Gunnery Staff Master Sergeant Buff Hardpeck would really have liked to have, just once, started a mission not upside down in a crashed jeep, in a helicopter being shot at, or, like that one time someone got a Chinook and thought 'ooh, hey, cargobob from GTA5', both. He would also really have liked to have a real rank rather than four or five. Or even just a fun rank rather than one that got him shot at a lot. Hell, he'd settle for Master Chief Potato Officer if he had to. 

His desire to peel potatoes would have been ruined by pineapples, had the military forces of the world not insensitively switched to smooth bodied tennis ball type grenades rather than the ones called pineapples, forever ruining the fruit based hilarity. What I am saying is a bunch of grenades landed at his feet.

"Oh shi-"

Fortunately, as he was in a cutscene, rather than the instant and cheap death this should have caused, he was yanked to safety in slow motion by Master Chief Gunnery Corporal John Kangaroo, making a really cool scene for the trailer as the jeep exploded.

"That would have been the kind of pineapple surprise you hate, if they hadn't-"

"Yeah, whatever, John, the narrator did that bit, what the hell is going on?"

The exploded jeep the two were crouched behind was in the middle of a wrecked American city, because apparently no evil world-war-starting conspiracy wants to invade Australia.

"Well, as you know..."

"I don't know, that's why I'm asking!" Buff interrupted.

"...The Australians invaded San Diego this morning, and even though it's only like three, four hours since then tops, they have already cut the city up into convenient corridors of blockades, barricades, and rubble that will force us to go in one direction and one direction only, where we will encounter the bulk of the Australian Army on the way despite being a mere two guys and Brian."

"Brian was driving!"

"It's cool, I have plot armour! I'll show up for no good reason once you reach the first ammo crate." A voice yelled from inside the jeep.

"Anyway, that's about it, you've got the ability to absorb an absurd amount of bullets by hiding behind cover until your eyes stop bleeding, and we're basically godlike invincible beings that only die if the plot says so. Here's a gun that's basically just as good as any other gun in the game except it has a different paint job."

"...It's got rainbows."

"Our objective is to meet up with Dan on top of the San Diego Convention Centre, which is actually like six blocks the opposite direction from where we're going. There, we'll plant C4 on the transmitter, taking Home and Away off the air, causing the entire Australian army to fall over and die or something," John explained.

"It sounds like a plan. I mean, on closer inspection it isn't a plan at all, it's just a bunch of meaningless words strung together because the objectives on these things are no more complicated than 'reach the end of the corridor and blow things up on the way', but it sounds like one."

"Great, now let's go kick some American, I mean, Australian ass, mate! Foreshadowing!" Corporal Kangaroo said.

"...You're an Australian-born traitor in the unit, really a Captain in the Australian Special Backstabbing Service, and you'll stab us in the back about halfway through won't you?"

"It's a twist NO ONE WILL SEE COMING! You have to have plot twists, Buck! That's how you keep them surprising, by having a pointless twist every time!"

"Buff," Buff protested.

"Whatever. Now shoot some Australians."

Buff immediately shot John

FRIENDLY FIRE WILL NOT BE TOLERATED