I sat against the wall with my legs out, letting Valoria rest on my lap pillow. I never thought I would be giving lap pillow to someone. I hope she’s comfortable.

I traced a finger along her face. It felt like glass. And now that her face had features and wasn’t just a blank slate, she looked quite beautiful. Peacefully sleeping.

I could see the energy flowing through her. Our battle took a lot out of her. Not that I’m doing any better. Maybe I should prop her against the wall so I can lean against her and take a nap. I could also try carrying her to a room. For now, maybe I can share some of my energy with her?

As I pondered my options, I could feel my eyes becoming heavy. I really was getting old. Everything was catching up with me much sooner, even with this magical girl body.

I continued fighting against my eyelids as they would close, and my mind would momentarily become quiet.

This isn’t good. What if someone finds me like this? I’ll be vulnerable if I fall asleep here… I need to—

I closed my eyes for what felt like a moment, but when I opened them again, I was lying in my bed staring at the ceiling lamp.

My body was still tired, but my mind was plenty awake. Reaching out with my magic, I tugged on the lamp’s cord to turn the lights on and raised my body out of bed. Small radiant wings fluttered from my back to set me upright, and I started to stretch and shack off the drowsiness.

I pulled my uniform out of my closet and got dressed. I was feeling a little excited since this was my first time wearing it since I got it adjusted. This will also be the first time anyone has seen me wear it.

The St. Agnes Academy uniform was already cute, but I hope my classmates will think it suits me.

Today is the entrance ceremony, and I wanted to make a good impression, so I spent a little more time on my makeup and hair. My sisters were always better at this kind of thing, but I wanted to at least get my eyes just right this time.

Once I was all set, I gave a little prayer to my good luck altar. Decorated with the various gifts my friends and family have given me over the years, the centerpiece is an elaborate and beautiful statuette of a Valkyrie. I named her Valoria. Victory and Beauty. There is no way I can lose today!

“If only it could be like this…”

I turned back to my apartment as I closed my door. Did someone say something?

***

“Alright, next is Kyrie. Please introduce yourself, Ms. Sanders.”

“Hello, everyone, my name is Kyrie, and my hobbies include video games and fantasy writing. My best subject is math, and my worst is gym.”

“Thank you, Kyrie. Please take your seat.”

‘Coward’

My ears perked up, and I looked around. Did I overhear someone?

But, never mind that. It looks like my friends and I were all able to get the same class this year. Should I introduce them to you?

Rainy and Bridget are sisters. Their family has helped me out a lot. I don’t know how I would be able to afford my manga collection if their father couldn’t give me a job. The two sisters are night and day from one another, but they are both really kind.

‘But is that reason enough to care?’

Eris is both my cousin and martial arts brother. We train under his father and practice all kinds of martial arts together. I don’t think I’ll ever be as good as him, though.

‘Hmph. You don’t need to be better to kill someone.’

Katelyn wasn’t sitting too far from me. She helped me out a lot ten years ago… wait… I would have been five back then… She… helped me… accept myself. We broke up shortly after that.

‘Accepting yourself doesn’t mean much if you can’t be yourself.’

Amanda was sitting in the seat in front of me. That made me happy. She’s my best friend, after all. And this way, I can tease and mess with her without the teacher seeing.

I miss him… a lot…

Him? Miss? But she’s right in front of me—

“Stop joking around. As if someone like you could actually be happy.”

All the students vanished and where the teacher stood was me, Lawrence. He fixed his glasses and narrowed his glare on me.

“You had your chance, but a craven like you could never hold onto happiness. You’re afraid of it. You cower from it. You kill every feeling of joy, excitement, anticipation—Even when you finally became a magical girl, you just pushed everything out of your mind!”

“Don’t be so hard on her. She’s trying her best, and it's not like she doesn’t want this.”

“Don’t speak for him.”

“I’m not speaking for her. I’m just as much a part of her as you are.”

“And what do you even know? You talk about being a better person. You act like you’re going to help others.”

“But you just look the other way when it's convenient for you! When it gets too hard, you don’t even try! What’s worse is how you look down on others for doing the same. Disgusting.”

“I’m disgusting? At least I know who I am.”

“And I know who I am.

“Tell him, Kyrie.”

“Yeah, Lawrence. Tell her.”

“Kyrie!”

“Lawrence!”

I’m more than old enough to realize what’s going on. This is who I am. I’m sorry, Bridget, but I don’t think I can become the person you want me to be. Just like I couldn’t for my father… my mother… the person I was with my friends. I can’t be me anymore…

I looked down from the school’s rooftop. If I just close my eyes, this feeling, I can also kill.

“My queen?”

***

There was a warmth flowing through me. I could feel a hand gently caring for me as I rested.

My core powered back on, and the world around me was coming back into view. Focusing my eyes, I could see the underbust of my Queen blocking her face.

‘My Queen!’

