Magic Short 24 - A Pink Cucumber

Ella had called for a male volunteer from her mostly female audience. Simon did not know why he had put up his hand. He had hoped that one of the other men with their hands up would be picked. As Ella scanned the audience to select from the men offering themselves, it seemed that she was skipping those with upraised hands and their other hand held by a woman, whether girlfriend or wife. Simon was sitting in an aisle seat next an empty seat.

Ella pointed Simon out and described him, in his plain white shirt and black slacks, before issuing an invitation to come up to help out with a trick. He had a momentary feeling, regretting raising his hand, but this was put aside when Ella smiled at him; there was something irresistibly seductive about the innocent smile when coupled with her body that might make a Trappist monk swear. That body was clad in a one piece costume meant to maximise the amount of body on display while remaining an inch or two on the decent side of the line and let the audience know she was the magician. This entailed a bow-tie at her neck, a mini-top-hat perched on her froth of red hair and black and white patterning on the body part of the costume, to suggest the appear of a tuxedo. Across her hips was a skirt so short that it barely covered her crotch.

While Simon made his way to the stage, a stage hand brought out a low table and on a second trip a covered stand. The curtain closed behind the stand as the stage hand retreated.

Ella greeted Simon and asked his name. After a few more exchanges, which did little more than soothe Simon's nervousness at being on stage in front of so many people and tell the audience that he was genuinely one of them, Ella announced the beginning of the trick.

"Now, to fill a gap where my assistants change costumes and ready the next big illusion behind the curtain, I shall demonstrate my prowess with a sword." She pulled a cloth from the stand to show a scimitar resting in a rack, but leaving the remainder of the stand covered by another cloth. Simon took a step backwards. "Don't worry, Simon! I shan't be using the sword on you, but on these items of fruit." The second cloth was whisked away displaying a variety of fruits.

"We will start by having you throw some fruit at me and I will cut it in mid-air. Please take some fruit and go and stand on the yellow mark on the floor there."

Simon looked at the fruit available. He picked an apple, an orange, small melon and a banana. With this armful he headed for the mark.

"Nice selection," commented the magicienne. "Start with the melon, then move down in size with the banana last. And please make sure that you throw them within my reach."

With a little juggling Simon transferred the melon to his right hand without dropping the rest of the fruit cradled in his left arm; he was rewarded with a few people clapping. "Do you want me to count down or just throw it when I'm ready?" he asked.

"Thank you. I forgot to say. I'll say that I'm ready then you throw in your own time. But don't take too long, because this lot might get bored and who knows what havoc might ensue if that happens." 'This lot' were the audience as indicated by a nod of Ella's head; a few people laughed.

Ella had already taken down the sword while Simon choose his missiles, but she took the time to swing it a few times, as if reminding herself of the weight and balance of the weapon. She took up a defensive stance and said, "I'm ready."

Simon hefted the melon to be sure of throwing it with sufficient force to reach the sword-wielding magician. He lobbed it across the stage. As it approached Ella there was a blur of motion followed by a double splat caused by the two approximately even sections of the melon landing in different locations.

As the spectators expressed their enthusiasm for this display of skill, Simon asked if he should keep throwing or wait for her to be ready again. He was told to wait for her to nod, before throwing each item. As the applause faded, Ella nodded. Simon picked the large cooking apple from his left arm and chucked it in the magician's direction. It arrived in Ella's vicinity with a moist crack and two thuds as the halves landed. The audience cheered.

Simon was ready with the orange, when Ella asked him to select somebody from middle of the first few rows. Simon selected one of the men he had hope would have been picked instead of him. He pointed out the man. Following Ella's nod he tossed the orange across the stage, where it was met with a blur of motion and a single wet smack as half of it landed on the stage. This noise was missed by most of the audience who were distracted by the cheer from the man Simon had selected as he held up the half orange that had arrived in his lap moments before.

"Ok, now for the trickiest piece of fruit, the banana." Ella re-established her stance then nodded her head. Simon launched the banana almost in the manner that someone might throw a boomerang. The was a double noise as the scimitar made contact with the flying banana, then Simon made an instinctive movement, catching the returning half banana. It was not until he had it in his hand that Simon realised that it was half a banana, because it was still its full length having been sliced lengthwise.

Not seeing where the other half of the banana landed, it took the audience a little while to realise that the item being held up by Simon was one half of a banana split.

Ella returned to the centre of the stage and beckoned Simon to join her. "I like you, Simon; you are ok to look at and you have proven quite good at following instructions. I think I'll keep you for the next part of this. Please sit on the table just behind you I'll get a some pineapples and the other thing I need for this section."

On her first trip to the display stand of fruit, she returned with three pineapples, which she put on the table beside Simon. On the second she came back with something she had collected from a drawer in the stand under the fruit. She handed the item to Simon, asking him to describe for the audience.

"Um, it looks like a rubber ring or doughnut with a couple of ribbons attached. It's not obvious what it's for and I have a sneaky feeling that I'm not going to like it when I find out."

"Thank you, an accurate and concise; most volunteers seem to want to tell the audience that the ring and cotton straps are blue, when the audience can see that quite clearly themselves. The ring goes on top of your head and we tie it in place with the straps." Before Simon could object, Ella had placed the foam rubber ring on top of his head and was tying the ribbons under his chin.

Simon obeyed the few instructions he received and was soon sat on the table with a pineapple balanced on each upturned palm and the third one sitting on the ring like some primitive crown. Ella looked an him and his pose critically and said, "This won't do! It would be a shame to get pineapple juice on a nice clean shirt, not to mention that sword cuts can be hard to repair and blood stains difficult to get out." She took down all the pineapples and asked Simon to remove his shirt so that it did not get damaged.

