between the voice I could hear internally and what I heard externally. The voice seemed to be my voice with a heavy dose of auto-tune.

"I was afraid something like that would happen. We'll have to adjust the delay so that you can speak properly, you'll be fine for the moment if you just speak slower." This was a bit muffled to me, because the helmet covered my ears.

Trying to speak slowly, which turned out to ease things, "I think I heard that, but I could not hear it well. And why do I sound like GlaDOS?"

Obviously speaking louder and more slowly himself, Callum said, "Ok, I'll have to sort you out an ear-piece. As for the GLaDOS voice, that's the type of voice the client wanted (the right blend of human and artificial). I hope it won't take too long to become accustomed to it; like I said, I have a portable version so you can practice, you will also be able to adjust the delay a bit until it is more comfortable."

By this time the mist inside the face plate had cleared, but it was getting stuffy. "Any chance of some better ventilation in here?"

"I'll see what I can do. I'll get that off for now and we can try out the gloves."

After a couple of clicks the helmet folded away from my face and I could breath easier. He put the helmet down on the table. The process of putting on the gloves was a little more complicated than for normal gloves, but not by much; mostly the opening up the wrist section to get my hand in and closing it up again.

It took a few minutes to get used the slightly off articulation of the metal shell of gauntlet, but Callum soon had me handling plates to check that with a bit of practice I would be sufficiently dexterous for the job of being a robot waitress.

Before I left, he gave me something that looked like a metal bow-tie and a duplicate set of gloves, so that I could practice with the voice and the hands. He also said that he would see what he could do about my other complaint, that it got quite warm inside the suit, particularly at the joints.

----------

After a few days practice I had the voice adjusted so that I could speak fluently, if I remembered to speak at a slightly slower speed. Practising with the gloves cost me a plate, which slipped when I held by a part that was slippery with food and could not feel well enough to realise it was slipping before it was too late; luckily it was not a favourite from my mismatched accumulation of crockery.

By Wednesday I felt confident to try my new voice beyond reciting 'Mary had a little lamb'. So I decide to try it out in a more interactive setting, to see if I could maintain the proper cadence and say things that were not scripted or thought out before hand.

So on Wednesday afternoon I taught class 5B with my new voice. Most of them seemed to think it was a pleasant or interesting change, but were vastly amused when I was trying to discipline one of the usual suspects and the voice cut out and I dissolved into stuttering for a full minute before regaining control.

After the class, Andrea came up, once most of the rest of the class had hurried off to make the most of the break before the next lesson. "That voice thing is kind of cool, Miss. Can I get one from somewhere? And how does it work?"

"A friend of mine built it, Andrea; I think it's the only one." I decided not to mention that there was another one built into a robot suit. "What it does is analyse the waves of my voice, with a mathematical technique called Fourier analysis, then tweaks the results a bit and then constructs the new version of the waves and plays them back. I don't know the full details, but if you are interested, I can get in touch with the guy who built it and see if he'll tell you more of what you want to know."

"That would be good, Miss, if you could."

"I'll send him a message this evening and see what I can arrange. It may take some time, because he does stuff all over the world at short-notice."

She called back, "Thanks, miss," as she left the classroom; this was probably the most positive interaction I had had with Andrea since I started teaching her.

-----------

The next weekend, I was back at Callum's place to check out the modifications he had made to the suit and be shown how to use the 'Replicator', something he had said he would do last time, but seemed to have forgotten.

With the adjustments Callum had made breathing was easier, but still a bit warm. The hearing problem had been solved with an ear-piece connected to a microphone hidden in the detailing of the suit. It was still a bit too warm and with no obvious toilet facilities, but he assured me that if I provided the means he would be able to find the space; he hinted that this was a side effect of his solution to the keeping cool problem and would make the breathing more comfortable too.

We had transferred the adjustments that I had made to the portable vocoder to the one in the suit, which allowed us to converse almost normally.

Operating the replicator proved simple enough; place a plate in position, close the glass front plate, press a few buttons, then operate a slider which caused the food to materialize on the plate. Once the food was in place, open the front plate and serve the food. It also served as drinks dispenser; put the glass or cup for the drink in place and soon it would be full of drink.

We used the replicator to produce lunch. While we ate, which is an odd experience while wearing a full robot-suit, except the helmet, we talked.

"When would you like me to come in to talk to Andrea," he asked.

"I guess, Wednesday afternoon would be best, that's when she's in my class, so it does not disrupt any other lessons. She seemed very interested in the voice thing and how it worked. In fact most of the class seemed a bit impressed to be taught in GLaDOS voice. Andrea seemed particularly interested in how it worked. I mentioned Fourier analysis, I hope I got that right; I was just trying to imply that there would be maths involved in understanding the inner workings."

"I couldn't tell you," Callum admitted. "I asked someone I work with occasionally to put together something to do the job; it works, but I couldn't tell you how; audio electronics is not something I've gone into."

There was more practice through the afternoon most of which was spent adjusting the volume and timing of the added servo noises.

