Volunteering At a Magic Show

By Vaughan

You have sat through the show for nearly an hour now and enjoyed it immensely; it has been a wonderful birthday surprise, especially as your birthday was several months ago. You look at your girlfriend and think how lucky you are; Judy is pretty and shares your interest in magic and illusion.

The magician Franklin has proved himself highly skilled at sleight of hand and performed some grand illusions with his two assistants, Jenny and Susan. You are amazed how much more real the illusions seem live compared to watched on YouTube; particularly how shocking the moment when Susan dropped down the sword she had been balanced upon, even though you were expecting it as soon as the spike was mounted on the glittery ball on the tripod stand.

The curtain closes leaving Franklin on the area in front. "Now for the finale of our show I would like some volunteers to get up close and personal with the magic. Specifically I'd like two couples to join me on stage. Can we have the house lights up, please? So I can see who would like to take part."

As the lights in the auditorium brighten, your girlfriend nudges you in the ribs and says, "Get your hand up! I want a chance to see this up close."

"Isn't the third row close enough, Judy? I don't really want to be on stage in front of all these people," you whisper back.

"Mike, don't you want to see whatever it is up closer?" she asks as she grabs and raises your left hand. You make a half-hearted attempt to lower it again. You look around and see that there are several couples with their hands aloft.

"That's good, I get to choose who comes up on stage to see the magic. Would the couples with their hands up please stand?" says Franklin from the stage edge.

Judy is already on her feet trying to drag you to yours. You reluctantly stand and put on a nervous smile. You are hoping you don't get chosen; given there are six other couples standing and they are all closer to the aisles than you, you are hopeful of being passed over. Some of the other couples are certainly showing more enthusiasm.

"Try and look like you want to be involved!" instructs Judy.

"Good, thank you all for volunteering, but I'm sure there were more hands than I now have people; never mind!"

Franklin seems to assess each couple. You try to maintain your smile while Judy seems to beam in an attempt to counteract your evident nerves.

"OK, would the couple on the outside of the aisle over here please come up?" asks Franklin. Everyone looks in the direction he indicates and see a smartly dressed black couple begin the walk to steps leading to the stage. "And would the members of the third row on this side please stand to allow the couple in the middle to come up on stage too?"

Almost before you realise that the magician is referring to you, Judy has you turned in the direction of the aisle and is applying pressure to you back to hurry you along. You almost trip over the hastily withdrawn feet of the guy who was sat next you. You mumble apologies as your girlfriend shoves you along the row. When you reach the aisle she takes your hand in a firm grip and tugs you toward the stage.

You arrive on stage with a little stumble, caused by your girlfriend's final pull to get you onto the stage. At this point you realise that you are up here for the duration, because you doubt that anything could happen up here viewed by the few hundred in the audience could be as humiliating as trying to leave now; unless you have an 'accident', which given the size and vigour of the butterflies in your stomach is a possibility.

By the time you arrive at Franklin's side the auditorium has mercifully been darkened again, so you cannot see anything beyond the edge of the stage, due to the glare of the lights on the edge of the balcony and above. Franklin is talking to the other couple. You listen distractedly; the facts you pick up are; he is Morgan, she is Montana, they are brother and sister and both work in a bank in the nearby city.

Franklin now turns to you and greets you and Judy and shakes your hands; you feel a bit calmer, the butterflies are shrinking and wearing themselves out. He asks your names, who you are to each other and what you do.

Judy takes over the introductions, into the microphone Franklin is holding in front of her. "Hi, I am Judy and this is Mike, my fiancé."

'Fiancé!' you think. 'That sounds a lot more committed than just boyfriend! She'll be expecting me to propose next. Am I ready for that?'

While your mind has its mini panic attack at the mention of one word, Judy has told Franklin, and the now invisible audience of strangers, that she works as a secretary for a local firm, that you work in the warehouse and that you met at the company's Christmas party last year and have been together ever since.

Suddenly you realise that Susan is trying to attach something to your clothes. Grateful for the distraction, you cooperate in fitting the radio-microphone to the front of your shirt and observe that Jenny is having a much easier time attaching a microphone to Morgan's tie. Judy and Montana do not seem to being fitted with microphones, but then they are standing either side of Franklin and within easy reach of the microphone in his hand.

"Alright, now the introductions are done, shall we get down to the nitty-gritty?" asked the magician. "Has any of you been sawn in half before?"

You all agree that you have never had the experience of being sawn in two.

"Have you even seen someone sawn in half?"

Morgan was the first to respond, saying that he and Montana had seen their boss cut in half with an electric jigsaw at an office party. Judy takes over and states that the two of you have seen lots of people sawn in half. You feel like a traitor for partially contradicting you girlfriend, but you add that this was on television and YouTube. Judy gives you a glare and she adds, "And I saw Melanie's mum sawn in a thin model sawing at Melanie's thirteenth birthday party."

You return the glare which, you hope, says, 'Why have you never mentioned this before?'

Franklin, probably in an effort to steer things back on track, says "So, you all know that done properly no-one gets harmed, right?"

"Does anyone here want to be sawn in half?" he asks.

"I do," says Judy. She is trying to act as she has been offered an ice-cream; take it or leave it. But you can tell, because you are holding her hand, that she is excited by the prospect and is bracing herself to be disappointed.

Franklin smiles indulgently at her and then turns to the other couple.

