*bzzrrtt!*
“Is the camera rolling…?...ah! Hello there, intrepid viewer! Welcome to the promotional video for Farm-Fresh Human-Heads, where we aim to provide the most ripe human heads for consumption by meloners! …what’s that? You want to know about the two melons on my chest? Hahahahaha-NO.”
“Observe, as we show you the process of growing them from start to finish; we start by planting tiny little seeds like a normal plant. Water them at proper intervals and give them plenty of sunlight too. We’ll catch up on these seedlings later, as we have more fresh human heads later in the cycle.”
“After a couple days of work, the human heads will start to grow facial features like eyes, mouths, and noses. Their skin is still green from being young sprout lings, so don’t bother trying to eat them just yet! It’d be strange to eat something that looks like meloner flesh after all!”
“Next up, typically after a week we finally start to see some results with there being some human skin coloration on the heads, noises start coming from their mouths, and if you bring your ripe meloner face next to one you may even feel their breath! However, as they’ve been in the dirt for a good long bit we don’t recommend it unless you’re curious. It smells rancid enough to ruin our fruity complexions, haha!”
“Finally, after another day or two it’s time to harvest them once and for all! Just bring some trimmers with you, snip the hair attached to their vine, and carry it with you to the manufacturing plant! Oh, but first we’ve got a viewer submitted question! Dear Management, wouldn’t it actually take 80-100 days for a human head to mature enough to be edible? Ohohoho! What reality did THIS meloner come from? A strange one, that’s what!”
“Regardless of any oddities, obviously now we have to start wrapping up and packaging the finished product. Be sure to give the box you’ll be shipping the human head in some air holes. Remember, they don’t live off photosynthesis like us meloners do so they can’t just step outside and catch some rays. Oh, and if you want to be extra careful to ensure that they don’t begin screaming you can always use a paralyzing shot to conk them out for the duration of the transportation! Our meloner drivers work hard to deliver these goods for you, and we certainly wouldn’t want their efforts to go to waste by having them get annoyed by constant yelling from the human heads!”
“And eventually, once our meloner drivers make it to the supermarket of your choice it’s on you to order them from the store for use at a party, company event, or even by yourself! Disclaimer: attempting to consume an entire human head alone may result in an unfinished meal, leading to agonizing sounds only Hell knows about. If you have any further questions or business inquiries, please send them to ffhh.ripeeats@meloner.com. This concludes the promotional video for Farm-Fresh Human-Heads. We’ll see you next time, and happy eating, meloners!”
*bzzrrtt!*
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
That's it for now. Wow, the end of the year got here so quickly and I've done A LOT of head swaps, breast size swaps, image captions, comic sequences, and even a few full fledged stories! I didn't use my dA much before June, only for lurking purposes and to get access to NSFW works, so to see so many people enjoy my edits is something quite nice. Over this past year I've made plenty of pals in the head swap community as well, and they've all been folks I can rely on for fun and serious talks alike. I'll probably spend this upcoming weekend doing some more writing hopefully, but I'm not confident I can finish it before the end of Sunday night. If not, I'll continue to work on it until it's done. Until then, thank you so much once more for all of your support, and have yourself a Happy New Year wherever it is that you're at!