Once I was back out of the suit, Callum escorted me to my car. "So, I'll see you Wednesday, and we can have a meal in the evening, when I'll tell you how I plan to solve some of the minor problems with the suit, because I think you'll need a few days to get used to the idea before you are a robot maid for the evening."

----------

Wednesday lunchtime, Callum arrived and I took him through the signing in process for visitors to the school. I left him in the staff room until my class with 5B, because I have others things I was on rota for. I am told that he performed card tricks for anyone interested.

I introduced him to my class and he did the 1089 trick and suggested I set working out why it worked as part of my homework; which I did. I then gave him free-rein to take students individually or in small groups to the empty classroom next door for 'discussions on the usefulness of mathematics in later life', because most students give the impression of feeling that while maths may have its uses at the level that they had learnt in primary school, the secondary school level was mostly there for its own sake.

The last student Callum took from the class was Andrea. When the class finished, she had not returned. I went to see how they were doing and remind Andrea that she needed to get to her next class, if she was not on her way already. I looked through the window in the door. I thought I saw Andrea and Callum sitting on opposite sides of a desk with a detached hand moving on the table between them. I knocked and entered, but by the time I was through the door, there was definitely nothing on the table, but a sheet of paper. Andrea had the expression of someone with a secret that they are bursting to tell, but can't. I dismissed her to her next class before asking Callum how things had gone.

"I hope you don't mind, but we'll have company for the evening meal, I think that Andrea would benefit from being more aware of your hobby and a bit more than I've already told her about what I do.

"Don't worry about getting into trouble with her parents, because she tells me that as long as she gets home before them at about half six, they won't be fussed, so you or I can drop her off afterwards."

Slightly envious that Callum seemed have hit it off with Andrea to a greater extent in about ten minutes than I had managed in six months, I agreed and told him to collect us from the school gate at four.

----------

After the student part of the school day had finished, I rounded up my marking and put it in my car, which I moved from the school carpark to one of the nearby streets, then walked back. I found Callum talking with Andrea beside one of the cars I had seen at his place. She was also fiddling with a bracelet I did not remember seeing before and would have been against school dress-code on jewellery.

Callum spotted me and opened a rear door to allow Andrea to get in. He then held the front passenger door for me. We set off for an evening meal at small café on the edge of the town centre. Neither me nor Andrea seemed to have much to say on the drive there and Callum concentrated on his driving.

At the café Callum directed us to a booth having me sit opposite Andrea, then he slid in next to me. "I guess that you are wondering why I invited Andrea along," he said to me.

"It had occurred to me. I thought we were going take the chance to discuss some details of the project." I was deliberately vague about what the project was because I was not sure how much Andrea knew about it, or how much Callum or I wanted her to know about it; after all if you call the customer a 'client', there is usually some degree of confidentiality involved.

"Well, there is a two-fold reason, one is to tell you what Andrea and me worked out between us and the second is so that she can show you something I taught her this afternoon, which will help you get your head around what I have to tell about the project."

Andrea gave an excited nod. "Do I get to show her now?" she asked.

"Not yet. Want until we have ordered. I think that we ought to tell Edwina what we agreed first. Would you like to tell her or shall I?"

"I'll tell Miss, while you go and order; I'd like ham, egg and chips, please."

Callum rose and then looked at me for an order. "I think, I'll have the same; I haven't had something like that in forever and it'll be a nice change."

"Ok, I'll be back in a couple of minutes."

Callum turned away and Andrea began to speak immediately. "Are you really called Edwina, because the speculation around school is that your name was something very old-fashioned, like Edna or Eunice." I nodded confirmation. "Don't worry, I'll keep it a secret if you want me to; Callum says that the ability to keep secrets and ability to keep it secret that you have a secret to keep are important to being a magician."

"In that case you need to practice more, because it was obvious to me that you had a secret, when I came to send you off to your next class."

After a pause, I asked what the agreement between her and Callum was.

"He has promised to teach me about magic and illusion and the stuff he does as long as I keep up my grades in all my subjects, but especially yours. He seems to have got the impression that I'm not doing as well as I should be in maths."

"Well, you are near the bottom of the 'B' class in Maths, when you are near the top of the 'A' classes in most of your other subjects; sometimes you give me the impression that you'd have dropped it if it wasn't compulsory."

"Well, I would, if I'd had the chance; to me it seems boring and pointless. I learnt in primary school how to do calculations and if I need anything else I have a calculator and a computer."

"I guess we haven't got to the bit you'll need to understand to do what you want to do after you leave school."

I did not get to ask what Andrea wanted to be, because Callum came back and she excitedly asked him, "Can I show Miss the thing?"

"Have you kept it a secret so far?" Callum asked.

I answered. "She has not told me anything other than that you said, you would teach her about magic stuff, if she kept on doing well at school; I'm not sure that it might not be a distraction. But she has not kept it a secret that she has a secret."

"The potential for distraction is the reason for the keep up with the school work caveat," he said to me, then he turned to Andrea. "Edwina makes a good point; a secret is easier to keep if people don't know that you have it; that way they can't badger you about it. But as she knows, you might as well show her; but not for long, because we don't want to scare the waitress when she arrives with our tea. I'd quite like to see how you present it."