"Well," says Morgan in a way that tells you he was confessing a guilty pleasure, "I've always fantasised about sawing Montana in half." Listening to himself he notices how terrible that sounds and quickly continues, "In a brotherly sort of way. I love my sister and wouldn't want to hurt her, but sometimes she can be so frustrating, especially when she pulls rank; being old than me." You notice Montana give her brother a glance; it is obvious to you that her being a little older than him (by no more than a couple of years) has been something between a bone of contention and a private joke for most of their lives.

You can almost feel waves of agreement about the generally frustrating nature of siblings coming from the audience. You also know that, being an only child, Judy does not get it.

"Well, you're in luck. We are going to saw the ladies in halves." For a moment you feel an excitement that you will be sawing Judy in half, thus helping to fulfil her fantasy and getting to be involved in your favourite illusion. Then your elation fades, because 'the ladies' Franklin is referring to could just as easily be Jenny and Susan.

Judy's reaction is a continuation of her previous excitement, but still braced for disappointment and it seems the butterflies that afflicted you earlier have migrated to Judy. You cannot read her mind, but you guess she is thinking, 'I hope he means me. And I hope it is as good as it is in my dreams.'

Morgan is grinning like the Cheshire Cat, but Montana does not seem so happy. She had come up here expecting witness a feat of magic and is now being threatened with almost certain death. Intellectually she knows that no harm will come to her, but on a more primal level, she feels fear; whether she fears death, pain or humiliation is unknown to you. She puts on what she hopes is a brave smile, but you recognise it as the smile you were wearing a few minutes ago, while hoping not to be picked to take part.

While the emotional reactions to his last statement are playing across our faces, Franklin has given a signal and the curtains have swished apart behind you. Detecting a movement of air, you turn and take in the scene.

The stage is bare all the way back to the taut curtain against the back wall. The only items on the stage are a pair of low tables, just behind the curtain line and two sets of boxes and other stuff, each guarded by Jenny and Susan.

"It looks like a Wakeling sawing," you whisper to Judy. "Do you know how that works? Coz I never worked it out myself."

You hear a wash of mirth coming from the audience, who you had temporarily forgotten were there, and realise that your words have been transmitted to them via the microphone on your shirt.

Franklin looks at you, partly out of respect for your knowledge being greater than he had expected, and partly apprehension, because you have the power to spoil the whole finale with a misplaced comment. This is only partially relieved by your comment that you don't know how it works.

"It is, indeed, my version of the Wakeling sawing," the magician states. "Maybe you'd like to tell the members of the audience a bit about what is about to happen in front of their eyes."

You take this as a challenge, a warning and a reminder. The challenge is to display your knowledge of this illusion, the warning is to not go into too much detail to spoil the wonder of the effect for the audience and the reminder is that this is taking place in front of an audience. The reminder causes the butterflies in your stomach, which you thought had gone away, to grow again.

You take a deep breath while you decide what to say, if anything. "This illusion is named for Alan Wakeling, an illusionist and magical inventor of some fame in the middle of the last century, although it seems that the version he performed was a refinement of a basic idea by another magician called 'The Great Virgil'. The basic idea is a lady," (you still aren't sure who the intended victims are), "is held down to the table by neck and ankle straps, so she can't move, then she is covered by boxes, then she is sawn through and blades inserted and the two halves separated. The whole procedure is reversed and she comes out none-the-worse for her adventure."

You look over to Franklin to see his reaction to your summary of what he is about to perform. He seems OK with your brief explanation of what is about to unfold. You also see a twinkle in his eye that tells you that you have probably missed something key.

"Gentlemen, if you would examine the tables please, while the ladies examine the other items, because they aren't going to get much chance later."

You head to the table on your side of the stage, while Morgan heads in the direction of the one nearest him. Franklin takes Montana and Judy by the hands and guides them to the piles of other items. Judy is soon inspecting Susan's pile of bits, while Montana is being shown stuff by Jenny.

While this rearrangement of the cast on stage is occurring, you, and some of the more astute members of the audience, have unpicked the phrases Franklin last uttered and come to the same conclusion.

He has noticed that you have reached this conclusion and are unsure what to do with it; while you want to saw someone in half, you are not sure that your loved one is a suitable victim, even if she wants to be. You are even fine with her being sawn in half, but do not feel that you doing it is a totally good idea.

To distract you from your ambivalence, Franklin asks you to describe the table while you examine it, which you realise will have the added benefit of involving the audience, who might grow restive if nothing obvious is happening.

"Right," you say, "Let's see!" You are not quite sure where to start. For a moment the intro to 'Doh, a deer, a female deer...' pops into your head, which advises, 'Begin at the very beginning, a very good place to start.' There is a moment of panic where you try to figure out where a table begins. "Alright, here goes." Another moment of concern as you wonder if you said that out loud and whether it makes you sound stupid. "Well, it looks like a table to me." You mentally cringe at how inane that sounds, but now you have started you feel obliged to continue and give the audience as much information as the magician will allow. You bend down and look under the table. "There's nothing under there, except eight legs on small wheels and a single sheet of wood held up by them. Actually it's two pieces of wood." You stand back up. "The top seems to be the same pieces of wood with a bit of a frame round the outside. The frame edging the table is about half an inch deep, but to you," you say indicating the audience, "it looks, maybe, an inch deep, but that is because it covers the edge of the surface, which is about half an inch thick; certainly not thick enough to hide anything, and even if it could, I'd be able to see any trapdoors and such like, because of the grain of the wood." You look up at Franklin for approval of your description of his table.

"Yes, they're made of the finest oak," says the magician. "Is there anything else you'd like to add to your description?"

