It was as normal a day as I've experienced in the time since I was first unfortunate enough to cross paths with Haruhi Suzumiya. Normal in that just as things seemed safe danger leapt out of her mouth and cause the world to tremble. The worst part of this event was it seemed innocent enough. Very random and unexpected, but innocent.
It seemed Haruhi wanted someone to talk to. But about specific things.
"Hey, Kyon. Have you ever noticed I don't have anyone to talk to about girl stuff?"
"I can't say I have." I answered truthfully, whilst looking towards Asahina-san, who also seemed a little bit confused by this statement.
"Nah, Mikuru's no good for what I mean. See, she's too shy to talk about the kind of girl stuff I mean, or do it. She'd get embarrassed too easily" Haruhi explained.
Yet you continually dress her up in various costumes.
"That's fun stuff, not girl stuff. Anyway, before you look at Yuki, she's too quiet most of the time and too detailed the rest of the time. What I mean is like a girl who fits girl stuff. A sort of average girl. Like me."
No comment on that last statement but I did have one idea.
"What about Tsuruya-san?" Kozumi reminded us he was there, stealing it from me.
"Opposite from Mikuru. Not shy enough. No restraint."
Again, I am not making any comment on that statement.
"Really, it'd have to be someone mundane. Kind of boring. Grounded in reality, not a girly-girl but not a super-tomboy. Basically someone who'd tolerate or like girl stuff but know where to call an end to it."
I just realised, you never specified once what "girl stuff" is, and frankly, I'm not sure I want to know... So what I said instead was.
"Maybe you need to recruit someone new to the Brigade then?"
Haruhi seemed to be thinking though.
"Actually, that won't work. It's probably better to just leave it because I just realised what I described." She frowned.
"And what is that?" Koizumi questioned, causing Haruhi to grin.
"Kyon if he was a girl!" She responded, bursting into laughter while I for my part failed to make the connection.
"How do you mean?" I asked, and when she stopped laughing, she explained.
"Easy. You're a mundane average boring guy. You're grounded in reality. You're not exactly the most manly man, but you're not effeminate either. You'd probably tolerate or like boy stuff but know where to call an end to it."
I don't want her definition of "boy stuff" either.
"But yeah, my problem be solved if you were a girl. But you're not so that's us still in this dilemma..." She finished.
"It's not a huge problem, is it? And why the sudden desire to talk girl stuff anyway?" I challenged.
She shrugged.
"Just a random idea really..."
"But if Kyon was a girl, wouldn't that make me the only male in the Brigade? People would spread rumours..." Koizumi smirked.
"Nah, you're more interesting as a guy. Besides, it wouldn't be fair to gender equality to have an all female Brigade!" Haruhi said.
"I'm glad to know that." Koizumi said with the standard smile.
And after that Haruhi decided to change subjects onto a story about UFOs reported in Russia, and I gave the conversation no more thought until that dreadful moment a few hours later when I realised Haruhi had implied I would be more interesting as a girl.
I quickly dismissed the worry. She had said many times certain things would make me more interesting and to my knowledge, they never happened.
Unfortunately that train of thought terminated in a strange dream, it seems. Now, recollection of dreams is rarely complete. Sometimes it's as much as just remembering something nice, or something unsettling for nightmares. My sister for example once woke screaming in the middle of the night, and then was puzzled as to why, as she had completely forgotten the actual nightmare she had just been in mere seconds before. This is just to clarify that my recollection of this dream may not be entirely accurate.
First, Haruhi lined up the SOS Brigade to determine how interesting we were. She first had the brigade assess herself, and the only possible change was suggested by me.
"Maybe you could have a ponytail but that's about it."
A moment later, Haruhi and her new Pokémon were about to move onto Koizumi until I clarified that I had said Ponytail and not Ponyta. I did say this was a strange dream. Anyway, she corrected this, but she still had the Ponyta. It didn't seem to do much so I simply dealt with it.
Yuki was then given an assessment by the rest of us and it was determined by vote she was fine as she was. Koizumi was next looked over, and apparently also fine. Asahina-san was also voted fine as well, but when it came to my turn...
"Maybe if you were a girl? That might make you more interesting?" Haruhi pondered.
The others added their own choice words, largely agreeing with Haruhi. I myself tried to argue against it, but Haruhi dismissed it.
"Nope, sorry, Kyon! You're a girl now!."
At that point, she climbed onto the pony and flew away.
I did say it was a strange dream.
