Daisuke blinked, as he awoke. He was moving, his feet were off the ground, and the first voice he heard was not very welcome.

"Ah, happy birthday, maggot!" The Digimon Kaiser cheerfully said as Daisuke was winched into the room.

The goggle-wearing boy was currently bound by ropes around his hands and feet, dangling from a pulley system on the roof that had tugged him out of a cell a few floors down. He couldn't quite remember how he'd been caught, but that was secondary to the fact he'd been captured.

Two Gazimon, wearing Dark Rings, helped clamp his waist onto a nearby wall, before pulling his arms down to tie them to the wall as well.

They finally removed the gag at this point, and Daisuke cursed and swore for a few minutes.

"Finished?" The Kaiser asked.

"Not until you untie me!" Daisuke raged.

"Oh, did you ask for that? Well, I can't do that, birthday boy. See, all your friends are coming to give you gifts..."

"What? What do you mean?"

Daisuke was now alarmed. Was Ken playing mind games again? Come to think of it something seemed really strange about this...

"Oh, simple. I'll show, not tell. Watch..."

The trolley/pulley/winch... conveyor... thing... then began moving again, and brought in another tied up shape.

"Here he comes. Iori, bringing you the first gift. A lovely little action figure!"

Iori was still unconscious, it seemed, as he was pulled over what looked like a large jar with a metal disc for the base. He  was dropped into it, and then another metal disc was dropped onto it.

"What are you talking about? Is he supposed to be figure in the jar?" Daisuke asked.

"Not quite. Not yet. Wormmon! Is it ready?" Ken shouted.

The small green caterpillar-worm Digimon was beside the jar, and Daisuke couldn't hear him from where he was...

"Just activate it!" The Kaiser fumed. Wormmon obeyed.

The jar then had a spark between the two metal discs, and glowed. Daisuke stared in shock, as the whole thing became brighter, and Iori's prone form seemed to glow. And then the glow stopped, and Iori was gone. There was something small inside the jar now, about twelve inches high. The top disc lifted, taking the glass away, and Wormmon went in, picking the object up and heading towards Daisuke.

The object was Iori, turned into an action figure. Wormmon left him in front of the stunned Digidestined.

"Wh...You turned him into a doll?!"

"Action figure, but if you want to call it a doll, be my guest, Miss Motomiya. "

"Screw you!"

The Kaiser merely chuckled as the next guest was brought in.

Takeru was also out cold as he was dropped into the jar, and the process began again.

"See, I figured a little toy... a doll, as you call it... was a nice starter gift, but more fitting gifts are forthcoming. I know you seem to wish you could be in charge more. Kick your blond friend around a little, rather than let him pretend he's in charge and make it harder for you to get your girl... am I right?"

Daisuke didn't reply as the glow faded to reveal a soccer ball.

"Well, what a lovely present from Takeru then!"

Wormmon brought the boy-turned ball over to rest beside Iori.

"Okay, this is some trick, right? You haven't transformed them at all, this is a swap..."

"Oh, not, not at all. Next, Hikari's brought you a nice shirt. And Miyako is giving you the shorts..."

Two unconscious figures were brought in, and Daisuke swore again as Miyako dropped in, Hikari hanging outside.

Wormon pulled out a white pair of shorts as Hikari dropped in, and Daisuke was horrified.

This was the ultimate insult. The ultimate cruelty...

The shorts were folded and left before him, as the glow stopped. A red shirt that had been Hikari was produced, and then brought out, neatly folded, and Daisuke screamed in rage.

"You turned my girl... into a Manchester United shirt?!"

"What's wrong? Don't you like the Red Devils?"

"I support Liverpool!" Daisuke fumed.

"Oh. Well, should have let them know that. I mean, you like Soccer and they're the biggest club in the world..."  The Kaiser waved his hand.

Patamon and Tailmon were then brought in, transformed into socks. Armadillomon and Hawkmon became a pair of Football Boots.

The last of his friends to be brought in, was Veemon. He was not unconscious, but tied up like a mummy, gagged, squirming, and looking terrified.

"What... Why is he awake? The rest were out cold..."

"He's awake because I like to see him squirm! And you too! See, he's been told what's going to happen..."

Two Gazimon walked in with the dark rings on their arms, wheeling a small dessert trolley. It was currently empty, and Daisuke was quick enough to realise the meaning.

"...No, wait! Don't!" He tried to beg, but Veemon dropped in, and the process began.

Veemon did not vanish. He did not shrink except to become a little flatter in some ways. He still resembled himself, but there was one key difference.

Veemon's appearance was a 2d drawing made of icing and marzipan on top of the cake he had been transformed into. The Gazimon loaded him onto the trolley, wheeling him over, as The Kaiser walked down too.

He held a cake knife.

"So...  a big slice for the birthday boy?"

Daisuke screamed

***

He still thought he was screaming until he realised he really was awake and right back in trouble.

Except somewhat safer trouble.

"I'm gonna switch the voice box back on... mind not screaming again?" Ken groaned.

'Oh... I'm still here then... Damn, that was a weird dream...' Daisuke thought to himself.

He was currently in Ken's room, and currently, as he had been for the past three weeks, a stone statue. A very bad encounter with a Cockatrimon, a somewhat idiotic and heroic dive to try and save Hikari (who he had missed because she was jumping the other way, IE to safety without any intervention...) and he wound up turned into a bewildered lump of rock that had to stay somewhere safe while the others tried to either capture and kill the Cockatrimon to revert him, or find some other cure.

Ken hadn't been the Kaiser for a year or two now, and BelialVamdemon had been beaten soundly a year or so before. It had been just plain idiocy on Daisuke's part.

However, he had been given a little help. Koushiro and Ken had managed to hook up a little device to his head that could translate brainwaves into speech on a netbook computer, allowing Daisuke to speak with the world. Or, in this case, scream like a girl when having a nightmare after sleeping.

It was strange, really. He was a statue, but he had followed normal sleep cycles... Complete with dreams and nightmares.

"Another nightmare?" Ken asked.

Daisuke tried to nod, realising his mistake.

"Yeah, really weird one too.... Uh, you have the bass setting too high..."

Ken grumbled.

"Try that?"

"Testing, one two.... Crap, sounds like helium. Ah, never mind, it'll do for now... Oh, okay, cool. "

"So, how weird? Hikari turning into Godzilla and taking you to see a show on Broadway weird?"

"Weirder, maybe. You were the Kaiser again and you turned everyone into stuff. Iori was a doll, Takeru was a soccer ball, Miyako and Hikari became a Man United kit, and the digimon except Veemon became socks and cleats. And Veemon became a cake, and you said it was all for my birthday." Daisuke replied via the computer link.

Ken blinked.

"That is... pretty weird."

"I know. My birthday isn't for months..."