It was a nice fall day, and I was standing in my kitchen, wearing a t-shirt and sweatpants, and drinking a glass of tea. I was thinking about all of the magical things that have happened to me so far, and started wondering what other things might be able to happen to me. I was especially thinking about what things I might be able to do to myself when I happened to glance over at the kitchen knives. I picked up the longest one, and wondered if I might be able to impale myself, especially since I weigh less than a hundred pounds. I placed the knife by my side and saw that the knife was indeed long enough to go all the way through me. I put the knife down for a second, and took off my shirt (I was not wearing a bra). I picked up the knife again and placed the tip of the blade a couple of inches above my belly button.

    "This is crazy." I thought to my self. "I've been sawn in half, and had other body parts cut off, but stabbing myself through the belly?"

    I tried to put those thoughts aside and calm myself down. I pushed on the handle, and I could feel the knife enter my belly.

     "Oh my God!" I said to myself.

    There was no blood, so I figured it must be working. I continued to push the knife in until the handle was resting against my belly. I walked over to a mirror and saw that blade was sticking outside of my back. I had done it! I had really impaled myself! I took the knife out, and the hole where the knife had been closed up.

    "I'm gonna have to buy some swords." I thought to myself.

     I put the knife back in the kitchen, walked into the bedroom, picked up the saw that was by my bed, sat down on the bed, and cut my feet off. As I looked at my severed feet, and saw my toes wiggle, I began to wonder what else I could cut off. I sat my feet on the nightstand, took my pants off, and laid down on the bed. I placed the saw where my left leg met my hips, and cut my leg off. I picked up my severed leg, looked at it for a minute, put it aside, and then cut off my other leg.

    "I wish I had someone here to cut my arms off." I thought to myself.

     I placed the saw on my waist, and began to saw, like I would be sawing myself in half if my legs and feet were still attached. I finished sawing, picked up my hips, and removed my panties. I admired my own butt, and began to contemplate doing something else. Maybe what I was about to do was wrong, I didn't know, and didn't care. I brought my hips up to my face and stuck my tongue in my own pussy, something that would be impossible if my hips were still attached. After I finished, I put my hips down, wiped my face off, and went to sleep.

The end.