XXXVI – THERE IS STILL TAPE LEFT

HQ of 127.Infanteriedivision, Spleissheim, near Saarbruecken, Southwestern Germany, October 11th, 1939, 23.26 hours

“So, Leutnant Kreipe, Sabine, no? Ive heard you hold a grade in the priesthood of pleasure and lust? Too bad you are my subordinate, really. Otherwise you might teach me old workhorse the odd new thing in the sheets.”
“Oh, Frau General, I would love to do that. And its possible, I know the regulations quite well.”
“Oh, really, how is that, Sabine?”
“Well, on duty, I, as a leutnant in your staff, naturally cant have any sex with you. But off duty AND in my official function as a priestress, I can service you in any manner pleasing to you.”
“Is that so? By all goddesses, I must immediately sign your leave order.”
Both german ladies laughed, the Burgsmueller saluted the young Leutnant with her glass of wine.
Tonight, the staff of 127th Infantry celebrated the birthday of Major Brigitte Gurtenstall, the logistics officer. The Gurtenstall, overweight, feisty, her blond mane in a thick plaited tail, grinned over both well rounded red cheeks and clearly enjoyed the little party.
The atmosphere was as relaxed as possible. The division was ready, but there was no word of action for some time to come, the front quiet and peaceful. The French opposite the divisions lines hadnt shot a single bullet or shell at the Germans since wars start.
The only thing to darken ones mood was the weather, still raining all day and night. But in here, at the knights estate, dry and well heated, with tasty food, good german wine and fine german or american cigarettes, the officresses didnt worry about rain and storm. They wont go out into the open, why should they? Or so they thought.
The Burgsmueller put a fresh cigarette between her lips, offered the young leutnant one too.
“Oh, thank you, Frau General.”
“I have stayed with MILDE SORTE (mild brand) since higher school. You are into american Marlboros, no? Interesting, how many maidens prefer the US-sticks.”
“Well, Frau General, they simply taste so good. Its not a coincidence we signed a treaty back in 36 with JANET MORIS INC. to produce the brand here in Germany ourselves.”
“Interesting, the American ladies bitching about fascism and dictatorship, but nonetheless they make good money over here. The same with Coca Cola, right?”
“Thats the capitalist nature of their system. No principles, just greed. Time will come, we will teach them some virtues.”
The Kreipe lit her and her generals stick.
“Ohh, there you know more than I. Will we invade the States soon?”
“Hardly, Frau General, but one day, in the future...”
“I see. But first, the French and Britas have to be dealt with, dont you think?”
“Hardly a problem, the french are rotten and weak, and the Britas will cave the moment our divisions reach the channel coast.”
“Probably, they hardly have an army at all. But theres the Royal Navy.”
Major von Ritter joined the two, grinning.
“Ah, the General discusses strategy again. I cant miss that.”
“You are welcome, Ramona. I just mentioned the Royal Navy as a strategic asset.”
“Well, there are ways to deal with all those ships. The Stukas will prove that soon enough. My sister is operations officress of III.Fliegerkorps, she keeps me informed.”
“You are right, lets LUFTWAFFE and KRIEGSMARINE worry about the Britas. Here, on the ground, we will hardly see any.”
Ulrike Burgsmueller and her two subordinates had a good laugh at that.


Office of Securitate, Bukarest Aerodrome, Romania, the same time

“Ohh, you two again? Sorry, but there is nothing new. I cant sign your papers yet. Some things still have to be looked at. But relax, have a seat. Some more biscuits, Lady Wilder? What wonderfull overknee boots you wear there, Lady Cipoletti. I would like to have them too. Mine are four years old and not this quality. They must be creamed to be so shiny, no?”
Amy and Maria changed a look. This time, they must get through, convince the bitch to let them go.
Maria smiled broadly.
“Lady Tabarescu, Cornelia...”
“Yes, my dear?”
They had decided they would go as far as possible. The way the young snake had starred often enough at Maria, her interest clear in her eyes, the Cipoletti would forego her morale principles and offer the Romanian what she obviously wanted – a night with this sweet american lady of italian ancestry.
Two hours left till their flight, approaching midnight it was in Bukarest, their special friend having night duty. The officress in the afternoon had not even let the Americans into the office.
“Cornelia, maybe you would consider giving the papers not to strangers, but to a person you are fond of. A person you were... ahhh, intimate with.”
“Oh, Lady Cipoletti, Maria, did I get that right? How wonderful that would be, you and me, in this very office, right here on the table, and...”
Maria gulped, steeled herself for the things to come. Amy rose with a crooked smile, starting to leave...
The Tabarescu sighed theatralically.
“But I am sorry, I am very busy now. Look, since, ah... two minutes, the queendom of Romania is at war with the Western allies. So, there is very much to do. Regarding your polish people you travel with, I am afraid I must have them arrested. You Americans naturally can leave the country anytime. After we two have kissed and hugged and so on, that is. I am so very glad you finally offer this, as you are sooo sweet, Maria...”
Amy and Maria starred at each other, than at the Securitate lady.
“Ideas?” Amy grunted, her mind racing.
Maria nodded.
“Lets do what we should have done from the start.”


