Stretching Things a Bit Far
by Vaughan</i>
"Welcome back to People Talking. I'm Brian Winders," enthused the man, who was in late middle age and wearing a light
colored and conservatively cut suit.
"And I'm Diane Murray," interjected his co-host for this day-time talk show; she was a brunette in her mid-thirties, wearing a knee length scarlet skirt and a white blouse.
"And we're talking to people whose hobbies have become their jobs. Before the break we were talking to Quentin Stubbs whose boy-hood passion for collecting stamps has led to him being the state's foremost philatelist," continued Brian.
"Now taking Quentin's place on the sofa is Angela Jennice, who is a magicienne. You may have heard of her as 'The Angel of Magic'," said Diane, taking up the baton of presentation in the smooth relay that characterized Brian and Diane's presentation style.
The camera shot changed to show the semi-circular sofa where most of the interviewing took place. Sitting opposite Brian and Diane was a striking woman in her late twenties, in a dazzling white
sequined dress, sleeve-less and slit a long way up her thigh.
Brian kicked of the interview with, "How did you start doing magic?"
The camera closed in to a head and shoulders shot of Angela as she composed her answer.
"Well, the usual way, I suppose. I was given a magic kit at the age of seven and I haven't looked back since. I
practiced with the stuff from the box and got interested, so I borrowed a book from the library which told me how to do a variety of effects with playing cards, coins, balls and small things like that. By the time I was in my teens I was doing impromptu performances for my school friends and supplementing my allowance and putting the money towards buying more and more stuff from the magic shop I used to get the effects from."
It was Diane's turn to ask a question. "You are better known for your large stage illusions. Why do you do these?"
"The main reason for doing grand illusion is that I can do it for more people at once." Angela pondered for the moment and then continued. "You know, there are two reasons why a magician of any sort graduates to larger illusions. The really good ones having
practiced for many thousands of hours have mastered just about all there is to know about close up magic and are looking for a bigger challenge. The rest of us move on to larger effects, because we are put to shame by those who are exceptional at the smaller effects. I used to be very good at the small stuff when I was about twelve, but as I grew, my hands didn't develop in the right ways, so I never got any better and then an accident in the workshop put paid to me being even that good." The camera focused on Angela's slim elegantly manicured hands and showed the slightly shocking fact that the top two joints of the last two fingers on her right hand were missing. "I am getting quite good using only eight fingers instead of the usual ten, but I'll never be as good as I was, and I was only ever a very good amateur."
Brian asked the next question. "So what do you do in your show?"
"Ah, that would be telling," replied Angela, "but I did bring one of the effects with me, if you'll allow me to demonstrate."
The three went to the area of the studio where the live demonstrations usually took place. Instead of the usual counter, there was a vast box. It was seven feet tall by ten feet wide by two feet deep. The cabinet stood eight inches of the floor on five legs, one at each corner and one in the middle at the back. The entire front face of the box was open, but next to it there were a pile of assorted pieces.
"That's a big cabinet!" commented Diane, "What's it for?"
"I'm just about to demonstrate, so you'll find out soon enough." After a couple of seconds pause, "Maybe you would like to check the inside, while I get ready."
Diane approached the box with trepidation, but it was obvious that there were no blades among the strew of bits. Inside she was wondering what the trick was. Outside she said, "Shall I step up here to get a good look?"
"Good idea, but would you mind taking off you shoes, so that you don't damage the box."
Diane flipped her shoes off and instantly lost two inches of height. The shoes were kicked under box.
"Should I be doing something?" asked Brian.
"If you would take a tour round the back and check round there. I'm sure the audience will trust you if you say that there are no assistants or trap doors back there."
While Brian was behind the box, thumps could be heard and his feet seen.
Angela addressed the camera. "I have asked the director to stick with this camera and not cut. If he thinks there is anything else to see he will inset the image in a corner."