You look at the table and try to think what you have left out. "Yes. There are the straps dangling from near the corners." You demonstrate by lifting up the nearest one; it is about two inches wide, an eighth of an inch thick and two feet long and this one has a hole near the end. "The gap where the two parts of the table's tops nearly meet has metal edges; they are flush with the surface." Another pause to see if you have missed anything else. "And there are a couple of catches holding the two parts together, and a couple of holes through the wood near the ends"

Suddenly you have an inspiration. You are standing near the middle of the table on the side away from the audience, so you take hold of the edge and lift, tipping the table towards the audience. Franklin rushes forward; you are not entirely sure whether this was to stop you hurting yourself or to prevent the table being damaged. Fortunately the wheels are locked and your experience of moving stuff in the warehouse, results in the table landing on the stage with a soft bump.

Franklin looks moderately impressed by the controlled way you tipped over his table, but less than pleased that you actually did it at all.

You decide to carry on with your description. "These are the holes I just mentioned," you say pointing out the holes that are central on the surface nearly a foot from each end. "This the metal reinforcement either side of the small gap in the middle. And as you can see there is not a hope hiding anything in the surface because of the grain." You briefly ponder whether to mention a last thing and decide to go for it. "And these are low metal loops sticking out of the surface, in two rows just in from each edge and I haven't a clue what they are for. I guess Mr Franklin will let us know in due course."

With a quick look round you check that no-one is too close and with a grunt you right the table.

Franklin looks relieved, probably because the table is not broken. He says, "Thank you, Mike for that, more detailed that I expected, description of the table. Do you have anything to add, Morgan?"

Of course, Morgan is not ready for the question, but quickly responds with, "Just, they are beautifully crafted and look very new. I don't see any wear."

"That's because, I have never used them before, except to check that all the pieces fit together properly. I think it's time to get the ladies involved."

He moves over to Morgan's table. "Montana come over here and Judy go over to Mike." Jenny takes Montana's hand and guides the not-entirely-willing black woman to the table her brother has inspected, while Judy followed by Susan comes over to your table. You notice that both assistants are carrying pairs of straps. "OK. Mike you seem to know what you are supposed to do, but for the sake of the show, just follow my lead and Susan will watch to make sure you're getting it right."

You respond with an ok.

"Ok," Franklin begins. "Ladies, please sit on the front edges of your tables."

Judy is soon sitting on the table near the middle, having smoothed her skirt so that the front row are not getting a view up it. Montana is still hoping for a reprieve, but accepts Franklin's guidance to sit on the table.

"Now, gents we are going to have to remove the ladies' shoes, because I don't want the tables to get damaged."

You reach for the shoe that Judy is presenting to you and untie the laces on the trainer and with a little struggle free it from her foot. You look over to see that Morgan has already handed Montana's heels to Jenny. "I can tell you weren't planning this, Judy," you comment, "coz otherwise you'd have worn shoes that were easier to get off, right?"

You hear the audience laugh, but are beginning to feel that they are nothing to do with you; this is between you, Judy and the magician.

As you finally free the shoe from Judy's foot, you wonder why it is necessary to remove it at all as it is unlikely to damage the wood of the table, but then Montana's heels might; it is probably easier to give the same instructions to everyone.

You toy with the idea of sniffing the trainer and make some gesture to indicate it smells or casually tossing the shoe away, but realise that Judy would not like either, so settle for putting it down beside you and turning your attention to its mate.

Once you have Judy's trainers in a pair beside you, you look around for somewhere to put them where they'll be safe and out of the way. In the process you notice that everyone is waiting for you and Susan is offering to take them for you in exchange for one of the straps she brought with her from the pile of props.

Franklin says, "Mike, would you like to describe the strap you have been handed? In the meantime, Judy, would you mind removing your socks?"

You look over and see that Montana is wearing stockings (or some similar hosiery).

You turn your attention to the strap that has just been placed in your hand. You recognise it as being similar to the standard ankle strap for the Wakeling sawing. "I have in my hands a thick leather strap," you say. "At one end is a hook and at the other end is a double strap; no that's not right. At the other end is a short piece of strap leather riveted to the main strap crossways and at each end of that, also riveted on, is a short belt-like thing that I think are meant to go round Judy's ankles, once the end of the main strap is threaded through the hole in the table. The straps for round the ankles have buckles to hold them around the ankles. The main section of strap is quite a bit shorter than the standard version, which is about, maybe, four times longer, so that it can be held by a volunteer from the audience who holds the end taut while the illusion is taking place, but I'm guessing that the hook on the end is meant to hook onto something that I haven't noticed yet."

"Thank you, Mike," said Franklin. "Plenty of detail, without giving anything away; just the way I like it."

You wonder whether the magician is praising your description or being a bit sarcastic about your verbosity. You decide you do not care, so long as he is not telling you to make things briefer, you will say as much as you want to say.

"Now, you'll need to feed the hooked end of the strap through the hole in the end of the table," instructs Franklin, "so that the cross-strap is flat on the surface. While Morgan and Mike are hooking the end of the straps to the loop they'll find on the inside of the front leg of the table, would the ladies please sit on the tables and position their ankles in the two ankle straps, please."

You drop the end of the strap through the hole in the table and, for a moment, wonder whether you should be querying if you have the right end of the table, but dismiss this thought on the grounds that Franklin or Susan would have put you right if you were getting it wrong. You reach under the table and give the strap a tug and use your other hand to locate the loop Franklin mentioned on the inside of the nearest front leg. With a bit of force applied you hook the end of the strap to the loop and comment, "That's not coming loose; took some strength to get it in."