Andrea suddenly paused for thought; it seemed she had originally planned to just do what ever she had as a secret, but now she had been challenged to make it a presentation, instead of a plain demonstration.

"Ok, it's like this. Callum says that to be more than an ok magician, I'll need to develop my 'Wizard Eye' so that I can see into the fourth dimension. He says I'll need to learn fourth dimensional geometry to do magic properly, which he says is why I need to know my maths. He showed me a little trick, to see if I was going to be any good; like knowing that 'furrier' stuff you mentioned to understand the voice changer.

"I know in three dimensions there are three ways to rotate things, you were telling us about that a couple of weeks back. You said it was rotation about the x, y and z axes, but when I got home, I asked dad and said that he thought of them as pitch, roll and yaw; from when he flew model planes." As she mentioned the aircraft motions, she made the appropriate motions with the hand she was holding over the table. "Callum showed me how to do a fourth dimensional rotation. I can't remember what he called it (too many syllables), but with the help of this wristband thing I can do one."

She brought up her other hand and gave her wrist a sharp twist. She then handed me the hand she had twisted, seemingly not connected to the wrist it had been attached to. "Hold, this for me, for a moment."

I did not have much time to get over my shock, because I saw the waitress bringing our order. Andrea, who had been watching to see my reaction, spotted my change of focus and quickly hid her truncated arm behind her back. I had sufficient presence of mind to deposit the loose hand in my handbag, which was sitting on the bench beside me.

We allowed the waitress to serve our plates of food and tall glasses of sparkling lemonade. When she had gone, Andrea asked for her hand back, so that she could eat.

With some level of disbelief, I picked Andrea's hand from my bag and handed it back. She put the formerly connected parts back together and tapped something on the wristband, resulting in the reattachment of her hand with no evidence that it had been anywhere else.

I glanced at Callum; he was smiling. It appeared that Andrea had passed his challenge. Not knowing what else to do, I unwrapped the cutlery from the paper napkin and began to eat. I did notice Callum's nod of approval and Andrea was grinning from ear to ear as she followed my lead.

For the next few minutes, we ate in silence, then Callum commented, "I forgotten how good something this simple can be." He had followed our lead and had a plateful of ham, egg and chips too. I laughed, because I remembered the complex meals he had prepared on my visits. Andrea laughed too, but I'm not quite sure why.

Food eaten and drinks drunk, we took Andrea home, cautioning her that taking her hand off where people could see would probably get her more trouble than it was worth; and get her magic lessons cancelled if either of us found out. When she asked what the point of being able to do something if nobody knew about it, Callum said that it was about having a secret and keeping it. As we dropped Andrea off, Callum asked, "Can you keep a secret? Or do I need to have the wristband back?"

Andrea seemed a little shock, but solemnly said, "I will keep the secret, I promise." She raise three fingers in a girl scout salute as she said this.

Callum added, "In that case, your homework, for the next time we can arrange a lesson, is to find something useful to do with a detached hand." Andrea initially looked horrified by the idea that magic lessons came with homework, but her expression quickly morphed into the same curious expression she had worn when she asked me about my voice-changer.

Callum drove me back to my car then followed me to my place. I had to wait while he dragged a large box out of his car. He wheeled it as he followed me in. I offered him tea or coffee; he chose coffee. While I was boiling the kettle to make instant (I hoped he did not mind, because we had filter coffee at his place), I could hear a range of bumps and clicks, as well as a suppressed swear word, from the living room where I had left him. With a mug in each hand I return to the living room to be confronted by a vertical magician's cabinet.

"Um, what's that?" I asked waving a mug towards the cabinet; it was a dark shade of scarlet with a white female figure on it. I put the coffees down on the table. "I thought you said you were a magical artist; installations and that kind of stuff."

"I am, but when I started planning projects for you to be involved in, I realised that magic with people is different from magic with things. For a start, with things, you can destroy the object and replace it with a duplicate; but that is not an option with a person."

"I'd have thought that was obvious, but it does not explain a magic cabinet in my living room."

"Well, I've been looking at video of illusions with people for hints on how things should be done, not that any of them were much help, because most of them did whatever it was they were doing, did a 'ta-da' and then immediately reversed it. I had hoped to find hints about getting things more comfortable for you in the magic for more than a few minutes; I was out of luck, some most of the stuff I've come up with was prompted by your experience with spending time in costumes."

"That doesn't explain the cabinet. I thought you were coming over to let me know the last minutes things before this things happens a week on Saturday. And maybe how that has anything to do with giving Andrea a bracelet that can detach her hand."

He paused, evidently trying to marshal everything that he wanted to tell me into some coherent structure. "To solve some of the problems with the robot suit, I'm going to have to do something like what Andrea did with her hand to you. She seems happy with how it feels, but I don't know if you will; partly because I don't know how it feels, myself. So I brought a cabinet along to let you feel how it feels and then you can say if you can work with that or find it too distracting, uncomfortable or whatever. I just need you to change into something that bares your middle, so we can try it out. Then you say if it's ok, in which case we're good to go with a few minor tweaks, or whether it's a busy week and a half installing air-con into the suit, which will also make it heavier to wear."

