Hi y’all!  I think this is it.  I really do.  I believe this last section, Chapter 9, Part 8, will wrap up the last of the loose ends.  Before I write this final bit of my journey, there are two little things I need to say.  First is just that I’m not done writing.  I’m super excited about some collaborations I’m working on with some cool, talented folks I’ve met here on Deviantart.  I hope you’ll check those out and enjoy them!  And second, is my excuse.  This “story” has been messy at times.  It definitely isn’t what I planned for it to be when I first started writing it.  That being said, I have gotten much more out of it than I planned.  And the very best things that I’ve gotten out of it consist of the connections and the feedback I’ve been blessed to receive from all of y’all.  Truly.  I can’t thank you enough for coming with me and being a part of this with me.  Thank you, thank you, thank you!!

Tina kept one eye on the screen of her tablet while she quickly but carefully finished setting up the ropes and cuffs.  Mistress Sandy was out of patience with Tina and much to Tina’s distress, she was punishing Mistress Mia for Tina’s mistakes.  Tina was physically exhausted but the motivation of sparing Mia any additional discomfort provided focus.  Satisfied with her preparations, Tina set her cell phone off to the side of the air mat where she’d be unable to reach it once Mistress Sandy activated the air compressor.  Tina took one more, very deep, breath.  Then, with the stylist attached to the ball harness gag in her mouth, Tina typed into the chat field on the tablet mounted in front of her.

“Ready for you Mistress Sandy.”

(I want to jump away from this scene for just a second and move forward to a conversation I had online with a Master just this past winter.  This is the conversation that eventually led me to the dog crate bondage experiment.)

“Based on the answers you’ve provided and on what I’ve been able to observe from our interactions, I believe you are a natural born slave,” the Master said.  Tina’s butterflies were bouncing around in her stomach like popping corn kernels in a bag in the microwave.

“Sir, i know i’m a submissive.  i do.  And it’s not that i don’t trust your judgement, Sir.  But, how do You know?  How will i know what i am?”

“You have to experience true bondage and true submission first, Tina.  And as I’ve told you before, that only happens when you’re bound.  Not just playing at bondage.  Not just having a bondage “session.”  It happens when you are in bondage that you may have consented to at one point, but now you want out.  You want out and you can NOT get out.  And you have to stay that way, and struggle, and suffer whatever stimulations or sensory deprivation that is needed until you break.”

“But Sir, that means i can’t know until i’ve already crossed past the point of no return.”

“Yes Pet.  It takes faith.  And it takes strength.  And you have both.  You were made for this Tina.  You were made to be broken.”

“It makes me nervous, though, Sir.  How would i even make that happen?”

“The simplest thing is for you to come to Me.  As soon as you arrive, I would put you into the bondage that you crave.  I would take possession of you.  I would take responsibility for you.  I would OWN you completely.  You would lose all burdens of choice.  You’d exist only to serve and please me and I would keep you and treasure you like the rare gem that you are.”

“That sounds so amazing Sir.  Truly it does.  But what about my family?  Could i call my parents if i wanted to talk to them?”

“You could if I permitted it, Tina.  And if I felt like you needed to speak to them, or anyone else, I WOULD permit it.  But as with all decisions involving you, that would be up to me.  You would be my property.  You would have no stress or worries any more than a chair stresses or worries.  But you would also have no more choices than a chair has.”

Tina felt exhilaration and trepidation in equal measures.  This could be the answer.  This could be the way.  “Yes Sir.  May i ask You one more question, Sir?”

“you may, My pet.”

“Once i’m there, with You, and i’m owned.  Once i’m restrained, and once i’ve given up my choices and my freedoms, what if it this was wrong?  What if this is NOT what i am?  What if i needed to go home?”

“If that were true, Tina, then I would see it.  And I would send you home.”  This is the answer Tina expected.  “It is late now where you are Tina.  Go to bed.  Sleep in your chains tonight.  Tomorrow, you will tell Me your intentions.”

“Yes Sir.  Thank You Sir.”





“Just remember little one, that thing that you know is missing.  The hunger that you feel that can’t be satisfied.  The itch that you can never scratch.  It will continue.  I will go on and on and drive you made if you do not accept your nature.  Which is this.  You were made special.  You were made strong.  You were made to be broken so that you can be owned.  And I will help you.”

