The Grumpy Magician (1).

The bar was getting quite full; they were packing in to see a rare free live public performance by the magician. He sat at the bar, sipping from a glass of wine and ignoring requests for autographs or for quick close-up tricks. That is until Barbara asked. Consider her lucky or unfortunate, but she experienced some magic.

She assumed the bar-stool next to the magician, which he had been keeping clear with well-directed scowls, and asked if he would do some magic for her.

It was at this point that the magician had decided that he had had enough. He smiled a sinister smile, which Barbara missed because she was burbling that she had seen all his TV specials and bought all his DVDs and how much she admired him.

He reached into the pocket of his jacket and produced a fingerless glove made of leather and nodding, he handed it to Barbara. "Put it on your right hand, please."

Eagerly she complied and then allowed him to position her hand, palm down, on the bar next to his half empty wineglass. His next move was done with a swiftness that astounded the few that actually saw what happened, rather than just the aftermath. He pulled from the same pocket a six-inch nail and a hammer; he used the latter to drive the former through Barbara's gloved hand and deep (an inch or so) into the wood of the bar below. Three quick bangs and it was done.

Before Barbara had fully registered what he had done, he said, "Look after my wine!" and walked away, disappearing through a 'Staff only' door.

The realisation that her hand had been nailed to the bar took a while to seep in. Then she tried what she could to remove her hand. It did not move sideways, because of the penetrating nail. She tried raising her hand up the shaft of the nail, which seemed possible, but when it reached the top the head of the nail was wider than the hole in the leather of the glove and presumably the hole in her hand. Next she tried removing the nail from the bar, first by pulling with her other hand and then by trying to raise the impaled hand against the head; neither worked, because the nail was sufficiently embedded in the bar that it would require a tool to remove. It appeared that she was stuck until the magician came back for his wine or some kind person went to fetch the right tool for the job, which was unlikely as everyone here was here to see the magician and leaving on this errand of mercy would have lost them their place in the audience.

The show happened on the small stage and everyone applauded, except Barbara; not only was she unable to applaud, but also, in the position she was sitting with her right hand nailed to the bar, she could not see more than glimpses of the performance, because she had her back to the stage.

After the show, several people came to look at the woman the magician had nailed to the bar, before going home.

At closing time, the magician returned, drank the wine and with his fingers pulled the nail out. "I'd like my glove back, please."

Numbly, she peeled the glove from her hand and handed it back. He thanked her for looking after his wine and returned through the 'Staff only' door.

Barbara looked at the back of her hand, where there was a small red mark, like the beginnings of a bruise. Turning her hand over, she found a matching mark there. The bar seemed to be unmarked.

The barman looked from her to the position on the unblemished bar, where the nailed had been driven in and back to her. Then he told her she had to go home, because they were closing.