“For we live by faith, not by sight.” 2 Corinthians 5:7, Old Testament.

Happy Valentines Day Y’all!!  If you’ve been reading all along, first of all, thank you! I love you!  LOL!  But also, you probably have come to notice that I’m not only using this to organize my thoughts about JUST my journey of bondage and submission but also as a sorely needed bit of self-therapy for a tragic event in my family’s past.  I hope that’s not a bummer, or at least not a total buzz kill.  Really do.  I didn’t set out to do that when I started writing, but like I said way back in Chapter 1, I’m just letting the words spill out.  Alright, so, I have another (smallish) buzz kill scene.  But then, the whole rest of this section is going to be about my next self-bondage adventure.  I might just jump into it as soon as I publish this piece.  So excited!!

But first, I’m take us back to 2013.  I’d been back home for a little while.  I left my soon-to-be ex-husband in Pittsburgh.  In hindsight, I’m pretty sure I wrote the Mark character to be a little like my ex.  Both are crazy smart.  Way smarter than I am, anyway.  Both are narcissists.  Both are ruthless.  Huh.  Isn’t our subconscious cool!?

Anyway, I belonged to a really, really traditional Catholic parish.  Lots of German influence where I’m from even though the town is named Paris.  That’s kind of weird too, come to think of it.  So, in the Catholic Church, getting divorced is a sin.  And if you get divorced, you can still come to church, but you can’t have communion anymore.  I was brought up to believe that the sacrament of communion brings us closer to God, and there’s a lot of other grace and good stuff that comes from it.  So, I was hoping I could have the marriage annulled and be off the heavenly “naughty list.”  And favor smiled on me, as our Pastor had good news for me that day!

“Yes Tina, absolutely.  The Church takes extenuating circumstances into consideration.  A marriage as brief as this one is almost always going to be considered for annulment.  And the documentation you brought…”  Father paused as he flipped through the collection of police reports Tina had given him earlier.  “…I’m sure that the bishop will grant you the annulment.”  Tina was elated.

“Thank you so much Father!  I knew you’d help.  I knew the Lord would have mercy.”  The young priest smiled warmly and righteously.

“God is merciful, Tina.  Your family has been such active members of our parish for so many generations.  It fills my heart to be able to give share this comfort with you.”  The priest reached over and put his hand around Tina’s folder hands and squeezed her fingers.  Tina’s eyes were wet, and her head was bowed.

“You have been so kind to my family, Father.  I’ve never thanked you for the kindness you showed my dad when Jeremy.”  Tina paused.  “Died.”

“A shepherd must tend his flock, my dear.”  He had slid onto the pew next to Tina.  Seeing tears forming in her eyes, he comforted her, “There, there Little One.  You cannot dwell on your brother’s sin.  That is between him and God.”  Tina knew that the Catholic Church teaches that suicide is a mortal sin.  And a soul that committed a mortal sin that has not been forgiven cannot enter the gates of heaven.  And because a person who commits suicide has no opportunity to ask for and receive forgiveness, their souls are damned to Hell.

“But Father, you told my dad that a victim of mental illness is not a real suicide.  You told him that Jeremy committed no sin.  You said God would welcome Jeremy into heaven and that my dad, that we’d all, get to see him again.”  The righteous man of God wrapped and arm around Tina’s shoulders and held her.

“I did.  It was hard, but I just couldn’t tell your father the truth about Jeremy’s soul.”  The priest’s hand released Tina’s clasped hands and slid onto her thigh.  Tina’s hand began shaking.  “But I have asked the Lord’s forgiveness for my lie to your father.  And the lord is merciful.”

And now the story jumps all the way up to right now.  As in, this exact moment.  I’m sort of giddy to be typing it while I’m setting it up.  Lol.  I’m down in my basement (playroom).  For this particular self-bondage session, I am using BOTH of my air mats.  Did I tell you that I have two of them?  One’s big.  It’s like 20 feet long.  The other is smaller at about 12 feet.