Having said her piece, she went to the pile of bits and extracted ten lengths of extruded
aluminum. She pick up a piece and, with an ease that denoted familiarity with the task, clicked it into a small socket in the upper edge of the box and located the bottom end in a similar socket vertically below it in the bottom edge.
In a worried tone Diane asked what Angela was doing.
"Just preparing the illusion while you and Brian are inspecting the box, it makes sense to save time." As she said this a second piece of
aluminum was socketed in place parallel to the first one and six inches from it, thus defining a central stripe of space at the front of the cabinet. Diane selected and socketed two more struts just in from the extreme ends of the upper baton. She then took the end of each of these struts and pinned it to one of the central uprights. In this manner and with calm efficiency she constructed a skeleton of the classic big box stretcher.
"It looks OK in here," announced Diane, "but how do I get out?"
"That's a part of the effect," replied Angela. "While your in there, could you put this in place." She handed Diane a chromed steel tube and a round pad with a socket underneath.
"What's this for?"
"It's a seat for you. You'll find a socket in floor for the pole." While Diane inserted the pole and positioned the seat pad, Angela returned to the pile and withdrew some things that looked like oversized examples of the nylon bristle type of draught excluder. She fitted these into channels in the metal diagonals. By this time, Diane had set up the stool and was perched on it, because her feet did not quite reach the floor of the cabinet. "Would you put your hands through the brushes up here and your feet through the brushes down here?" Angela asked, pointing. Her tone made this request seem entirely reasonable. "You will find that it is more comfortable if you sit on the front edge of the stool and lean your shoulders against the uprights." As Diane complied she was praised with the single word "Perfect!"
Brian emerged from behind the cabinet with the comment, "Seems to be nothing back there."
"Good, you are just in time to help. Would you set up the step ladder? I'll be needing it in a few moments." Dutifully Brian picked up the steps and began to set them up.
Angela took up one of the two remaining brushes and lined it up along the inner edge of the left upright. "I suggest that you close your eyes, because we don't want to get bristles in your eye, do we?" With a rapid move the bristles brushed down Diane's cheek and stopped at her neck as the brush clipped into place. After a few moments a second brush was in place in the other upright.
Brian was ready with the step-ladder. Angela picked up two large patches of fabric and handed one to Brian. With a swift kick the ladder was in place in front of Diane's left half, but the audience did not lose sight of her hand and foot because a cameraman was watching over Brian's shoulder and the image was in an inset. With grace and agility Angela stepped up the steps and fitted the fabric to cover the open space between the upright and the upper left diagonal. She reached back and took the patch that Brian was holding and fitted this between the diagonals on the left hand side. Another swatch of fabric was used to only remaining exposed area of the left side. This was repeated for the right, thus concealing from view all of Diane except her head, hands and feet.
"Are you all right, Diane?" asked Angela.
"Yes, but I'm a bit worried about what you plan to do next," replied Diane as a boom microphone came into shot to pick up her voice.
"I'm a bit curious," chimed in Brian, "What are you going to do?"
"Well," answered the magicienne, leaning down and take a gentle but firm hold of Diane's left foot, "I'm going to do this." The this that she did was to move the foot she held four feet down the bristle brushes to the corner of the cabinet. Diane giggled as the brushes tickled her ankle. "Would you please wiggle you left foot for us." instructed Angela.
Diane looked to her left and the foot seven feet away twitched. "This is too weird!" she said.
Angela crossed to the other exposed foot and moved that down the diagonal to other lower corner. This foot also wiggled when Diane was asked to wiggle it. Taking the step-ladder and climbing it, Angela took Diane's right hand and moved it up the bristle lined diagonal until, as instructed, Diane was waving it from the upper left corner of the cabinet. A few moments later, Diane's other hand was at the same height but
separated from is partner by ten feet.
Still giggling from being tickled at ankle and wrist by the bristles, Diane asked, "What have you done to me?"
"I've just stretched you a bit. Have a look!" said Angela. She placed a hand on either side of Diane's head and turned it until she could see her left hand. Angela continued to rotated Diane's head until her right came into view and then completed the three hundred and sixty degree turn so that Diane was once again face forward and down as she had been before.
