"Oh, hello there."

"Hello, little lady. May I come in?"

"Sure."

"Thank you. How are we doing today? Everything okay?"

"Mom had to go out. Again."

"Out? Out where?"

"Didn't say."

"Hmm. I see. Will she be gone long, do you think?"

"No. She's never gone long."

"Alright. Good for you, then."

"Uh-huh."

"Say, what's that?"

"My kitchen."

"Oh. Looks pretty fancy, doesn't it."

"It's second-hand. Yard sale."

"Ah. You don't like it?"

"Yes. I like it."

"Me too. What are you doing, if I may ask?"

"Cooking."

"Hmm. What is it? Pie?"

"Pancakes."

"Oh, I love pancakes! Yum-yum."

"Hey, Artie."

"Yes?"

"Why do you always wear those clothes?"

"Uh? My clothes?"

"Yeah."

"Why, what's wrong with them?"

"Don't know, they're just kind of funny. No offense."

"You think so?"

"Well, I don't know anyone who dresses like that."

"It must be 'cause, you see, these clothes are special. They're my magician's outfit."

"Your magician's outfit? Don't tell me you're a magician."

"Actually, yes, I am."

"Really? I never knew!"

"You never asked."

"Come on then, show me a trick."

"Ah, sorry, I can't do that."

"Why not?"

"I'm missing something."

"And what's that?"

"An assistant."

"Assistant? What's an assistant?"

"The name says it all. It's someone that assists, helps, in a magic trick."

"Helps like how?"

"Like, well, she'd let me saw her in half, for example. Or cut her head off."

"Ah, that! So that's an assistant. Got it."

"I say her because it's usually a her, but there are male assistants too."

"How about a smaller trick? We have a few decks of cards. And I know where mom keeps her coins."

"Sorry, I don't do micro-magic. Nothing against it, or those who do it, it's just that I specialize in body magic. That's all I'm good at."

"Body magic?"

"Yes. Magic that's done to the human body. Taking people to pieces, and putting them back together. That sort of thing."

"Really? That's so cool. Can you take yourself to pieces?"

"Not really, no."

"But you're people."

"True that. But, it only works on others, I'm afraid."

"Oh? How strange. What about me?"

"You?"

"Can you take me to pieces?"

"Ah. Well, I don't know. I mean, sure, I could. But I don't think I should."

"Why not?"

"You're so young."

"So?"

"So I don't think your parents would be cool with that."

"Why not?"

"Because body magic isn't the thing for a little lady like you."

"Why? Is it dangerous?"

"Actually, no, not at all."

"Then why?"

"Well, because... because it might scare you."

"I don't scare easily."

"Still. We don't know how mom and dad will take it."

"They won't know about it."

"They won't?"

"No, 'cause we won't tell them."

"Ah. Is that so?"

"Uh-huh. Will you do it, if I promise not to tell?"

"I don't know."

"Please?"

"Hmm. Well..." "Pretty please?"

"Do you promise?"

"I promise."

"Cross your heart and hope to die?"

"Stick a needle in my eye."

"I might just take you up on that, you know."

"What?"

"Nothing, never mind. Come on. Give me your hand."

"Which one?"

"Doesn't matter. Alright. Now, I'm going to pull it off your arm. Do you really want me to go ahead and do it? Think carefully."

"Will it hurt?"

"No."

"Will you put it back on?"

"Yes, of course."

"Okay then. Do it."

"Very well, if you are sure. I'm counting to three, okay? One. Two. And three. Ta-da!"

"Woah, no way! It comes off just like that?"

"Uh-huh."

"I didn't feel a thing!"

"Told you so."

"Oh, my, this can't be real."

"Look at your wrist."

"I know, right? It's so weird! How can it be? Geez, I can't believe this."

"Magic."

"Wait a second. How come it's all nice and smooth here?"

"What do you mean?"

"I got cuts before and they don't look like this. Where's the blood and everything?"

"Oh. That's just how I roll. You could have it the gory way, too, but I don't like that. Call it a stylistic choice."

"I don't understand."

"It's okay, you don't have to."

"How did you do it anyway?"

"Magic."

"No, seriously. How? The hand is fake, isn't it?"

"Try it. Try moving your hand. Wave hello to yourself. Hello, Stacy."

"Oh dear. Oh dear, oh dear, this is just crazy!"

"Happy now?"

"Awesome! You're amazing, Artie. You're so, so amazing. Best magician ever in the world!"

"Too nice, my little lady."

"Say, can I touch it?"

"Of course."

"Ow, that feels funny."

"How funny?"

"Like... uh, like it was somebody else touching it. But I still know that it's me."

"Sensorial dissociation."

"What?"

"Your brain still hasn't reworked the inner map of your body."

"What are you talking about?"

"Never mind. Here, wanna take it?"

