Was Christmas really only four days ago??  It feels like forever, Y’all. 

I’m going to share some “behind the scenes” stuff from the Tina-verse.  Back around Halloween, I was scrolling through the DA feed.  What can I tell you?  I’m a scroller.  I scroll.  Good fortune smiled on my and my screen happened to slow down enough for me to notice a piece posted by @Lady-Sarah-Ines   It was THIS piece to be specific.  And I allowed it to linger there on the screen.  And after about 30 seconds, I realized it hadn’t really been 30 seconds, but more like 10 minutes of me gaping and staring and starting to grope a little.  Maybe a lot.  OK.  Definitely a lot.  Sorry.  Not remotely sorry.

The “shiny object” that got my attention was the blond damsel in institution-style bondage.  I relate to images where the damsel looks a bit like me, as this one does.  And I have this intense fascination for the subject of long-term, not-exactly-consensual, captivity and bondage.  So it was tickling me in my creative kinky places from jump.  But the next part was the Domme.  God she is hot.  The blond damsel is pretty, but the Domme is fire.  She is white flames melting anything that looks at her.  See how the Damsel is looking at her?  She’s not ready.

I wasn’t ready, either.

And her words and that smile sealed the deal.  You can read them so I won’t re-type them here.  But I will tell you what they said.  “They” being Her words and Her smile.  They said, “I’m in charge AND you are not.”  That second point melted in the back of my throat like a peppermint.  Lord, how wonderful to not only be PERMITTED to stop being in charge but to actually have that duty simply taken out of my unsuspecting hands.  Those hands that are now somehow tied tightly behind my back.  Wait!  Let me check.  Ahh, yeah.  The rigging is tight.  And right.  I’m 100% sure I could escape these ropes, and I could even tell you how.  If she wasn’t watching.  Because, something I failed to mention is that, her eyes control me even more than her smile and her words.  They’re like the tide washing over me and claiming me in a way that I have always needed and didn’t dare visualize. 

OK.  Peeling myself away from that…I’ll reiterate, the piece made an impression on me.

So I did my Tina-thing and left an “In-character” comment as though I was already caught in the bondage like the Tina in the picture was.  Do you see how I just fucking claimed possession?  That girl IS Tina.  I’m a submissive but I have that alpha predator skill set, remember?  You can read the comment.  It was super short, for me.  And also it was super powerless.  Y’all know that I pretty much NEVER speak in that voice.  It just doesn’t come into my frontal lobe very often.  It’s suppressed hard by taxes, and teaching and being the caretaker or my mom and the coolest “your aunt is HOT,” Aunt to my nephews.  Yeah.  I’m always in charge and making things happen.

Which is exhausting.

I almost edited the fuck out of that comment.  I almost wrote a longer description of how I’d use tactics and patience and eventually make my escape and take my vengeance.  That’s the Tina I tend to write.  That’s my safe, strong Tina.  The one that can take you out before you see me move, or if you’re VERY good, the one that can take the hits you get lucky and land, adjust, and come back to win in the end.  That’s the voice I usually hear.  But Lady Sarah permitted my meek voice to step forward and speak for me. 

We exchanged just a few lines under that piece and oh my fucking God, I was wrapped up in it.  All smiles.  All goosebumps.  Fuck!  So alive.

I was tied up most of the rest of the day in a sensory deprivation hogtie of leather straps.  And I couldn’t escape.  I used my very best, most stringent methods, so I could feel a fraction as powerless as I did in the image she created.

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We, moved from comments in the open forum to messages in the Chat function of DA.  We had a crazy easy chemistry.  The only direction Lady Sarah gave was that for things to be explored properly that should be savored slowly and thoughtfully.  Well that was 1,000% fine with me.  We took turns.  Each of us posting lengthy messages to the other.  Neither lingered on past or the future.  I really couldn’t even tell you exactly what topics we batted back and forth.  I know we made literary references.  We spoke in character in a virtual setting but it wasn’t role playing.  It was Lady Sarah and I translating the separation of time and the physical world into a virtual environment.  And it worked really well. 

I felt myself taking chances with what I was sharing and being rewarding with affirmation and with kind reciprocation on Her part.  I felt myself melting.  I was trying so hard to be impressive.  I wanted to stand out.  Lady Sarah has something special.  She has real dominance.  She has confidence and class and character and charm.  I don’t know if it’s just the sub in me or also my Kentucky roots, but the sophistication I felt around her was intoxicating.  Like holding bourbon on my tongue and feeling it burn before  swallow it.  You know it’s there and you can’t help but want it to burn a little because the payoff is crazy good.

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And then DA crashed it’s chat function and we all lost our old messages.  It took me a few days to figure out where to go to start getting my old conversations restarted.  By the time I tried to reach back out to Lady Sarah, I was met with an error message that she wasn’t accepting messages.  Was that at all, or just from me?

Fuck.  That’s a bummer.  But we’d only had a few messages.

But that stupidly good chemistry!  Fuck!

I got a grip.  I did an endurance bondage session to get my mind off of things, which pretty much did the exact opposite.  I should have expected that, but I’m an idiot.  Lol.  Anyway, I figured that was it.  I’d enjoy her art when I saw it.  Maybe I’d post a comment every now and again if she did something else with long-term quasi-consensual captivity.

But then there was Christmas.  Ho-fucking-ho.  This perfect thing showed up.  And I’ve melted into a quivering Tina-puddle once again.    