“I understand Sir.  Thank You Sir.”

(And now back to Tina on the air mat with Mistress Sandy presiding.)

Mistress Sandy had instructed Tina to prepare her most strict self-bondage position that would still permit her to use a tablet to communicate, which she finished punishing Tina’s Mistress Mia.  Tina had been working on an especially challenging hogtie and decided that it was the only option that would satisfy Mistress Sandy’s directive.

Like most of Tina’s other hogtied self-bondage set-ups, this one relied on tethers being tied off to anchors in the ceiling to pull out the slack in cinch ropes that would lock Tina’s limbs and make her helpless.  Tina’s legs would be bound in a frog tie with leather straps.  Tina’s arms would be pinned to her sides with lopes of ropes above and below her breasts.  Those loops would be loose enough for Tina to slip her wrists into their respective leather straps to complete the box tie of her arms.  The wrist straps were secured to a strap around Tina’s waist that was also part of a crotch rope.  Tina’s accessories were the stylist mounted in a harness ball gag, a leather bondage collar and her massage wand which was taped to her thigh and held against her vagina by the crotch rope.

For most of Tina’s self-bondage, the tightness of the bonds was activated when her air mat was inflated.  The expanding mat would pull the tether ropes out away from Tina’s bound body.  That would pull the slack out of the lines and tighten the cinch ropes, making Tina helpless until the mat was deflated.  But THIS design was different.  For this bondage position, Tina started in a kneeling position, directly beneath the anchors in the ceiling where her tether lines were attached.  Tina would allow herself to fall forward onto her stomach, into a prone position.  In doing so, the slack would be pulled out and the rope loops around her arms would be cinched tightly, completely immobilizing her arms.  Also, the cinch ropes would tighten the straps around Tinas wrists, locking them together onto the waist belt.  The last detail was a tether attached to the top of Tina’s harness gag that would pull her head up and back so that she could not look away from the mounted tablet and could only just barely tap it with her stylist gag.

Once prone and in this tight box tie/frog tie combination, Tina would not be able to escape, except by crawling back up into a kneeling position to release the tension on the tethers so that the cinches would loosen.  That escape would be block by the air mat.  The air mat the Mistress Sandy had just activated from several thousand miles away.

The air compressor roared to life.  Tina watched the folded-up mat expand out in front of her and felt is unfolding behind her.  As the air cells inside the mat filled, she was gently lifted up off of the basement floor.  The tether line attached to her collar was pulled tight, out in front of her, anchored to the mat’s handles in the front of the mat.  Tina’s bent knees were pulled back and out by the tether lines attached to the side handles toward the back of the mat.

“Tina, it’s been three minutes.  I trust the mat is inflated now and that you’re in your new hogtie.  Please make sure that you are unable to escape.”  Tina was confused by the “please.”  But she did as she was told.  Tina’s back was arched by the harness gag tether and further held still by the collar tethers anchored out in front.  Her frog tied and tethered legs could not move in the slightest.  She could not roll or shift her weight in any direction.  Tina tried to twist her wrists within the cinched straps that held them.  She could only just wiggle them slightly.  The straps were far to tight for her to pull either hand free.  In fact, before her wrists were cinched, she was only able to put her hands in (or out of) the wrists straps by extending her arms out away from her body and feeding her hands through the strap loop at a specific angle, perpendicular to her body.  But now that her arms were tightly secured against her body by the cinched rope arm loops, it was impossible for her hands to “back out” of the straps they way she’d inserted them.

Tina was trussed up as tightly as she could imagine.  In fact, she had doubts that she’d be able to get free even after the air mat deflated.  But she’d deal with that concern later.  Right now, she was Mistress Sandy’s helpless toy.

“As we discussed, you won’t be able to type much.  So, I’ll try to limit our conversation to “yes” and “no” questions for you, Tina.  You can just respond with a Y or a N.  Understand?”

“Y”

“Splendid!  And you can’t escape, correct?”

“N”

“Are you totally locked down?”

“Y”

“Can you wiggle or even struggle in any meaningful way?”