"Uh? Can I?"

"Well, it's yours. You don't need to ask."

"Wow. It just keeps getting weirder and weirder. Hey, how do I reattach this? It won't stick back on!"

"Don't worry, that's not for you to do. I'll fix you up when the trick is over."

"Thanks a lot. Wait, you mean there's more?"

"Depends."

"On what?"

"On you. How far do you want me to go? I can reattach your hand right now, and call it a day. Or I can keep pulling you apart, piece by piece, like you would one of your dolls."

"I don't pull my dolls apart."

"No?"

"No. It's not right."

"Not even as a toddler you didn't?"

"Uh-uh. Never."

"Such a good girl. Anyway, you get the picture."

"What picture?"

"Doll in pieces. You. Body magic."

"Ah, that. Yes please, let's do it!"

"You sure? It's okay to say no."

"Yes, I'm sure."

"Hmm. You are indeed as brave as you claim. Come on, then. For starters, let's finish up your arm. Alright, one. And two. Perfect."

"Wow. Just, wow."

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah. So far so good."

"Nice. I'll put these down here, okay? Just temporarily."

"Uh-huh."

"Alright, on with the other arm. Hey, can I have that back? Better put it with the rest. Thanks."

"Artie, this is the stuff of movies."

"I beg your pardon?"

"This looks like a movie, not a magic trick. Ain't no magician can do something like this. Not even the famous ones, on TV."

"Not even them?"

"Nope. I've seen those shows. They have all these big goofy boxes. How come you can do this without a box?"

"That's not very respectful of you, my little lady."

"You've never been on TV, have you?"

"Well, no, I haven't. I've performed in theaters, though."

"Oh. Famous theaters?"

"I guess so. I've been to the Drury Lane, in London. The Theatre Robert-Houdin in Paris. And others."

"You've been to Europe? Cool! I'd love to go to Europe someday."

"You should go. It will broaden your horizons."

"Is it true that McDonald's tastes better in Europe?"

"Er, I wouldn't know about that. It was some time ago, you know. Things change, even in the good old continent. Alright, wanna check yourself in the mirror?"

"Sure! Are we done?"

"We're halfway through. Come on, let me help you."

"Ah!"

"Whoops! Are you okay?"

"Yes, thank you Artie."

"No problem. It can be tricky, walking without arms. You wouldn't think they play much of a role in your balance, but they do."

"Hee-hee, look! That's so freaky. Like a camera trick, really."

"Well, looks like I haven't lost my edge, after all. Not a perfect symmetry, but, close enough."

"You know, this would be great for Halloween, with a few touches here and there."

"Halloween? Nah. You're too pretty to be taken as a monster."

"You think I'm pretty?"

"A veritable Venus de Milo."

"What's a vegetable serious demi-lune?"

"Venus de Milo. It's a very ancient, very famous statue of a beautiful lady with no arms."

"Oh."

"It's exposed in Paris, at the Louvre museum. You shouldn't miss it on your trip to Europe."

"I won't. What's next?"

"Uh?"

"You said we're not done. What's next? Are you gonna take more pieces off me?"

"Well, yes, that's the idea. You know, this was originally a pretty complex trick. We called it the Predicament of Olimpia. It was part magic, part drama. I played the part of a professor, today you'd call him a mad scientist, who crafts this lifelike robot called Olimpia with the aid of one of his pupils. But then a fight breaks out over who should be credited with what, and Olimpia gets caught in the middle, quite literally, as the two inventors take her apart piece by piece."

"Funny story."

"It's actually just a passage from a much deeper story, The Sandman. It was penned by a German writer named Hoffmann. Ever heard about it?"

"Uh-uh. You know so many things, Artie."

"My parents gave me an education, God bless them. Studying is of the utmost importance if you're to achieve anything in life, my sweet little lady. Always remember that."

"Alright, alright. I'm pretty good at school, you know? I don't mind studying."

"I know, I can see that. Forgive my senile ramblings."

"I'll forgive you if you just go on with the trick."

"Sounds like you're enjoying yourself."

"And how! This is, like, the coolest thing ever."

"Great, I'm glad. Now for the next part, you'd better go lie down somewhere."

"Can I be on my bed?"

"Sure."

"Then help me get there, please."

"Of course. There you go, you're already getting the hang of it."

"Thanks a bunch. So what now? I bet it's my legs, right?"

"Smart girl. Indeed, legs and arms follow the same pattern."

"I thought so. Uh? Hey, why did you take off my sandal?"

"Oh. Sorry, that's just what I always do at this point. Déformation professionelle, I should say. Here."

"No, it's fine. You keep them. I was just wondering."

"You don't mind? Good, then I shall leave them here for later. You know, an assistant is always better off barefoot."

"Really? Why?"

