The Haunted House Tour 7: Denouement

The room beyond was as much a surprise as the previous rooms had been. It was a light and airy conservatory with a door marked exit leading to a neat path which led round the edge of the house. In the space under the ornate wrought iron and glass roof were a selection of chairs and sofas.

Barnes requested that we make ourselves comfortable on the seats while he consulted with Mrs Mills about the situation. He said that he would let us know if we needed to await the arrival of the police or leave our names and addresses so that they could contact us in due course. He also added that if we needed to stay he would rustle up some tea or coffee to make the wait more pleasant.

We settled in for what we feared might be a long wait. Our fears seemed justified when Barnes returned bearing a large tray covered in cups and a plate of biscuits in one hand and a pair of insulated hot drink dispensers in the other. While he set these out on a table, Mrs Mills arrived in her wheel chair followed by two uniformed police officers.

Mrs Mills rapped her knuckles on one of the plates under the arms of her chair. "The good news is the police have arrived," she announced. "Sadly, as is often the case, there is bad news; they want to get statements from you before you leave, while it is fresh in your memory."

The tall policeman apologised for the inconvenience, but said they needed to get as much detail about what we had witnessed, especially as there had further incidents since they had been initially called. His colleague, a younger woman, began to hand out forms to collect our contact details. While she did this I had a feeling that I had seen her before. As she handed me a form and a ballpoint, I glanced at her name badge; it identified her as 'PC. Mirren'. I glanced towards the male constable and discovered his badge said, 'PC Bogart'.

My mind puzzled with the names while I set about providing my details on the form. Then it hit me.

"You're the Helen we saw aged to a pile of dust in the mad scientist's lab," I said pointing at the policewoman. I then announced that the policeman was the guy in the brown lab coat who came to look after Bernice, who got her head removed, before we moved on to the kitchen.

"Congratulations, sir!" said Mrs Mills as she wheeled over to me with one hand outstretched, the other on the joystick controlling her chair. As we shook hands, she said, "We had a sweepstake on who would be the first to see through our deception; I had my money on you."

"Well, I thought there was something not quite right, but what exactly is going on. I think you owe us an explanation."

"I'll let Barnes explain, while the girls serve drinks," said Mrs Mills. With this, the other girls appeared through the door and began serving tea and biscuits. They all looked fit and healthy and were wearing what they had been when we first saw them, except the girl from the piranha dunk tank, who wore a little black dress and a small white apron and whose hair was still damp from her swim with the fishes.

"Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, for attending this showing of our haunted house presentation. We are students from the local performing arts college and this has been a class project. We would much appreciate it you would use the forms we have provided you with to write an honest review of how you felt about the experience, because while we have filmed all the exhibits, an honest appraisal from our wonderful and cooperative audience will help our grades when we come to graduate."

I was glad of the coffee I got served and the opportunity to expression my admiration for the show they had put on. As she passed I asked Mrs Mills why she was not breaking character, because it must be quite uncomfortable to pretend to be a living half woman; she smiled and told me that she was a genuine woman born without lower limbs and was participating to help out her niece and her student friends.

As we left they offered to refund us our entrance fees, but nobody took up this offer, especially when it was revealed that any funds raised would be donated to a local children's hospice.