Startled, I quickly rolled off her lap. I can’t believe I was laying my head on her lap! Gosh, I hope my helmet wasn’t poking her or anything.

I placed a hand where hers was previously. For guardians, our magical power will come back with time. But like any battery, it gets weaker over time. Right now, however, I feel almost younger.

But, even more surprising, I have a face. I reached my hands up to feel the shape of my lips, my eyes, and my cheeks.

“Ngh—”

Kyrie’s face contorted as if in pain. Beads of sweat started to form on her forehead as tears rolled from her eyes.

‘My Queen!’ I rushed over to her and whipped the sweat from her brow. ‘It will be alright now, my Queen. Your most faithful armor is here to protect you.’

I took her in my arms and carried her through the halls and corridors until we came to the entrance of the treasury.

Inside was the physical manifestation of the most treasured memories of the previous Queens. Some treasures were more neatly arranged than others. Placed along shelves and resting on pedestals. Others were left haphazardously in piles as if it were a dragon’s hoard.

Against the back of the treasury room is a shrine dedicated to the first Queen. The shrine has been empty ever since Darkness stole the Crystal of Triumph, but there is a secret to this shrine that not even the Queens are aware of. A place that only I have ever entered.

Leaning Kyrie in my arm, I placed my hand against her chest and drew a sword from her. The Sword of Decisive Victory, Vinna. Set into its pommel is the Crystal of Triumph, where I knew it would be.

Holding the Crystal up to the altar, the altar vanished, revealing a set of stairs. After one hundred forty billion years, this room shall finally play host to its master.

***

I’ve been asked before; how do you know you’re not dreaming? How do you know this is reality? When I am dreaming, there is a haziness. A lack of clarity as what I see is dominated by my thoughts. I have a habit of repeating thoughts and reliving events, even as they happen. So there is a lot of looping in my dreams as well.

Because of this, a trap I often fall into is the dream where I wake up, start my day, only to wake up and start my day, looping until my alarm goes off and I wake up; finally, I’m able to start my day, only to realize that I was dreaming.

When I woke up, I thought maybe this was one of those times—waking up as Kyrie, going to school, living a life that doesn’t exist.

My eyes fluttered open, and my hands gripped the futon I found myself in. Why must I torment myself? Why do I crave this pain?

‘My Queen, you are finally awake.’

“Valoria?” I sat up and did my best to rub the sleep out of my eyes.

‘I prepared some tea for you. Earl Grey and green tea flavored chocolate and ice cream.’

Valoria gestured to a chabudai in the center of the room. It was a modest room with no windows. I did notice a small kitchen, not unlike the one in my apartment. In fact, a lot of this room reminded me of my apartment.

A small TV was sitting on a stand in the corner with a small shelf filled with various titles. Many of them were old anime titles. Some before I was born, many of them were from my youth.

“Where am I?”

‘It’s a room I had prepared myself during the castle construction. I did so in secret so that no one else would know of its existence. I’m glad that it can finally play host to its master.’

“Master? Are you talking about me?”

‘Yes. When it was built, the architects, sovereigns, and Queen at the time wanted it to be as awe-inspiring as possible. I knew you wouldn’t take to living in something like that, so I wanted you to have a place to return to.’

“Valoria, I have an important question.”

‘Yes, my Queen, anything.’

“What is your relationship with me?”

Valoria looked at me, shocked and almost sad.

‘I am your armor. I am to serve and protect you, no matter what.’

“Are you close with me? How much do you know about me? What happened to me last time we met?!” I’ve been putting this off since Bridget first told me. I didn’t want to give that smug child the satisfaction of actually asking. But now, I sounded almost desperate.

Valoria’s became distant for a moment. I started to become worried that she might not see me as the Kyrie she knew. She would reject me.

‘You are… will be… Kyrie is my best friend. The only friend I’ve ever known.’

Her hesitation and her desire were apparent to me. I am not her Kyrie, but even an illusion of her friend makes her yearn for me. It's like when I’m with Bridget. Disappointed that I’m not who they want me to be.

‘Even if I never knew who you were before my creation, there is nothing I do not know about my friend. And when she vanished from this world, she told me she would return someday.’

“I’m sorry, I can see that you’ve been waiting a long time, but—”

Valoria suddenly hugged me and pulled me into her chest.

‘She told me you would show up someday. She told me that you’re the kind of person who is ill at ease. You have trouble expressing yourself, and you don’t always say what you’re thinking. And she wanted me to tell you that it's okay if you don’t turn out like she did.’

She wasn’t wrong. I didn’t know how to express myself. Do I smile to show that I’m happy? Would she know that my smile isn’t genuine? Should I tell her I don’t care? Even though I do care. I’m so tired of people wanting from me—my time, my love, my passion, my energy.

“Would it be okay if I stay here for a while?”

‘You can stay as long as you want. So long as you don’t mind me putting something on the TV.’