[Contains NBM/MBM content, plus some Metal Gear level high-stakes sneaking around. If you like spy stories, you'll probably find this mildly amusing, and definitely goofy]

BUZZTSwuuzzzpZST...  ...thud...

...ah shit...

*hzzzz* "...Jerri? Jerri? do you copy Jerri?"

"Copy loud and clear. Just a... minor weapons malfunction."

Covert operations were no joke. Jerri had spent the last several hours breaking into the institute's base. Hiding in the undercarriage of a truck, traversing a barbed wire fence twice, a freak encounter with a security guard who was double her size (but now lacks kneecaps), and scaling 4 storeys to climb through a window, all in the dead of night in freezing temperatures, and having to do it in what HQ terms 'operationally appropriate' gear, consisting of a skimpy crop top and short-shorts, barely covering anything except from her knee and elbow pads, fingerless gloves, and combat boots. She didn't get much equipment either, again thanks to HQ wanting to minimise the risk of leaving potential evidence in the field. A utility belt with a multitool and a mini first aid kit were the only tangible gear she had, having to acquire weaponry in the field. She did have some very high tech contact lenses which let HQ see was she was seeing, plus some extra features like night vision, scanning capabilities, all that stuff you'd expect from a spy agency, which is probably where most of the budget went to, hence her lack of guns. At least she had an earpiece, though.

*hzzzz* "Got your visuals now. Are you ok? Are you hurt? I'm sending a distress call now for agents near your location. The nearest evac point should be..."

"Maddi hun, I'm fine. I'm meant to fall apart, that's what the breaker program is for!"

*hzzzz* "But, your arm! It's been chopped off! I thought you were meant to do that yourself, not with a laser!"

"It doesn't matter whether I pull it off or chop it off, it's fine! See?"

Jerri's left arm waved up at her from the floor, its stump charred from the heat of the laser. She could here Maddi sigh a little with relief as her arm dragged itself across the floor to her feet where she could easily pick it up with her intact right arm.

*hzzzz* "phew... So, that's you doing that?"

"Yep, I've got full control, just as if it was still attached to me."

*hzzzz* "Ok, great, I won't escalate anything. Sorry, I'm still pretty new to this job."

"No worries, just find me a way out of here whilst I put myself back together."

*hzzzz* "Copy that."

Another big chunk of the agency's budget had also gone into Jerri's training. Ever since cellular therapy and modularity had been made possible, the possibilities made available to security and military organisations were near endless, the only issue being that it came under the same legal restrictions as chemical and biological warfare, never mind the ethical considerations of forcefully and permanently altering someone's body. Hospitals and medical units can use it to a diminutive extent in major traumas to stick people back together, but it's used like a glue, and the persons biology doesn't change. A vein girl in her twenties can be as modular and modified as she wants, easily purchasing numerous body parts on the free market, but a super-soldier? That's off the books, which is why Jerri isn't on them in the first place.

She had a humble desk job at an intelligence agency just a year earlier, which didn't really do anything apart from being a middle-man for data leak insurance claims from big companies. Management felt the same way, and after some reorganisation and clever accountancy, they were able to cobble together an operations department capable of sending agents out into the field, and blagging rights for a government contract. It was only 10 people in total spread across two or three rooms in the office, and that included logistics, intel, and a quater master, leaving only 1 actual agent, but their targets didn't know that. Since they were already specialised in data gathering, they were the to go-to people for breaking into and hacking enemy infrastructure, which could then be sent to what ever party paid for it, but of course that meant that their agents went undercover in board meetings and gatherings to find connections between certain individuals, collect dirt on them. They never actually 'broke in' anywhere...

As with anything worth considerable sums of money (and power) the truth is always somewhat obscured, even when your client is the government. For all they knew, the agency was a bunch of computer nerds with one pretty girl who chatted up minor bureaucrats and businessman on the wrong side of the taxman, when in reality that one pretty girl was conducting spy movie level missions on a bi-weekly basis. They definitely had the nerds though, but they were a lot richer than they were before.

The idea for going into field operations was purely down to Jerri in the first place. She had cellular therapy done as part of a birthday present, and when her boss saw her detached lower half amble to the toilet whilst she was decrypting another set of worthless files, he knew exactly what to do with her. In the following months, his dubious connections with ex-special forces and a whistleblower from a real government spy agency got Jerri training in all things espionage, as well as getting some hold of classified technology, hence the video-enabled contact lens, yet the lack of a basic Glock. Yes, she did don a ball gown every once in while for intel gathering on people, but that was for the ledger and keeping clients happy.

