One morning on a movie set...

"Everybody in place? Good. Everyone ready? All right. Let's do this. Lights...camera...action!"

"I am barefoot, you are brainwashed."

"Cut! That's not the line. Do you remember what it is?"

"Yeah, yeah. Sorry. All good now. Ready when you are."

"Okay. Let's do it again. Are we still rolling? Good. Action!"

"You are barefoot, I am brainwashed."

"Cut! You're still getting it wrong."

"I am? I said it right, didn't I?"

"No, you got it backwards."

"I did? Huh. Can I see the script?"

"Stef, get her a script, please. Thank you. There, do you see it?"

"Yeah, I see it. Isn't that what I said?"

"No."

"Oh. Okay. Must have scrambled it between mind and mouth. No worries. I've got it. I'm ready."

"Great. Everyone in place? All right. Action!"

"You are barefoot, you are brainwashed."

"Cut! What the hell? This isn't difficult."

"No, it's not. But I don't see what I'm doing wrong."

"Seriously? Okay. Let's go over the scene. You're not wearing shoes, right?"

"Right."

"No socks or stockings, either, right?"

"Right."

"So, what word describes that?"

"Barefoot."

"Correct. So the line in the script that you say to match the state of your feet is..."

"I am barefoot."

"Good. You're halfway there. Now, you're sitting in that chair, hooked up to that hair dryer-esque machine. The machine has mesmerized you. Made you extremely suggestible. Allowed people to change how you think and what you believe. Right?"

"Right."

"What word describes what's been done to you?"

"Brainwashed."

"That's it. So the line in the script that you say to describe the state of your mind is..."

"I am brainwashed."

"Excellent. You've got both parts. Now, just put them together."

"Put them together. Yep, I can do that."

"Glad to hear it. Action!"

"I am barefoot. You are brainwashed."

"Are you kidding me?"

"What? No. I don't understand. I'm saying it just like it is on the page."

"You're not saying it like that at all."

"You know what the problem is?"

"No, but I can't wait for you to tell me."

"I don't understand my character's motivation."

"Of course you don't."

"What is she thinking? What is she feeling? Why is she doing what she's doing? I need to understand my character in order for me to add depth to the dialog."

"Depth to the dialog. Oh, boy. Look, I applaud your acting ideology. I don't think it applies to this scene in the least, but I applaud it nonetheless. So I'll answer your questions for you, and hopefully that will help. What is your character thinking? Nothing. She is in a trance, her mind is blank. What is she feeling? Nothing. She is in a trance, her mind is blank. Why is she doing what she's doing? Well, she isn't doing anything. She is in a trance, her mind is blank, and she hasn't been told to do anything yet. When she is told to do something, the reason that she'll do it is she doesn't have a choice. She's been brainwashed into submission and obedience. Got it?"

"Yes, I do. That was helpful. Thank you."

"You're welcome. Now, when I call action, what will you say?"

"You are barefoot, I am brainwashed."

"Why would you say that?"

"Well, I was thinking..."

"Here we go."

"Is my character's brainwasher barefoot?"

"That's irrelevant. She doesn't appear on screen. You are the only one on screen, so you're the only one who matters."

"No, no, it totally matters. The audience doesn't see her, but I do see her. So, it would really help me to know if she is barefoot."

"No, she isn't. Okay?"

"Oh."

"What?"

"Could she be?"

"Yeah, sure, she could be."

"Can we say that she is?"

"Will that help you get the line right?"

"I think it would."

"Fine. She's barefoot. Are we good?"

"Yes."

"Action!"

"You are barefoot, I am brainwashed."

"Cut! You still got it wrong. You're barefoot."

"But so is she."

"Nope. She no longer is. She is wearing shoes. Big, wedge-heeled, 70's disco-queen shoes that overshadow the rest of her outfit. Her--shoes. You--barefoot. Got it?."

"Yes."

"Good. Action!"

"I am barefoot, you are brainwashed."

"Cut! Are you serious?"

"I was just thinking..."

"Is that why I smell smoke?"

"What if I have actually brainwashed her?"

"You haven't. She brainwashed you. You're barefoot, she's not. You're brainwashed, she's not. That's it. That's all there is to it."

"It's just not working for me."

"Oh, it's not?"

"No. I feel like it needs something more."

"Of course you do. Okay, people, that's it for today. We'll pick this up tomorrow."

"Oh, we're done?"

"For now, yes. Why don't you wait in your trailer? I'll call you when we're ready."

"Sure thing."

"Hey, Stef, do you still know that stage hypnotist? Oh, good. Do me a favor:  Find out how much she'd charge for a private show this afternoon. One volunteer, one audience member. I think it's time we introduce our scriptically challenged starlet to the concept of method acting...."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next morning on the same movie set...

"Everybody in place? Good. Everyone ready? Stef, how's our actress doing? Is she good to go? Wonderful. Thank you. All right. Let's do this. Lights...camera...action!"

"I am barefoot, I am brainwashed."

"Cut! That's it. We got it. Okay, people, that's all for today. We'll pick up tomorrow with the somnambulist scene in the park. Stef, make sure we have the permits, and the area is roped off. Oh, and thank your friend for me again. We needed barefoot and brainwashed, and she delivered it to us. No, I'm not going to use the trigger to wake up our starlet just yet. A little more method acting can only make her performance tomorrow that much better...."