I took another look at the cabinet and noticed it was divided into three sections and there were holes in the figure corresponding to the the face, hands and a foot. I took a swig of my coffee. "I guess we'd better find out what's what then. I'll be back when I've changed." He look a little startled that I was not quizzing him on exactly what he had planned; I think that he'd forgotten that when we were growing up, nearly every kids show had at least one episode where someone got stuck in a magic box and to me this one looked familiar. I had the idea that he would coach me through whatever he thought he was doing to get the result he was looking for.

In the bedroom I quickly got out of my work clothes and found my gym kit, sadly not recently used. I returned in a sports bra and shorts in black; I had toyed with the idea of putting on tights too, to give the appearance of a magician's assistant, but quickly dismissed it, when the only black tights I could find that did not have ladders in them were still in the packet.

"That's perfect!" he exclaimed. "You'll only need to tuck the hem of the top up a bit and we won't have any trouble."

"I suppose you want me to get into the cabinet, right?"

"Yes, when you're ready."

I went over to the cabinet and opened the doors in the front. The inside was even plainer than I had expected; just matt black panels with bits of matt black square tubing providing a frame. The only things to be seen inside the cabinet that drew any attention were the two slots in the back through which the colour of the wall beyond could be detected. I stepped in and commented, "Not exactly interesting in here," as I turned to face Callum.

"True, but it's not supposed to be. It's not meant to be interesting in itself, but more for what can be done with it."

I pulled the bottom door shut and closed the top latch. The middle section of door was next and this time I could reach both catches. I dragged the top door shut and tried to reach through the face hole to fasten it closed, but instead pushed it back open. Callum sighed and took another sip of the coffee, before coming over and fastening all the remaining latches. "Do you know what I'm going to do?"

"I think so. You'll push a couple of 'narrower than they at first appear' blades through the slots in the front and out the back. And I will move out of there way in the gap made by the difference in the blade width and the cabinet width. Then you'll set-up the shelf thing on the side and slide the middle part of the cabinet onto it, so it looks like my middle has been pulled out to the side."

"That's what an illusionist would do; but I'm a magician." He went to the open crate and pulled out two blades with handles. "These blades are wider than they at first appear; they are as wide as the slots." If that was true that would only leave a couple of inches on either side of the cabinet; definitely not enough to fit through even if I turned side ways and breathed in. "What I'm going to do is turn your stomach in the fourth dimension and then put these in to keep it in the right place while I move your middle sideways in the familiar three dimensions, but still connected in the fourth and fifth."

"You're having me on, you sound like your repeating the stuff that Andrea made up."

"Well, she got it about right. I hadn't told her about the fifth dimension just yet, because she needs to understand the fourth dimension before we get her onto anything higher." He rested the blades on the couch and set-up the shelf on the side. Then he placed his hands either side of the middle section of the cabinet and made what looked like turning movements while keeping perfectly still. Keeping one hand in place, as if it was needed to stop things turning back, he plucked up a blade and slotted it into the lower slot in the box.

"You can't do this," I protested.

"Trust me! I know what I'm doing. It'll be alright as long as you don't try to untwist yourself." I was partially relieved to see that he was sliding the blade, that did not look sharp, with a light pressure, meaning if it did touch my body as it leant against the front door of the cabinet, it would not hurt or do any harm. He seemed to be taking a very long time to push the blade the centimetre between the inside of the slot and my body. Almost to himself, I heard him say, "And now for the tricky part; the slot at the back." I heard a bit of scraping behind me and then a soft tap in front as the handle touched the front door. He stood back to admire his handiwork. "How was that for you?" he asked.

"How was what?"

"I've just put a blade through your middle, did you feel anything; and if so, what did it feel like?"

"Sorry, I didn't feel a thing. I was thinking that it was a fake blade of some sort; either that folded down inside the door or was a hologram or something like that."

"You are a genius! Why didn't I think of that before?" He pulled a phone larger than I have ever seen from his pocket and with a few swipes began making notes.

While he concentrated on his phone, I tried to discover what was happening to me inside the cabinet. First I tried to step back inside the cabinet to look down inside, but found that my middle where the blade was supposed to be was held rigidly in place. I put my hands down to feel whatever was holding my waist in place and bumped into a sheet of metal that went all the way round, but ended no more than a couple of inches from the sides of the cabinet and did not stop where it met the front and back.

"I'm sorry to spoil your eureka moment, but, Hello! Girl stuck in a box with a blade through her middle over here. I would hope that would count as more important."

He looked up. "Yes, I'm sorry." I noticed that he kept typing away on the mini-tablet, then he made a couple of final taps and dropped the phone on the sofa. "You said something that solved something I've been bashing my head against for month. If I hadn't send myself a reminder I'd probably forget, which is even more frustrating that not having an answer in the first place.

"So, how does it feel?" he asked.

"Wasn't I just answering that when you started texting yourself?"

