Colin, like he always does, went up to bed at 10 o'clock. Finally, I had the TV to myself. He's always such a hog with it.
This time, though, I actually had trouble finding something to watch. I spent another hour just scrolling through the channels. FOX: nothing. ABC: also nothing. Even the movie channels had nothing interesting on.
Then I found something that caught my eye. I forget exactly what number it was, but I found this channel by the name of MCA. It was approaching 11, and the guide showed that they were about to air this show called “Hangman”. At first glance, it looked like a game show, and I absolutely love game shows, so I thought I'd give it a glance.
Introduction
“Live from Caesars Atlantic City, it's time for Hangman!”
The venue was packed to the brim. Although it was rather small, the roar of applause from the audience was still deafening. And then out stepped a man, who was dark in complexion and wearing a charismatic black tuxedo; certainly the host.
“And now, please give it up for your host: Lorenzo Alvarado!”
The applause got even louder as Lorenzo made his way to center stage. After a few moments, it died down, allowing the host to deliver his opening lines.
“Good evening! Well, late-evening. I'm your host, Lorenzo Alvarado, and welcome to another episode of America's number one late-night game show!”
This elicited another roar of applause from the audience.
“You all know what I am about to say, but I will continue anyway for those at home who are unfamiliar with how things are run here.
Plenty of you have seen Wheel of Fortune, but this show is a more faithful take on the classic game you've played as a child. However, there is a twist...more on that later. But now, here are our three contestants!”
The three contestants smiled and waved to the audience. Leftmost from the camera's perspective stood a beautiful brunette dressed in a strikingly scarlet dress and wearing similarly scarlet lipstick. This wasn't Vegas, but she sure as hell dressed like it was.
“From Scottsdale, Arizona, Teresa Ramirez!”
Right in the middle of the panel was a man, also fashionably dressed but not as extravagant as Teresa. He wore a dark blue vest and a matching bowtie, and had short, black hair.
“From Evansville, Indiana, Owen Petersen!”
Lastly, at the right end of the panel and closest to the audience, there was a tall African-American woman who clearly was the most casually-dressed of the trio. She had on a mint-green tank top with a darker green pair of leggings, plus a smooth set of chocolate-brown hair.
“And from Columbia, Maryland, Daniella Marshall!”
The audience broke into yet another round of applause.
“Oh, and how could I forget the most integral part of the show? Here she is, my lovely assistant, Whitney Carter!”
Whitney strolled out on stage, and immediately stole the eyes of the audience. Her outfit color was a heavenly white; her shirt exposed quite a bit of cleavage and part of her stomach, and her shorts barely extended halfway down her thighs.
“And you wonder why this show is always on late,” Lorenzo remarked, giving a little wink to the camera.
Teresa looked slightly envious, discontent with the fact someone managed to outdo her outfit.
“With that out of the way, time to lay down the ground rules.”
As Lorenzo began speaking, the show's crew rolled out an ominous-looking gallows, just like in the original Hangman. They also wheeled out a side board, resting it right up against the gallows.
“Rules are pretty much the same as the original game: you have to try and guess the word by guessing the letters that may be in the word. If you guess a letter not found in the word, Miss Carter over here will start finding her way to the gallows. Eight wrong guesses, including attempts at solving the word, and the game is over.
However, if you solve the word, I will ask you a simple question about the word after it is solved. It will be multiple choice, but guessing wrong means that the round will not go toward your earnings. There will be three rounds and they can go on as long as you like.
If you as a group succeed in all three rounds, you will each walk out of here with,” Lorenzo turned towards the crowd, “say it with me!”
“ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS!”
“Exactly. And note that I said each. All three of you could leave with $100,000 in cash, BUT, if you lose a round or answer the round-ending question incorrectly, your winnings will be cut in half. One wrong and it's down to $50,000; two wrong and it's $25,000; and so on. Any questions?”
Owen, eyes fixated on the menacing gallows, spoke out. “Well, just one, how exactly is Whitney going to end up there?”