It turns out that Lady Sarah had been thinking about our connection too!  Or is chemistry the better word?  Chemical bonds?  Fuck yeah there are bonds.  We’ll call it chemical bondage then…lol. 

As for the image, there is a ton of amazing awesomeness I could gush about, but what I really want to get into are the words she wrote under the image.  That said, I can’t skip over the image entirely.  I want to at least remark on the perfect tone that Lady Sarah created.  If you follow me, you recognize my outfit.  I’ve posted real life images of myself in that Nike T-shirt, and few of my very favorite “bound Tina” works of art by @Zwangjacket have me in that outfit.  Lady Sarah clearly took the time to look through my profile to come up with this.  Which feels so cool, and I’m so grateful! 

She drew me submitting but also struggling.  It’s me in the conundrum I constantly write about.  I am made to be submissive.  It is coded in my DNA.  It’s my first, second and third impulse.  Surrendering my freedom, and better yet, my senses, is the only way I ever find a way to relax and experience peace.  And sometimes euphoria.  In THIS image, yeah…euphoria bitches!  As she states in the caption, my shoulders struggle because of the learned muscle memory reaction to bondage, but my hips’ response is true to my nature and one of wanting and needing more. 

I gotta back up to my outfit again.  See, the image is of me being dominated.  Lady Sarah has control over me.  Her boot pressed down onto my lap.  Her hand holds my face.  She gives my leash a tug as she tells say “Merry Christmas,” but actually tells me “You’re mine.  However I want.  Whenever I want.”

“You can’t deny it if you even wanted to, Tina.”

And Lady Sarah is doing this to me while I’m in my most powerful form.  She came to my fortified home turf and brought me here to Her home and put me in bondage under HER tree.  She didn’t have to lure me here.  She also didn’t have to strip me naked or dress me up as a French maid or put me in a cat costume.  I am presented in my alpha predator Tina form, and she easily handles me. 

Can you understand what that does to me?? 

But then the words.  Oh, Her eloquent but unpretentious words.  Read them.  I won’t repeat them, but I will summarize what’s behind them.

Lady Sarah was almost disappointed by her perception that I’d run along and disengaged.  See, she thought I had fled her rather than accepted they chemical bonds.  But rather than quit, she did “this.”  She “came” to Kentucky and dominated me and took me to use for her entertainment, and more importantly, to show me something.  She offered several possible messages, but the one I like the most is punishment.  She is punishing me with a taste of what I CRAVE from Her, for the offense of denying the chemical bonds and going silent.

Is there ANYTHING more Domme?  Lol.

Lady Sarah provided a little fantasy description of how a real world abduction would go.  She leaves out most of the details.  She only implies that I invite her into my home, because she uses a sedative in my drink.  She goes on to describe how my freedom and senses are stripped away but not my spirit, as I still have “much to say,” despite being thoroughly gagged.  And all of that is important to get us to her message to me, but I really want to fill in just a few details on the “abduction” that Lady Sarah left open to interpretation. 

As Y’All know, I knew a car with out-of-town plates hit my driveway the moment if pulled off the road.  If the “visitor” had been unwanted, I’d have either chased them off with prejudice or invited them in and proceeded to demonstrate the various options on the use of force pyramid I teach in my classes.  I didn’t do any of those things because I couldn’t.  And I couldn’t because I didn’t want to and because She wouldn’t allow it.  I opened the door, kept my head down, instinctively, performed a happy dance internally, and gave her the “good chair” while I opened the expensive bourbon.  Here’s the kicker, though.  When Lady Sarah pouring the sedative in my drink, she did so right in the open.  No words.  No subterfuge.  Just like, “You’re going to drink this as a symbol of your submission and so there’s no stupid thoughts of turning back in your pretty little blonde head, pet.”

I couldn’t drink it fast enough.  Being a good girl and all…

But my favorite part of this work of art are the words She wrote that drill down into my naked, exposed spirit.  “She’s always been one of those curious hybrids – one foot in fantasy, one in reality, and no leash tight enough to keep her from dreaming both at once.”  I choke up and my eyes water.  And for once I don’t hide my reaction.  Yes.  I have an impossible conflict.  I might just BE conflict.  And what I am here isn’t fantasy.  I play in fantasy but I’m real.  I’m really real.  And I want something that’s real.  And that’s the “curious hybrid” puzzle of Tina that I can’t teach and that almost nobody gets. 

She goes on, “My very own Christmas contradiction.  Bold and bashful, restless and readied, punished and cherished.”  First, notice the possessive pronoun.  I did, and it gave me happy feels.  😊  Of the six words Lady Sarah uses to describe me, the first three are simply descriptions of my personality.  They’re all true, but especially “restless.”  The second three words describe what Lady Sarah has done to me.  And they’re all three real.  By the force of her will and the power of the image she created and words that she wrote, I felt readied, punished and most importantly cherished (like a good girl) both in a fantasy and in the real world as I viewed the piece. 

She ends by simply and unapologetically stating that I failed to reply so she took it upon herself to take over.  And what’s more, she might just do it again if need be.

I’ve gone on and on, so I’ll wrap up, but only after one final remark. 

I won’t fail to reply, Lady Sarah.  But by all means, take over again.  I am at your disposal.

Thank you, and Merry Christmas.  XOXOX