I awoke therefore confused, and this was compounded by the fact I seemed to have awoken about ten minutes earlier than the alarm was set to go off.. I stumbled out my room, half-asleep, and went to the bathroom. Things progressed normally, and since I was up early, I figured a longer shower might wake me up.
It was only as I stepped out of the shower there was a knock at the door.
"Kyon-kun, are you in the bathroom already? Hurry up so I can get in."
I sighed, moved to finish up and dry off when the problem began.
"Kyon-lun, your alarm is going off in your room!" My sister shouted once more. I was about to tell her to go shut it off herself when everything suddenly changed.
I began to get smaller. Shorter. My legs, arms, waist and chest grew thinner, and my hands grew more slender. In confusion I looked at them until I realised that my hair seemed to be getting heavier, and reached back to find it was now past my shoulders. I recalled Haruhi's words yesterday, the strange dream... and then I looked down.
Something was missing. And not much was added. And that's as much detail as I cared to take in from that glance before I quickly went back to my hands and then rushed to the mirror, for final proof as a feminine face stared back
I was a girl.
I was stunned into silence for a few moments, just the drip of the showerhead and the sound of tramping feet before my sister broke me out of the confusion.
"Kyon-chan! Hurry it up!"
I blinked, and shouted a surprisingly high-pitched reply, and then wondered what I was going to do now. At least judging by the change to Kyon-chan whatever had happened was making others always regard me as a girl, a surprisingly rational thought at the time given all the shock I was in...
It was fortunate I had already showered or this could have been awkward. As it was, I found that my razor had vanished entirely, my towel... hadn't changed at all, but my pyjamas had turned from blue to a dark pink, and the shirt seemed to be a button-up rather than a pullover.
It seemed there was only one choice, given there was only one culprit. I suspected that the change had happened as the alarm went off, as across the city, another alarm was going off, and Haruhi was herself waking up and altering the world to suit her whims.
Before I could prove this, I had to get dressed, go to school, and figure out what had happened. And then, how to fix it. It would be embarrassing, but I reasoned that if I was lucky only I would remember ever being male, and at best maybe Yuki or Koizumi. I doubted Haruhi would, and it seemed my sister didn't.
Rushing past the bundle of energy that was waiting to get in, having only just managed to wrap a towel around myself in my haste, I returned to my room to find that many other things had changed. My computer desktop for example had changed from the default blue and red to blue and pink. My uniforms had become those for a girl, naturally, and my underwear drawer practically caused my brain to shut down the minute I saw everything in there.
After I rebooted my brain I tried to put on the alien clothing and it was not easy. It seemed quite apparent I remained the male me in terms of ability to handle putting on a bra, which is, no ability whatsoever. Not that the female me seemingly had much need for a bra, which felt oddly like a source of anger despite only having (or not having) the body parts that necessitated the confusing garments for a total of about ten minutes.
It further appeared the female me was a little concious of short skirts, for a number of pairs of bike shorts were in with the underwear. Looking around, nothing visible seemed to have became make-up, but there were a number of hair ribbons and a small mirror on my desk now.
Well, when in Rome, I decided. If I had to be a girl, I'd at least have a hairstyle I'd like...
After putting the ribbon on to form the ponytail with some trial and error, I met my sister at my door once again.
"Kyon-chan, you screwed up the ribbon again!" She giggled.
"Fine then, help me fix it!" I growled. I was in no mood for fashion commentary.
My sister simply shrugged and agreed, at which point I decided to ask about makeup.
"Why do you want makeup, Kyon-chan? You never use it."
"Just wondering something." I said, before I realised she was thinking, and getting it wrong.
"Does Kyon-chan like aboy?" She giggled. I was well versed in dealing with this where the word 'boy' was switched with 'girl' from her in the past and I knew how to deal with it.
"I don't think so." I sighed, and she pouted.
"You're no fun. Miyoko-chan's neechan gets all flustered and annoyed when she does that to her."
"That's because Miyoko-chan's neechan actually does like someone." I retorted.
When finally the ribbon had been fixed and my sister was off my back, I had planned to phone Koizumi and see what he knew, but I realised using a phone within sight of my sister was bound to end in more teasing, especially when I was in fact phoning a boy. Which would be so strange I can't even begin to describe it so I won't.
I was not surprised that he seemed unsurprised when I did phone him five minutes later as I left the house. My sister luckily did not connect an early leaving from me to anything suspicious, more interested in her own breakfast it seemed.
"Good morning, Kyon. Is there a problem?"
"Yes, there's a problem. I'm a girl!" I said, getting a confused look from a passing paperboy.
