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I remained silent, unable to respond. My mind was racing, and I could feel my hands trembling, but I couldn't stop them. He said it so calmly, so confidently, that it unsettled me. My fingers started fidgeting with the fabric of my robe, just like Apolonia did in the video. I couldn't control it, as if it wasn’t even me, but some instinctive reaction my body had developed on its own.
Marek noticed it and, without even glancing at me, placed his hand on my knee. I flinched. It was so unexpected that I didn't have time to react. His hand was heavy and warm, and the sensation of it resting on me felt too… intimate. I felt my stomach tighten again, and that infuriated me.
– Don’t do that, – I said sharply, trying to keep myself together, but my voice wavered.
Marek didn’t move his hand, but his gaze became more insistent, filled with a mix of exhaustion and understanding, as if he was trying to convey something important to me, and I, as always, refused to accept it.
On the screen, Apolonia sat in the same gray room, her hands nervously tugging at the edge of her robe. Finally, she spoke clearly:
– I am ready to participate in the "Town" experiment. My name is Apolonia Kowalska. Born October 23, 1992, in Katowice, Poland. I give my consent to take the necessary drugs for role immersion. I will play the role of Mike O’Connor, a 23-year-old guy. Born in… in Boston. Likes playing video games, slacking off, and drinking beer. He… – she hesitated again, her cheeks flushing.
I blinked, trying to process what she had just said. She was listing facts I knew as if they were obvious. But there was tension in her voice, she didn’t seem confident. And I could hear her voice starting to tremble.
– He’s rude, likes to drink, and… God, he’s the complete opposite of me. Maybe you could give me a different… role?
– You can refuse. Participation is voluntary.
Apolonia sighed and tried to continue, but her voice became even quieter:
– No, I can’t. I need the money. And I’m ready, really…
My wide eyes darted to Marek, then back to the screen, and finally down to my lap, where I was fidgeting with the robe’s fabric the exact same way as this "Apolonia" in the video.
I jerked my hands away as if they belonged to someone else, but my body refused to listen. My fingers caught the fabric again. Inside, I was boiling with rage and embarrassment. I kept staring at the screen, at this strange creature mirroring me, and I felt emptiness consume me. I didn’t understand anything.
– Stop, – I croaked, forcing myself to look at Marek. – That’s not me. That can't be me. This is just… some nightmare. It’s edited!
Marek pressed pause and looked at me. We were sitting so close that I could feel his breath, but right now, that didn’t matter. I… I didn’t understand what was happening.
– I’m leaving… I’m just leaving! – I shot up, trying to gather my thoughts. – This… this isn’t real!
Yet, even that I doubted. The city, the people, the traffic jams—everything suddenly made sense in light of this new information. From the very beginning, I had felt that this "Town" didn’t seem artificial, and what I was seeing now explained everything.
No, no, no! I don’t believe this! I’m Mike, Mike O’Connor, a guy! A man! I can’t be a woman! I don’t want to be!
– Polya, look around, – Marek said from behind me. I didn’t want to look at him; this was already too much. – Just look outside and think again. What kind of experiment could this be? People here live their lives. And the cameras…
He paused, and my mind went into full panic mode. I had just been thinking the same thing! It was like he had read my thoughts! How did he know? He… he knew me that well? And these feelings…
No, no, this is some kind of madness. This body… I can’t be… Apolonia! I just… I just can’t!
– I installed the cameras and these instructions, all on the advice of those specialists from "Town." I did it just to connect your real memories to that damned experiment that made you keep falling back into this "Mike." It used to help bring you back. That’s why I’m asking you—just look around and think. This is real, not some experiment. You are real.
Stop it, Marek. What are you doing to me? This is just pure mindfuck… I—I can’t be Apolonia, this is unreal… I…
– Polya, – Marek stepped behind me, his arms wrapped around my waist. His body, his warmth surrounded me, and in that moment, it even brought a strange sense of calm. – I’m here.
– Just stop… – I whispered, feeling the moisture gathering in my eyes, the weakness spreading through my body. – This is all fake, right? This is all…
I turned to him, and our eyes met. His gaze was filled with some strange serenity, almost pity. His arms now wrapped around my back, and his breathing was steady and deep, as if he had been expecting this. He pulled me in tighter, holding me, and didn’t say a word.
"God, am I crying?! Crying like some weak woman?! No! I can’t be like this! This is all because of this shitty body, because of this role! This is all a mistake!"
The thoughts tore through my mind, but I couldn’t hold back. The tears I had been desperately trying to suppress started slipping through anyway, burning my skin as they rolled down my cheeks.
– Stop, – I whispered, clenching my teeth, trying to bite down on these emotions. – I don’t want this. I don’t want to be this. I don’t want to be a woman. I… I’m Mike. I’m Mike. I’m a guy!
But his arms only held me tighter, and though I couldn’t even admit it to myself, I didn’t want his grip to loosen. His hands were firm, just like his gaze, but not cruel. He didn’t press, didn’t try to break me. He was just there, letting me feel, untangling something deep inside.
– I love you, Apolonia.
His words came so calmly, as if he had said them a thousand times before. But to me, it was something new, something overwhelming. At that moment, my heart pounded harder, as if trying to break free from some unbearable weight inside me.
– I… what? – I exhaled, my voice betraying me.
He didn’t answer right away, but his arms softened, as if he was trying to soothe me, pulling me even closer, as if reminding me that I wasn’t alone.
– I love you, Apolonia, – he repeated, this time with a slight smile in his voice, but his words held such deep sincerity that I couldn’t ignore them.
My thoughts tangled. I probably shouldn’t have, but at that moment, something clenched in my chest, and I gripped him tighter in my embrace, cursing my damn tits—only because they were in the way of pressing myself even closer. And right now, that was the only thing I desperately needed…