You look over to see how Morgan is doing and are relieved to see that Franklin is having to help him; Jenny is trying to get the apprehensive Montana to sit with her feet so that her ankles can be strapped down. No such problem over here; Judy is strapping her own ankles in place under Susan's watchful gaze.

You stand back up from your struggle to hook the strap in place and wait while Franklin helps Morgan fasten the ankle bonds. A glance tells you that the leather round Judy's ankles is as tight as it will go and there is no risk of her slipping her bare feet free. You wonder whether to say something for the benefit of the audience. You decide to go for the indirect approach, saying, "Gosh, Judy, you've done them up real tight."

Judy smiles at you and makes a grab for the other strap Susan is holding. Susan deftly avoids the snatch and hands it to you, with the obvious implication that you should be describing this too.

"This strap," you say, "is basically the same as the other one, with the hook at the end for feeding through the hole in the table, but the other end is a bit different. The other end has a single strap, with a buckle and holes, riveted to it. This will go round Judy's neck to hold her down."

You look over to see how the other table is progressing and are relieved to see that Montana's ankles are secured and Morgan has been passed the neck strap. This, you feel, puts you in the clear to continue.

"I'm not sure what to do next. Do I feed it through the hole and hook it in place first or do I fasten it round Judy's neck before I do that?"

Franklin looks over and gives you a nod, which you hope indicates approval, then says, "It does not really matter, but you'll probably find it easier if you secure the strap before you secure your girlfriend's neck. Ok?"

"Ok," you acknowledge, before setting about the task. The hook hooks more easily into its loop, but it will not come unhooked without handling. Judy already has her neck in place, but you are there soon enough to do the strap up around her neck. You whisper to your girlfriend, "Cool it a bit, Judy; people will think you're an audience plant." The audience, who heard this comment, laugh.

It takes Morgan a bit longer to secure Montana's neck, because she is fussing about where her hair is going to end up.

Addressing the audience, Franklin says, "You may be aware that this version of the sawing a woman in half illusion is almost always performed on a trained magician's assistant, although some magicians will train a local girl in an afternoon. The key, of course, is that the assistant remains absolutely still at the line of division from first contact of the blade until the blades come out. This is usually achieved in one of two ways; much rehearsal until the assistant can remain still throughout the division (this will inevitably include several failed attempts that take a long time to fix) or hypnosis that causes the girl to go rigid once the boxes get put on and shut. But as neither young lady is known to me, I have had no time to do either form of preparation, so I came up with another way, which will also serve to prove that the volunteers cannot move."

During this speech Franklin's assistants have retreated to the piles of gear stacked upstage and returned with lengths of rope. Susan hands you one length and retains one for herself.

"This is the reason for the loops on the edge of table's surface. Between us we are going to lace our lady volunteers down to the table. This will prevent them from moving so that their severed middles line up properly when they are put back together and also, hopefully, convince the doubters that the ladies can't release themselves to take whatever evasive manoeuvres they think an assistant does to avoid being divided in two."

Following Susan's lead you thread the rope through the loops nearest the middle of the table, so that it lies across Judy's belly and then pull it so that the ends are even, then you cross the ends slightly further up Judy's torso and thread the ends of the rope through the next pair of loops. You pull it tight enough the Judy can feel the pressure, but it will not be too uncomfortable. You glance at Susan, who gives an approving nod. You continue to lace Judy down to the table, which seems a little redundant with her ankles and neck strapped to the table's surface until you realise that you are lashing her arms down too and thus preventing her from undoing anything or freeing herself.

A look over to the other table shows that Franklin is helping Morgan secure Montana's upper half, while Jenny has nearly finished fastening the still nervous black woman's legs down. Franklin notices you looking and says, "When you run out of loops, tie the ends together in whatever kind of knot you fancy, so long as it's not going to come apart."

Susan has reached the end of her rope and is tying a double-overhand knot that rests on Judy's left ankle and arranging the loose ends to lie between Judy's shins. You decide that something more distinctive is in order, so you tie a bow at Judy's collar bone and are able to make the loops big enough that you can tie them in an overhand knot to prevent the bow from coming undone by just pulling the rope ends.

You tell the audience that this is what you are doing and almost wish that the camera that was used to project the coin and card manipulation earlier was available, so you could display your handiwork.

Kneeling at the head end of the table you whisper to Judy, "You are alright with this, aren't you? You still want to do it?"

"Of course, I do," she replies. "I want to know how this is done and I want experience being cut in two; Melanie's mum seemed to enjoy it and be surprise by it too. I want to do this and having you involved is the icing on the cake."

You suddenly realise that this snippet of conversation was not as private as it had at first felt, as the auditorium reacts with a mix of responses from 'ah, isn't that romantic' to 'what the hell is she talking about'.

The lacing activity has finished on Montana's table. "Now that the volunteers are held perfectly still, so that their ends will easily line up and re-join, we will move on to the next stage; placing the boxes over our lovely volunteers."

Susan takes your hand and guides you to the stack of stuff that Judy had a look at earlier, while you were describing the table. She points at one of the box sections and then moves to pick up the other one. You pick up the indicated box section; it has a pleasant heft to it, weighing exactly what you expect it to weigh. As you follow Susan back to Judy's table, you describe the box to the audience, telling them that it is made of the same oak that the tables are constructed of and consisting, for the most part of a simple frame and panels filling the faces, except the base and one of the narrow ends.

