The Late Night Sexy Show: Slipping and Sliding

This edition of The Late Night sexy show has revolved around slippery situations. The guest interviewee has told the hosts, Angelica Thrust and Martin Staithe, of the difficulties of filming the icy sex scenes in his latest video 'The Iceman Cummeth'. The show's frequently nude reporter has visited the Wet-and-Messy Club where she was gunged, before stripping off, as she frequently did, only to be re-gunged; she was heard to complain that it was hard to stand up as the stuff was slippery under her bare feet. After the video review section, Jack, the resident product reviewer, looked into the various types and flavours of sexual lubricant available.

The second ad break transitions into the nude silhouette with the customary saxophone and heavy breathing, then the shot shows us the demonstrations area of the studio.

Martin starts. "We would like to welcome back our favourite magical group; Gabriel, Annika and Hannah; Unreal."

Angelika picks up the presentation baton in the smooth relay that she and Martin have developed over their years of presenting together. "So, Gabriel what have you got to show us today?"

"Some of your viewers have written in asking if you could be a little more hands on with my magic. I'll admit that I have tried to keep you both minimally involved, but now I think I know you well enough I can trust you with some proper helping with the magic."

One of the presenters looks excited at the prospect of being more involved in the magic, the other seems concerned.

"Ok?" says the more worried of the two presenters.

"No, don't worry," comments Gabriel, "It's not like I plan to saw you in half. You'll be just be checking that things are real and moving things about."

The more excited presenter seems a little disappointed, while the trepidacious one moves back to their usual calm self.

"Sex and lovemaking require a certain amount of flexibility and, we've just heard from Jack, in some instances lube can be helpful, if not essential, to the enjoyment of some varieties of sexual play. I thought we would demonstrate that my assistants are flexible enough for most things and use a bit of lube to achieve that. Ladies, please bring out the cabinets!"

From either side of the area, Annika and Hannah push square cabinets. Each is barefoot and attired in nothing but a Late Night Sexy Show T-shirt; long enough to cover most things, but short enough to allow glimpses of buttock.

"Ok, pick a side and look into the cabinet, through the doors which Annika and Hannah will open for you and then we need to get them lubed up, because we don't want any chafing in what we are about to do."

The presenters look into the cabinets and express their disappointment at not seeing anything more than the black interiors of the cabinets. Then there is a short period when the presenters apply lube to the naked bodies of the assistants under Gabriel's direction; avoiding their heads, hands, feet and breasts.

While the presenters are sent out of shot to wash the lube from their hands, Gabriel installs Hannah in her pink themed cabinet and the audience get their first good look at the apparatus. Each cabinet consists of a three by three array of tiles which together make up a picture of a woman. With Hannah installed rounded sections of the square tiles are removed to show her face, hands, feet and breasts.

The presenters return and Angelika is despatched to tighten the straps holding Hannah in place and check that there is no-one hidden in the cabinet to help Hannah out. In an inset section of the screen a camera watches while the host pulls each of the straps, across the junior assistant's wrists, lower shins, her back and the back of her head, tighter by a notch.

Meanwhile Martin and Gabriel install Annika in her blue themed cabinet. Soon the cabinet doors are shut and the magician and the presenters rendezvous in front of the two cabinets.

"Now, you can see how we start. Please check these things, as I mention them. In the centre at the top, we have faces and either side a hand, below the head a pair of naked breasts and at the bottom of the middle column we have a foot at the bottom of that square and higher on one to the side the other foot. So far so ordinary. Are the parts present, correct and genuine?"

The presenters confirm the authenticity of all the exposed parts; Martin lingers on Annika's breasts, while Angelika is tickling Hannah's raised foot gently and observing the response from her face and the jiggling caused in the centre tile.

"We'll begin this demonstration with Annika and prove she is extremely flexible." He pulls on the unoccupied bottom tile, which comes away to reveal some plain black cloth behind. His next move is to pull the central tile to the fill the gap, thus pulling the foot in it sideways nearly two feet; if it were not for the hands, face and breasts remaining where they were, you might have thought that Annika was doing the splits. He then pulls the tile above where her feet were downward, putting her breasts between her feet and two feet further below her face than is normal.

