It was a calm and normal day until Sticks the Badger rushed into Sonic's home, waving a pair of black spandex shorts.
"Quick! Sonic! You need to put these on!"
"Uh... Where did you get those?" Sonic asked.
"I borrowed them from Amy. My pair from that time I did archery when we hung out with that plumber at the Olympics got eaten by moths."
"Please don't tell me you broke into her house and stole her shorts."
"I said I borrowed them, they were on her washing line, so they're clean!"
"Well, yeah, she actually does her laundry, unlike you - you come up with weird schemes to just replace your clothes and throw your old ones away."
"Well, yeah, she actually does her laundry, unlike you - you come up with weird schemes to just replace your clothes and throw your old ones away."
"It also gets rid of the tracking devices that way. Plus, Amy said she wanted you to get in her pants so I'm sure she won't mind. Put them on!"
"Why though?" He managed to say despite a heavy blush emerging as a result of that statement
"Because I think we've got a problem!"
Sonic briefly battled between pointing out that Sticks seemed to have way more than just one problem (kleptomania for instance) or giving up to try and make her go away, and chose the latter.
"Fine, but take them back when you're done and explain to Amy this was all your idea!"
He pulled them on quickly, only for Sticks to let out a small yelp.
"Oh no, I was right! Look!" She pointed right at his crotch.
Where there was a noticeable bulge. Sonic's blush came back.
"Uh... It normally doesn't do that. Wait, what do you mean you were right?"
"There's invisible things on everyone that wears clothes!"
"Uh, yeah, of course there are? We keep our genitals hidden unless we need them? I guess if we put tighter clothes on they're hidden enough?"
"Geni-what?"
Sonic stared.
"....You have no idea about genitals? Wait, don't you wear underwear?"
"No! The government puts tracking devices in them!" Sticks said, pulling up her skirt to reveal a completely featureless crotch.
Sonic continued to blush anyway.
"L-Look, Sticks, I'm not really all that qualified to explain this, so, I dunno, go ask Amy..."
"I can't, she has the invisible things on her too! Like I know the bump things on her chest are always there 'cos I looked at her in the shower but there's another thing that only seems to be there when she's wearing underwear! It's like a-"
"I think I can imagine what's there, Sticks. Er, well, not that I imagine what Amy looks like naked with her genitals presenting but..."
"Oh, hey, we talking about genitals now?" Knuckles said as he wandered in.
"Yes! The invisible little things that are on everyone except me! They're trying to take over the world!"
"Huh, that sounds serious. There was me thinking they were for reproduction. And your other private parts were for going to the toilet."
Sticks was now baffled.
"...Reproduction?"
"Uh, like I said, ask Amy!" Sonic tried to prevent Knuckles trying to explain.
Sticks frowned .
"So these little things are trying to make copies of everyone?! Agh! Quick, Knuckles, you put those shorts on now so we can be sure you don't have genitals as well!"
"Oh, Sonic's wearing shorts now? Huh, I don't think you should do that, it kinda makes your junk not hide? I mean, everyone knows Mobians can hide our privates if we're naked but they've got minds of their own."
"Just wear them so we can let Amy deal with this!" Sonic tugged them down (the bulge vanishing apparently into invisibilty) and thoriwn them.
However, to the surprise of both he and Sticks, there seemed to be nothing there.
"Wait a second, you've got bits down there like Amy!"
"Huh? That's weird. Oh, wait, I think I remember now, I'm actually a girl, so it makes sense!" Knuckles laughed.
"...What?" Sticks blinked.
"I just kinda forgot about it!" 'she' said.
"Knuckles, are you telling me you were so forgetful that you forgot what gender you've been the whole time?" Sonic sighed.
"I guess so!"
At that point, the purple elephant said hello.
"Oh, I get it, I'm dreaming! HEY! Wait, that's a lame cliché! And why would I dream about Sonic's junk?! And Knuckles being a girl?! When I wake up I'm going to have words with you, subconscious!"
And as she promised, upon waking up, Sticks indeed wanted to have words, rushing towards Tails' house.
"Open up! I need you to build a machine so I can tell my subconscious mind to stop dreaming weird things about boys! And dreaming about boys actually being girls!"
"...Sticks, it's 4AM. And you're not wearing any clothes," the two-tailed fox shouted from inside (though neglecting to mention he was in his workshop)
"Don't talk to me about clothes, Miles, they started this mess! And while we're at it how come I apparently didn't even know what sex was during that dream, huh?!"
"Wait, what? So you had weird sex dreams and your go-to fix is a machine to do.... something? Why not just speak to Amy? And change your bedsheets?"