You watch as Susan settles the footmost end against the frame at the foot end of the table and lowers the whole box to cover Judy's legs and hips. "You forgot to mention the door in the side," says Susan, as she opens the hatch in the side of the box she has just placed, so that Judy's feet and knees, criss-crossed with the rope, can be seen.

"I was going to mention that once the box was in place and I was in a position to demonstrate it too," you shoot back.

You are about to put the box down in the same manner as Susan has just done when she hisses, "Wait!"

You pause with the box hovering over your girlfriend's upper half. "What?"

Susan takes the few steps needed to get within reach of Judy's head and moves her hair from the area where you were about to rest the box. "Judy needed her hair moving so that it did not get caught under the edge of the box."

You say, "Oh." Judy says, "Thank you."

You allow Susan to help you lower the box over Judy and open the hatch through which Judy's body and head can be seen by the spectators in the auditorium. The assistant nudges you and points at the other unusual thing about this box.

"In addition to the hatch on the side, there is a round window in the top of the box where I can see Judy's face; I guess it's like a porthole."

You look down to check if there is another viewport where you can see Judy's feet; there is not. You decide not to mention this.

With three people around Montana's table they are ready to move on to the next stage. "Mike, this is where our performances will diverge." You look puzzled, but wait for Franklin to clarify his meaning. "As you will be aware, but others may not, the traditional version of this sawing does not actually involve a saw of any kind. So you will be performing that version, but over here Morgan wants to saw his sister in half, so we will let him do that. Jenny has gone to get a saw." Morgan's stance shows that her regrets mentioning this dark fantasy and his frequent apologetic glances to the window in his sister's box emphasise this.

Susan returns from her unnoticed errand and places two dividing blades with oak handles on top of the box.

Judy's face as she hears the blades put on the wooden boxes, for the first time in this adventure, shows a fragment of worry; she has come to the realisation that she is tightly bound to a table that is about to be separated into two sections with a part of her going with each section and no-one has told her how this works; her fantasy is getting a bit too close to being a reality and she is having second thoughts.

Come to think about it you are also having second thoughts. You have no clue how this illusion works. It is evident that Judy has no idea either and if she did, she is too restrained to the table, or tables, to do anything about it. Your only support is not even the magician, but a magician's assistant, who seems on the point of letting you just get on with it, instead of showing you what to do.

You look at Susan and try to shrug as if you've forgotten what you need to do. Behind her at the other table, Franklin has taken the large handsaw from Jenny and is handing it to Morgan, who is taking hold of it as if were some kind of angry snake that was ready and willing to bite him. It soon becomes obvious that Montana has seen the saw in Morgan's hands and she is alternately shouting threats of what she will do if he uses it on her and pleading with him not to do anything more with it than hand it back to the magician.

Susan gets closer to you. You hope that she will take over, because if this goes wrong, as you expect at the moment it will, you don't want to responsible for injuring your girlfriend; it is bad enough that most of the effort of putting her into this situation was yours. Susan whispers in your ear, "Insert a blade and check that it rests on her belly, take it out, close the hatches, re-insert the blade and demonstrate it goes all the way through, take it back out and open the hatches again! She'll be fine. She may even enjoy it."

"I know. I'm not a complete idiot, you know," you say, between clenched teeth.

"Then get on with it, Franklin needs some cover, while he persuades Morgan that he wants to use that saw; and we don't want the audience getting bored."

Reminded of the several hundred onlookers and that this is a show, not some private torture den, you move on to the next item on the agenda.

"These seem to be the last part of the puzzle," you announce to the audience, as you pick up the blade. "(Although I was expecting to see some swords too, but I've never seen the point of them (no pun intended). What possible reason can there be for pushing swords through someone you've just divide in two; it just seems like adding insult to injury to me.)"

You look at Susan in the hope of some clue, but she looks puzzled. You realise that you have strayed from the point.

"I'm sorry, folks, I seem to have strayed from the point, but I do like logical consistency in the magic, which, I guess, sounds illogical. Oh well, back to what I was going to say. This blade is a single sheet of metal, with a strip of wood, probably the same oak that rest of the kit is made of, riveted to it to form a handle." You show the darkness in front you that one side is plain metal and the other is the same with the wooden strip handle. "It is definitely solid and quite heavy, but it isn't sharp at all. I must say I was expecting to do the touch the edge and wince routine, but that would be a lie and pointless. I guess they work like scissors, they cut well, but are generally have blunt edges."

You go back behind the table and look at the gap between the box covers. "The blade seems to be slightly narrower the outside dimensions of the box." You lay the blade on top of the box to check your assumption and find that it is true and that blade will fit into a recess, which is a blade's thickness deep, in the end of the box. "I've just noticed that with the thickness of the box's frame the blade is wider that the inside of the box." You lift the blade again and position it against the side of the table. "As you can see this blade's length is a few inches more than the thickness of the entire box, so once this is fitted in the gap between the box halves, it should stick out the same amount."

You lift the blade and guide it to the recess in the box's edge. As you get it close you can feel a pull as if there as magnets in the frame of the box to hold and guide the blade. Keeping the blade straight, you gently push the blade down until you feel some resistance. You let go of the blade and walk round to the front and squat down to look into the box. "The edge of the blade is now resting on Judy's stomach."

