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She trails off, sighs, and her gaze turns more serious, almost distant, as if she’s mentally revisiting those moments again.
— "You realize it’s your body, but you don’t feel it as your own. Everything feels somehow… foreign…”
Her gaze returns to the camera, and she falls silent, realizing she may have said too much.
— "Honestly, the first day I stayed home, not planning to try out all those… well, ‘girl things.’ Dresses, makeup, walking in heels — all the stuff I’ve always written about in my stories. I didn’t get around to that until the third day, more out of a mix of boredom and fear. I thought, well, okay, I did want to try all this, didn’t I? I guess… It seemed like it should be… you know, fun. Just an experiment.”
Her expression turns pensive again as she continues, recalling the experience:
— "Yeah, I tried all of it. I’m sure you can tell from this video…” — she glanced away, biting her lip slightly, clearly reluctant to elaborate. It was obvious talking about it made her uncomfortable.
— "So, once a week had passed and I was still…” — she hesitated but then continued, trying to keep her tone calm — "…still a woman, I decided maybe I should just post that story, right? Maybe it’d help? No need to hold it back like I’d planned earlier. I’d wished for this nonsense to last a week or two, but the week passed, and that was already a bad sign… So on October 16th, I posted the story, hoping I’d turn back, but nothing happened. Your feedback and comments really supported me. I even ended up talking with one of the followers about fetish, its role, and some thoughts I’d had about all these gender roles, fantasies… It really inspired me, and I wrote a continuation, though not about myself… I was afraid that if I wrote about myself, it would… well… make it all seem real for sure.” She chuckled. “Silly, right? I don’t know, maybe… I didn’t write anything that week, and it felt like I was sinking back into that inspiration…”
She fell silent again, and a thick swallow could be heard as she forced down a lump in her throat.
— "It’s been more than two weeks now… more than three… and…” — she trails off, her gaze drifting to the side as if she’s trying to hide the tension that’s suddenly filled the air. She takes a deep breath, gathering her hair in her fingers, trying to calm herself, only to let it fall again as though discarding an unnecessary habit.
— "And I… I haven’t written in a while. Honestly, nothing at all. Yeah, all those stories you’re seeing now — they were all written before all of this… almost as if not by me. I’m publishing them just as they are, and sometimes I’m even embarrassed to read them, like those aren’t even my thoughts anymore. They feel like they belong to someone else. I… don’t even know if there’ll be any new writing after this video, if there’ll be anything at all. Or if it’s even worth continuing.”