Zidane found herself woken by the sun's rays through a somewhat oversized window, grumbling to herself over having chosen an east-facing guest room, only to realise she wasn't actually alone.
"Uh, hi?" She blinked at General Beatrix.
"Good morning, Zidane. Normally you'd be woken by a servant or a junior officer, but given that much of your relationship with the Queen is still rather informal, not to mention the whole gender-related issues you both have, I deemed it simpler to wake you myself."
"Ookay, right, so... what time is it?"
"Just after eight AM, so I advise you get ready post-haste, there are considerable formalities to becoming engaged to the reigning monarch. Like the sword fight," Beatrix said.
Zidane blinked for a few moments as she digested this statement.
"...There's no sword fight."
"No, there isn't, but you weren't sure for a second. Your room has a private bathroom, if you need assistance at the moment I'm probably the only one who can help since no other female member of the Alexandrian court knows your situation."
"Wait, you're a judge?"
"...Royal court, Zidane, not a judicial one."
"I knew that!" Zidane lied.
"You clearly didn't."
"I'm guessing you outrank me so you're allowed to be sassy?"
"Oh yes."
"So I basically have to rely on a sassy General who outranks me to help me bathe? Should we maybe just admit the whole gender-switch thing because I don't think this is gonna work."
Beatrix shrugged.
"Ask the Queen, not me. Anyway, if you need assistance there's a hose in the bathroom, I can operate it..."
Zidane glared as she headed for the bathroom in question. There was no hose, but Zidane was a little confused to note that the room was larger than some entire houses she'd seen.
"...Alright, it's just a regular tub, but I can get a hose if I have to."
"That thing is a 'regular' tub? I've seen smaller swimming pools!" The blonde noted.
"And if I recall correctly Lindblum's Mini Swimming Pool project failed because a dog drank all the water."
"True. Anyway, I think I've got this, Beatrix, you can go..."
"Actually, I have to wait here, until you're done. I'm meant to escort you to speak with the Queen before you meet the nobility..."
Zidane groaned.
"Ah, crap... The nobility..."
The Alexandrian nobility was infamous for adherence to tradition. Unlike the nobles of Treno that saw wealth as a status symbol first, or the nobles of Lindblum who were basically just the people who lived in houses with indoor plumbing, the Alexandrian nobles status symbol was how traditional they could be.
And one of those traditions was being mildly insane. Garnet therefore wanted to ensure Zidane was as prepared as one could be, as well as prepare the spell to disguse themselves as each other.
"Okay, Zidane, I think we went over this last night a little, but to reiterate: They can object to our marriage, but I can have them fired..."
"Out of a cannon, yes, I paid attention to that part," Zidane nodded.
"...However, it shouldn't come to that. That said, traditionally, no major secrets are kept from the nobility and the nobility keep no secrets from the Crown, so we may need to let them be aware of our plan to essentially pose as each other. They're already aware I've been turned male, for instance, but all pretend otherwise..."
"Wait, they are? Actually, I was kinda thinking, it's a bit of a complication, all the hiding and magic and stuff, so... why don't we just own up to the accident?" Zidane said
Garnet pondered this.
"...Well, fair enough, I suppose we might as well just go public. Anyway, what else do I need to remind you about the nobles? Oh, yes, don't let them hold onto anything sharp. And maybe brace yourself for a headache."
Zidane shrugged.
"How bad can it be?"
Garnet had announced 'his' marriage plans, and the couple's decision to be open about their genderswitching mishap, as well as announcing his intent to declare his future wife to be a Princess Consort.
The dozen nobles all stared.
The squirrel they were staring at outside ignored them.
"...My noble Lords and Ladies, if you could focus?" Garnet said.
"Oh, yes, my Quing. Keen. Wait, what's your title now? After all you want to be openly male so..." One nobleman said.
"Well, there was Queen Lenny, he was a male!" A Noblewoman said.
"Yes, but only because we hadn't actually come up with the concept of a King yet," Another nobleman said.
"Still, the monarch has always been a Queen, doesn't matter what gender they are or aren't. Tradition follows precedent, and he's a good example," the Noblewoman said
"Well, Zidane's not from any royal background as such so she'd have to be a Princess Consort," The first Nobleman said.
"Uh, hang on, do none of you have names?" Zidane asked, but was ignored as the conversation flowed.
"True, Queen Garnet the 12th was married six times, three of them were Princess Consorts..."
"And two were Prince Consorts because while we didn't have laws against polygamy by the monarch we did have a No Kings rule."