"Well, for one thing, if her feet weren't uncovered, the audience might easily believe them fake. But most importantly, it helps keep the flow smooth."

"The flow?"

"When it comes to body magic, I like to think of it as a fluid. It has to flow smoothly through you, otherwise it won't work out. At least that's how I view it. Body magic is, you see, a thing of the earth. A gift from good Mother Gaia. Our feet are what connect us to the ground, a channel that's best kept open."

"Artie."

"Yes?"

"Sometimes I really don't understand you."

"Oh, well. Nevermind. Last but not least, without shoes you're vulnerable to this."

"Wait, no! Eek! No! Hahahaha! Please! Hahaha! I hate it!"

"I love it. And, the best part? Even when the foot is detached, it still works."

"Seriously, Artie, I... Hahahaha! I'm ticklish! Haha-hahaha! Stop it!"

"Alright, alright. Sorry. I just couldn't resist. You know, my poor Marianne, she was just like you. And she was even ticklish on her stumps. The ankle stumps, that is."

"Artie, you're not gonna..."

"Forgive me, I can't help myself. I just have to know."

"Eek! Oh my- hahahaha! No way! Hahaha! I said... Hahaha-haha! Stop it! Please!"

"Hmm, seems to be a fairly common phenomenon. In relative terms of course."

"Oh dear. No more tickling, Artie. I mean it."

"As the lady commands. Here, let's put this away. And the other one, too, for good measure."

"Huh. So, the legs you don't do one at a time?"

"Why not throw in some variety. As I was saying, legs and arms are much alike. They naturally separate at three joints. For the arms, these are the wrists, the elbows, and the shoulders. In the case of the legs, after the ankles we have the knees, so we do this, and then this. Now we're down to just your thighs, which come off at the hips. Would you please pull up your dress a little?"

"..."

"Oh, right, you can't. Silly me. Then I'll do it, with your permission. May I?"

"Sure. Whatever you need to do."

"Thank you. Now, it takes a bit more power, since this is one of the thickest joints of the lot. Excuse me."

"Wowee! Did you hear that? Like a big, squeaky kiss."

"True. Or a cork being drawn from a bottle. Funny sound indeed, let's hear it one more time."

"Ow!"

"Sorry. I have to be a bit rough, as I said."

"Ugh. It's okay, I'm not hurt."

"Say, do you realize just how many pieces you're in, at this point?"

"Uhm, lemme see. Two, four... twelve?"

"Thirteen if you include the torso."

"Thirteen pieces. Wow, that's a lot."

"Guess what happens now."

"You put me back together?"

"Uh-uh. Don't you know thirteen is an unlucky number? We'd better make it at least fourteen, first."

"Wait, what's that big grin for?"

"Here comes the grand finale. Are you ready?"

"Eep! Wait! What... you sure don't mean to..."

"Why not? It won't be any more dangerous, or painful, than the rest so far. Am I crossing a line?"

"Geez, you really... oh, dear. Okay, whatever."

"May I?"

"Wait, hold it! Hold it. I'll tell you when."

"Of course. Take all the time you need."

"..."

"Hey, come on, don't be like that."

"Okay, go."

"Keep those pretty eyes open, would you."

"Just go ahead and do it, Artie. I'm ready now. Hurry!"

"Okay, okay. There you go."

"..."

"So? It wasn't that bad, was it."

"Uhmm, no. I guess not. I'm a bit dizzy, though."

"That's normal. Your head's not used to dangling in the air like that. Here, better now?"

"Did you just put me down on my own tummy?"

"Uh-huh."

"I can feel that."

"Yes, I suppose you can."

"No, I mean, I feel that in my neck, too, not just my tummy. It's so strange. Like my neck knows that something's wrong. It's, like, it's telling me hey, I shouldn't be touching anything down here."

"That's cute. Marianne never quite put it this way."

"You mention this Marianne a lot."

"Do I? Sorry. She was my wife, you see."

"And also your assistant?"

"Correct. We shared the stage for more than three decades. An invaluable partner, she was, and a great woman all-round." "Artie, your eyes twinkle when you talk about her."

"Is that so?"

"You must love her a lot."

"What can I do. I guess I'm just an old sentimental fool."

"That's so sweet. Tell you what, I think mom should just find someone like you. Her new boyfriend is such a loser."

"..."

"Hey, can I ask you a favor?"

"Uh? Oh, sure. Anything."

"Can you get my phone for me? I wanna take pictures."

"What? Pictures? No, sorry, I don't want my picture taken."

"I was talking about myself."

"Well, you'd better not take pictures at all. Have you forgotten your promise already?"

"I know, I know. I ain't gonna let anyone see those."

"You ought to be careful, young lady. Any pictures leak out, we could never see each other again."

"No worries, I know how to hide 'em. Come on, go get the phone. Over there, on the nightstand."