"Well, yes... Is that a problem?"
"I wasn't one yesterday."
He paused, and somehow I knew he was grinning.
"Well, meet me at the base of the hill up to school in five minutes and we can talk there..."
I agreed, hung up, and then realised.
Did his voice sound higher pitched?
As I approached, the answer became apparent. It was no. Koizumi remained male, and unsurprised to see me female.
"I have to say, Kyon-chan, I'm rather confused. You say you weren't a girl yesterday?" He said.
"Hello to you too." I grumbled
"Ah, yes, sorry. Well, I think you'd need to explain because as I think you will have guessed, I've never been aware of you being anything but a girl to the best of my knowledge."
I sighed.
"So, no closed spaces or anomalies last night?"
He shook his head.
"A very small one around about forty minutes ago... But it lasted a few seconds at most."
"...Roughly when Haruhi woke up?" I considered.
"Possibly. Perhaps Nagato will have more information..." He said, still smiling even at a complete loss.
"She's still a girl, right?"
"I presume so. Are you expecting someone else to be altered?"
"No. The reason I've changed is Haruhi was musing yesterday I'd be more fun as a girl."
Koizumi nodded.
"Of course. I recall her wishing the Brigade was more gender-diverse, but she went into a tangent about aliens, a third gender, or even a fourth. I don't recall what you argued, but all I know is she ended up proclaiming we had to try and recruit an androgynous alien."
Hopefully I wouldn't stick around in this slightly altered universe long enough to meet one.
We went uphill then, and straight for the Brigade room, only to find that Yuki wasn't there. She arrived a few moments behind us, though, so my brief panic that she didn't exist any more was a waste, especially given that Kozumi had been the one who had suggested Nagato's assistance. It seemed odd on reflection he'd seek the aid of someone he'd never met.
"You are here with regards to the minor time-space event occurring forty-seven minutes and nineteen seconds ago?" She said the second she entered.
"Hello to you too..." I muttered again. Why did I keep doing that?
Nagato ignored that and simply stared at us to prompt a relevant answer
"Yes. It seems Kyon-chan..."
"Stop calling me that that."
"...Kyon-hime..."
"Or that, you cheeky bastard."
He sighed, but maintained his ever-present smile, which after ten minutes exposure as a girl, was no more endearing to me than it had been before.
"Well, it seems Kyon has memories of a different life to us. We were wondering if you perhaps had some information?"
Nagato nodded.
"The effects of the event appeared to be centred around the individual known as Kyon-chan..."
Don't you start! Wait, sorry, no, it's fine from you, we're both girls. For the moment, I hope.
"...and manifested only on a physical level. As for what those effects were, we did not have any data indicating a change, which either meant there was no change as the most simple explanation without further evidence, or the alternative that any changes conducted were masked and resulted in a large-scale alteration of memories with the possible exception of Kyon-chan herself."
I explained my predicament and how I had discovered it, and a few things from my previous life when I was a lot taller than Nagato rather than about her height. Koizumi listened with interest, and so did Nagato...
"You are permitted to refer to me as Yuki-chan. We are classified as sufficiently close friends to permit this."
I paused at this interruption.
"So,what do I call everyone else?" I asked.
"Koizumi, Asahina-san or sometimes sempai, Haruhi. Oh, and Taniguchi-san and Kunikida-san. They both insist you should call them 'Kun' though so perhaps you wish to..." Kozumi replied..
"Nope. Anyway, where was I?"
"You explained what Haruhi had said yesterday." I was prompted in return to my dismissal of his ideas, while Na... Yuki-chan... simply seemed to take it all in. If I didn't know better I'd say she was slightly amused.
"Oh, well that was it really. She thought I'd be more fun as a girl."
Yuki nodded.
"Based on this evidence I am led to a conclusion. Your actions and replies in your own yesterday did not come in favour of the concept nor in true opposition to it. I would therefore estimate that Haruhi Suzumiya has subconsciously attempted this change as a 'trial period' to see if it would be more 'fun' for you to be a girl."
"So... I need to convince Haruhi a girl me is boring?" I said.
Yuki nodded.
"That would appear to be an accurate summary. However, our discussion must end as Haruhi Suzumiya is approaching the room."
Crap! We need an excuse to be meeting like this if she's coming... We were meeting to discuss looking for a new member... No, you two were! I'm hiding!
I ducked into a small cabinet, closing the door and hoping female me did not have claustrophobia. Haruhi's entrance was hard to not hear, and as she stomped into the room it seemed she was satisfied by whatever story the two of them had decided to use. They on the other hand were quiet.