So, here’s the set up.  I’m going to set the smaller, deflated mat on top of the larger one.  As for me, I’m going to do a prone spread eagle on my back.  I’ve done this position a zillion times.  I’ve pretty much got it down perfect.  When the mat inflates, it expands, and the handles that my wrists and ankles are tied to spread apart and stretch me out like a damsel on a torture rack.  I’ve fine tuned it down to where I am completely locked down with zero slack in any of my tethers.  Pride of work people!

I’m also using the “standard” accoutrements; massage wand secured where it needs to be, bondage collar so I can feel nice and “owned,” and a gag.  I usually just throw on a ball gag so I have something to hold my tongue down and I call it a day.  But not on Valentines Day!  Today, I’m stuffing my mouth with some balled up (clean) socks.  Then I’m wrapping my mouth up good and tight with tape.  And THEN I’m wrapping the tape in vertical bands under my chin and up over my head to lock my mouth shut on the socks.  Delicious!  The helplessness.  Not the socks.  The socks taste like a dryer sheet.  Unfortunately, I can’t do a blindfold because I want to keep using my phone as long as possible.

Now for the “special additions.”  I have four broad leather straps wrapped loosely around my stomach and my ribs and my chest above and below my breasts.  The outsides of the loops are tethered the handles on the side of the deflated mat.  When the mat inflated, it will pull out the slack and tighten the straps like a corset.  I’ve used a similar method when I’ve done prone box ties to pin my arms to my sides and it works fabulous!  I’ve done some test runs with just the “corset” and nothing else, and it REALLY squeezes me tightly.  I wouldn’t say that it makes breathing hard, but it’s fair to say that it forces me to concentrate on my breathing.

So, when I turn on the first mat, I get spread eagled and corseted.  But wait!  There’s more!  Lol!  There’s still the smaller deflated mat between me and the inflated one.  Plus,there’s the massage wand.  Both are plugged into the 2nd wifi enabled power outlet.  So, with a touch of a button on my app, the second mat will inflate, and the wand will turn on.

The wand does what the wand does.  That doesn’t require any explanation.  Lol.  But I’m a little unsure of exactly what will happen with the second air mat.  What I’m HOPING happens is that as it inflates, it presses up underneath me and stretches me super tightly, like a dungeon master stretching out a damsel.  It’s only about four inches of height, so I expect I’ll feel the stretch, but it shouldn’t be brutal or anything.  But this will also tighten up the tethers on my corset a little more.  So, I’m hoping this will create a little sense of claustrophobia for me to add some tension and excitement to the stimulation I’ll be getting from the wand.  Should be cool.  We’ll see.

Anyway, here I am now, ready to hit the first power button.  And, it’s on!  The air compressor turned on.  Been here so, so many times.  The outside of the mat inflates first because my body is holding down the center.  Then my arms and legs kind of gradually get lifted.  The mat is expanding and my limbs are gently being tugged out to the corners.  The mat is almost all the way inflated.  Just my center of gravity, my ass, is waiting to be elevated.  With no place left for the air to flow, the final bit is rapidly inflated and I’m all the way up off the ground.  Now I shift my weight around here and there to allow any last little vacuum pockets to be filled.  I can feel every little bit of inflation pulling my arms up higher and my legs apart wider.  And there we go.  The mat has fully inflated.  I test each of my four cuffs.  I cannot twist a wrist or an ankle.  The flexible leather cuffs have a silicone coating inside that not one allows them to conform to my shape but also almost adheres to my skin.  My ability to wiggle is truly minimal.  The corset is working perfectly.  Besides squeezing my ribs tightly, it also has the advantage of locking me in place in the middle of the mat, further immobilizing me and enhancing my helplessness.  Yeah for happy surprises!  I’m finding that I’m REALLY loving the belt around my stomach.  Less bones means it can dig in deeper than the straps higher on my ribs and chest.  I’m actually having to crunch my stomach muscles when I exhale.  How cool.

Now I’m going to turn on the second outlet and bring on all of the yummy tightness and buzzing craziness.  I have a 5 minute timer set.  Hey, I’m an engineer, kind of.  I test stuff.  Lol.  We’ll see how this goes and then decide whether or not to go longer.  I’m not even going to try to type during these five minutes, but I’ll “reenact” it once it’s done.  Powering on number two….now.