“N”

“Excellent.  So, if I turn on your wand, you won’t be able to do anything about it.  You’ll just have to lay there and take it for however long I decide to leave it on.  Is that correct?”

“Y”

“And that’s exciting for you, isn’t it.”

“Y”  Tina’s eyes were getting watery.  She didn’t feel right.

“And you’re also terrified by that, aren’t you?”

“Y”

“I own you.  You know that don’t you, Tina?”

“Y”

“Are you HAPPY about that fact, right now.  Right this second.  Are you HAPPY that I own you?  Be honest.”  After a pause of several seconds.

“N”

“LOL.  You shouldn’t be happy about it.  Because you know why I put you like this.  You know, right, pet?”

“Y”

“I’m going to break you now.”

“Y”

“Did Mia tell you what that’s like, Tina?”

With great effort, Tina typed, “Mistress Mia”

“Yes or no pet?”

“No”

“I will explain it, Tina.  But first, I have news for you.  Mia is not your Mistress anymore.  She no longer owns you.  She is no longer responsible for you.  Mia remains my property and my slave.  Before she was your Mistress, I allowed her to associate with you because I thought it was good for the both of you.  But I’m not sure that is still the case.”

Tina’s heart sank down to her toes.

“I’m sorry.  I truly am.  I’m sure that is not something you expected or wanted to hear.  But I need you to understand, Tina, that what happens in this training session right now is going to determine whether or not we continue your training as a slave at all.  Do you understand that, pet?”

“Y”

“I’m saying that either I will train you to be a 24/7 full time slave like Mia, owned by me, wholly and completely, or we will part ways.  The training will still take time.  We can figure out logistics and a manner for transitioning, but the end result will be you owned by me.  And that is not negotiable.  You understand that, don’t you?”

Tina tugged on her bonds again.  Inescapable as before.

“Y”

“Then you have chosen and I accept your choice, slut.”  Buzzzzzzz.  The massage wand, which was set on high, sprung to life.  “Now this is how I will break you.  The human body can endure so much more than our minds believe we can.  Think about POWs.  Some of them survived nearly constant torture, starvation, mental abuse….and for years.”

Tina tried to squirm but she was spread out tightly by the tethers.  She flexed her hands to help the blood flow.  A ball of saliva was rapidly forming on her ball gag and began running down as a long string toward the mat below her arched body.

“You are going to THINK that you can’t handle any more stimulation.  You are going to THINK that another orgasm will destroy you.  But it won’t.  You’ll be fine.  You are going to cum over and over and over again.”

Tina managed to twist at her waist a fraction of an inch.  She strained to pull her arms away from her body.  But the cinched straps were far beyond her strength.

“I have broken Mia this way more than once.  The first time, she came for 3 hours before her mind went blank.  Some people call that going to hyperspace.  That is when your body stops processing the input.  You will still be experiencing the stimulation.  It will all be received by the nerve receptors in your body.  But your brain will decide it needs to protect itself and it will disconnect the messages.”

Tina clenched her eyes and blinked away tears.  She curled her toes tightly.

“After three hours you will be numb.  Completely oblivious to what your body is experiencing.  You will be in a cloudy, foggy state of bliss.  But I want more than that.  I want you to be made into a fully compliant doll.  So, for now, you will stay this way for six hours.  More than enough to ensure that you are completely broken.”

Buuuzzzzz.  The head of the wand was flush against her.  Tina felt her lips clenching.  The vibrations seemed sharp to her.

“And after that, and only after that, the wand will stop.  And then we will talk again, Mistress and slave.  And in all likelihood, we’ll do it again.  It’s most effective to reinforce your total submission right away.”

“R” Tina sent to Sandy.

“What’s that?  What’s R?” asked Mistress Sandy.

“Red” Tina managed to type.

“What’s Red?  Is that a safe word?”

“Y”

“No, no, no, slave.  I own you.  I OWN you.  You don’t have a safe word anymore.”

Buzzzzzzz.  “Red”

“Stop it slave.  This is sad.  You choose this and I accepted your choice.  This is you.  This is exactly what you are and where you need to be.”