"Because one, it wasn't that kind of weird sex dream and two, I don't use bedsheets, they're a conspiracy by mole people! Also, you're in your workshop anyway, I read that bit of narration!"
Well, in that case, maybe you should read the part where it's clear Tails doesn't have the required knowledge or resources to actually build a machine for you to argue with your subconscious? Only Eggman would possibly come close and that would be a horrible idea.
"What?! He doesn't?!"
"...Sticks, who are you talking to?"
"The omniscient narrator! He says I should go to Eggman instead!"
...I didn't say that. I also said it would be a horrible idea.
"Well, it's the only idea I have!"
So naturally, she ran off and Eggman happily built her a machine that would 'let her argue with her subconscious' by mind controlling her, trapping her own actual conscious in a dreamlike state and allowing Eggman to use the blank slate left behind for presumably evil purposes.
"Hey! Eggman, you said this wasn't a machine to control my mind!" Sticks protested.
"It isn't, its a machine to make you put on some damn clothes instead of running around my base naked! Even if you Mobians can hide your genitals due to some weird quirk of your anthropomorphic natures it's still very rude to run around human places in your birthday suits."
"So why'd the narrator say it was?"
"Because they're presumably an untrustworthy one, and I'm untrustworthy too, which is why I built a clothing machine not a let-you-fight-with-your-own-weird-dreams machine!"
"...But didn't try to enslave me or mind control me or turn me into a robot?"
"It's half four in the morning, I come up with better ideas after breakfast! I mean, if you want all that there's a bunch of machines ready and-"
"No thanks, just give me the clothes, and since the machine's no real use to you I'll take it with me, bye..."
Eggman activated the machine, and Sticks left, dressed in a new copy of her usual gear.
"Wait, was all this some convoluted scheme just so she could get out of doing laundry and replace her clothes easier?!"
It was. Well, everything after the dream was, she really thought it was a good idea to throw out all her old clothes, she did that offscreen before rushing to Tails, but I didn't explain that because I kinda suck at my job.
Oh, he can't hear me, can he?
"What?! You missed out me throwing my clothes away?! That was one of the best parts, I built a catapult and fired them off into the sea to drown the tracking devices!" Sticks complained on her way home
It added nothing to the story.
"This whole story's been a convoluted load of nonsense relying on silly clichés based on a terrible joke about how male anthro characters in mainstream walk around naked without their bits showing, why did you pick that part to have standards? I spent all day building that catapult! Now it looks like I just rushed straight round to Tails after waking up at 4AM, when I actually woke at 7, did that, went home, realised I had no clothes, decided to go back to sleep and figure it out later 'cos it was late, had the idea, THEN woke up and went to Tails!"
...The end.
"Why though?" He managed to say despite a heavy blush emerging as a result of that statement
"Because I think we've got a problem!"
Sonic briefly battled between pointing out that Sticks seemed to have way more than just one problem (kleptomania for instance) or giving up to try and make her go away, and chose the latter.
"Fine, but take them back when you're done and explain to Amy this was all your idea!"
He pulled them on quickly, only for Sticks to let out a small yelp.
"Oh no, I was right! Look!" She pointed right at his crotch.
Where there was a noticeable bulge. Sonic's blush came back.
"Uh... It normally doesn't do that. Wait, what do you mean you were right?"
"There's invisible things on everyone that wears clothes!"
"Uh, yeah, of course there are? We keep our genitals hidden unless we need them? I guess if we put tighter clothes on they're hidden enough?"
"Geni-what?"
Sonic stared.
"....You have no idea about genitals? Wait, don't you wear underwear?"
"No! The government puts tracking devices in them!" Sticks said, pulling up her skirt to reveal a completely featureless crotch.
Sonic continued to blush anyway.
"L-Look, Sticks, I'm not really all that qualified to explain this, so, I dunno, go ask Amy..."
"I can't, she has the invisible things on her too! Like I know the bump things on her chest are always there 'cos I looked at her in the shower but there's another thing that only seems to be there when she's wearing underwear! It's like a-"
"I think I can imagine what's there, Sticks. Er, well, not that I imagine what Amy looks like naked with her genitals presenting but..."
"Oh, hey, we talking about genitals now?" Knuckles said as he wandered in.
"Yes! The invisible little things that are on everyone except me! They're trying to take over the world!"
"Huh, that sounds serious. There was me thinking they were for reproduction. And your other private parts were for going to the toilet."
Sticks was now baffled.
"...Reproduction?"
"Uh, like I said, ask Amy!" Sonic tried to prevent Knuckles trying to explain.