Outside the knights estate, Spleissheim, shortly later

The rain was thick, and, hardly surprising, very wet. The sentries patrolling over there didnt seem to like that fact. They wore khaki rubber raincoats, their assault rifles – a worrying piece of equipment – slung back, heads down under the hoods.
Probably thinking about the end of their duty in a few hours, their beds, a smoke, a hot coffee, you name it. This would change soon. Eve Lois smiled.
The operation was well under way, and up to this point went perfect. The ride with the airship into Germany had posed no problems. On long ropes, the commandos had gone down into a dark, wet forrest, followed by a long way under these trees, only three times encountering german troops camping around here. To avoid them had be childsplay. Even the crossing of roads and, with their rubber boats, of a small stream had gone most smoothly.
Spleissheim was full of german troops, the divisions staff, logistic formations, medical battalion. But around midnight, in this weather, apat from the sentries no Superfrau was outside. If the Germans planned an offensive west, it didnt look if it would start from here. Well, opposite was the Maginot line, a formidable obstacle even for the super Superfrauen.
Inside the knights estate, a party was going on, judging by the music from a grammophon and the shadows carrying glasses and cigarettes behind the windows, bathed in warm light.
Lois nodded to herself. A sign to Luitenant Gascoigne and Sergeant Linneker, both had been tasked with taking out the sentries, as they were the best shots with the stunners.
Gascoigne and Linneker aimed, not an easy task in the dark rainy night. A hissed command by Lois, and both devices buzzed. The two sentries on the other side of the barbed wire went down without a sound. Quickly, the wire was cut and the commandos entered. One section remained outside to open fire should the mission go wrong.
The two sentries were in seconds secured with tape bonds and gags in nice khaki color. Both were left under some bushes. As trained days ago, the commandos rushed around the garden, the backside, the main entrance, using the stunners to take out the german sentries around the estate. Five minutes later, Lois looked down on the thirteen assembled, unsconscious forms, all taped up and gagged, their weapons gone. They didnt look very dangerous this way.
Lois shrugged of the thought and proceeded to the operations next phase. This party inside would take a new course in a few minutes. She watched a private put a roll of khaki tape back into a bag. We have a special gift for you, Frau Burgsmueller...


The Securitate office, the same time

“Are you sure her gag needs to be so... ah, multilayered?”
“Mmppff!”
“Look, Amy. First, normally, a gag is there mainly out of tradition. Here, we really need a good one. There are other bitches right behind these walls, you see? Second...”
“Uggummpphh!”
“... I positively hate this little lady here, and she has trampled on our nerves long enough. A bit of revenge might be in order, dont you think.”
“Okay, you were not fond of the idea of having sex with her, but...”
“Exactly.”
“You are more into blondes, I know...”
“What?”
“Forget it. Lets stamp these papers and be on our way. We must leave the aerodrome before this beauty is found by someone else.”
Maria grunted, still churning on the mentioning of “blondes”, and wound the white tape a last more time around Cornelia Tabarescus lower face. The Romanian girl was virtually mummified in white tape, sitting on the ground, easily overpowered by the two Deltas. She wont be going anywhere, and a scream for help was out of the question with a gag as thick as hers.
The Cipoletti grinned suddenly and patted the Tabarescus taped cheek.
“So, I think that should be enough.”
Amy eyed the various stamps on the desktop. Probably wishing for a car engine or a battlefield to be more at home with things.
Maria came over.
“Its this one.”
“How do you know?”
“The bitch played with it often enough while playing with us.”
“If you say so.”
“Yes, I do. Hurry now.”
Amy put the stamp on their papers, Maria faked the Tabarescus signature from other documents.
“You have many talents. Where did you learn that?”
“On the police academy.”
“Oh, I see.”
“It was no lecture. We had a stern chief there, and we were desperately in need of some leave. Gina Millers bigband was in town.”
“I see.”
Finished, they sent a last look to the packaged Tabarescu, who still didnt understand what had happened to her, and headed for the door. Which opened just then...