"You've had you fun, now get me out of here," Said Diane in a threatening tone of voice.
"I would be polite," suggested Brian, "because she is probably the only person who can get you back to normal."
In reply to that comment, Angela said, "As far as I know, I am the only one who can get you out without hurting you. And that will happen when I'm good and ready." Angela squatted beside Diane's much extended foot and run a finger-nail across its sole. Diane giggled. "You really ought to try not to laugh, because you might laugh your head off." Angela began a serious tickling attack on the exposed foot. Diane's laughter quickly went from a giggling to hysterical and she was begging Angela to stop, then suddenly the laughter turned into a scream as her head smoothly descended between the two uprights to the floor of the cabinet.
"What happened?" asked Brian.
"Well I did warn her about laughing her head off," answered Angela, with a smile.
"Get me out of here!" yelled Diane.
"Give me a chance. I've got something else I need to do first. While I'm getting it ready, would you raise Diane's head, Brian."
Brian took care and lifted Diane's head. When he had it at about the position it had been before he carefully let go. Slowly, Her head drifted back to the bottom of the slot.
Angela returned with a small cabinet large enough to hold a person's torso. The cabinet was supported about two and one half feet above a thin wheeled platform. Angela removed the front and rear panels and returned to Diane and Brian, who were making a second attempt at raising her head.
"Oh, I should have told you," she said, offering the step-ladder, "You need to take it all the way to the top, before it will stay put." She stepped up the ladder and took the head from Brian. Diane's head was rapidly raised to the top of the cabinet, eliciting more giggles, and then lowered to its former position.
"Are you going to get me out of here or what?" demanded Diane.
"Both," answered Angela, smiling an enigmatic smile.
"And what do you mean by that?" asked Diane.
"Well, you are in a bit of a predicament there, aren't you? So, I'm going to transfer you to the smaller cabinet over there."
"You can NOT be serious!!" screamed Diane.
"Perfectly serious, I assure you. Besides I'm the magician round here; I know what I'm doing."
Diane did not seem particularly reassured. "And how, pray, are you going to do that?"
"By magic. How else does a magician do anything?"
"OK, but get on with it!"
"Brian, Would you put these over her wrists and shins, so that her hands and feet still show, please," instructed Angela, handing three black velvet tubes to him, the ends of which were held closed by elastic. "You do it like this," she said taking a fourth tube and slipping it over Diane's closest foot until it gathered past the knobs of her ankles.
Brian having got the idea put one on Diane's other foot and then positioned and climbed the ladder to do the same for her wrists.
While Brian was occupied, Angela grasped Diane's lower leg through the black velvet cuff and holding the foot in the other hand, pulled. Angela stood up holding a foot with a black cuff covering the stump where a leg should have been attached. She placed this foot on the platform of the smaller cabinet. The foot's toes twitched. Angela went back to the large cabinet and removed the other foot. By now, Brian had completed fitting the velvet cuff to both wrists.
"Would you hand me that hand, please, Brian?"
"How?"
"Easy. Hold her wrist through the fabric and pull."
Brian, with a skeptical look, did as he was asked and the expression quickly turned to surprise when the hand separated from the cabinet. Angela reached up and took the hand and asked Brian to bring the remaining hand.
Angela put the two disembodied extremities on the platform of the cabinet and waited while Brian brought the last hand over. Taking the hand from Brian she asked Diane to make and Ok sign and the hand brought thumb and forefinger into a ring. She then added the hand to the hand and two feet below the smaller cabinet.
Angela took Brian back to the large cabinet where only Diane's head was visible. "Would you mind moving the steps out of the way, while I deal with Diane here." Obediently, Brian picked up the ladder and folding it flat went to lean it against the back of the interview sofa.
"What are you going to do to me?" asked Diane, with a quaver in her voice.