"I see. Good initiative! Have either of you saw Kyon-chan yet?"
A pause as they replied.
"Good. I don't want her surprise spoiled. Look at these!"
I froze. What were 'These'?
"They're similar to Mikuru's but I messed up with the bunny suit I think. The catgirl and maid should fit, but the bunny suit seems to be my measurements. It'll be a little loose around her chest... Not a bad thing for you, eh, Koizumi?"
I hope he had the decency to add a blush to that smirk!
"Anyway, I'll just leave them here and have her try them on at lunch time. Don't warn her!" Haruhi said, and then left.
There was a pause, and then the door opened.
"It's safe to come out now... But I think lunch time might not be much fun for you." Koizumi smirked.
And so, the plan was, to get her to think I'm more fun male. I went to class, finding myself among the first there despite my detour, and sat to think.
As for how I'd do it, I had no clue. I was therefore distracted, as I tried to think up new ways until there was a sudden and gentle tug on my ponytail. I turned to see the culprit. It was Haruhi, of course.
Lacking her own ponytail to my dismay.
"Hello to you too." I muttered once more.
"You seem a little down, Kyon-chan..."
I sighed at this.
"I really don't like that nickname... Shouldn't it at least be Kyonko if I'm a girl?" I said under my breath, but Haruhi heard
"Hmmm... Kyonko... Yeah it works! Okay then, Kyonko!" She smirked.
What did I just do?
Haruhi then rather enthusiastically tried to convince Taniguchi and Kunikida to adopt the new nickname as they entered. I was mortified... I'd made my nickname even more female!
"Nah, I think Kyon-chan is Kyon-chan... " Taniguchi said, waving his hand theatrically.
And so it then began, a battle in the classroom to rename me. Kyon-chan only just won the battle, as those who bothered to take part in the debate were largely girls, and some of them seemed to think trying to point out I was a girl like that was unfair, even when Haruhi claimed it as my idea. The others thought it cute, and the boys largely had no opinion.
The arrival of Okabe-sensei ended the debate, and until lunch, I was left to wallow in the relief of the near miss, dread of the approaching 'surprise', and the lack of ideas to convince Haruhi I liked having a y-chromosome.
And then lunch came and I was dragged out of the room, not quite kicking and screaming, but certainly not happy about it.
"Haruhi, I have legs of my own you know, you don't need to drag me..."
"Quiet, Kyonko!"
"I thought it was Kyon-chan?"
Not that I liked either name, of course.
"Kyon-chan is for normal people, Kyonko is your brigade name! It increases your moe factor by nearly sixteen percent!"
Where are you getting this math? And stop dragging me already! Those second year boys are looking at us strange.
"Tch, fine."
I followed her reluctantly to the clubroom, where to my complete lack of surprise, costumes awaited. She locked the door after proudly waving the bunnygirl suit up, and I sighed.
So this is what it's like to be Asahina-san...
"Come on, Kyonko, I've done this before! Remember when I forgot to lock the door and when Taniguchi walked in?"
Oh... No! No way, that didn't happen!
"He likes to think not either. He lost so much blood from that nosebleed..."
I groaned in despair. Even the thought the blood loss was from my first connecting with his face didn't dilute the sheer embarrassment of retroactively learning that the most perverted guy I know, saw my female self in the false past being stripped off by Haruhi.
"Hey... Kyonko... Are you all right? You've seemed kind of down all day..." Haruhi said, with unusual concern for her.
"I was... I was just thinking about yesterday... And I can take it off myself, Haruhi!" I said, batting her hand away.
"Fine, fine... But you might need help with the zips later..."
Zips?!
"On the other costumes. The ones that'll fit properly unless... Ah, I just take my socks off too!"
A few moments later, I was dismayed to have my bust filled out to Haruhi's scale with the aid of socks.
"Hmm... It won't do properly. You look cute but it looks silly with the socks. Onto the next one!" She said and descended again. I protested again, but this time she had less of it and it was less undressing as fighting her to try and undress myself.
I lost, and a few moments later was fighting to put the next one on before I realised what it was.
"A catgirl!? What?! Are you taking pictures of me in THIS!?"
"You mean Nya. Don't worry, I'm not taking photos yet, I need to wait to Mikuru has hers on as well... Anyway, you were thinking about something?"
I sighed and tried to steer this the right way.
"Well, your thing yesterday... I realised you were right. We do have a gender imbalance in the Brigade and I think we need to fix it."