"Sorry. And what was your answer? Because if it is not something you can put up with for six hours or more, I'm going to have to find another way of making that suit more workable-in."

"I was saying that it doesn't feel much like anything. But I did notice while you were otherwise occupied, that the blade is not allowing that bit of me to move."

"That's because of the blade coating which anchors the cut parts so that they rejoin properly. I would advise not touching or prodding it too much, because things might not join up right on the small scale, which would manifest as bruising, I think."

"You were saying that I was still connected and now you're talking about reconnecting; I'm confused."

"The short answer is that you are connected in dimensions four, five and six, but seperated in dimensions one, two and three. And the blade coating will help make sure that those dimensions reconnect in the right places. If you are feeling no ill-effects shall we continue?"

"I guess. Although I'm not sure where we were going."

Callum came back to stand in front of the cabinet I was in and placed his hands either side. "I was demonstrating the principle of how I plan to make your life easier in the robot-suit and making sure that it was moderately comfortable for you in the process." Despite his sudden stillness, I could tell that he was twisting again, then he picked up the second blade and lined it up with upper slot about level with my bottom ribs.

I pushed my hand back out through the hole in the middle section. He stopped.

"I think it would be better for the purposes of the experiment if none of your hands or arms were below the blade I'm about to put in."

I pulled the hand back in and rested it on my opposite shoulder, which was slightly raised, because that hand was though the hand hole beside my face. I saw him applying pressure, but barely felt more than a light touch. Again I heard the leading edge of the blade scrape through the slot behind me, but when I tried to turn to see what was happening, it seemed that my upper body was stuck in position and there was not enough turn in my neck to see enough behind me, except that the light that had been getting in through the rear slot was blocked.

"I'm hoping that feels no worse than the other one."

He went out of sight on the side where the shelf was and I could feel a minor vibration for about ten seconds. "And how does that feel?" he asked.

"How does what feel?" I asked back.

He grabbed up his phone and snapped a photo of me in the cabinet. He showed me the picture of me in the box with a gap where my belly should be and the section that had filled the gap sitting on the shelf at the side.

"It looks weird, but surprisingly it feels ok. Now I need you to put me back together so I can get on with some marking."

"Ok, I'll let you out so you can carry on with some stuff." He leant down to the crate and pulled out a frame that was two not-quite-ovals held apart by four rods. He checked something and turned it round, before inserting it into the gap between my ribs and my hips. I heard it scrap against the blades on both sides of the space in my middle. He pulled the blades and opened the upper and lower doors, then invited me to step out.

"Aren't you meant to push my middle back into place?" I queried.

"If this was a demonstration of the zig-zag cabinet, yes I would, but this is to see how you managed with a bit of you seperated. I'll stay around for a while to make sure that you aren't having any problems, then I'll put your abdomen back before I go home. I'll try not to get in the way while you get on with a normal evening. I can even make myself useful if you like."

I don't think I acted particularly grateful for the offer. I went to my costume room to check out what he had done to me. In the full-length mirror I could see that I was no different from normal, except that my belly between the lower hem of the sports bra and the waistband of my shorts was missing and the gap was held open by two rigid sheets of plastic and four rods between them. After a couple of attempts I managed to shake hands with myself through the space where my guts should have been.

I returned to the living room. "So, what happens now?"

"Well, I thought I might hang about for a bit, while you do some marking or whatever you have to do. When I need to go home or if you are feeling too distracted by your missing middle, I'll put you back together. Think of it as a kind of dry run for being a robot waitress weekend after next."

By then I had overcome the initial shock of having a section missing. "You know, this has possibilities. I've always wanted to have a go at making a 'hole through the belly' costume, but can't really justify getting two cheap tablets to make it work, but with this frame properly filled a dress with the right holes in it, I could be Goldie Hawn from Death Becomes Her. And before you get any ideas, I mean the part where she has a shotgun hole through her and not the end where she is an upside-down head in a scatter of fragmented parts."

"If you're looking for me to help out with a Halloween outfit, you are likely to be disappointed." he commented. "Like most of the magical fraternity, I am usually very busy in the month of October. But, maybe, if I can get Andrea up to speed, she could do it for you."

"Perhaps we can try it out some other time then," I suggested.

"We'll see." He pulled out and huge tablet from the crate. "Do you mind if I plug this in; it's great to work on, away from home, but it is a bit short on battery life."

I told him that he could and gave him my WiFi password, so he did not have to use the mobile phone network, which is not all that good where I live. Then I set about my evening's marking. I found the occasional pings and beeps his tablet made and the two cups of coffee he made for me without me having to ask, more distracting than the fact that my middle was contained in a box on the other side of the room.

I was packing the completed marking in my carry-all, when he asked how I was feeling about being minus my intestines. I told him that I had almost forgotten that aspect of my situation. He seemed pleased with my response and asked me to get back into the box to return my middle to its usual place. This was achieved with the minimum of fuss, then he packed the box back into the crate.