Lorenzo's eyes lit up. “That is a very good question, and now comes the part that sets this show apart from the rest!”
He walked over to where Whitney was standing and pulled out a wooden stick.
“Now, before I continue, I must warn everyone that you are about to see some surreal imagery. If you are not comfortable with surreal imagery, please leave now; otherwise, brace yourselves.
As for you three, you are contractually obliged to stay. Any attempt to leave will result in your appearance being voided, and you will be ineligible to receive even the minimum $10,000 prize.”
Lorenzo paused for a moment to let his message sink in, and continued. “So, without further ado, let us begin!”
He tapped Whitney, still smiling, on the shoulder twice, with nothing happening. He then tapped a third time, harder than the other two, and Whitney literally fell apart at the seams like she were made of blocks. She crashed onto the floor and broke into seven distinct pieces: her head, left and right arms, left and right legs, and upper and lower body.
The contestants were stunned, mouths agape (except for Danielle who buried her face in her hands). The audience also fell silent, trying to take in everything that just happened. But Whitney showed she was still alive and well, gathering the strength to flash a thumbs-up with her disembodied left hand, receiving a loud cheer from the crowd in response.
“How? H-How is this possible? How are you not dead?” Teresa questioned, trying her best to keep calm.
If Whitney could shrug, she would've here. “Magic can be really strange sometimes. But Lorenzo here is one very skilled magician.”
“You didn't tell us you were a skilled magician, Lorenzo.”
Lorenzo feigned nervousness and went along with it. “Well, uh, I am a skilled magician.”
This gesture got a couple laughs from the audience.
“To answer your question, Owen, each incorrect guess will result in one of Whitney’s parts on the floor being attached to the board over by the gallows. Now, I know what you're thinking: 'You give us eight chances but there are only seven parts? That doesn't add up!' Well, yes, it doesn't, but the last chance is there to give one final chance before we pull the board away and let Whitney HANG BY THE NECK!”
More cheers from the audience, though the contestants looked quite disturbed.
Lorenzo reassured them, though quietly so as to keep the audience from hearing. “Don't worry, she'll be fine. Right?”
“Pssh, I’ve done this at least a hundred times already. Piece of cake,” replied Whitney's severed head.
“Now where was I...oh yeah! Time for your first word.”
Act One
On the far side of the board, away from the gallows end, eight spaces lit up Wheel of Fortune-style.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
“The category is: Geography. Teresa, what is your first guess?”
“Are there any vowels?”
“Oooh, we got a wise guy, eh? Sorry lass but I can't reveal that. Nice try, though.”
“Dammit. Uhhh...are there any As?”
*DING*
“There is one A.” The board revealed the A in its corresponding position.
_ _ _ a _ _ _ _
“Owen? Any guesses?”
“Any Os?”
*ERRRR*
“Ooh, I'm sorry but there are no Os.” The letter O showed up on the board underneath the word, indicating an incorrect guess.
As such, Lorenzo walked over and grabbed Whitney's disembodied head off the floor. He carefully carried it over to the board and attached it near the top, right underneath the gallows.
“Thanks, Lorenzo! That floor was very cold, you should do something about it,” Whitney replied wittily.
“Sorry but that's not really my job,” Lorenzo responded, followed by another round of laughter from the crowd.
_ _ _ a _ _ _ _
o
“Danielle, what's your opening guess?”
“Any Is?”
*DING DING*
“Nice, there are two Is.” The board, again, responded by revealing their positions.
_ _ _ a _ i _ i
o
“Back to you, Teresa, any guesses?”
“Um, R?”
*ERRRR*
“Sorry, no Rs.” Once the board updated, Lorenzo walked back over and picked up Whitney’s upper torso and sprinted back to the board to place it in its corresponding spot.
Whitney delivered another witty response. “And make sure you aren't staring!” referring to her rather revealing clothing set. Again, more laughter from the audience.
_ _ _ a _ i _ i
r
“Owen?”