Haruhi nodded, then grinned.
"Oho! I know why this happened! You want us to recruit a cute boy!"
What? No!
"No! I just think we need to balance it. It's a little unfair on Koizumi..."
"Go on?" She prompted.
"And... That's about it. If we're meant to look for the unusual surely we need a better cross-section of society?" I tried.
Haruhi mulled this.
"Good point. I guess we should look for a boy... Then once you have a boyfriend like you want he can join the Brigade!"
I don't want a boyfriend!
"Says you..." Haruhi smirked and began her assault again.
By the time I was dressed as a maid, I had the next words planned.
"I was thinking as well... What if I was a boy?" I tried.
Haruhi seemed puzzled.
"Don't let the socks thing get you down, Kyon-Chan. You're just a late bloomer. Mikuru apparently joined the school flatter than a table and look where she's got to already!"
"That's not what I mean. I mean, what would it be like if I was a boy?" I asked.
"Hmm... Wait, would I be a boy too?"
Why would you be male as well!? This isn't about you!
"Er... No, no... Just me..." I said instead.
"So... You'd be a boy... Hmm. You'd not have a ponytail at least. And you wouldn't need to keep wearing those bike shorts of yours..."
I thought I was successful as she pondered this, then ordered me to get back into normal uniform as lunch would end soon.
The rest of the day I was a little more optimistic, thinking that if I could keep Haruhi pondering the subject her subconscious would realise I was meant to be male, and undo her change! I reacted as expected when she locked Kozumi out and then had me and Asahina-san both undress and... I was looking away from her at all times, I swear!
Anyway, once that torture was over with and Haruhi demanded I wear the catgirl for the rest of the day, to which Kozumi did have the decency to blush at, the day was somewhat normal. Except for me trying to remind Haruhi to think about what I said at lunch.
And therefore I went home, and tried to end the night as positive as possible. I sincerely hoped I would indeed be the real me in the morning.
However, all I could do was wait through the night... And it was a sleepless night until the small hours when I must have finally fallen under.
Waking up the next morning started unpleasant, and got worse.
"Neechaaaan! Wake up! Your alarm is going off!"
I blinked awake realising two things shortly after each other. First, I was still a girl, evident by the long hair and the other things. Second, it seemed my little sister was now calling me 'onee-chan' for the first time ever... Well, she'd used to call me onii-chan, which I would very much prefer to Kyon-kun, Kyon-chan, and especially in preference to onee-chan!
It took a few dismayed moments at the lack of the world being fixed for me to realise the next two things. I was in a room with two beds, and it was evident I was now sharing a room with my sister. I groaned at this, wondering what had happened to my old room (I assumed at the time it was likely to have become an office for my father or a guest room or something, the usual sort of cliché in a household with a spare room) and why Haruhi had brought this change about. Did my words yesterday steer her in the wrong direction and think that "Kyon-chan" had gender issues?
Well, 'she' does! 'She' is meant to be a 'he'! What purpose does having me share a room with a sister who now gives me the respect an elder sibling deserves possibly serve towards that? Or perhaps I'm just on the wrong track and this change is utterly random.
The second thing of the second round of realisations was... If I was here, why had my little sister dashed out of the room? Looking at the clock it was the time she usually would have been dragging me from my blissful ignorance of my own alarm and... Wait, if we shared a room how did she get up before me? There's only one alarm clock and she called it my alarm. Presumably she awoke well before it all the time...
Following to check exactly where she had gone, dismissing the worries of my sister's strange ability to wake before alarms and the dismay I was now realising over the fact a shared room was far smaller, I came back to wondering what happened to my old room.
The answer walked out of it like a zombie and straight into the bathroom. And that zombie-like figure sent me into a temporary insanity.
"How... What... how can... what?"
My little sister helpfully interjected into my babbling.
"It was your turn first yesterday, neechan, so it's his today."
"What?!"
"Yeah, it's mine tomorrow. I still think we should try and share our turn though since we're both girls..."
Though I heard her, my thoughts were still on the figure that emerged from my old room... which may not have been an accurate description. For rather than it being an office for my father or a spare room, it was in fact still a bedroom. My bedroom. Except it wasn't me as such. But it was...
"What." I had asked one more time.
In simple terms, my male self had walked out of my male self's room, while I, formerly male and now female, watched myself walk past. It seemed that though I had been made into a female counterpart, Haruhi had brought the male me back into existence... presumably a fraternal twin brother...
If that seems confusing, well... Confusing did not begin to cover it for me.