----------

When Andrea arrived at school the following morning, I took her aside and asked if she had brought the bracelet that Callum had given her. When she showed me, I confiscated it and told her she could claim it back from me at the end of the day. I then reminded her that Callum had set finding something "useful" to do with it, as well as if being against the jewellery part of schools' dress code and having it about was a bad way to keep it secret.

At the end of the day I made myself available for her to reclaim the bracelet. I was a little surprised when she thanked me, saying that while she had some mischief planned, she realised that I had saved her from getting caught.

----------

The following Wednesday evening, Callum telephoned. The initial part of the call was about the details of Saturday.

He then asked if I had noticed any change in Andrea's attitude to maths. I told him that while there was no obvious improvement, she seemed to be taking the lessons more seriously, rather than an interruption between lessons she preferred. I also noted that she had asked if I knew of any on-line resources she could look at to catch her with topics that she was weak on.

Callum considered this enough progress to go ahead with a magic lesson the following night. I tried to tactfully suggest that he not give her any more magical devices. When I told him that Andrea had brought the hand-detachment bracelet to school, he seemed more concerned that I might have tried it without the lesson in its use, than what Andrea might have done if I had not taken it away for the day.

----------

On Saturday, I was up and out earlier than usual to get my weekly shop done; in fact so early that I had time to mark 5B's homework and be gratified to see how various members of the class explained the 1089 trick. The lazy ones just tried all the combinations and said, yes it works; the more insightful ones spotted that there were symmetric parts to it, so reduced how many they had to check. The next tier tried to apply logic and/or algebra to a general starting number, but got stuck somewhere along the line; Andrea was in this group. The top tier came to the end of the problem and one pointed out a idea that I had not even considered.

Having gone through the marking, it was time to leave. As expected I arrived a little early for lunch. Callum said that it would be a good idea to get me suited up before a late lunch then off to the venue of the dinner party. When I questioned this, he reminded me that I might get time to have a snack before the guests arrived, but after that I was going to be a robot waitress and therefore not eat until the guests departed.

We went over to the workshop where I changed into the black all-over body-suit and fitted my catheter which fed out of a small hole in the crotch that Callum had added. Next came the fitting of the rubber sleeves over my joints; these now had silvery circuit-like decorations on. And finally the metallic sections of the outer shell; these were mostly the same as before, except that front of the torso had a couple of glass panels in the belly section. I was a little surprised when he left the back of the torso section off, but also I glad because the bag was hanging outside the suit with no obvious place for it.

He brought up a large case and five small round blades. We were standing in front of a mirror when he performed the still, but turning motion with one hand and inserted a blade into a slot at the top of my left arm with the other. I did not feel much, but it was enough to know that my arm was partially disconnected from the rest of me. The next three blades went in at the tops of my thighs and the other arm after more multi-dimensional twists.

Despite how little I felt the previous four divisions when he produced the fifth blade and began doing motionless hand motions by my neck, I asked if it was really necessary. He said that he could not get my body out of the suit and leave my head inside without. While I was looking for an objection, he slid the blade into place with very little sensation.

I moved my head and was glad to feel my neck was rigidly held where the blade went through my neck, which, in turn, was held by a slot in the neck of the suit.

"Now you need to move about a bit to be sure that the blades are not inhibiting your movement too much."

I walked round the room and found that the places where the blades went through were no more uncomfortable than having a tight rubber band around the limb.

"That seems ok, but don't get too used to it, because there is another change to come." He opened the case, showing the padded interior. Standing behind me took hold of my body at the base of my ribs and pulled. My black clad body came into view in the mirror. He stood it on a table by the stumps where my legs had been connected, then changed his hold to cradle my body and carried it to the case. With a little effort he fitted my body into cavity in the foam and tucked the bag connected to my catheter into a compartment.

"So, what's that about?" I asked.

"You may have noticed that when you moved, your body did too. If we left it out it might wriggle its way into trouble, so better to contain it, so it can't get hurt. Also we are going to have to take it with us, because while I have found that there is no noticeable effect up to ten miles, I can't discount the possibility that there may be problems if that distance is increased."

I took a moment to wonder how he had tested what he was saying and wondering whether he was talking about communication between my head and limbs failing all together or some kind of physical stutter cause by the additional distance of travel for nerve impulses, like I had experienced with the audio feedback delay.

"Now to fit your comfort stuff and a couple of extra bits I thought up." He picked up a frame that had been standing there unnoticed and slid it into the back of my empty robot torso. He flicked a few switches and I could feel a flow of air up the side of my neck. While he fitted the back onto the suit he told me that the breeze I could feel had been dehumidified to reduce the problem of misting up of the face plate and because that might lead to my eyes or mouth drying up the helmet was now fitted with a couple of switches that I could operate with my chin, to spray my face with micro-droplets to help my eyes and squirt a small amount of water into my mouth if I was thirsty.

While he explained this, I noticed that behind the abdominal windows were a field of twinkling LEDs on green circuit board and in the centre of each panel was something that looked like it was pumping clear blue liquid through transparent tubing.

"What's this stuff?" I asked indicating my belly.