You take the head end of the box and begin to rotate it in the hope that the lighting is good enough that some of the people out there will see what you say is true. You are relieved when you notice that Susan has picked up on what you are doing and is helping turn the table. After a complete rotation, you are sure that those that can have seen the way the leading edge of the blade rests on Judy's abdomen. Susan rushes round re-locking the wheels while you return to behind the table and lean over and close first the hatch on the leg end of the box and then the one at the head end.

You pause thinking, 'This is the moment of truth. I push on the blade and either it goes through or it doesn't. If it does that'll be the magic happening. If it doesn't no harm done. Well here goes." You smile at Judy, in the hope that she is ready for whatever she needs to do to make this work. Judy tries to smile back, but there is a background expression of nerves; this has been her fantasy for many years, but the reality is not what she expected or hoped for.

You lean forward and place your hands on the handle of the blade that is sticking out of the box held in place by whatever the force in the frame is and held up by Judy's middle. You feeling the resilience of Judy's flesh and the pushback as she tenses up against the extra force.

It is time. You rapidly increase the force you are applying, hoping that you fail in breaking the resistance of Judy's flesh and in the process given her nothing more than a bruise where the blunt edge of the blade was pressed into her belly, but also hoping that the blade penetrates the box without causing any harm. You realise that this is your fantasy; to saw a woman in two and this realisation of that fantasy comes a lot more reality than you are ready for.

Suddenly the resistance holding the blade up reduces and the handle sinks until the blade's handle is resting on the top of the box. You had been expecting that if it went at all it would go rapidly, but it goes smoothly.

A quick glance through the porthole reveals that the worry is gone, replaced by shock, surprise and something else that you cannot quite put your finger on, but definitely not an unpleasant feeling.

The onlookers in the dark, collectively, draw in breath. The feeling of wonder in the hall reminds you that there is an audience and it wants more from you than just standing there with your hands still pushing down on the blade, gazing dumbly through a window into the box at your girlfriend.

"Well, that seems to have worked better than I expected. Judy isn't screaming in pain and there's no blood dripping onto the stage." While they giggle their released tension, you check the stage to see that you are telling the truth about the lack of blood and are relieved to find you spoke truly. A glimpse across the stage shows Franklin and Jenny are wearing Morgan's resistance to applying the saw he has in his hand to the box containing his sister, but still have a little way to go; you can't stop now to find out how Judy is feeling. "As you can see, the blade has passed through the box and, presumably, Judy too. She seems to be doing ok, from what I can see through the window showing her face."

You raise the blade handle about half an inch and push it back down again; hoping the movement of the handle and the edge of the blade that should be visible under the box match. Then you go on your knees and reach under the box. There you push the blade up and allow it fall again; you hear the handle make contact with the top of the box. You were considering jiggling the blade some more from down here, but you here Judy giggle in a manner you recognise as resulting from being tickled; but Judy does not like being tickled, so you do not.

You stand back up and wonder what to do next. You are tempted to open the hatches and display, what you hope is a happily severed Judy, but then you remember the instructions Susan whispered in your ear a few minutes ago. It occurs to that you forgot the 'take the blade out' stage between showing the blade making contact with Judy and closing the hatches. Best not to tempt fate by missing out or changing the order of any other instructions.

You pull on the blade handle and it comes out smoothly, provoking a sharp giggle from Judy. "Well, the blade seems unharmed, shall we see about Judy?" you say at you pat the blade to assure all that is still the same solid blade that you show them earlier. You lay the blade on the box and lean over to open the hatches; head end first then the leg box's hatch.

You scoot round the end of the table and peer into it. "Are you alright, Judy?"

"It was amazing. You know when I felt the blade begin to press on my stomach, I thought, 'What the hell have I gotten myself into', but as it went through the sensations were pretty good and repaid the worry many times over. But I wish the movement of the blade didn't tickle so."

A quick peek across the stage shows that the other party at the other table are ready. "I think you can have a little rest and recover, because I think Morgan is ready to saw Montana in half."

"I wish I could see that," says Judy.

Franklin seems to take this as some sort of cue. It is only now that you notice that whatever the discussion at the other sawing table was, you had not heard and neither had the audience. You guess that the sound man, or whoever is in charge of the microphones, has muted their conversation, so as not to distract from what you were doing.

"Thank you Mike, for demonstrating the traditional method of doing that section of the illusion. You and Judy can rest a while, while we offer an alternative way of passing a blade through a woman. Morgan would you do the honours."

Morgan steps up to the rear of the box and flexes the saw in his hand.

From the box, which has its hatches shut already, Montana threatens, "If you touch me with that saw, I'll tell mum you tried to murder me."

Morgan, encouraged by Franklin, slips the tip of the saw into the gap between the two sections of the table, just inside the catch holding the parts together. This causes Montana to scream as the teeth of the saw are briefly visible inside the box cover.

From your place squatting beside Judy you can see that Franklin is instructing Morgan on how to use the saw. Hesitantly, he begins the push and pull the saw in the slot between the boxes. You wonder if the metal edges on the table were decorative or served to protect the wood of the table in case a saw was required.

Your speculation is halted by a scream from the box. There was barely any resistance to the saw's motion until it made contact with Montana. Morgan nearly stops, but Franklin whispers something in his ear and he cautiously pushes the saw back down into the box while taking frequent worried sideways looks towards the window in the top of the box. Another pull up of the saw, being careful not to have the tip of the saw rise into the box, Morgan seems to take more courage from what he sees and begins a more vigorous stroke.