"This one? With a tiny white rope coming out of it?"

"Hee-hee, yeah. That's the power cable. You're so funny, Artie. Where did they drag you from? Mars?"

"I've never used one of these things. How do I turn it on?"

"Oh, right. It needs my fingerprint."

"Uh?"

"It's a new model. There's no code, only fingerprint. I mean, there is a code, but I can never remember it."

"I'm confused."

"You have to press my thumb on that round button there. Guess you'll have to do it yourself."

"This button?"

"Hee-hee, no, you big goofo! I mean, yeah, that's the button, but your thumb ain't gonna do it. Or else anyone could use my phone. Hey, stop! You're gonna lock it."

"Alright, listen, why don't you just dumb it down a little and tell me exactly what to do."

"I already told you, use my thumb! Put the phone in my hand. Or my hand on the phone, whatever."

"Like this?"

"Okay, yeah. Good. Just one second, I'll open the camera for you. There. You can put my hand away now. Actually, could you do one more thing?"

"What is it?"

"Would you lay me out prettily?"

"Lay you out?"

"Well, you know, just like you've put my head on my tummy. You could place all other pieces around. Make it look cool. Like, I don't know, make my hands hold something. Put my feet next to my head, and make it upside down. No, wait, maybe one upright, one upside down. Ah, whatever, you decide."

"I see. That would be like a floral arrangement, but with body parts in lieu of flowers. A corporeal arrangement, if you will."

"By the way, I just watched a TV show about arranging flowers last night."

"Oh, really?"

"Yeah. With mom. There was this Chinese lady who showed how they do it. She had a bunch of purple flowers, I forgot what the name was, and she would pick one, wash it, cut the stem, and stick it into a vase. Over and over again. Only thing that changed was how much of the stem she cut. Claimed it's very important. Geez, she took her time, too. Some of the most boring stuff I've ever seen. There were these old ladies just hanging from her lips, and she wouldn't stop talking."

"She was probably Japanese, not Chinese."

"What's the difference?"

"Ikebana, the art of arranging flowers, might have originated in China long ago, but nowadays it's mostly a Japanese thing."

"Oh, yeah, icky-burner. That's the word. How do you know about that?"

"I know a thing or two about the Chinese and Japanese culture. Asian traditions used to be a popular topic in the salons of the bourgeoisie, when I was... uhm, young. Anyway, that should be it. How's it looking? Do you like it?"

"I don't know. Take a picture and I'll see."

"Alright."

"Do you know how to do it? Just aim the camera and press the big red button."

"Big red button. Got it. Smile for me, please?"

"..."

"Done."

"Let me see, let me see!"

"Here it is. Good?"

"Oh, it's great! Thank you so much, Artie. I love it."

"I'm glad you do. Don't forget, though: it's for your eyes only."

"Yeah, yeah, I know. Come on, let's take another! I want one with my head down, on one side, and you put my foot on my cheek like it was stomp-"

"No, no, no. Sorry, no more pictures."

"But, Artie..."

"Time's up, young lady. I'm afraid I'll have to go soon."

"No way! You've only been here less than, what? Half hour?"

"I'm sorry, I just have to. Your mother's coming home, I suppose."

"But I don't want you to go!"

"You know I don't want to, either. But I just have no choice. Come on, let's put you back together before it's too late."

"Why can't you stay a little longer? You don't wanna meet mom? She's not that bad, you know. She's nice, in her own way."

"I'm sure she is. In fact, if she's only half as nice as you, she must be one of the loveliest ladies who ever walked the earth."

"Then why?"

"Oh dear, how can I explain. It's just the way it is. Shadows shun the beam of day, not because there is anything wrong with it."

"Whatever. Don't go, Artie. Stay with me."

"Ah, come on, come on now. Don't let your mother find you in tears."

"She won't notice anyway."

"You'd better check yourself thoroughly. We don't want her to find anything out of place about your body, either. Do we?"

"Guess not."

"Please, cheer up. I beg you. Are you gonna let us part like this?"

"Sorry, Artie. You're right. I won't cry."

"So, is everything where it belongs? Looks like it to me. Right foot on right leg? Left foot on left leg?"

"Yes."

"What about the thighs, did I get them right? And the forearms? Those are tricky."

"Yes, yes. Hey, thank you, Artie. I had lots of fun."

"Great. I had fun too, you know. Just like the old days. Let's do more next time, what do you say?"

"Sure! Let's do it again. I love this body magic thing, I really love it. Say, can I be your assistant when I grow up?"

"You'll make a wonderful assistant, if that's what you want. Maybe not mine, I'm no longer in business. But you'll find someone, I have no doubt. Someone better. Gotta go now. Take good care."

"There can be no better. You'll be back soon, won't you, Artie?"

"..."

"See you soon..."