My consulting firm had sent me to Exeter, England to help the Meteorological Survey set up its new shop.  My job there was as simple as every other job that I do and it is simply this: get all of the company’s high-tech do-dads to connect to the computer system as quickly as possible.  In this case it meant several months, mostly just to work out the bugs.  And as in every other job, you make nice with the people you work with and this usually involves after hours entertainment.  A fellow that I had been working closely with, Doug, wanted me to join him in a venture to the Erotic Magic Club.  Being a fan of magic and naked women, how could I say no?

Upon arriving, I was surprised to see that there were several vacant tables in the club.  I was even more surprised at the lack of customers after seeing the ladies and the individual acts that each performed.  The dancer named Sally especially intrigued me.  She was tall, leggy and brunette with large breasts.  Her act simply involved the brass pole.  Well, not simply.  She worked three brass poles on stage like a naked gymnast with a ‘come hither’ attitude.  Even more amazing, she never touched the floor during her entire act.  She would jump from pole to pole like a skilled acrobat.  So transfixed was I that I almost forgot to tip her after the dance.  Maybe my staring was obvious because she came over to our table along with Doug’s lady Jo after the first act was over.  Jo was wearing tight white leather shorts and Sandy was wearing pink leather shorts.  The only other clothing adorning these women was strappy high heels of matching color.

After some small talk with the girls during the intermission between the acts I asked why it’s called the Erotic Magic Club, as I had not seen any magic yet.  The two girls looked at each other with what appeared to be trepidation.  Doug and Jo explained that the second half of the show was where the magic happened.  Sally chimed in that usually the act involved some cruel and unusual type of performance with the selected dancer having to endure some odd contraption.  It was at this time that the lights dimmed and a man who introduced himself as the club’s owner, Stavro, walked onto the stage.  He introduced another man named Jim who carried a large bowl up next to Stavro.  After some brief banter, Jim asked Stavro to take a ball from the bowl.  Stavro removed a pink ball from the bowl and held it up for all to see.

“The PINK ball!” Jim cried out.  “Who is wearing the pink tonight?”

“The same girl who always wears the pink.” I heard Sally say under her breath.

“Why it’s Sally Johannsen!  Come back up on stage for us Sally!”  Stavro answered.

Spotlights quickly illuminated our table as Sally stood up with an obviously fake smile.  As she made her way up to the stage, I heard Jo sigh in relief.  She quickly explained that she’s glad it wasn’t her but that she knew she would be Jim’s subject again soon as she hadn’t been up for act two in awhile.  It seems that if a girl doesn’t get selected in awhile, Jim and Stavro will add balls in that girl’s color to the bowl thus increasing her chances of performing.

Returning my attention to the stage, I had noticed that Sally had selected an envelope from a group that Jim was holding.  Jim took the envelope and opened it.  He showed it to the audience and announced the word ‘Cake’ which was written on the card.  I noticed that Sally seemed to brighten a bit.

“Lucky girl.”  Jo pouted.  “I get tortured last time and she gets the easiest one.”

“Sally, as you know, we will need a pastry chef from the audience to help us out.  Do you have anyone in mind?”

“Actually, I do.”  Sally then came down to our table and took me by the hand and led me up on stage.  After what Jo and Sally had described earlier, I was suddenly quite nervous to be part of the act.  When we arrived on stage, Sally had me stand next to her.  While we were coming up to the stage, a couple girls had brought out a table that was at a 30-degree incline and a five-gallon bucket.  On top of the bucket appeared to be a trowel.

“Welcome on stage Mr.…”

“Erich.  Just call me Erich.”  I replied to Jim’s unasked question.

“Well then Mr. Erich, I don’t suppose that it’s your birthday now, is it?”

“Actually no.  My birthday isn’t for a few months.”

“Well, no matter then.  I’m sure it’s somebody’s birthday somewhere.  You do like cake, don’t you?”  Jim inquired.

“Of course.  Who doesn’t?”

“Indeed my American friend.  Indeed!  Well then Mr. Erich, you should enjoy your involvement in our little performance.  First, I should like you to show your gentlemanly habits and assist Sally.  For this performance, I will need to have Sally devoid of clothing.  Please remove her shorts.”

I turned to Sally and looked at her for her approval.  She told me to follow Jim’s instructions as closely as possible and to remove her shorts.  I complied and Sally stepped out of her shorts and flipped them toward the back of the stage with her foot.

“Now please help Sally onto the table.”

I took Sally’s hand and helped her keep her balance as she lay back on the table.  I noticed that there was a wood block near the foot of the table for her heels to rest on.  Assumably so as to help her from slipping off of the table.

“And now remove her shoes”

I bent down and complied.  I tossed her shoes to the back of the stage where Sally had thrown her shorts.

“You could have just set them under the table.”  Sally said.

“Sorry, I was just following your lead.”