You are close enough, as is the front row on that side of the stage, to hear that the screams of terror from the box have been replaced by screams of laughter. You assume, the like Judy told you, that the movement of the metal of the saw blade against whatever parts it is in contact with is producing a tickling sensation. Morgan's progress through the box has slowed a little, but now has a rhythm to it.

"What's happening?" asks Judy.

"Morgan's sawing through the box and it seems that Montana finds it ticklish." You remember your childhood when one of the few ways to even the playing-field with your elder sister was to tickle her. It seems to you that Morgan is getting a similar feeling.

You can see that the sawing is nearly complete, so you get up again. Returning to rear side of the table holding a currently whole Judy. Once in position, you see Morgan draw the saw the rear edge of the box, narrowly missing the catch holding the table together.

"Time to put both blades in place," announces the magician. "Mike you'll need to close the doors on the front of the boxes first."

While you lean over the boxes and shut the hatches, Morgan has picked up one the blades, which Jenny had fetched while the sawing was happening, and is bashing it to demonstrate its solidity. You pick up a blade too. You try to match Morgan's time for inserting the blade into the slot, but he seems to encounter less resistance. The second blade fits in a matching recess in the other side of the slot, but you feel less resistance as you push it down.

Susan and Jenny are round the front of the tables undoing the catches there; you and Franklin undo the catches at the back. Morgan has stepped back with a 'what-have-I-done?' look on his face. Susan invites you to take hold of the outer corners of the head end of Judy's box; through the window, upside-down from your point of view, Judy is grinning. Susan takes up position at the bottom of the box. At a nod from Susan you pull the box a little way towards you and the gap between the blade handles grows as she does the same. In the background, beyond Susan, Franklin and Jenny are performing the same service for Montana.

Franklin and his two assistants begin to perform some complex choreography of wheeling the half-tables that they are in charge of around the stage. Not having any idea of anything better to do, you roll the section of table you are in control of in a small circle giving the audience a view of all sides. Moments after you complete the turn, you feel a bump as Jenny presses the blade of the table under her control against the blade end of the table under your hands, then she quickly connects the catch. You return to behind the table and after a short struggle reconnect the catch there.

Franklin is pulling the blades from Montana's box and you follow suit, taking hold of the handles and pulling them free of their recesses. Jenny holds out her hands to accept the dividing blades and quickly places them somewhere at the rear of the stage. She comes back to help you remove the covering boxes. The box over the upper half of the table is taken by Jenny and follows the blades. You kneel behind the table and lean down to kiss Judy. "Are you alright?"

"I felt alright, in fact I felt pretty good, until the blades came out, then, while it still feels good, it also feels wrong. Maybe wrong isn't the right word, but there is something that is not quite as it should be."

Jenny has moved the leg box to the back of the stage and is starting work on the rope lacing Judy's legs to the table. Taking the hint you start loosening the rope over Judy's body. And then unbuckle the collar round her neck.

On the other side of the stage, Franklin and Susan are releasing Montana, while Morgan begs his sister to forgive him.

Soon you are helping Judy sit up and swing her legs over the edge of the table and Franklin is doing the same for Montana. Unexpectedly the audience breaks into applause, with much whistling and shouting.

You look around to see if you can determine what has provoked the audience to such a frenzy, while you help Judy to stand.

Suddenly it hits you. You notice that Montana is wearing Judy's skirt, over the bare white feet, but Montana is still her smart while blouse and mid grey waistcoat. You look at Judy, her top and Montana's mid grey skirt and her stockinged black feet.

"Judy," you whisper, "they've switched your skirts."

Judy looks you in the eye and says, "They've done more than that. I've not just got Montana's clothes from the waist down, I've got Montana from the waist down and I'm guessing she has me."

As the applause fade, there is a commotion at the other table as Montana realises what Judy seems to have known for a few minutes and starts berating her brother for not only sawing her in half, getting her halves mixed up. Franklin is trying to tell the irate female banker that, after the actual sawing, that Morgan had nothing to do with 'the Mistake'.

"It appears that my assistants made a mistake. I'll have words with them after the show," says the magician. This seems to you like a prepared line and you reckon that the words might be, 'Well done, you were even slicker than normal; they nearly didn't notice until the audience did.'

Franklin continues, "But we can't let Judy and Montana go without rectifying the mistake."

"I'm sure as hell not going to let you saw me in half again," yells Montana; everyone in the theatre hears her, even without a microphone.

"Please be calm, young lady, I have no intention of ever sawing you in half again; it causes too many problems. So I will have to use another way." He turns to his assistants, who are trying, not very successfully, to look ashamed. "Go fetch the hoops!" The two assistants rush off stage.

Montana is still looking daggers at Franklin and Morgan. Judy moves upstage and starts staring at Montana; she soon notices. "Hey, what're you looking at?" Montana sounds aggrieved.

"Just taking the chance to look at my bottom; Mike was right my bottom doesn't look fat in that skirt."

You don't remember any such conversation, but you realise that Judy is trying to calm Montana. You are not sure, but Montana may be on the verge of walking out with Judy's legs, which would present a major problem. You also suspect that Montana is likely to give Franklin the third degree about what he intends to do with whatever hoops he has sent for, which will be boring for the audience and not resolve the situation as swiftly as it otherwise might.

Franklin has caught on too. "Judy, would you turn round and give Montana the privilege very few people get, of seeing their own legs as other people see them."

Judy turns and strokes the black woman's rear, while making appreciative noises.

"Get your hands off my arse, lady! Did I say you could touch what is mine?"