Simon was reluctant to remove his shirt, but Ella enlisted the audience to encourage her volunteer's compliance. With the shirt removed Simon sat showing a well-toned, but not over muscled, torso, Ella quickly reloaded his hands and head with pineapples. She stood behind and swished the broad curved blade, while telling him that his safety relied on him not moving a muscle until she was finished.

With a triple lunge that took the audience by surprise, the magicienne sliced the pineapples, sending the fronded tops spinning to land several feet away. Simon sat frozen in the centre of this mayhem. The audience was just drawing breath to clap and cheer Ella's skill when she made a second triple lunge sending more sections of the pineapple flying across the stage. The audience roared their approval.

While the spectators were making too much noise to hear her, she whispers in his ear, "You're doing very well. Almost makes me want to take you home. Do well in the next bit and I just might."

Simon was not quite sure how to take this, but hoped it was a compliment.

"Now for the final part of this section, a feat known as 'the human chopping block'. Ok, Simon, would you please take up a hands and knees position on the table with a side facing the audience!"

Suddenly it was too late for Simon to bow out. Reluctantly, he adopted the requested position. He instantly regretted it as Ella began to position pieces of fruit in the shallow valley of his spine. When the line of fruit reached below the small of his back, Simon was shocked to feel the magicienne easing the waist of his trousers over his buttocks. He made a throat clearing sound, but she pre-empted his objection, by stating her assumption that fruit juice stains on the backs of his trousers would be difficult to explain.

A lot of the women in the audience cheered the revelation of Simon's bottom, especially when Ella pulled Simon's shorts down too, saying, "You don't want your underpants wet with fruit juices do you?"

Out of the corner of his eye, Simon could see Ella take up the scimitar and address it in the direction of the row of assorted fruits down his back. He closed his eyes and concentrated on staying as still as possible. He heard a series of gasps from the audience some of which were preceded by the cold, but fleeting, feeling of a sharp edge against his back. Ella seemed to be working her way up his spine, chopping each item of fruit as she went, until she halved the cherry that had been placed on the back of Simon's neck.

With the question of whether Ella could cut each item of fruit without nicking her volunteer answered in the affirmative and the tension of waiting for that answer released, the crowd cheered and hooted. The quietened when Ella swept the chopped fruit from Simon's back and instead of helping to stand and regain the protection of his trousers, lay Simon flat on the table, pulled his lower garments below his knees, and turned him over to face upwards.

"That is usually as far as I go with this stunt, but Simon had been such an exemplary helper, that I think that we should see how far we can go with this." Before the courage to say that he would rather not be involved had accumulated, it was drained by Ella placing a grapefruit firmly on his breast-bone and smiling at him. Next she perched a kiwi fruit in his navel and laid a pair of cucumbers across his crotch.

"I shall now attempt to cut these pieces of fruit and unlike the previous round of chopping, I shall attempt to not knock any pieces from Simon's body and I shall be blindfolded."

The stage hand who had brought the table and the fruit stand emerged from the side and handed Ella a blindfold, then returned backstage. The magicienne made quick work of covering her eyes.

Ella asked that Simon say something so that she could hear where he was, having requested silence from the audience, to he allow her to concentrate. Simon began to recite the Lord's prayer. Ella stopped him after three phrases, saying, "Now I know I want to take you home with me."

After a tension-building fifteen seconds, there was a flurry of sword slashes down towards the table.

The audience held there breath and waited to see the outcome. The grapefruit toppled sideways, in almost slow-motion, until the hemispheres stopped moving more than indicating that Simon was breathing as shallowly as he could. Moments later, the kiwi fruit followed the same pattern as grapefruit before it.

Then the bridge of cucumbers over Simon's groin collapsed.

The audience cheered, hooted and hollered Ella's show of skill, while Simon relaxed a little, relieved not to have been sliced with the fruit, but mindful not to move too much, so as not to dislodge the fruit.

With her blindfold removed and tossed onto the fruit stand, picked up and displayed the fruits in turn; grapefruit, kiwi fruit and cucumbers. Then she put on a frown, and picked up something pinkish cylindrical with a a darker rounded end.

"Oh dear, I think I cut the cucumbers a bit deeper than I intended." From his privileged position of proximity, Simon could tell that Ella had fully intended to cut off his member.

"I've taken more than long enough for my assistants to prepare the next illusion, so I haven't got time to put this back in place. Simon, you should get dressed and come backstage after the show." While she said this she stroked the 'pink cucumber' which stretch a little and stiffened. "I'll look after this until then." She kissed the dark end then reached under her barely there skirt and pulled aside the crotch of her tuxedo bodysuit, then inserted the 'pink cucumber', before settling the garment back in place.

The emasculated Simon stumbled from the stage trying to get his clothes back in place.

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After the show, the remainder of which Simon had been unable to concentrate on, an assistant appeared from the crowd and guided Simon backstage and to Ella's dressing room.

Ella glanced at Simon's appendage, which lay on the dressing table in front of the mirror. She was still her finale outfit which was a wet-suit that hugged her curves distractingly and her hair was still wet from the water escape she had performed, but wrapped in a towel.

"Do you want me to put back now? Or would you like to come home with me and see what mischief we can get up to?"

"Will it involve any swords?" Simon asked.

"Only if you want it to," Ella reassured him. She stepped behind a screen in the corner and moments later emerged from the other side, dressed in a gown of grey-green silk that cling to her curves and her hair in dry cascade of scarlet down her back.

"I've always wondered what kind of place a lady magician lives in; now's my chance to find out."

Ella pick up the 'pink cucumber' from the dressing table and stowed in a matching handbag. She then took his arm and they left.