The knights estate, same moment

The party was a big success so far. Everyone was enjoying herself, and the mood was very fine. Ulrike Burgsmueller watched Leutnant Kreipe discuss the upcoming assault on France with Major Ritter and reached for another cigarette.
This was the moment everything changed. She didnt recognize the uniforms, woolen pullovers and caps, but she did recognize the submachineguns pointing directly at her and her officers.
The chatting around the room died, the music continued nonetheless. A lady with reddish hair and the markings of a Colonel exclaimed in correct school-german:
“No one moves, not a sound. We wont refrain from shooting. Look at the silencers.”
The smgs muzzles were indeed all silenced. The obviously british, for the goddess sake, intruders wore other weapons too, small silvern guns reminding of toy guns or “martian” devices out of a movie.
Everyone was perplexed and stunned. One of the english gals started to hand out big rubber handballs.
“Put these in your mouths, will you?”
The Germans starred at each other in disbelief. Where were the sentries? This couldnt be for real, was a bad dream. Not a single one had a gun in attendance. The feisty Gurtenstall blurted out:
“Its my birthday party.”
The redhaired intruder put on a fine smile and said:
“Oh, we didnt came by without some gifts. The balls, please.”
Ulrike Burgsmueller starred at the weapons pointing at them, into the stern darkened faces, watched, as the first gals of her staff put the squeaking rubber balls into their gaping mouths.
She wanted to say something, wanted to protest, but she was just too overwhelmed by developments. She watched on as Leutnant Kreipe and Major Ritter, their eyes wide with surprise and horror, gagged themselves with the balls. Then it was her own turn. The ball went into her mouth and she couldnt help but letting out a supressed whimper.
The english soldieresses meanhile went to work. Quickly, the german staff was bound with khaki tape, hands behind the small of their backs, arms below and above the breasts to the body.
Ulrike watched as first Ramona Ritter, then the pretty Kreipe had their gags secured, tape wound around their lower faces. She herself was serviced likewise, mewing in horror about her treatment. The Gurtenstall, Fähnrich von Bock and all the others became in quick succession helpless packages.
Another english gal, a bit skinny, with Luitenants markings, approached the Redhead.
“The radio room is secure, everyone packaged there. We got the codebooks.”
“Very well Stockbottom. The rest of the house?”
“No problems. A girl in the kitchen tried to attack us with a knife. The stunners took care of her.”
“Splendid.”
The redhead turned back.
“Now for the leashs, ladies.”
Like everyone else, the Burgsmueller started heavy mewing and shook her head as the intruders started to put leashs on their prisoners.
This couldnt be for real. These bitches could never get away with this. Did they really believe they could abduct the whole staff out of Spleissheim? This was madness. And when they succeed, Ulrike? Your career, so abruptly ended as a helplessly bound and gagged bundle? The shame, the humilitation. This couldnt be. She threw her head back, her blonde mane flying about, and let out a wild groan into her gag. Others obviously reached the same conclusions. Though it was clearly to no avail, Leutnant Kreipe stepped back from the attackress with her leash and tried to run from the room. This panic driven reaction put more shame on her, and the pretty Leutnant reddened deeply on realising this.
Shortly later, the Burgsmueller and her staff, twentyone Superfrauen in all, were all leashed and ready to go.
Ulrike starred darkly at the redhead. The Colonel nodded in mock respect and gestured to her gals.
“Off we go. Hurry.”
It was still raining outside, but the mess their hair would turn into was the least of Ulrike Burgsmuellers and her ladies problems now.