"Listen, Montana, if you want to get it back as soon as possible, I think we're going to have to cooperate with the magician here. If he doesn't put things right, I'm sure you'll be happy to join me in kicking him black and blue until he does." This is not the Judy you know and love, but you can tell she is playing the part of equally angry, but trying to be reasonable, sister in adversity, to try and gain Montana's cooperation in whatever restoration the magician has planned. Judging by the change in the half black woman's stance, it is working.

The audience have fallen silent, watching the drama unfold and notice the hurried steps of Jenny and Susan each carrying what at first sight is a hoop with a circle of fabric in it. A second look shows you that these hoops are more complicated than you first thought.

"Ladies," begins the magician, "please stand facing each other about ten feet apart. Gents, please stand behind your ladies, by about two feet."

It occurs to you think about which half of your lady to stand behind, but Morgan stands behind the woman with his sister's upper half and is not corrected by Franklin, so you stand two feet to the rear of Judy's head and torso, once she has been guided by Susan back downstage.

Jenny has opened a gap in the cloth covered hoop and Susan is starting to do the same. The gap is in the centre of the four-foot diameter hoop and has a drawstring.

"Ladies, please raise your hands above your heads, so we can get the hoops in place the hoops over your heads and down your bodies. Gents, when the hoop gets level with where Montana becomes Judy or vice versa, hold it at that level."

We all follow instructions, although it is quite obvious that Montana resents the fact.

"Ladies, there is a drawstring. Pull it tight around your waists. And Mike and Morgan, it is very important that you keep that hoops at that level throughout what will happen next. Jenny, Susan, make the chalk marks on the stage."

You can see the tension in the fabric round Judy's waist increase as she pulls the drawstring tight. This does not help support the ring much as there is plenty of slack in the cloth. You adjust your grip on the rings; it seems that there are two rings and a bunch of fabric between them tied together with some strips of the same cloth. The two assistants are crawling about under the hoops. You cannot see Susan, because of the hoop, but you guess that she is doing for you and Judy, what Jenny is doing for Montana and Morgan. Jenny is drawing round their feet.

Drawstrings tied and chalk footprints marked, the magician asks you to swap places so that you are standing in the footprints of your opposite numbers; he adds that this will act as practise for moving during the next stage. With a little guidance from the assistants you are soon standing facing the other way in Morgan's footprints, with Judy centred in the rings you are holding with Montana's feet standing in the foot-shaped chalk lines that were drawn round her own feet.

"That's good. Now, hold still while we undo the ribbons holding the hoops together." It takes the assistants very little time to pull the ribbons holding the two hoops together. "Now, gents, I want you to drop the lower ring of the hoop while keeping hold of the upper one and holding it in place."

With a little help from Jenny you release the lower ring and there is a light thump as it hits the floor. The cloth that was bunched up between the two rings is now pulled taut by the weight of the ring on the floor, thus conceals the mismatched part of Judy.

"Now you need to go back to your original places,"

As you begin to take your first step you kick the lower ring and stumble forward a couple of steps. It appears that Morgan has had the same problem.

"Stop! We can't have you stumbling about. I think we'd better raise the hoops' skirts again. So stand still while Jenny and Susan raise the lower hoop."

Jenny ducks out of your sight, but you assume that she is doing what Susan is doing on the other side of the stage; raising the hoop so that it remains parallel to the ground. When the hoops are about knee level the audience begin to applaud. You take a little longer to discover that there does not seem to be any legs under the hoop that has Montana's upper body above it. Judy notices this too and pre-empts Montana by asking loudly, "Where have my legs gone?"

You try to lean sideways to take a bit of a look under the hoop you are holding and cannot see Montana's feet down there either.

Instead of answering Judy's question, Franklin instructs you and Morgan to take the ring whichever assistant is handing you and carry the whole arrangement back to your original position and stand in the foot marks where you started.

Carrying Judy's upper half and the hoops seems easier to you than when you were going the other direction; you assume that this has something to do with not having to take account of where Judy was putting the feet she was connected to.

Susan helps you navigate to stand in your previous place and takes the lower ring of the hoop and lowers it back to the ground. Jenny is doing the same once Morgan has got himself back in place too.

"Now, ladies, untie the drawstring and loosen it. And gents, when the drawstring has been loosened, lower the ring you are holding to the floor."

Judy soon has the drawstring loosened and you begin to lower the ring, which, much to your relief, reveals Judy's lower half, until the ring is on the floor, when you notice that her socks and trainers are also on her feet. A glimpse across the stage shows that Montana is whole again and in her own shoes too.

The magician and assistants gather you, the volunteers, up and form you into a line with Franklin at the centre, holding Montana and Judy, next out are you and Morgan, and then Susan has your other hand, while Jenny has taken Morgan's hand. They lead you in a bow.

"Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, for coming to see us tonight, and particular thanks to Morgan and Montana and Mike and Judy, for being such great sports and taking part in this final piece of magic. Have a safe journey home and good night."

You feel Susan release your hand and there is a movement of air behind you. You look round and see Franklin, the magician, take three smart steps backwards to be behind the curtain just as it closes. The lights in the auditorium begin to brighten and you are confronted with the sight of several hundred looking at you and cheering. You look to find the steps you came up to get on stage so that you can return to your seats, get your things and get out of there.

Getting back to your seat and then out of the hall takes a lot longer than you anticipated. People want to talk to you and Judy, but mainly Judy, about how it was done and what it felt like. Judy is being tight-lipped about the exact details, but tells her interrogators that it did not hurt and actually felt quite nice.