"I'm going to put this bag over your head. You won't feel a thing." Before Diane could object, Angela slipped a bag with a black velvet lining over her head and pulled the drawstrings to close it round her neck. "Can you breath in there?"
"Yes, but I can't see," came the muffled reply.
Angela placed a hand under Diane's chin and another behind her head, then with no apparent effort removed the bag and contents from the large cabinet. A camera followed the action in an inset, as Angela moved behind the smaller cabinet and took care in placing Diane's bagged head over a hole in the top of the cabinet.
Brian came back and asked, "If that's Diane's head and those are her hands and feet, what's happened to the rest of her body?"
"Good question," commented a fabric muffled voice.
Angela stood beside the large cabinet and said, "I never did work that one out." There was a squeak of horror from the bag atop the smaller cabinet. "I do know it's not in here." At the magicienne's touch the entire front of the large cabinet fell forward and landed with a crash. The inside of the cabinet appeared empty except the seat on its pole and something on the seat.
Brian went to look at the things on the seat. He picked up and displayed, Diane's scarlet skirt and white blouse. He also noted a bra and panties, but did not mention these, because this was a family show. He was slightly worried that wherever Diane's body was, it was probably naked.
"Now all I have to do is put Diane back together," stated Angela as if this was as easy as falling off a log.
The camera focused in on the smaller cabinet, where Angela picked up one of the hands and put through a hole in the side from the inside out and moved some clips into place over the cuff, so that the hand was held in position, sticking out of the cabinet. This process was repeated for the other hand and both feet. She then retrieved the back panel of the cabinet which she put in place. The front panel was replaced.
Angela went behind the cabinet and loosened the drawstrings on the bag. With a flourish she whipped the bag from Diane's head. Diane looked as if she had had just about enough and her usually perfect hair was quite tousled. "Am I back to normal?" she asked.
"I don't think so. There isn't enough room in that box for your body and your arms and you legs. But, maybe, if I do this." Angela took a hold on one of the hands and stepped sideways taking the hand with her. Where the hand went the rest of the arm followed seemingly pulled through the cuff, until bare arm had emerged up the about two thirds of the way up its upper arm. "How does that feel?"
After the initial surprise had worn of, Diane replied, "It feels great, except that the elastic is a bit tight."
"I'm sorry, but it really can't be helped, because my usual assistant isn't the same size as you. I'll do the other arm, shall I?" Without waiting for a reply, Angela repeated the process on the other hand. "Still there isn't enough room in there for your body and your legs. I'd better do something about that." Angela knelt behind the cabinet and grasped one of the feet, causing Diane to giggle, and pulled the feet drew through the velvet cuff, first the shin, then the calf followed by the knee and finally most of a thigh, until the foot stood on the platform under a column of leg. The other foot received the same treatment and stood next to its mate.
Angela reached across to remove the front panel. Brian waved Diane's skirt and blouse from behind the camera, So Diane said, "Wait! What about my clothes?"
After the briefest hesitation, Angela replied, "It's all right. You modesty is covered." So saying she pulled the cover away to reveal Diane's complete body clothed in a black velvet one piece, which covered completely while make the best of her figure.
"Am I all there again?" asked Diane, reaching into the front of the box to find her own answer to the question.
The floor manager began to make frantic wind up movements. Brian stepped into shot beside the cabinet and began the wind up. "Thank you, Angela, 'The Angel of Magic', for such an impressive demonstration of magic and illusion. You are at the Lincoln Theatre from tonight until when?"
"I'm there until the Saturday after next with matinees on Friday, Saturday and Sunday both weeks."
"Thank you," said Diane, attempting to mask the ill grace with which she said it, but failing. The signature tune began playing. "And tomorrow, on People Talking, we will looking at problem tenants and problem landlords, so until then, I'm Diane Murray."
"And I am Brian Winders, good bye"
The credits began to roll a bit faster than usual.
Before the credits had finish and the station logo appeared any viewer who could lip-read would have seen the torrent of abuse that Diane released at Angela.
The End