"Ah hang on… phone… is… going… off…"

Shadow had just cracked another Galaxy of Warcraft joke. We were sitting at the corner table of Tim Hortons.

I extracted my phone from my pocket and glanced at the screen. I didn't recognize the number.

I hushed Shadow and Stewy, who were still snickering, and put the phone to my hear.

"Hello?"

"Hello, Matt, this is Dr. Graham Howe, of Advantech, Inc., do you remember me?"

-oh shit…-

I got up and walked out the door, acting like I couldn't find reception. Shadow and Stewy took no notice.

"Yeah, yeah, I remember you. Christ, that was ages ago… You need something?"

"It was two years ago. Anyhow, I wanted to inform you that due to the success of our first line of costume products, we've decided to expand to other, ah,

species. Given your previous experience with our product, I wanted to offer you a position on our R&D staff."

-oh jesus.-

"Ok, continue."

"This would be a paid position, something akin to a co-op or an internship. Are you interested?"

"Well, yes I am. Now mind, I'm going off to college in early September, so I could only work for three months."

"Ah, yes, you see, it's a six week program. It would start in mid-June and go until the end of July, which would still give you a month free for summer."

"Ok ok… you say it's a program?"

"Ah yes, we're actually standardizing our testing procedures. So yes, it is a formal program now."

"Ah ok. Cool… Yes, I'm interested. You say it would start in the middle of June, I need to know where your offices are and…"

"Oh, don't worry about that, we've got it taken care of. Got a flight booked to San Francisco for you, an apartment rented for the time you'll be spending

with us, among other things. All's I needed today is if you were interested or not."

"All right, yes, I'm interested, then. I'll let you know if for some reason something comes up. Can I call you back at this number?"

"Yes, you can, this is my office at work, and I'm here from eight to four each day, so you can reach me then."

"That's eight to four your time, correct?"

"Oh yes, sorry… So for you, it'd be eleven to seven."

"All right, hey, sounds good. Thanks a lot for the offer. Anything else?"

"Mmm, no, I can't think of anything. Like I mentioned before, all this information will be mailed to you, including information on your flight, your lodgings,

et cetera."

"And when can I expect that package?"

"Within a week."

"OK, then, thanks again, Dr. Howe. I appreciate the offer!"

"Absolutely, Matt, look forward to working with you again. Farewell."

"Later."

I took a deep breath, punched the red "End Call" button, and tipped the phone back into my pocket.

-oh dear lord, what have I done.-

I rejoined Shadow and Stewy at our table. Shadow asked, "Who was that?"

I answered, "Just got a job offer out in California…"

"You lucky bastard… take me with you!"

"Well, I suppose I could try…"

"Wait, really?"

"Dunno how successful I'd be…"

"Ah, nevermind, then. I was kidding anyhow… So Stewy, have you seen the latest patch notes…?"


-----------------------------------San Fransisco, California--------------------------------
----------------------------------Offices of Advantech, Inc--------------------------------

"All right, everything's in place. Engage tactile feedback module, verbose logging, debugging, and crash reporter mode on."

"Tactile Feedback Module Version 2 Build 0156 engaged, verbose logging, debugging, and crash reporter modes enabled. Any problems?"

"Nah, nothin' so far."

I was in the Tactile Feedback Systems testing lab, wearing a Coyote suit. A few patches landed for the tactile feedback module last night and I was here to do the real world test of the latest build for any further bugs or regressions. Simulator didn't turn up anything, so I wasn't expecting to run into problems.

I ran through our standard battery of tests. Everything from walking around to doing push ups to getting tickled by a feather (yes, an actual feather. Trust me it works pretty well). See, currently we advise users not to use the product for more than 24 hours at a time, and take at least four hours between sessions. Well, with these new suits, we want them to be livable. In other words, we want them to be able to wear them for days, for weeks at a time and all the systems will be stable. My job is to do the inital testing before it's pushed to our LTF testers- Long Term Feedback testers. They spend days at a time wearing these things- occasionally weeks. LTF tester is my next step up the promotion ladder, and the pay is a considerable percentage more than mine. However... dunno if I could stand using these suits for more than a few hours. Frankly the idea kind of scares me. Plus, like, there is the whole thing about not being human for long periods of time... so yes, I like my job. But it's my job, not my life.

"Tactile Feedback test finished successfully, stop logging and upload log to server Charlie."

Finished with the tests, I left the lab for the Dressing Room. Another thing they're trying to change about this new line of suits is the removal process- no more stupid motorized thing to lift and let down the pulltab. With these new beta models, they zip up in the front, not the back. And they've concealed the zipper so well that when you're wearing it you can't see or feel the zipper track. The only way to get the suit off is to reach your fingers into a small flap of skin just below your adam's apple and find the pulltab under there. Then, you can pull it down to get it off. Frankly I welcome the change. Course, means that putting on the suit isn't as easy as stepping into it, as with the last models. What I usually do is stick my arms in first, then get my legs in, then put the hood up and zip it up. They recommend putting your legs in first, but I prefer my way because otherwise it's like trying to walk with your pants down- hard to move and very easy to lose your balance until you get your arms in the sleeves.

The other day I asked Dr. Howe why they hadn't included genital functionality in these suits, because I was curious why they didn't. He answered, "Oh, don't think it hasn't crossed our minds... right now we want to perfect the suit functions. The sex functionality is a luxury. It would effectively make the suits into a sex toy, which is not what we're shooting for right now. We may later launch a rebranded line with sex functionality, but that's far down on our list of priorities."
I asked in return, "But you want these things to be livable, yes? Surely some customers will want this functionality."
And he replied, "Yeah, don't think we haven't considered that. It's just not something we're going to be doing anytime soon."
And so I asked again, "Well, what do you think of this: including a sort of addon functionality? With a coding API and everything?"
"And just what uses would that have, outside of the obvious one?"
"Well... hmmm..."
"Exactly. We fine-tune these things, we don't want customers messing with them, there's too much risk, too much liability."