“Red”

“Mia did this.  Remember that slave.  Mia, with her broken body and her fractured psyche.  She did this.  She was strong enough to break and submit.  You’re so much stronger than she is.  You’re perfect for this Tina.  You’re made for this.  Tina.

“Red”

The buzzing stopped.  The air mat deflated.  Tina sunk into the deflating mat, unable to move as much from grief as from the strict bondage.  Tina’s tears filled a small cavity that formed in the mat beneath her arched body.

The mat was fully deflated.  Tina could move her legs from side to side but they were still frog tied.  Tina’s cinches were still held taught by the tether ropes stretching up above.  She’d need to lift herself back up onto her knees to release the tension in the lines in order to free herself.  Tina knew that.  But she didn’t move.  She stayed there staring at the tablet.  She didn’t read the words that had been typed.  She just stared.  She was waiting for a message she knew wasn’t coming.  She was praying for another word or two from Mia or from Sandy.  Tina stayed there, exactly like that, for such a long time.

(Finally, we need to go back to Tina’s car.  She had driven home from her parent’s house where he family had been gathered.)

Tina walked into her front door with a thud, forgetting it was locked.  She reached into her purse without looking and retrieved a house key.  She walked inside and sat down on a sofa.  It was a pull-out sofa, not unlike the one from her college rental.  Tina looked at the phone in her hand.  She confirmed what she already knew, the presence of an unplayed message from Jeremy.

“Please God.  Please.”

Tina pressed play and listened.

“Tina,” it was Jeremy’s voice.  It was shaky.  “I’m glad this is your voicemail.  Not sure I could have said this to you.”  Jeremy inhaled hard.  Tina thought it was to conceal a sob.  “I need it to stop.  I’m stopping it.  I’m so sorry Tina.  I tried.  You know how I tried.”

Tina burst out crying.  She rocked back and forth and fell to her side on the couch, still holding the phone.

“Don’t be sad though.  OK.  Please don’t be sad.  I am so excited.  I swear.  I’m.  I’m going to be free.  I’m not going to hurt anymore.”

Tina screamed the word “why!”  But she knew why.  That’s why Jeremy called her.

“Tina.  I hope that I’m going somewhere where I can watch you.  I hope there’s something.  I hope we’ll all be there together one day.  Don’t worry if it isn’t.  I’ll be ok.  I’ll be fine.  But please, I love you Tina.  Tell mom and dad.  Tell everyone I love them.  And it’s not their fault.  OK.  I have to…”

Tina’s parents climbed out of their car.  They could hear Tina crying inside through the open front door.  Tina’s brothers and sisters pulled in behind her parents’ car as her mom and dad ran inside and joined her, crying on the couch.

So that’s the journey y’all.  And here I am.  Standing tall in the great state of Kentucky.  God, how I love living in the great state of Kentucky.  Have I ever told you that?  *grin*

I won’t ramble on for too much more, but I want to just say one more thing.  I started this journey hoping for answers.  I was hoping to understand.  I was hoping to know why I didn’t let Sandy break me.  I was hoping to understand why I’m submissive.  I was hoping to have an answer as to whether or not I’m born to be a 24/7, full time slave, or if I’m just “playing” at submissiveness.

Well, I didn’t get any answers.

But I did have fun.  And there is one thing that I DID learn.  I learned that the answers don’t matter as much as I thought they did.  Because we just have to live our lives.  That’s all.  We just have to be good humans.  Hopefully be our best.  I think that’s what it’s all about.  And that’s a process.  That’s trial and error.  And whatever you’re doing, whatever I am doing, so long as we’re being sincere, then we’re probably doing the right thing.  That’s what I believe, anyway.

So, I’m going to keep practicing my own brand of submissiveness.  If you’re a Dom, I’ll call you Sir, even though you don’t actually own me.  I’m going to keep using my air mat and keep coming up with fun ways to tie myself up.  Hopefully Sarah and Lou will keep helping me when I want to try something really challenging.  I’m going to keep writing.  I’m going to keep chatting.  I’m going to keep being healthy and happy.  I’m going to keep trying to spread some happiness however and whenever I can.

And maybe one day I will decide to try the dog crate again, but not to try to define who I am.  It’ll just be for fun.  😊

By y’all.  Thanks so much for coming along with me.  Love you!!!