"Ben, why are you dressed like that?" My wife Cindy asked me as she walked in the door and saw me sitting here like this."

"Cindy, so my trip didn't go exactly as planned. Two days into the conference, I might have skipped out on a presentation to try out a bar I heard about. It turns out this was a literal tourist trap. I'm not completely sure how this happened, only that it did happen."

"Oh my god." She said, putting her hands to her face. "Okay, we can figure this out. We can make this work, but first, can you do something for me?"

"Anything."

"Pants, please. Any kind. It's just, you know, hard to think when you're looking at your husband and he has better legs than you do!"