Securitate Office, just then

It was a young lady in Securitate uniform who entered, carrying a bundle of papers, small glasses on her nose, eager from polished boots to neat ponytail.
The Deltas werent slow to react. While Maria rushed forward and closed the door behind the newcomeress, Amy simply grabbed the gal, a big texan hand coming down on the girls mouth like an iron clamp. The Romanians eyey went wide, she struggled to no avail in Amys grip.
“Ooookay...” Amy let out.
Maria reached into her handbag and said calmly:
“Well, there is still tape left.”
They went to work on the young romanian girl, quickly taping her up from boots to shoulders. As was to be expected, Maria busied herself with applying another gag. Shortly later, the girl joined the Tabarescu on the ground, secured exactly the same way. They taped both gals back to back and left them struggling and whimpering.
Maria eyed them thoughtfully, playing with her role of tape.
“We could just wait here. Or visit the other offices.”
“Maria, you take this a bit too seriously. We must be on our way. Showing the romanian Securitate the quality of american tape is not exactly our mission. I grant you, its fun, but wed better be out of here quick now. We must reach the airship and bring the family into safety.”
“I guess you are right. Too bad.”
“Sometimes I think this Skorzeny bitch did some kind of brainwashing to you by overpowering you. Or is it this chinese lady who teaches you this stuff back in Atlanta?”
“Shes japanse, when will you learn that? And dont speak of the Skorzeny. What did you mean, by the way, that I am into blondes?”
Maria looked really angry. Amy grinned and patted the two packaged Romanians on the heads, saying to Cornelia Tabarescu:
“She believes she hates the blonde bitch but I say, you know, shes fond of her, if you know what I mean.”
“Ummppff!”
“We must leave now. Have a nice stay. Be careful with your hair when loosening the tapegag. My friend was not very careful there.”
“Why are you in so good a mood? Is there something funny?”
“Its nothing, Maria, dont mind. Lets go.”
After a last look at he helpless Securitate ladies, both Deltas left. On leaving the office, which Maria closed with a key she had found in the Tabarescus pockets, the melee of the aerodrome gobbled both up again. They made their way downstairs and reached the waiting family and Valery.
“We have the papers ready.” Amy grinned.
Valery beamed:
“Fine. About time. Rumors around here have it the Romanians are now at war and side with the Germans. Wed better leave.”
“Right. Lets fetch the luggage and off to the bus.”
Maria lit a cigarette and sent daggers with her eyes at Amy.
As they all down to the dog had gotten underway, Valery, taking the youngest childs hand in hers, leaned over to Amy and asked:
“Whats the matter with Maria? Angry with you?”
“Well, shes a bit shaken because she couldnt persuade me to dye my hair blonde.”
“Hu?”


Forrests southwest of Spleissheim, about an hour later

It had been easy still. The dark night and the heavy rain helped immensely in the undertaking. The greatest problem Eve Lois had anticipated were the prisoners, but they were all so perplexed and surprised, there was only very weak resistance to the leashs. All stumbled in their now mudcovered stylish Wehrmacht boots along, their hair ruined, probably as well as their pride and selfesteem.
No one had hindered the commandos and their prey to leave the estate and the village. Now they were already deep in the woods. All depended on  when someone would notice the missing sentries or would contact the HQ by radio. Radio operatresses as well as sentries should still wriggle around in the house, mewing in their gags.
Probably, all too soon a Regiment or battallion or the Armeekorps the 127th belonged too would radio in, and without contact, some gal would be sent to investgate. There was the phone too. So, Lois Mountbatten expected the Superfrauen to react soon. The whole german division, about 15.000 gals, camped all around them in the woods. The mission was far from over, the hardest part still ahead.
She paused under a tree and let the commandos with the leashed prisoners pass by. A corporal from the vanguard, let by Luitenant Gascoigne, approached her.
“Lady Colonel, Mam, theres a road ahead. A german patrol nearby. Controlling a truck.”
“Very well, I will have a look. Sergeant Linneker!”
“Mam?”
“Approach the road slightly to the right, away from this patrol. Careful, an eye on our packages, will you?”
“Yes, Mam.”
Lois followed the corporal to the road. Behind some bushes, Gascoigne and her girls waited, watching the truck some hundred meters to the left. About seven soldieresses in rubbercoats stood about, some lights in attendance.
Suddenly, the truck rolled again, vanishing around a curve in the road. One of the Germans gestured towards her group, and all began marching in the commandos direction.
“Great.” Gascoigne murmured.
Lois bit her lip. The main group would pass the road soon. Should the commandos wait until the patrol was gone? Time was most important.
“Your orders, Lady Colonel?”
“Take them out. Use the stunners. There is still tape left for them.”
“Leaving them here in the forrest?”
“No, we have left behind the underlings in Spleissheim already. A second group would double the chances they are found. If these her dont show up at their camp, there wont be alarm after five minutes. If they are missing for hours, we will be gone.”
“Okay, Mam.”
The Germans approached. All carried these assault rifles Lois knew to be the best service rifles in the world. And British infantry still used simple carbines. Furthermore, even the privates and corporals wore these stylish boots, not only the officers. Well, this was of no real military significance, but Lois was a woman, and the stylish uniforms and boots of her enemies send waves of envy through her. On the other hand, dont they say that the army with the prettiest uniforms never wins?