“Right!  Now as I’m sure you know, a cake is good by itself, but it is always that much better when frosted” Jim told the audience.  “So, if Mr. Erich will so kindly oblige, we will need to frost our cake.”

I looked down at the bucket and put two and two together.  I bent down and opened the bucket to reveal pink frosting.

“As I see you have deduced as to where the frosting is, I shall give you instruction.  I want you to spread a layer of frosting over her entire body but stopping at the neck, wrists and ankles.  Make sure you are liberal with the frosting, as we do not want any skin showing and also make sure you frost all the way to the table.  We want a flawless cake!”  Jim told me.  “And remember Sally to keep your legs together and your arms at your side.  We don’t want what happened last time.”

As I took the first dollop of frosting and began applying it to Sally’s stomach, Jim went forward on the stage and asked the audience if they wanted to see a card trick.  As I applied the frosting to Sally’s skin, it seemed that it was taking more frosting that I had imagined to do the work.  It almost seemed as if Sally’s body was absorbing the frosting.

“Make sure you apply extra to my tits.  And make sure you apply extra between my legs.”  I must have looked startled because she added; “I mean between my legs, as in between my knees and calves also.”  I looked up at her face and she smiled at me.

“May I ask a question?”  I was curious of something.

“Sure.”

“Not that I’m objecting to this, but how is this magic?  I thought that this was a magic club.”

“It is and it is.  You’ll see when you get done.  But don’t be hasty, make sure you do a good job putting that frosting on my bod.”

“I’ll make sure I inspect every bit.” I said with a grin.

“I am sure you will.”  She said with a grin of her own.

As I bent down to retrieve another dollop of frosting, I noticed that Jim was standing on a stool with his entire arm down the throat of the girl in green.  After a moment of hemming and hawing, he slowly drew his arm out of the girl.  Along with his arm came a rolled up poster.  Jim unfurled the poster and showed it to the audience.  Printed on the poster was a large Ace of spades.  The audience applauded mightily.

I continued with my work.  After a few more minutes I was finishing off the edges on her ankles and I began touching up any spots that looked like the icing was thin.  Seeing that I was completed in my task, Jim returned to me after making the girl in the green short’s torso return to normal after turning it into a crystalline Jack of diamonds.  I was happy to see some magic, but disappointed that it was out of the corner of my eye.

“So, I see that you have done a good job of frosting Sally.  Very nice indeed.  Now, please take this tube and do some touch up by adding her nipples, navel and pubic hair.  We do want the cake to look right, don’t we?”

“I suppose.”  I took the tube and made the additions to my icing job.

“Right!  Now, even though you have done a lovely job, all cakes meet the same end.  Does anyone know what that is?”  Jim asked the audience.  Several replies were shouted out and all were a version of ‘eating’.

“Correct!  Now, who wants a piece of Sally?  I assure you, she tastes quite good.  Please form a line to my left.”  Jim turned to me.  “All right, start serving.  You can use the knife that Suzy has and the plates that she is also carrying.”  I turned and noticed the girl wearing the green shorts and she smiled at me.  “And to make sure that Sally stays quiet…”  Jim removed the pink ball that Stavro had drawn from the bowl earlier and popped it in her mouth.

I took the knife from Suzy and cut into Sally’s arm and side.  I heard a muffled groan from her as I removed the knife.  I made a second and third cut and removed the bit of her arm and side.  I noticed that the cake was pink and smelled slightly of strawberry.  After a brief inspection of the piece of cake, I placed it on a plate for Suzy to serve to the first person in line.  I continued removing large bits of Sally to feed to the audience eventually leaving her hands and head on the table.  Jim instructed me to serve her legs next.  The last two customers, Doug and Jo, received either side of her hips leaving the last piece for me.  I placed this last decorated piece of cake on the last plate and picked it up.  As I started to walk off stage, Jim said, “Aren’t you forgetting something?”  I turned and wondered what I could be forgetting.  Jim picked up Sally’s remaining bits and placed them on a platter that Suzy had procured.  Jim removed the ball from Sally’s mouth and handed the platter to me.

Sitting back down at our table, I placed the platter on the table.  Jo immediately said “You lucky wench.  You’ve got to do that one three times and I haven’t even done it once.”

“Just the way the ball bounces I suppose.” Sally’s head replied.  Looking at me she said, “Aren’t you going to eat me?  You’ve got the best part.”

“Uh sure.  I was just savoring the moment.”

“Right.  Get to it and savor HER.  All of her bits have to be eaten before she can get a new body.”  Jo told me.

With a shrug I complied.  I must tell you that it was the most delicious strawberry cake I had ever eaten.  As I quickly consumed the remains of her cake, Stavro came over to our table and asked that we bring Sally’s bits backstage after closing to restore her.  How could I turn down that?

After a few of the other customers had come over to inspect Sally’s condition, Jo went up on stage with the other six whole girls for a final number.  During this, Sally asked if I could clean off the remaining frosting from her.  I said sure and she told me that I could just lick it off if I wanted to.  I eagerly agreed and began licking off the frosting from her right foot.  As Jo returned to the table, I had just finished licking the frosting from her right hand.