"I had enough space, after putting in the air con, to put in something to enhance the appearance of you being a robot, by showing the insides where they might expect to see you. Most of the LEDs twinkle at random, except the ones in the corners which will pulse in time with your speech, to improve the illusion that you are a single unit."

He glanced at his watch. "I think that by the time we've had lunch, it'll be time to go. We'll fit the helmet and gloves when we get there; that should make the journey more comfortable for you."

Lunch was haddock goujons, pommes frites and petit pois; so, basically home-made fancy fish fingers, chips and peas, but no less welcome for that, especially as I was not likely to have any food until the journey home.

I took the chance to ask how his magic lesson with Andrea had gone. Initially, he seemed reluctant to talk about it, but once we were on our way to the dinner party venue, he opened up a bit. He had been worried that I might disapprove of the result of Andrea's homework, to find a practical use for a detached hand. While it would not have been the kind of use I would have been looking for, I had to admire the creativity. From what Callum told me, she had made a few short videos and was uploading them to a YouTube channel she had made called Miss Thing; the videos showed the detached hand with a pink bow tied around its wrist performing antics reminiscent of Thing from the Addams Family.

He was also reticent about telling me what he had taught Andrea. He eventually told me that he had taught her the Chinese linking rings, which he described as another trick that requires a fourth dimensional twist. He seemed to see it as giving her more tools to explore that extra dimension. I saw it as giving her another tool for mischief.

After a couple of hours travel, I asked where we were going. Callum told me were going to a film studio, because the studio had a replica set from a sci-fi franchise, which it hired out to fans to be photographed in and make fan videos. I was going to be a robot waitress serving dinner on the bridge of a starship; although I do not remember there being any regular robots in that show.

When we arrived, I helped him move the replicator to somewhere near the table that had been set-up and he found somewhere to plug it in. I did not see any way that food could get into the device and was convinced that it was not already in there, because I felt sure there was not refrigeration in there, but I could not smell any food. When I asked, Callum told me not to worry about that, because he would be listening to me taking the orders and tell me what plate from the cupboard under the machine to place in the replicator and arrange for the correct food to end up on it.

Then it was time to meet the hosts, but Callum insisted that I be in full costume before that, so he fitted the earpiece and helmet while I put on the gloves. I had a quick practice to remind me of the cadences I needed to used to get my changed voice to work properly.

It turned out that I recognised the host and hostess; she was one of the leads in the TV series whose set was being borrowed and he was her actor husband, who I remembered from a series that had recently been cancelled.

Her first reaction on seeing me was to look at Callum and say, "She looks great, just like we discussed. What do we call her?"

That put my back up, so after a couple of deep breaths, to calm my irritation, I said, "My name is Edwina." As quickly as my voice would allow I added, "Madam." She gave me a sharp look, which made me realise that she probably expected me to already be acting, because I was in costume. "If you wish to call me by another name, please let me know."

She turned to me and asked, "Does 'Edwina' stand for anything?"

I looked her straight in the eye. "No, it's just my name, but it could be an acronym if you like. I don't know; Electronic Dining and WINe Assistant?"

She quirked a smile and said, "Then we will call you Edwina, and if asked you will tell them the fake acronym. I'll let you go and finish any further preparations you need to make on set, while we get into costume to greet our guests."

We returned to the dining area. Callum told me that I had almost put my foot in it, but managed to pull it back, and that I should try to keep to my role. He went to hide somewhere to be ready to do whatever it was he needed to do to ensure that the food ended up on the plates. I stood around for half an hour waiting for the guests to show up.

The main door to the bridge swished open and the party came through led by the hostess. Everyone was costumed as someone from a Sci-fi TV series; the hostess, of course was dressed for her role in the series she starred in. I smiled slightly at the thought that they looked more like a convention, or and intergalactic conference, than a dining party. I was already standing, so I did not need to cover any movement.

The hostess, invited the guests to take their places around the table. As the guests, most of which I recognised from seeing them in various TV shows, settled, She summoned me to the table. "Please introduce yourself and your function!" she commanded.

For a moment I felt as if I had been put on the spot. With the realisation that it would save a lot of repeated dialogue, I said, "I am the Electronic Dining and WINe Assistant. Please call me Edwina. I am here to take your orders for food and drink and to serve it to you."

The hostess smiled as if I was a real robot that she had built from scratch; which I remember being the kind of thing her character did in the show. She turned to me and said, "I shall have a sherry, and please take my guest's drinks orders too, while we consider what we want to start our meals with."

Taking the drinks orders was a bit different from my small amount of waiting experience, because I had nothing to make notes on about what was ordered. Some of the things that were ordered I had never heard of; I did not know if they were ordering exotic drinks or fictitious ones; at least it was not my problem, as long as Callum knew what he was doing and guided me to return the right drink to the right guest.

I went over to the replicator and was glad to hear Callum's voice in my ear telling me to get a tray and which glasses to put inside the device. Each glass filled with a high-pitched swooshing noise, then placed on the tray. "Starting with the purple one, deliver them clockwise round the table starting with our hostess."