On board PANAM airship BEAUTY OF OREGON, Bukarest aerodrome, same moment

“What a pretty dog! Whats its name?”
Valery helped out as the young polish man of the Komorskys spoke no english and looked at the flight attendant with confusion.
“Its name is Pilsudski. After the great Lady Marshall of Poland.”
“Never heard of.”
The young american squire grinned widely. Valery saw it with an open heart. So good to be in an US airship, practically on US territory, seeing a male from – probably – the old south – smile so openly, so freely.
“Some water for the nice Pilsudski?”
“Oh, that would be fine. And icecream for the children. And for me too, by the way.”
“Chocolate, vanilla, fruit?”
“A good mix of everything.”
“Did I hear icecream? I am in.”
It was Amy, grinning too.
Maria helped mother Komorsky into her seat and said darkly:
“We havent left the ground yet. I will only be satisfied if we are in the air, over neutral ground.”
The flight attendent still smiled, now at the Cipoletti.
“Dont worry, Mylady, the romanian war declaration wont affect us. The USA is still neutral, thank the goddess.”
Maria and Amy both grunted at that. Valery looked at both other Deltas.
“So, and what happened down there in this office?”
Amy shot a glance at the attendent, waited until he left to fetch water and icecream.
“Maria is starting to make a habit out of packaging every lady being difficult in our path.”
“Again?”
Amy just nodded. Maria sat down, lighting another cigarette, obviously very proud of herself.
Fifteen minutes until departure. Valery catched herself looking on her wrist watch again...