As the club was now closed all the customers had left and it was time to take Sally in the back to restore her body.  I started to pick up the platter with her bits on it when she suggested that I put her hands and feet in my pockets and carry her head back in the crook of my arm.  I did as she requested and as we walked to the dressing room I felt her hands, which I placed in my front pockets, do a bit of exploring.  I stopped and looked down at her head.  She looked back and said “What, am I doing something wrong?”  I said no and continued back to the dressing room.

When there, I set her head down on the now fully reclined table.  I removed her hands and feet from my pockets and placed them in their respective places.  As I did this, Jim began blowing up balloons of different shapes and sizes.  After blowing up five balloons, Jim asked for another bag of balloons.  Suzy, the only other person left as Jo and Doug had left as soon as Jo was dressed and Stavro left for his bed as he had a trip in the morning, began opening drawers to find another bag of balloons.  While she had removed her shoes, she was still only wearing the green shorts.  After a couple of minutes of searching, she sheepishly told Jim that she couldn’t find them.

“What?  How the hell am I supposed to bring Sally’s body back if I don’t have any balloons?  Don’t you remember how this trick works?”  Jim was obviously upset and poor Suzy had suddenly taken up an interest in her feet.  “Because tomorrow is Sunday, I won’t be able to restore Sally until Monday when the stores open.  I have half a mind to cut off your head, hands and feet and let Sally have your body because you forgot to get the balloons!”  After venting this, Jim set his elbows on the table and covered his eyes with his hands.

Suzy padded over to Sally’s head and apologized to her for not getting the balloons.  As a tear went down her cheek, Suzy told Sally that she could have her body since it was her fault that she can’t be restored.

“No, no.”  Jim said.  “I can’t do it since you aren’t sisters.  I was just upset with you is all Suzy, that’s why I said it.  But because you forgot to go to the store, Sally has to stay like this until Monday.”

“Its okay Suze.  I’ll be alright, just inconvenienced.  I just need someone to take care of me tonight and tomorrow.”

“I’ll take care of you Sally.” Suzy said.

“No.  You still need to take your licks for what you did Suzy.”  Jim said as he looked up at her.  “I can’t have you or anyone forgetting essential items like this.  Mr. Erich, I will need your assistance with Suzy here.  Suzy, sit on the end of the table, if you will.”  As Jim said this, he picked up Sally’s bits and set them on the dressing counter.

“As Sally doesn’t get to have a body, neither do you until she gets hers back.  Is that fair.”  Jim asked of no one in particular.  Like it or not, it did seem exactly fair to me.

“Yes” was all that Suzy mustered.

“Well then, please hold her hair up for me Mr. Erich.”  I complied.  Jim took a roll of black electrical tape and made two rings of it around her neck.  One right up against the other.  He did the same at both wrists and ankles.  “There now.  Mr. Erich, while I hold Suzy’s shoulders down, pull up on her head until it pops off.”  This I did.  After a bit of pulling with all of my might, her head finally pulled free of her neck with a wet tearing sound.  “Please place her head next to Sally’s.”

After performing the same procedure on her hands and feet, Suzy’s body sat on the table with black tape covering her severed ends.  “Now we need to make her body go away.  Again, I will need your help Mr. Erich.  Please grab ahold of her shorts on her left side and pull them up with me.  Suzy, keep your arms at your sides.”  Jim and I pulled on her shorts and they slowly stretched.  After a bit of huffing and puffing, Jim and I got them up and over her shoulders.  Amazingly they stayed in place when we let go.  Jim then pinched the top closed until there was no sign of a break in the leather.  “Right.  Now her legs.  Lie her back and put her ankle on your shoulder and push.”  Jim and I both did this and her legs disappeared into the openings in the shorts.  Jim again closed up the holes by pinching them shut.  Lying on the table was now a large lumpy leather bag that presumably held Suzy’s body within.  Jim withdrew a large needle from his jacket and quickly stabbed the leather bag.  With a hissing sound, the bag deflated until it was flat.  Jim rolled up the empty bag and put it on a shelf.  “When I get the balloons and restore Sally, I’ll bring your body back too Suzy.”

“Ok” was all that Suzy mustered.

“Well Mr. Erich, I will offer you this burden if you want it.  You may take care of Suzy and Sally’s bits until Monday.  If you don’t want them, I can take them home and leave them boxed up until I get back from London Monday night.”

I looked over at what remained of the two girls.  They both looked at me pleadingly.  I agreed to take them until Monday.

“Great.  Bring them over Monday night and you can help me restore them.”  I agreed to that.  I placed the girls’ hands and feet in velvet bags and then put them in a box that Jim gave me.  I placed the girls’ heads in another pair of boxes and carried them out to my waiting taxi.

To say the least, that was an enjoyable Sunday and I couldn’t wait until the following Saturday.