“Hmmm, any Us?”
*ERRRR*
“Doesn't look like there are any Us.” Lorenzo, now with a little pep in his step, grabbed Whitney's right arm and reattached it to her body as the board updated.
_ _ _ a _ i _ i
r u
Presumably unable to think up another witty response, Whitney simply smiled and gave a thumbs up.
“Daniella? Anything?”
“Might as well finish up the vowels. Are there any Es?”
*DING*
“There is one E. Man, you're on a roll!” The board updated to reflect these changes.
E _ _ a _ i _ i
r u
“Vowels all used up. Teresa?”
“Fuck,” she muttered under her breath, not letting the censors catch it. “Uhhhh...are there any Ms?”
*ERRRR*
“God dammit!” Teresa pounded her fist on the panel-top.
“Sorry, no Ms.” Like clockwork, Lorenzo walked over and grabbed Whitney's left arm, attaching it in the appropriate spot.
Whitney gave another thumbs up and a smile. “Only halfway back to being whole again!” she remarked, seemingly oblivious to her ultimate “fate” should that happen.
E _ _ a _ i _ i
r u m
“Quite a mixed bag here so far, not a whole lot of helpful answers. Owen, what would you like to go for?”
“Is there an S?”
*DING*
“In fact, there is an S!”
E s _ a _ i _ i
r u m
“Finally, some progress...” Lorenzo mumbled. “Back over to you Danielle, on a hot streak right now. Do you want a letter or do you want to try your hand at solving?”
Danielle stopped to ponder this. “Would I by chance be able to try both?”
“Sadly, no. Once you attempt one you'd have to wait your turn to try the other.”
“Damn, okay...” she paused for a few seconds to make her decision. “I'd like to solve. Is it...
*drumroll*
Eswatini?”
*DING DING DING DING DING*
“You are correct! Congratulations!” Lorenzo shouted with glee as the board revealed the completed puzzle.
E s w a t i n i
r u m
Upon completion, the board released Whitney from its grasp, though she was still just her upper half. Despite this, she managed to protect herself from bashing her gorgeous face against the floor.
Whitney looked relieved to be free, but pretended to be upset about her predicament.
“I can't live like this!” She propped herself up using her hands to demonstrate that she, indeed, did not have any legs. “Ugh, this is gonna get so tiring having to walk everywhere like this! Lorenzo, can you help put me back together?”
Lorenzo, with a grin, replied, “No.”
Whitney glared in his direction.
“HAH I was just kidding. Of course I will.” He reattached Whitney's legs to her lower torso as Whitney slowly hand-walked her way over.
Lorenzo then applied pressure to rejoin Whitney’s two halves. She stood up and twisted her torso to show the crowd she was in one piece again. The audience erupted in applause.
“Now it's time for the question. Remember, if you get this wrong, you will not be eligible to receive the $100,000-each grand prize. One last thing I forgot to mention is that the person who solved the puzzle must be the one to answer the question. However, you are allowed to discuss with your group, otherwise there would be no point in having you all as a group.
Danielle, here is your question.”
She listened with intent.
“Eswatini, formerly known as Swaziland until 2018, is an absolute monarchy and the only one located where?
A. Southeast Asia
B. The Pacific
C. Africa”
Daniella, to the surprise of many, did not take long to answer.
“C. Africa.”
*DING DING DING DING DING*
“That is correct! And your group is now guaranteed of at least $25,000 each!”
Another round of thunderous applause ensued, with both Teresa and Owen even joining in.
“How'd you do that so fast?” Teresa inquired.
“I aced all my social studies courses in grade school and college. This was nothing,” Daniella responded confidently.
Teresa and Owen gave an impressed look at their teammate, before resuming their applause.
Lorenzo shattered that applause. “That concludes round one! But don't go away, there's plenty more Hangman to go around, so stay tuned!”
The camera pulled away from Lorenzo, as the voice-over announced, “Hangman will return after these messages,” before cutting to commercial break.