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– I was afraid to ask, but you and... Maddie. Are you...? – Jessica carefully raised her gaze to Emma, her fingers nervously fiddling with the edge of her sleeve.
Emma tightened her grip on the cardboard cup of latte wrapped in a warm paper sleeve. The scent of vanilla and cream offered a slight sense of comfort, reminding her of Mark’s old habits—he would always order the same thing when he stopped by a café. A large cup, to go, with vanilla sugar, of course. But now, the drink sat in her thin hands, the delicate web of veins standing out starkly under the morning sunlight.
– Maddie and me? – She shifted her gaze to Jessica, a faint smirk playing on her lips. – Are you serious?
Jessica frowned slightly, lowering her eyes.
– Yeah, I am, – Jessica muttered without looking at her. – You spend so much time with her now. And those looks... and the laughter. I don’t even know. It’s all... strange. You know it is.
Emma let out a quiet chuckle, bringing the cup to her lips for a small sip. The drink was too hot, but it gave her a moment’s distraction, allowing her to avoid a direct answer. She studied Jessica, narrowing her eyes, trying to gauge how serious she was.
– Maddie... – Emma drew out the name, as if tasting it. – No, Jess, it’s not what you think. It’s just... circumstances changed. And I decided... to change something too.
Jessica looked up, her eyes filled with a mix of hurt and doubt.
– Change something? – She tried to smile, but it came out strained. – Em, you used to hate her. She was your nightmare, your Maddie. And now you’re acting like best friends. Is this even you?
Emma stopped, glancing at Jessica with narrowed eyes. A light breeze played with her hair, scattering chestnut strands across her shoulders. She wanted to reply sharply, to shut down any doubts right away, but Jessica’s gaze was so honest, so... vulnerable. It threw her off balance.
– Jess, – Emma sighed heavily, lowering her eyes to the road ahead of them as they strolled. The sunlight filtered through sparse tree branches, casting shimmering patterns on the asphalt. She wanted to say something, but the words seemed stuck in her throat. They had reconciled, but a real explanation had never come. Emma clenched her teeth, looking down, feeling the weight in her chest grow.
– Em, I just want to understand. What happened? Why have you changed so much? – Her voice was quiet but firm. – I... I miss you. The you who wasn’t pretending. The real you.
Emma froze, feeling her throat go dry. Jessica’s words cut deeper than she expected. Her chest churned, but her face remained that same mask—a light, slightly mocking smile.
– The real me? – Emma raised an eyebrow, staring directly into her friend’s eyes. – And what’s “real” to you, Jess? The Emma everyone called “crazy”? The one who barely held back tears when she was humiliated? Or the one who was scared of every step and hid behind your back? Is that what you call real?
Jessica flinched, her face flashing with pain as if Emma had just struck her. But instead of retreating, she lifted her chin. Her voice trembled, but she pressed on:
– The real Emma was brave. Even when she was scared. And she didn’t hide behind my back—don’t make that up! The real Emma didn’t try to be someone else just to get attention. And the real Emma would never talk to me like this!
Emma felt a chill spread through her chest. The mask cracked, just slightly, but enough for the voice in her head—the one she thought she’d silenced—to speak up again.
‘You know she’s right. You’re not real. You’re just trying to...’
She shook her head sharply, as if to shake off the thought.
– Jess, – Emma stopped abruptly, grabbing her by the arm. Her voice trembled, not with nervousness but with anger and something else she didn’t want to acknowledge. – You have no idea what I’ve been through. You think I’ve changed? Yeah, I’ve changed! Because I don’t want to be weak anymore! I don’t want to be pushed around anymore!
Jessica’s eyes widened as she tried to grasp the meaning behind her words. But Emma couldn’t stop herself now:
– You don’t know what it’s like to wake up every morning and look in the mirror, only to see someone else staring back at you! What it feels like to know the whole world sees only what you’re supposed to be, not who you really are! I’m not some little girl who...
Her voice broke, and she bit her lip immediately. She turned away sharply, trying to regain control of herself, but Jessica, narrowing her eyes, had already caught the hesitation.
– You... – Jessica’s voice wavered, barely audible as she continued: – You’re talking about Mark again, aren’t you?
Emma froze. The silence between them grew so thick it felt as if the air itself had turned heavy. A sharp pain clenched her chest, as though Jessica had just struck her deepest wound.