Dear Students,

It has come to my attention that several of you have been taking off your heads and leaving them around the campus. Despite how 'normal' it may be in this world now, it is still unacceptable to do so during learning hours. This serves as a distraction to your peers and poses a safety issue if a body part were to go missing---which the University of Chicago is not responsible for.

Please visit the central office to collect your heads as soon as possible. Our generous custodians have scooped up each one and has brought them to Ms. Casteel for safekeeping.

If it happens that you're missing a head and it is not in our possession, submit a request and we will send a party to search for it, fee included.