The real work was done when she was in a skimpy athletic outfit, allowing her to detach her body without being impeded by clothing and use her NBM in various ways: peaking around corners was a lot easier when her head was detached, as was looking over high walls; the multi-tasking she was capable of doubled her efficiency, particularly when she needed to hack into something, seamlessly popping her hands off and letting them do the work as she went looking for physical evidence (or unfortunate passers by); crawling through tight spaces made sense when she could do it piece-by-piece; even injuries were an inconvenience at best, having lost almost everything from chunks of her belly, fingers and her nose, right up to whole limbs, her head, and even her whole body once. HQ was never too pleased when she'd 'leave evidence' behind, especially her head as it had pretty much all of the gadgetry they provided for her, but they were still impressed when she came bouncing back on her neck with a stolen hard drive between her teeth. Modular girls were buying new parts for themselves on a weekly basis, so Jerri was actually below average in that regard. She could also just grow the missing parts back, but some took longer than others - her body took a month to come back, and HQ forced her off field duty as disciplinary action for 'reckless neglect of one's own safety', not even being able to cobble together all her spare bits and pieces for even a trip to get coffee a block away.

All that aside, she was the perfect asset for breaking into places and sticking a USB stick into desktops, transferring petabytes of data all at once back to HQ. Problem was, all the training she received was aimed at normal, boring, non-modular people who had to rely on banned martial arts moves and takedowns (instead of ripping off their own leg and beating the crap out of their opponent, which was one of her favourite moves) so all the tricks she could do with her body were learnt on the job, meaning things didn't go as smooth as she had hoped, sometimes.

*hzzzz* "Damn, who would have thought a secret weapons research institute would have left their whole floor plan unencrypted?"

"Those kinds of details get over looked, especially when they have this much security. Any details on that?"

*hzzzz* "They seem to rotate every 4 hours, next one is in 10 minutes. Your route is almost ready."

...*smack*....*smack*.... "Great, once I get my arm on I'll make a move." ...smack... Huh? Come on, stick ...smack...

*hzzzz* "Ok, I've got a route. Take a left out the door and head for the stairwell ahead. Remember, no evidence left behind."

Jerri did a quick scan of the room (literally with her contacts) to check she didn't leave the memory stick on a desk or something, picking up the obscure laser weapon she coincidentally found in a locked drawer of the scientists desk. The organisation the institute was owned by had been accused of collusion, giving various researchers generous grants in return for assisting them in weapons manufacturing. The office of one particular expert in optics caught the attention of both his University and the government, meaning double the importance (and income) was put on this mission. The institute, much like Jerri's actual job, didn't exist on paper, so typical hacking protocol was out the window thanks to the thickest firewall second only to China. They only excuse then agency had for acquiring so much data on the place was because Jerri had bumped into this particular scientist at a military technology showcase, pretending that she was able to phish all his contact details from his phone. There was no need to, as he was so unorganised and near-mad enough for Jerri to know that he wouldn't have a password any more complicated than 'password', making a field operation far more effective than weeks worth of data mining against an unbreakable cyber-security system.

The laser wasn't what she was there for, but it was a fantastic find, and most likely worth a bonus for both Jerri and the agency, being a smoking gun for this mad scientist guy. It was, however, rudimentary, and likely in the mist of broader development, which was good in regards to stopping an antagonistic force getting hold of such technology, but not so good for Jerri since it sliced her arm off. She started looking at the stumps of her arm and shoulder. They looked perfectly normal, as if she'd just taken her arm off like usual. The perfectly flat cuts, which should have matched her skin, were blackened with carbon soot, which carried on about half an inch down each stump. She rubbed her shoulder stump with her right thumb out of curiosity, covering it with the soot.

"Copy. Everything's clear. I've got a slight problem - the laser seemed to singe my stumps, so I can't stick my arm back on. I think the soot covering them is stopping it. It might take a while to clean them."

*hzzz* "Oh crap, that's not good. You haven't got long either, their surveillance is showing me guard presence approaching you. T minus 120 seconds!"

"That's not enough time! How far away is that stairwell?"

*hzzzz* "30 seconds if you run."

"Got it."

Jerri barely finished her words by the time she threw the office door open, shoved her left arm into her utility belt, grabbed the laser weapon and dashed out into the corridor, sprinting into the dim, clinical lights of what must have been where all the boffins and big-wigs do their secretive research and development for the institute. The windows of all the doors where frosted, of which where a similar off-white synthetic colour to the cladded walls and ceiling. No frills, no trim, just cold hard utility until she barged her way into the stairwell, huffing a sign of relief as caught her breath.