(After 5 minutes, plus a few more to recover…)

The first thing I feel is the wand.  It’s set for high.  I wanted the most intense experience.  The pulsing is quite powerful, as it always is.  The vibrations travel deeply inside me and all along the crotch rope.  I close my eyes softly and savor the feeling and it seems like it’s been a very long time since I last came.  My body reflectively responds by trying to shift and writhe away from the wand, but not only is the wand held firmly in place, but I am tied far too tightly for such movements as well.

Next, I feel the second mat filling up around me.  The air seems to be finding every area of the mat that I am not touching first.  But within the first 30 seconds, I can feel my core rising upward.  As the mat pushed upward, my arms and legs cannot move.  They are tethered down securely.  I definitely feel the stretch in my shoulder and hips.  I think even the leather cuffs found a tiny bit of slack to give.  Oh, the leather.  I wince a little as the mat now tightens the corset.  Most of the pressure is on the stomach strap.  The corset feels to be pulling me DOWN into the 2nd mat as it inflates.

“Aahhh. Ggmmph.”  A pleasure spasm snuck up on me.  With no ability to release it’s energy with motion I tried and failed to exhale into my gag, and instead exhaled through my nose.  Emptying my lungs in this way reduced the resistance faced by my corset, and I felt the straps constrict!  My brain took this input as a sign of danger.  I could feel increasing blood flow.  I felt an impulse to breathe faster but I knew I should resist THAT one.  I inhaled through my nose, brining a little less air into my now more compressed lungs.

Still inflating.  My toes curled.  “Oh God,” played through my head repeatedly.  “It’s fine.  It’s fine.”  Also played in the background.

“MMMffphhhh.  Heheehe.  AAAahhhhh.” The wand had me badly now.  I was not even attempting to contain my orgasms.  Lord this came fast.  The mat is still inflating.  Sweat is running down my temple.  I can feel so much wet warmth.  “Jesus Christ.”  I mind is now sprinting 100 mile and hour.

I exhale again.  Somehow, the corset tightens and I’m stretched apart more.  I inhale.  Almost no air enters.  I inhale hard and force in enough air to fill what’s left of my lung capacity.

Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.  “Fuck.  I’m swimming in a cloud.  Fuuuuckkk.”

My back is arching from the second mat being fully inflated now.  I can’t lean my head back although I try.  I push it into the mat but its air cells are expanded to their limits.

“OOhhh God!”  I’m cuming really hard.  I’ve never had it like this before.  I’m absolutely immobilized.  I’m stretching four directions as far as my body will go.  I can’t gyrate or roll with my rich waves flowing out from my core.  I’m like a fly glued down onto fly paper.  I’m 100% helpless to the wand.  I can find no relief.

Buuuzzzzzzz!  My eyes are gushing.  My pussy is sopping.  I bite harder on the socks filling my mouth.  “Oh fucking damn fuck fuck.”  I’m trying to gulp air but the gag prevents it.  I’m inhaling through my nostrils but it’s like drinking through a bent straw.  The strap around my stomach it uncomfortably tight.  I try to flex those muscles but I’m not strong enough.

“It’s sooo good.  Oh God, it’s amazing.  Fuck, fuck.  AAAHHHHhhhhh….”

The wand stops.  All at once, both mats deflate and I sink into the combined cavity of both of them.  I roll carefully onto one side and then the other, still spread out but no longer stretched out restrictively.  I’m not feeling aftershocks.  It was a short session.  I curl up now, bringing my knees up toward my center.  I just stay there for several minutes.  I’m slightly sore from the work it took to breathe.  It feels good to fill my lungs all the way again.  Only my stomach is especially sore, and I notice deep red marks where the belt dug deeply into my skin.  Other than that, no serious issues, or problems.

Feeling fully recovered, now I need to decide.  I can start up the next program.  It’s set a half hour.  I’m sure I can do a half hour.

On the other hand, maybe I’ll wait until I can have a guardian angel with me, so I won’t even need a timer.  I can just turn on the power and let them release me when it’s time.  Maybe this peril situation can finish what I started in the dog crate.

I think I will wait.

After all, it’s Valentines Day.  I shouldn’t be all alone.