Have you ever entertained the idea of going back in time to stop something happening? You know... Like shooting Hitler. I have. I think about that a lot. I have the time. All I have to do each day is swim.

So one of the people I'd like to take out is Mario Puzo. Don't recognise the name? He's the schmuck who wrote the book The Godfather that spawned the movie. In that book is the line, "The fish means that Luca Brasi is sleeping on the bottom of the ocean,” he said. “It’s an old Sicilian message." Which brings me to Mr Francis Ford Coppola. He's responsible for twisting that line into, "Luca Brasi sleeps with the fishes." one of the most famous movie quotes of all time. Right on up there with, "Are you talking to me?"

Which in turn brings me to the real Luca Brasi's parents. Obviously smitten with the book or movie, or as dumb as a sack of hammers, Mr and Mrs Brasi named their child Luca. A Sicilian child called Luca Brasi. Could he have become anything but a gangster?

Luca Brasi; one sick and evil man. Not the character from Puzo's book, but the mobster I fell afoul of. For with that name the egotistical monster has a huge chip on his shoulder. The sick pervert likes to ensure it is everyone else that sleeps with the fishes. Which is how I ended up in my predicament.

Now let us be clear, he did not invent this for me. He's murdered a fair few women, this way, before me. I'm just the latest victim. The current example. The newest ornament in his office. You see the back wall of Luca's office is a giant aquarium. In it, he has a lot of fishes. A lot of fishes and one mermaid.

I'm the mermaid. This is not a voluntary position. You don't ever want to be Luca's mermaid.

So the latex and silicone costume is quite convincing. It's weighted to keep the wearer neutrally buoyant. That includes the heavy iron collar around my throat, attached to the even heavier chain, which in turn is fastened to the huge ship's anchor in the middle of the tank. The chain is not long enough for me to reach the surface.

There are two air supplies hidden behind fake columns of coral. They will only deliver a couple of breaths at a go. So I have to swim from one to the other all day just to breath. At night I get an airline mask thrown in so I can sleep. Twice a day the collar is unlocked and I am lifted out so I can eat, and use a toilet. Then it's straight back in the tank.

The whole crew are betting on how long I'll last. How long until I'm too weak to make it to the other side of the tank and air. I've been here a week. Even I don't think I have much longer. Soon, it won't just be at night, that I sleep with the fishes.