Gabriel invites Martin to continue rearranging Annika's parts while he gets Angelika started. At Hannah's cabinet, he also removes the bottom corner tile, but then he moves the empty tile above it down and then Hannah's breasts sideways, to Hannah's mock shock. He hands the job of moving the exposed parts about to Angelika.

The main camera observes while Angelika moves Hannah's feet towards the top of the cabinet and the rest to the bottom and middle rows, meanwhile Martin seems to have set himself the puzzle of taking Annika's breast for a tour of the outside edge of the cabinet, not much caring where the other parts end up.

"You may be thinking, that's all well and good and some older magic fans may remember a very similar illusion presented on TV back in the nineties. It's time to proof my assistants are even more flexible than they already appear." A quick bit of tile moving has Annika's left hand below her breasts, then Gabriel undoes a couple of catches at the top and bottom of the tile, He moves Annika's breasts in opposite directions and raises the hand up between them; they were now about two feet apart. Annika wriggles her hands in a disapproving way, but continues to smile.

On Hannah's cabinet the separation of her breasts begins with the left one going up and the right one going down. The presenters are given free-rein to continue knotting the hapless, but flexible occupants of the boxes.

Gabriel interrupts this by presenting a further addition to the apparatus. He shows a long box which he fits between the two cabinets at the level of the middle tile-row. He demonstrates that this connects the boxes by taking Annika's right foot and sliding it across this extra section until it is on Hannah's cabinet. He allows the hosts to continue to play until he had has fitted something on top of the bridge between the cabinets. Predictably, all the breasts have made it to Martin's parts of the joined cabinet, while Angelika seems to have a monopoly on feet.

"Now, we're trusting you to get this right. You'll agree that Annika and Hannah are thoroughly mixed up, right?" The two hosts agree. "When I hit this timer you have two minutes to put them back together, or at least in their original cabinets, before the catches on the bridging piece release. And your time starts now!" He hits a button and a red digital display on top of the connection starts to countdown from 120.

After a short pause, while they take in what they have been challenged to do, Martin and Angelika begin to frantically shuffle tiles so that the parts that belong on their co-host's cabinet are nearer the bridging section. It is quite easy to identify which tile belongs where as they are colour-coded, pink for Hannah and blue for Annika.

They are making good progress until a pink tile bearing a hand gets jammed on the bridge section as the timer hits 5 seconds. Despite Martin coming to Angelika's aid, the hand tile will not budge. The timer hits zero and there is a clatter as the bridge with a hand sticking out of it drops to the floor.

Gabriel picks up the bridge and shows the disembodied hand to the camera, sliding it back and forth. He butts the end of the bridge against Hannah's cabinet and slides the tile onto its face. He steps back, then goes forward to make some adjustments to the arrangement of tiles on the cabinets.

He opens the doors to the cabinets and asks the presenters to release the hands of the respective assistants, telling them that with their hands free they can do the rest of the releasing for themselves.

"So, what did you think of that?" Gabriel asks Angelika and Martin.

Martin admits that he found it fun, while Angelika is more concerned that nothing was dislocated.

"And how do you think you did with the challenge at the end?"

"I think we would have nailed it if that last piece had not got stuck in those last few seconds," says Martin.

"Yes. We did not have quite enough time to reassemble the pictures perfectly, but everything was back on the right cabinet, apart from that bit that got jammed."

"Sadly, I beg to differ. I think you missed a bit. Show them girls."

The two assistants step out of the cabinets. It takes a moment for the director to fathom what is wrong. He gets different cameras to focus on Hannah and Annika and combines the shots to make a side-by-side shot. Hannah had lost a breast; she has a right breast, but her left side is blank; breastless and nippleless. Annika's chest, on the other hand, is crowded with three breasts.

Hannah wears a martyred look as the presenters begin to wind up the show and Annika examines her breasts as if she is trying to determine which ones she wants to keep.

As the credits roll, the rarely heard closing duet for saxophone and heavy breather is heard.