"Traditionally, they don't use their names at these meetings..." Garnet explained
"How can it be No Kings if there was... was one of her spouses a Qu?"
"No, there was one King, but as it's no Kings plural we're only allowed one."
"Same for Queens actually."
"Doesn't that get confusing?" Zidane asked
"Right, so, is Garnet the King now, or the Queen?"
"Well, he was crowned Queen so tradition says he's the Queen..."
"Yes. It gets very confusing, but that one there is the most senior noble and therefore the head spokeswoman who will announce whatever decision they come to," Garnet said.
"And was female upon ascension to the throne. I think."
"Yes, well, as soon as Brahne died Garnet became Queen, those are the rules, and the mishap happened a good while after that from what I can tell?"
"I've no idea, the whole timeline is a bit vague."
"...What timeline?"
"Well, I think that settles it, the Queen may marry his Princess Consort with the blessing of the Alexandrian Nobility!" A nobleman said, ending the discussion.
Garnet had taken the whole debate in stride, but Zidane was understandably a little confused.
"...I thought she was the head spokeswoman?" She said, pointing at the Noblewoman Garnet had just pointed at
"Oh, no, when the Queen is male the most senior noble has to be male too!" The spokesman said.
"But you guys never mentioned that?"
"We didn't have to, that part is very clear in precedent," The former spokeswoman said.
"Oh, yes, it is, sorry, should have said," Garnet added.
Zidane groaned.
"...I have that headache now."
"Of course you could also have just used magic to look like each other and that'd be fine, precedent for that too..." The Spokesman said.
"Er... We decided against that actually, but I'm curious now...." Zidane began
"No! I mean, er, I thank the nobility for their time and... My Lords and Ladies, please focus?" Garnet prevented the nobles going down that road, only to realise they'd went on a squirrel-staring detour again.
"Oh, sorry, Your Majesty, but there's a squirrel, you see..."
Zidane then realised something.
"Hang on, you just took the choice yourself, none of the other nobles really made any decision there?"
"Traditionally speaking, ma'am, these other eleven are just here as a formality, all power lies with me, unless the Queen decides he or she doesn't like what I said, at which point I'm fired."
Zidane tried to put words around her confusion.
"Out of a cannon. Used to be a trebuchet of course," the Spokesman said.
"So... we could have just asked him outright?" Zidane eventually said.
"No, that's not the tradition, Zidane, please try to understand," Garnet explained.
"...Can I just be one of those Princess Consorts that doesn't try, because I cannot understand this whole council of nobles thing at all."
"Oh, that's a pretty good name! We've been trying to figure out what to call ourselves for centuries!" The Spokesman said, then resumed staring at the squirrel.
"...If you want, but maybe we should go now, we're done here," Garnet noted.
"Ooh, look, there's a bird too!" A noble said, as the royal couple slipped away.
The people of Alexandria were given the happy announcement, as well as the true revelation of the gender-swapping mishap that their monarch had underwent. A hapless soldier had been given the task, and a megaphone, to tell the citizenry.
Other soldiers were eventually sent out to actually tell them to pay attention, only for it to emerge they already all knew and had been planning to just play along.
"Wait, they did? Oh. Should have known, nothing stays secret around here," Garnet shrugged.
"So the whole posing as each other thing was going to be pointless anyway?" Zidane said.
"Yes, Your Highness" Beatrix confirmed.
"Wait, I'm a Highness now?"
"Yes, Your Highness."
"Cool."
"Still, now that's all out of the way, we can actually plan the wedding. You'll need a dress, of course, Princesses wear dresses. Steiner, fetch a tailor and a dressmaker!"
"Certainly, Your Majesty... er, should I also look into hiring some additional male servants for yourself, and transfer your maids to Princess Consort Zidane's employ?"
"I get maids?" Zidane asked.
"Yes, Your Highness."
"Cool."
The two maids in question, apparently called Rydia and Refia, were now assisting the Dressmaker as Zidane came to realise something.
Getting fitted for dresses wasn't much fun.
"We just bought them out of a store in Tantalus..." She noted, wincing as a stray needle caught her during some sewing of a test-fitting.
"Yes, well, that isn't how things are done in a royal household, Your Highness," Rydia explained.
"And given that Her Highness will need an entire new formal wardrobe, we may be here some time," The Dressmaker noted, measuring again.
"Really? As far as I know Garnet had like, one dress."
"The Queen had three dresses that happened to all be identical," Refia said.
"Can I do that?"
The Dressmaker sighed.
"...It would be rather a waste, given that Her Highness's hair would complement a number of designs, but it is an option."
Zidane realised she probably wanted to keep the needle-wielding woman happy.