*hzzzz* "Next security rotation doesn't come through here for at least 20 minutes. There's a store room to your right if you need somewhere to, you know, fix up."

A quick glance found a smaller wooden door at the base of a flight of stairs, obviously not touched by anyone important, but more importantly, locked.

"Hmm, looks like I'll have to pick this," she said as she took a booby pin from her hair, holding it in her mouth as she bent over to undo her bootstraps, having to adjust the detached arm in the belt as it swung loosely from it.

hzzzz "Is now really the time to get stones out of your shoes?"

Jerri rolled her eyes as she took her sock off and wriggled her stump, "You really think that would be my biggest concern right now..." taking the bobby pin in between her toes. Now with her (store bought) multitool in her right hand, she tactfully picked the lock, her toes being almost as dexterous as her fingers. "Catch up, Maddi."

*hzzzz* "Oh, my bad. Impressive party trick you have there."

"This isn't the first time I've been *unarmed* in the field."

Impressed with her witty remark, Jerri gracefully closed the small service door behind her and flicked on a light switch, noticing an abundance of cleaning products, service tap, and empty boxes. A small stool was amongst them, giving her an opportunity to rest and recoup after a (relatively) minor setback. She started undoing her second boot as Maddi funnelled more information into her ear.

*hzzzz* "We've got access to everything from the institute, but as you know, we can't change anything, and that includes security footage."

"And that's my problem because..."

*hzzzz*  "There's footage of you rolling out from that truck's undercarriage just before it stopped at the security gate. It's only a few seconds worth and could be mistaken for an animal or something, but we probably shouldn't take any risks."

"Damn, I didn't think they'd have camera's that far away! Guess I'll take the L there. Where's their surveillance center?"

*hzzzz* "Looking into it now. I'd take a moment if I were you, but it looks like you're ahead of me on that one."

Jerri had her legs up, her feet stretching and resting on the shelf a few feet in front of her as she played with one of her braids of blonde hair. The severed arm wriggled its way onto her lap and started doing the same, making Jerri giggle, giving her arm a stroke as if it were a sociable cat. In this ideal moment, she took in all the random cleaning products around her. Various bottles of bleach, air fresheners, lab-grade antiseptic sprays, chemical spillage kits, a floor brush... *'oooh, that might work'*

Checking there was no obvious signs of anything corrosive, she took an empty plastic bucket and placed it under the tap, nudging it open as to allow the slightest trickle of water onto the brush just before it hit the bucket. It may have been the stealthiest cleaning of a brush ever performed, but it took long enough for a route to a surveillance room to be found.

*hzzzz* "Ok, the easiest way would be to get back up to the roof and head to the central block, then enter a vent and work your way into the security center. I can direct you from there."

"Hmm, how long do I have before I need to get out of here?"

*hzzzz* "As long as you find a way onto that outbound delivery by sunrise... at least 5 hours."

"Good, no rush then..." She tapped the brush dry and brought it up to her singed stump, giving it several strokes before inspecting it again, noticing the slightest amount of her supple pink skin showing now... "I've got some cleaning up to do. Update me if anything changes."

Her rigorous brushing could be heard over the eyepiece.

*hzzzz* "Copy that. You should rest, it got a little nasty back there."

"It's fine, honestly. I've had worse happen. Besides, my arm seems pretty happy, even if she's been sliced off..." on that cue, the arm took hold of the brush and continued to clean her stump, "...I should do this more often!"

A few more scrubs later, and the stump was as clean as it should have been, allowing her to take hold of her left arm in between her legs and clean its stump. It fidgeted a little, but eventually complied.

"That's it, good arm! You'll be clean soon."

Footsteps from heavy boots echoed up the stairwell, forcing Jerri to stop scrubbing and listen out for the guards passing the cupboard. She remained still, gripping her detached arm tightly, breathing silently.

.....

"Did you hear they found Mikey in a ditch outside security?" Said a gravelly voice.

"Yeah, probably another attack by a spooked deer, but rumour is that he pissed off somebody in deliveries and got humbled." Said another voice, this one a little younger sounding.

"Humbled? They guy lost his kneecaps *and* his dignity. Ya really think some knuckle head truck driver could overwhelm armed security?"