Sticks frowned .
"So these little things are trying to make copies of everyone?! Agh! Quick, Knuckles, you put those shorts on now so we can be sure you don't have genitals as well!"
"Oh, Sonic's wearing shorts now? Huh, I don't think you should do that, it kinda makes your junk not hide? I mean, everyone knows Mobians can hide our privates if we're naked but they've got minds of their own."
"Just wear them so we can let Amy deal with this!" Sonic tugged them down (the bulge vanishing apparently into invisibilty) and thoriwn them.
However, to the surprise of both he and Sticks, there seemed to be nothing there.
"Wait a second, you've got bits down there like Amy!"
"Huh? That's weird. Oh, wait, I think I remember now, I'm actually a girl, so it makes sense!" Knuckles laughed.
"...What?" Sticks blinked.
"I just kinda forgot about it!" 'she' said.
"Knuckles, are you telling me you were so forgetful that you forgot what gender you've been the whole time?" Sonic sighed.
"I guess so!"
At that point, the purple elephant said hello.
"Oh, I get it, I'm dreaming! HEY! Wait, that's a lame cliché! And why would I dream about Sonic's junk?! And Knuckles being a girl?! When I wake up I'm going to have words with you, subconscious!"
*
And as she promised, upon waking up, Sticks indeed wanted to have words, rushing towards Tails' house.
"Open up! I need you to build a machine so I can tell my subconscious mind to stop dreaming weird things about boys! And dreaming about boys actually being girls!"
"...Sticks, it's 4AM. And you're not wearing any clothes," the two-tailed fox shouted from inside (though neglecting to mention he was in his workshop)
"Don't talk to me about clothes, Miles, they started this mess! And while we're at it how come I apparently didn't even know what sex was during that dream, huh?!"
"Wait, what? So you had weird sex dreams and your go-to fix is a machine to do.... something? Why not just speak to Amy? And change your bedsheets?"
"Because one, it wasn't that kind of weird sex dream and two, I don't use bedsheets, they're a conspiracy by mole people! Also, you're in your workshop anyway, I read that bit of narration!"
Well, in that case, maybe you should read the part where it's clear Tails doesn't have the required knowledge or resources to actually build a machine for you to argue with your subconscious? Only Eggman would possibly come close and that would be a horrible idea.
"What?! He doesn't?!"
"...Sticks, who are you talking to?"
"The omniscient narrator! He says I should go to Eggman instead!"
...I didn't say that. I also said it would be a horrible idea.
"Well, it's the only idea I have!"
So naturally, she ran off and Eggman happily built her a machine that would 'let her argue with her subconscious' by mind controlling her, trapping her own actual conscious in a dreamlike state and allowing Eggman to use the blank slate left behind for presumably evil purposes.
"Hey! Eggman, you said this wasn't a machine to control my mind!" Sticks protested.
"It isn't, its a machine to make you put on some damn clothes instead of running around my base naked! Even if you Mobians can hide your genitals due to some weird quirk of your anthropomorphic natures it's still very rude to run around human places in your birthday suits."
"So why'd the narrator say it was?"
"Because they're presumably an untrustworthy one, and I'm untrustworthy too, which is why I built a clothing machine not a let-you-fight-with-your-own-weird-dreams machine!"
"...But didn't try to enslave me or mind control me or turn me into a robot?"
"It's half four in the morning, I come up with better ideas after breakfast! I mean, if you want all that there's a bunch of machines ready and-"
"No thanks, just give me the clothes, and since the machine's no real use to you I'll take it with me, bye..."
Eggman activated the machine, and Sticks left, dressed in a new copy of her usual gear.
"Wait, was all this some convoluted scheme just so she could get out of doing laundry and replace her clothes easier?!"
It was. Well, everything after the dream was, she really thought it was a good idea to throw out all her old clothes, she did that offscreen before rushing to Tails, but I didn't explain that because I kinda suck at my job.
Oh, he can't hear me, can he?
"What?! You missed out me throwing my clothes away?! That was one of the best parts, I built a catapult and fired them off into the sea to drown the tracking devices!" Sticks complained on her way home
It added nothing to the story.
"This whole story's been a convoluted load of nonsense relying on silly clichés based on a terrible joke about how male anthro characters in mainstream walk around naked without their bits showing, why did you pick that part to have standards? I spent all day building that catapult! Now it looks like I just rushed straight round to Tails after waking up at 4AM, when I actually woke at 7, did that, went home, realised I had no clothes, decided to go back to sleep and figure it out later 'cos it was late, had the idea, THEN woke up and went to Tails!"
...The end.
"You coward!"