"Uh, maybe a few designs... try to have tailholes though?"
It was a few weeks later, and a 'rehersal' of sorts was planned. Mikoto had been invited, and the born-female Genome had arrived.
Another guest was Eiko, since the now-princess of Lindblum was scheduled to be a flower girl. Ruby and Mikoto were both ppencilled in as Bridesmaids. Oddly, though, it was Eiko who seemed best informed about Alexandrian weddings... so Zidane let her go nuts while she spoke to Mikoto about a recent expedition her sister had undertaken....
"I have been researching the device we recovered from Oeilvert, and it indeed was a one-way device - it would seem that the first genomes were originally all one gender, and Garland used it to introduce some prospect of genetic diversity via gender alterations. It was a highly powerful genetic re-sequencer, a magitek item that unfortunately seems to have burnt out during your accidental use..."
"Well, we knew it was one-way, but it may be useful for the future of the Genomes, if you can rebuild it. We're pretty much settled as we are now so I doubt I'd actually want to use it now if it could swap us back..." Zidane admitted.
"Huh, you that used to bein' on the winning team?" Ruby smirked.
"Do you refer to the more matriarchal society in Alexandria or is this another of these human foibles over gender divisions?" Mikoto said.
"Ah, just a fact, is all. Hey, whose gonna be Garnet's best man?" Ruby then wondered.
"Beatrix, this is Alexandria," Eiko said.
"The various traditions of Gaia are bewildering. What purpose does this ceremony serve?" Mikoto wondered.
"It's an excuse to party," Zidane explained.
"From what I can tell, humans do not really need excuses."
"Nah. Actually, that's a point there too, we gotta plan us a little girls night out afore the wedding," Ruby grinned.
"There's no hen nights in Alexandria!" Eiko helpfully reminded.
"....Okay, then, I think maybe we should all just hit the pub after this is over," Zidane said.
"Agreed!" Garnet shouted from the other side of the hall.
"Guess that makes it a royal order then."
A few hours later, the rehearsal done and pub visited, Zidane was now feeling rather sorry for herself beside the Queen.
"I ushed to be able to drink sheven pintsh before I got tipshy hwen I wash a guy, now it'sh only shixh annna half!"
"...But you drank eight? And then four more?" Garnet noted.
"...Oh yeah!"
"So if anything your tolerance has gone up?"
"I guessh! Hey, whaddabout yoursh?"
"I don't know, I've been drinking Sasparilla."
"...What ish shashpa.... Shoospa....Shoopuff?"
"Something without alcohol."
"Oh. I should try that shometime..."
Mikoto meanwhile was confused.
"What precisely is the appeal of alcohol anyway? It merely seems to cause mild brain damage... major, in Zidane's case, I assume."
"I've no idea myself," Garnet admitted.
Time passed. The wedding was held, a rather simple affair for a royal wedding all told, and now a formal Princess Consort married to the Queen, Zidane became a Royal Highness, apparently distinct from a regular Highness. Life was adjusted to.
Until one morning a few months post wedding, when she felt extremely ill.
"It feels like I'm dying or something...." She groaned, stomach churning.
"Er, possibly the opposite, Your Royal Highness..." Rydia noted.
"Huh?"
"You may be pregnant," Refia noted.
If Zidane hadn't already been pale, she would have turned pale. Instead, she simply threw up again.
It was soon confirmed, that Zidane was indeed expecting. To her dismay, this meant that once again her Tantalus brothers, and actual sister, descended upon the castle once more.
"So, Zidane, there's some irony here, huh?" Blank leered.
"Yeah, we'd never have guessed the girl you'd get pregnant someday was gonna be yourself!" Cinna added.
"...Mikoto, how've you been getting on with researching the device that actually did this to me?" Zidane sighed.
"I have built a replica based somewhat on the original design. Though it is combined with the original Terran technology of the first device, it should be reversible."
"And she needs test subjects... Blank, Cinna, you two wanna volunteer?" Zidane grinned.
"Uh... No thanks... I'm not risking it on a 'should'..." Blank said nervously.
"I intend to test on Genome subjects first. We aren't as entrenched in the gender foibles as Gaians are, so if it is permanent it should not pose the difficulties that met Zidane. Especially as Genomes are normally infertile without a specific activation sequence to induce the ability to become pregnant, or indeed, to impregnate," Mikoto said.
"Bet you wish you knew that, huh, Zidane?" Cinna noted.
"Are you SURE you don't want to volunteer, Cinna, because I'm sure Mikoto could use some non-Genome subjects eventually..."