As I served the drinks, Callum reminded me what each person had order so that I could say something like, "Your Aldebaran Sloof Water, sir," as I placed each glass on the table.

I returned the tray until the hostess indicated it was time to take orders for starters. The starter orders were similarly obscure; I was glad I did not have a pad, as I would have been a loss on how to spell some of the things that were ordered. This required placing various plates in the food delivery device, and taking them out after pressing a few buttons on the keypad had put the food in the dishes. The most unsettling item was something that appeared in a soup plate, which resembled tomato soup in colour and texture, but seemed to have a couple of rubber centipedes swimming in it. The woman I delivered it to looked at it as if it looked right for what it was supposed to be, but she did not really want to deal with it. I later saw her wipe the soupy component of the dish from her chin having slurped down one of the centipede things.

I was kept busy with refilling glasses, then clearing plates which went back into the replicator and disappeared at the press of a button. Taking orders for main courses became a bit more complicated, because several of the guests had noticed that I was putting empty plates into a machine and the food appear on them; they wanted a closer look. I was struggling to find the right kinds of technobabble to explain something I did not understand myself.

As the meal progressed, some of the guests were interested in whether I was a real robot or a real person in a clever suit, mostly motivated by the fact that they could see the circuits boards and pumps where my belly should have been. I fell back on the line, "Details of my design are outside my programming."

After an hour or so my eyes were beginning to get dry and I was thirsty, then I remembered the chin-switch to mist my face and squirt some water into my mouth. The rest of the evening was a blur, because I was kept busy, delivering food and drink to the table and removing emptied plates and glasses.

After dessert, coffee and liqueurs, the party dispersed and I loaded the remaining plates and glasses into the machine that had done all the catering. As the final dish disappeared, Callum showed up. "I'll go and see how they think the dinner panned out, then we can go home; it has been a long night and we've still got to get home and you out of the suit."

"Can't we do that here?" I asked.

"We could, but if I got it a bit off, it would be quite uncomfortable all the way home, where I have the tools on hand to do small adjustments and corrections. Of course we can take the helmet and gloves off; that'll make the journey home a bit easier. And I'm sure we can find you something to eat on the way too."

"Aren't you hungry too?"

"No, I had a pizza about the time the guest were on their main courses. At that point it didn't take too much effort to keep up the demands of running the replicator; I even muted my mike, so that I would not make you hungrier by making chewing noises in your ear."

"Thanks," I said, but I do not think that the sarcasm penetrated to the extend I might have wished.

By this time I out of my gloves and helmet. I helped Callum trundle the Replicator back to the tail-lift on the van and we were soon under way.

On the way back to his place, we found a service area, where I scoffed a double helping of curry and rice, before we continued.

Once we were back, he parked the van and retrieved the case containing my torso from the back. In the same room where he had removed it, he opened the back of the suit and pulled out the ventilation and set-dressing. He lifted my body from the case and carefully inserted into the place where it was supposed to be. He had me stand where I had before as he tapped the base of my neck below the blade through my neck and making those mysterious quasi-twisting motions, but he was not pulling the blade out.

"Is there a problem?" I asked. I was thinking that there might be as removing the blade was taking many times longer than putting it in.

"Well, kind of. Nothing to really worry about, but undoing the cut is a lot trickier that I had anticipated, and I want to get it right, for your sake."

"Is there some way I can help? I'll stand on one leg and whistle Dixie if that'll help."

Callum did not take my flippancy seriously, but instead told me what I could do to help. "You see that screen in front of you; the one with the four coloured bars on. We need to get the black lines on the bars into the green central areas; when all four are stable in the green the blade can come out."

I nodded my understanding and watch the indicators on the four bars sway wildly between the red and the blue ends of the bars. I experimented a little as to how much control I could exert on the positions of the blade lines; I quickly found that controlling the top two was relatively easy, because the top one seemed to respond to the side-to-side position of my head and the next one to the front-to-back position. A little further trial and error resulted in my noticing that where my head was pointing had most effect on the third bar. All three bars were to a lesser extend effected my movement of my torso. With a minutes practice, I get the top three bars in the green area, while left the bottom bar, which stubbornly remained in the red area, until I asked what it was supposed to indicate, when briefly flew to the blue end of the bar.

"Did you notice that it flicked over when you spoke. I think if you hum with the right pitch and volume we can get this to work,"

I tried it and found that humming quietly moved the indicator slowly as I increased the pitch. As the black line crossed into green part of the bar, Callum yanked out the blade. The sensation felt like quickly pulling of a plaster with some hair under it, but then changed to a pleasant feeling unlike anything I had ever felt before. It took a lot less time to get the rest of the blades out, so that my limbs were directly connected to my body instead of being held in place by the suit. With a pleasant tingle from having the blades removed and my tiredness from spending too many hours in a robot suit, I accepted Callum's offer of a bed for what was left of the night and sleep very well.

In the morning I went home to do my weekend chores and minimise the backlog of marking that this costume adventure with Callum had helped cause.

Later in the week, I received an email from the hostess, forwarded by Callum, offering me the chance to appear in the TV series as Edwina the Robot. I might.