The forrests near Spleissheim, seconds later

Leutnant Gundula Bradtkes duty tonight had taken a strange and very disturbing turn. Leading a patrol into the dark, rainy night posed no problem for the eager, determined young officress. Membress of the JUNGE KATZEN (young cats), the fascist movement youth organization, since the age of 10, party membress since her eighteenst birthday, the doubleaxe tattoo prominent on her left bizeps, she was the most fanatic followress of the Fuhra Hitler imaginable. She took her duty in the Wehrmacht, for Fuhra, Reich and final victory, very serious. Her mothers had owned a small groceries store in a small town near Munich back in the twenties, their work of decades turned to ashes by the big economic crisis. It had been the Fuhra and her measures who had restored the families fortunes. The Fuhra and her movement would clean up Europe, the world, taking all peoples lives out of the greedy hands of the western capitalistas as well as protect them against the bloody terror of the communistas from the east. Gundula was educated, indoctrinated, trained to help accomplish this great mission.
Fighting the Reichs enemies within and without, die with weapon in hand, if need be, the last words to the Fuhra and Deutschland – Germany.
She couldnt speak now, her cheeks bulging with a rubberball in her mouth, secured by layers of tape. Her weapons were gone, her body bound by tape too. She still didnt know what had hit her. Under the rain there had been strange buzzing sounds, and a slight shudder on her skin, then nothing. She awoke already packaged, could only watch as her maidens received the same treatment. The attackers were obviously british, judging less by their uniforms, but by reddish hair and freckles many of them had. And there were these just english looking long faces.
Not that it mattered. More important was the leash one of them put onto Gundula. She tried to resist, but the enemy seemed well trained in guiding bound prisoners in this fashion. The Leutnant and her patrol was led through the woods. More enemies waited here, and more packaged prisoners. Gundulas eyes went very wide, and she let out a groan through her gag, as she recognized General Burgsmueller among the prisoners.
This couldnt be for real? What were these madwomen up to? Clearly she had never anticipated such a situation coming up in her fight for Fuhra and Reich. But here she was, all helpless, like in a forbidden magazine – she had found some of these as a teenager under her mothers bed – and with her her General, by the goddess of revenge and death.
The Britas continued on their way with their now 28 prisoners. Gundula threw her head back in frustration, her hood and barret gone, her brown long hair wet from the heavy rain. She knew that all around them were countless camps and bases of german troops. Another patrol, a sentry MUST notice them. The abduction of the staff from HQ must have been noticed, or not? Briefly she thought about the possibility the Britas shooting them all when attacked by german troops, but that was beside the point. Gundula wasnt afraid of death – she was too young  and too inexpierenced for that. But she was very afraid to end the war in a POW camp of the decadent Allies, arriving there as a helpless package like in a silly american movie.
The morning came, some of the Germans, namely the fat Major Gurtenstall, were really exhausted now, all forced to breath through their noses.
No help came, the enemy made her way without problems. It was still raining, the ground very muddy. The party reached the end of the woodland. Open ground... new hope rose in Gundula as well as others. The front was ahead, trenches, barbed wire, artillery positions. They could never cross the open area and the front unnoticed.
The English sluts rested, the prisoners did likewise, willingly or not. The group, Gundula estimated a strong platoon, was led by a full colonel, an arrogant redhead. The redhead busied herself with her watch. Obviously she was waiting for something.
Gundula learned soon enough. The French, not shooting even once since wars start, shelled the german front in a heavy barrage. Yellow smoke rose. Gas? The British gals didnt done gasmasks, they seemed totaly unimpressed by the yellow smoke starting to reach the forrest here too. Some of the gagged Germans coughed, heads turned red, but nothing more than that.
It was a feint, and Gundula already knew why. The British would break through the lines under the smokes cover. The German girl was correct in this, as a few minutes later, she and the others were guided into the open. She, like several others, tried to break loose from their captoresses grips, but to no avail. Dragged by the leashes, the Superfrauen stumbled through the mud.
The rain was now no longer an advantage for the british pirates, as it diminished the effectiveness of the smoke. The party was finally spotted, german gals, wearing gasmasks, shouted and pointed at them. They hesitated to shoot, naturally not wanting to hit their lady comrades. The British used strange toy guns to shoot the ones approaching the group. The fat Gurtenstall stumbled, like a hippopotamus she crashed into the thick mud. Two british bitches were necessary to get her on her feet again. Gundula tried again to escape, but was hold back again by the leash. She saw that General Burgsmuellers try to get away was likewise crushed.
They passed the german trenches, german maidens falling under the strange guns. A bullet hissed past Gundula, and then the shooting started for real. An english bitch and one of the german officers were hit.
Better to die by friendly fire than this shame here, Gundula thought. But then, a german officress shouted:
“Its the General, stop shooting.”
More shells fell, the smoke rose despite the rain, which, exactly at this moment, stopped.
Gundula couldnt see what was going on, dragged along by her guard, unable to resist, lest she strangulated herself, and despite all resolve, she wasnt able to do this intentionally.
Then the vision cleared again, trenches, barbed wire again, women all around, french infantry. By the goddess of revenge and death, they were on the french side. Gundula looked widly about. The whole group with all prisoners seemed to have made it. The German maiden let out a scream of frustration into her gag.
Leutnant Gundula Bradtkes war for Fuhra, Reich and final victory had come to a shameful end.


Onboard PANAM airship BEAUTY OF OREGON, hoovering over Alexandria Aerodrome, Egypt, British Empire, the same time

“Is that the Nile over there?”
“Probably.”
“Care to visit the pyramides, Maria?”
“To hell with the pyramides. According to this booklet here theres an airship to Miami in 6 hours, and WE will be onboard.”
“Eager to get back home now?”
“And you?”
“I must confess it, I miss the Crooked Dragon, and the boxing events, and Fionas Pizza Hut, and even Beyonce.”
Valery grinned at both of them.
“Rumors in the outfit have it, you and Beyonce had something going...”
“Only some fun with Beyonce and her husband. Tom is a nice fellow.”
“I thought you a bit more conservative. You are texan...”
“Whats your problem exactly Valery? Three people together, a male among them, or blacks and whites?”
Maria laughed:
“Amy is rebellious out of principle. Even in this respect.”
“We cant all be into blondes...”