The Funnel and the Tube

The Magician looked out across the audience. "I'll need two volunteers- a man and a woman. Well, I see a lot of hands from among the men, but not so many- ah, you, lovely lady. Will you please step onto the stage? And you too, sir."

A slim redhead in a silver dress stepped up, her curly hair spilling to the middle of her back. A muscular man in a suit stepped up beside her. "Your names, please?"
"Bob."
"Samantha- Sammy."
"Now, Bob, please examine these objects." The volunteer looked at the items. A funnel starting at about 16" wide, but narrowing to about 4" at the small end, and a glass tube that was thick-walled, seven feet long (more or less) and about two inches wide.

While he was busy, the Magician pulled out some strong silk rope. "Now, Sammy. Would you mind if I tied you up?" Samantha gave the Magician a quizzical and slightly apprehensive look, then shrugged, and offered her arms. "There," the magician looped the rope around her wrists and pulled it taut. "Can't have you running away on us now. Especially once you see what's next."

The magician put the funnel in one end of the tube, and threaded the loose end of the rope through, then handed it to Bob. "Bob, you look pretty strong. Go ahead and pull on the rope." Bob pulled, taking up the slack until Sammy's hands were inside the funnel.

"It won't go further." Sammy looked a little relieved.

"I'm not surprised. The human body can only compress so far." The magician grabbed the tube and held his hand around the small end of the funnel. "Of course, with a little magical assistance, anything is possible..." Sammy's eyes widened. "Go ahead and try again."

Bob pulled on the rope. Samantha's arms seemed to slide further into the funnel. Something flesh-colored appeared at the funnel end of the tube. Bob stopped. "Um..."

"Don't worry, I used a little oil inside the tube. Keep pulling- Sammy should go smoothly." She shook her head. "Well, physically, at least." Bob pulled, and Samantha's arms vanished into the funnel to her elbows. She bent forward, head between her arms, and tried to pull back.

Bob pulled more, and Samantha's head and shoulders were soon squished up into the funnel, her arms extending into the tube. Another few pulls, and her chest was inside. A shock of red in the tube was visible- her hair. Bob held his feet and gripped the rope firmly, and the magician began to push the funnel further down Sammy's body. Eventually, it reached her waist. Bob and the magician pulled hard, and the girl kept sliding further and further- hips, thighs, then things went quicker, and her feet soon slid into the funnel. "Okay, stop!" the Magician called. Out the far end were two hands that shrank, almost comically, into the tube. The magician pulled on the funnel, and it came out of the tube with a "pop!" Sammy's feet extended from this side, also shrinking comically into the tube.

"Sammy- you okay in there?" Both hands and feet wiggled, then somehow, one hand managed a thumbs up. The lady had been squished into a four-inch tube with no apparent regard for her internal anatomy.

Bob looked at the wiggling fingers, stunned, for several moments. "Um, how do we get her back?"
The magician smiled. "What do you mean? She's still here. Oh- if you mean back to her seat, then I guess that is a problem. I think I've got a solution, though." The magician waved to a stage hand, who brought out a large glass bottle, another funnel, and a rod. The magician stuck the funnel over Sammy's feet, and pushed the other end into the jar. "Bob, i'll need your help again." He untied the rope from Sammy's hands, and pushed them into the tube, then stuck the rod on top, and tilted it all sideways. "Okay, Bob, I'll hold the bottle, and you push."

Bob pushed. Slowly, Sammy's feet were soon visible inside the bottle. "Keep pushing!" Her thighs appeared. "This holds about 15 gallons, so she should come out safely."

Sammy's feet, however, soon hit the bottom of the bottle. The magician didn't seem to notice. "Keep going!" Bob plunged the rod deeper through the tube, and the rest of Sammy, inside it, kept sliding into the bottle, where she smushed around to fill up the available space. Finally, the rod reached the funnel, and the magician quickly set down and corked the bottle, which was now, apparently, full of Sammy. "Great, you just take her back to her seat for me? Thanks!" As the Magician handed the bottle to Bob, it slipped through his fingers, and smashed on the floor, shattering, and leaving a restored Sammy stretched out among the pieces. Bob's jaw dropped, and the Magician helped Sammy stand. "See, alls well that ends well. Let's have a hand for our volunteers, Bob and Sammy!" The man bowed, and Sammy curtsied, and the Magician helped them from the stage, then looked up. "How's our other volunteer doing? Are you enjoying the show, Meili?"

The two men on either side of the front row lifted up each half of the girl's head, and she blinked either eye a few times. A spotlight panned back into the audience, and Meili's headless body stood up, gave a thumbs up, and sat back down amidst applauds.

"And Hitomi, here..." The milk can remained on stage, the level of plaster inside unchanged. A look of concern crossed the Magician's face.

(To be continued...)