"You never know these days, everyone's doing MMA and BJJ. Heck, my FYP is full of people doing random take downs in public. It's how I got this job."

"That's no 3 step white-belt takedown that happened... Mikey's been in the business for years and could see that from a mile away. Either someone in security is being reprimanded tomorrow before the dayshift, or we've got an intruder."

"Intruder? This place is miles away from anywhere even remotely relevant. We don't exist on paper, do we?"

"No, but neither do the kinda people who takedown 250 pound men in full combat gear, without anyone noticing. That's a real monster who did that to poor Mikey."

"Shouldn't we be on red alert then?"

"Then what? Let this guy know we're on to him? Pah! That's making it too easy for him. Let him think he's in the clear, then he thinks he can take short cuts, get a little too big for his boots. Then you get the bastard! You see, back in '93 in San Diego, I was a little sucker like you when we..."

.....

The doors of the stairwell banged shut and cut off Jerri from the conversation.

"Hey Maddi, did you hear that? Turns out I'm a monster!"

*hzzzz* "Ha! And they think you're a guy too? Typical!"

"Too right! Ugh, men... they just can't handle a girlboss!"

The (now notorious) agent got to her bare feet struck a series of confident poses for herself, smacking her severed arm back into it's right place...

...smack...smack...schmmmPOP...

*hzzzz* "Good news, Jerri babe. Just discovered an easier route through the ventilation system. There should be a grate behind one of the shelves to your right."

With her newly reattached left arm, the agent shifted a few bleach bottles and boxes (with suspicious looking chemical warning symbols) to reveal a metal grate on hinges. She stood back to get a measure of it herself.

"Nice work, Madz. That should be big enough for all of me to get through."

*hzzzz* "I can take an exact measure for you. Can you keep visuals on it for a moment?"

"I can do one better for you..."

*hzzzz* "Huh? What do you..."

...errrrschuooo...POP...

Jerri sat her detached head directly adjacent to the grate on another shelf, her body leaning on one hip to the side waiting for Maddi to get the measurements, her gaze fixed and steady thanks to her lack of neck stopping her from moving too much.

*hzzzz* "Oh, of course, thank you. Measuring now."

"Ha! Don't give me that Madz, babe!" Jerri teased, "I know you love to see me in pieces... even after I got my arm back, you want to have me beheaded? Such a sadist..." Her body manoeuvred itself in front of her gaze, bending over and waving daintily.

*hzzzz* "Ahh, you know I wouldn't want that. Can you stay were you are actually? I'm measuring your waist."

"See, I knew you're trying me on," she put her hands on her hips and fiddled with her utility belt, revealing yet more bare skin tapering above her hips, only accentuating her spacious lower half even more, "you want me from behind as well?"

*hzzzz* "You're the one making this sexual, just turn around..." the retort barley spluttered over the airwaves as Jerri's ass was turned into view, her short-shorts verging on splitting apart as they were gyrated ever so slowly to give Maddi the most accurate measurement possible, *hzzzz* "...all done, and thanks for remembering the measurement protocol, it gets a little awkward to... you know..."

"Get me to shake my ass in front of you? I know your coy, babe. I think it's cute!"

Another silence hung in the air, broken by the soft sssu...**SMACK**...Pffterrrr of Jerri's smug head being replaced onto her body and adjusted to face the right way.

*hzzzz* "Seriously? People are gonna think were an item if you keep joking like this, Jerri!"

"And? Who's gonna find out? Aren't we encrypted anyway?"

*hzzzz* "It can be decrypted by HQ if our clients want it to be, especially if you end up leaving evidence behind. Don't you remember Corsica?"

"It wasn't my fault I had a wardrobe malfunction. You know how difficult boobs can be!"

*hzzzz* "My boobs don't fall off and 'get lost' in the staff quarters of a secure compound! Do you have any idea how much negotiation it took to get that scrubbed off the books!"

The minor argument continued as the covert agent unlatched the grate covering the vent, ensuring it would close behind her to minimise suspicion when she was gone. She took one moment as she answered back over her earpiece to make sure nothing was left behind.

"Like we don't scrub everything off the books all the time. That's part of your job description, isn't it?"

*hzzzz* "Yeah, but not for internal communications! And don't dodge the blame for your irresponsibility, just own up to taking it too far that time."

They continued as she took the laser weapon in her left hand, gingerly... "It was an accident, and it wasn't even my fault! My outfit was too tight, which meant I had to keep adjusting it, which then meant that my girls got loose..." her toned, hourglass figure lay on the shelf, her legs supporting her on the floor as she put her multitool in between the topic of conversation... "I didn't have the time or the privacy to slip them back in, so I followed emergency measures and disposed of them appropriately, like I've done plenty of times before without any fuss."

*hzzzz* "And how is hiding your tits in a ration box 'disposing of them appropriately'? You know they got into practically every male pair of hands in that compound, right?"

Jerri smirked, shimmying into a good position to crawl. "Ha! you've never had a woman fondle you before, have you?"

*hzzzz* "Ugh, jeez, TMI, TMI... my point was that you can't dump your... uh... yourself willy-nilly like that."

"Which I don't do! And when I do lose something, I make sure it finds its way to the nearest incinerator, waste disposal, whatever... remember when I lost my leg in that oil refinery, and it had to hop into one of those flamethrower-thingies they all have..."

*hzzzz* "...and you had to swim to the rendezvous point with one leg after the rig exploded, so you rolled about like a log in the waves... you've told us all about 3 times."

"Do you have any idea how hard it is to swim with one leg in rough seas AND carry a steel briefcase! Besides, it's a cool story, don't knock it."

By this point, Jerri had herself laid out ready to move, her outstretched arms pressed against the metal walls of the vent and her hips flush with the opening. As well as the night-vision enabled contact lenses, the laser weapon gave a subtle amount of illumination, even when deactivated, presenting her with an extensive section of vent to crawl through, finishing with a junction at the end of her vision.

*hzzzz* "Well, since neither of us want to lose our jobs, I suggest you get a move on and take a right, then a left."

"Rodger that, grumpy guts."

*hzzzz* "*huhh... Rodger."

There was another deafening silence for a moment, only broken by static.

*hzzzz* "Jerri, you still there, I'm not seeing any movement."

"Hmmph... hmmmmph... Sorry, just a little... eerrrgh... tight..."

*hzzzz* "Ok, just checking we haven't lost visuals from your lenses. According to my measurements, you should fit through."

"Errrrrgh... yep, just need to... hnghhh... push harder..."

Maddi's monitor finally changed from a dark greenish hue to a, well, different dark greenish hue. She could see that the junction in the vent was getting closer, and here it, too.

*hzzzz* "I'm picking up a generator noises from your left. It's a good sign."

"...hmmmmph... are you? I can't... eeeugh... hear a thing..."

*hzzzz* "Mmm... Might be enhanced my end. Can't you hear that low, sort of murmuring sound."

"No, but...errrrrgh... I feel like I'm... *huh*... not moving as much..." Jerri stopped to catch her breath for a moment, "...as I should be. Phew... Why am I not getting any where here?"

*hzzzz* "Can you look behind you?"

"Nope, space's to tight. I get to my shoulders and that's it."

*hzzzz* "Uh, can you feel anything strange?"

"Well... my legs can barely move, and it feels like I'm still pushing on the shelving."

*hzzzz* "But you must have crawled at least a few feet by now, that makes no sense."

"I know, maybe if I brace my elbows... euh... like so... and I push myself really hard, I should just..."

What neither of them knew at this point was that Jerri's hips weren't exactly proportional to her waist, and despite Maddie sizing her up, the athletic glutes of this very special agent were a disadvantage to her, having wedged themselves in the vent, leaving her feet kicking the shelves in the store room, and everything below her waist stuck in the same place. As for her waist, that was now nearly 6 feet in length, being stretched out by her upper half dragging itself from her lower half. Those noises Maddi heard weren't generators - it was Jerri ripping in half in slow motion, at first, and finally...

SNAP!

Jerri was flung forward and back simultaneously, now pretty close to the vent junction, and also very far from it at the same time. Whether it was the cold surfaces affecting her sensory functions, or her gun-ho attitude amplified by her spat over comms, was a matter for another time. She had bigger issues to deal with, and they had just smacked on the floor in the store room.

"Awww, that didn't feel good"

*hzzzz* "Wait, what? Are you OK? What's gone wrong."

"My legs... I think they're back in the store room, if you know what I mean?"

*hzzzz* "You... ripped in half?"

"I think so. Let me try something."

First, she moved her right leg in a large circular motion, sweeping the floor, then reaching up and back round, knocking a broom handle over in the process. Clearly her lower half wasn't in the vent with the rest of her. What was worse was that she couldn't move back either, with the space being too tight and too smooth to reverse.

"Yep, split like a banana, and I can't move back either."

*hzzzz* "Well, what do we do now?"

*...to be continued...*