Author’s note: this is a fan work from the manga/anime series of the same name, and as such is likely subject to out-of-character interpretations, plot inconsistencies, or various other discrepancies in the lore of the series proper.

*yawn*

“(Mmm…yet another boring day ahead of me…fantastic…)”

The moping miscreant who mumbled that under their breath was none other than Rachnera Arachnera. For starters, she was never an early bird by any stretch of the imagination, preferring to stay stark-naked in her web hammock long past the morning hours.

“(Welp, guess I should head out of bed now. Even I need to socialize once in a while.)”

Jumping from her silken sleep space, to the wall of her attic room, and then to the floor, Rachnera went to her closet and found both her iconic black top (which exposed a healthy portion of underboob on purpose) and a loincloth. Both had gold trimming on their perimeters, accenting the design in a simple yet sleek manner.

“(Y’know, maybe I should try and make some different clothes at some point.)”

Rubbing her six eyes of drowsiness, the spider lady brushed her pointy teeth alongside her short lilac hair. Once she secured her appearance into a presentable fashion, Rachnera carefully went down her ladder one spindly leg after the next to the upper floor of her homestay’s house.

“Look who finally decided to join us on this lovely afternoon.”

“Master would be most displeased by your sedentary habits.”

The two girls who lambasted the lascivious arachnid on first arrival were Cerea and Suu, a centaur and a slime respectively.

“Grrr…don’t try me, you two. I only just got ready and I don’t need the peanut gallery telling me when I should wake up.” Rachnera grumbled.

“But it’s well after 1 PM! I’ve been up and about since 6 AM doing all sorts of things while YOU slept in like some caged beast!” Cerea shouted.

“A lack of physical exercise leads to turning into a couch potato, or so Master tells me.” Suu informed.

“Sorry girls, I ain’t insane enough to get up before the sun does.” The clawed lady shrugged. “Speaking of Honey, where is he anyhow?”

“Long out of the house at his job, something YOU should know better than you do.” The equine eschewed.

“Whatever, I’m heading downstairs now to grab some grub. If I’m lucky Honey will have made something nice for lunch.”

Brushing past the duo and onto the stairs to the ground floor, Rachnera was on her way to the kitchen when she saw the other half of the residents clamoring about in the living room adjacent.

“Hmm? What’s everyone doing here?”

“Oh hey Rachnera, you came just in time actually.” Miia said.

“Yeah Ranch! Mary’s gotten a letter from the mailman!” Papi beamed.

“Gosh, don’t spoil the surprise all in one place!” Mero waved her flipper in an “oh, you!” gesture.

“That’s cool. I’m gonna eat now.”

Clacking a bowl onto the counter, Rachnera found some cereal and munched on it contemplating-

“WHA-WHA-WHAAATTT?!?”

Formerly contemplating at this point.

“Is something amiss? Need I bring out my sword?” Cerea barged in.

“Suu is equipped with multiple torture techniques for disposal.” The slime smiled behind her.

“It’s nothing that grave, but what is shocking is that the letter I got was actually from mother!” Mero explained.

“Hold on, your mother who’s THE Queen of the Mermaid Kingdom? THAT woman?” Miia gasped.

“Indeed! Look at what it says!”

To my esteemed Mero:

I have the honor of providing monetary compensation to one of the Interspecies Cultural Exchange’s Expos, and have sent guest passes for you and your friends to come see our exhibit. However, this DOES come with the stipulation that in return some of your associates will also be presenting their heritage at the event as well. Even royally reimbursed goods aren’t free. Don’t forget to stop by and say hello to your mother whenever you get the chance. And if you won’t, I WILL KNOW.

--Signed, Queen Lorelei du Neptune

“Wowzers! Mary’s mommy sure is rich if she can give us snippets just like that!” Papi’s eyes bulged.

“Suu believes you meant ‘tickets’.”

“While I detest that this arrangement was thrust upon us, an opportune moment like this doesn’t come along every day!” Cerea proclaimed.

“Stupid Lamia culture exhibit…ooh, but Darling and I will have so much fun together afterwards, ehehehe~ ” Miia gleefully muttered.

“AH, BIG DEAL!” Rachnera finally spoke up.

“What’s so fun about staring at people underwater all day? It sounds absolutely boring!”

“Rachnera, open up your mind a little!” Miia yelled.

“What does Ranch have against mermaids anyways?” Papi asked.

“That’s none of your business! I just don’t like submerging in the depths is all.”

To the arachne’s credit, spiders weren’t exactly known for being great swimmers due to their “Book Lungs” taking up a majority of their lower half, leading to very few subspecies who could do so.

“Oh, really? Then why did you bother to wear a swimsuit and drag your sorry hide out to the beach when we visited Mero’s home kingdom?” Cerea interrogated.

“Suu remembers that outfit like it was yesterday.”

Expanding and contracting in various molecules, the gelatinous girl soon turned into Rachnera (shimmering blue eyes instead of red aside) wearing said swimwear down to the very last detail. Or rather, there were hardly ANY details to speak of given it was barely covering her nipples and crotch areas.

“GAAAHHHH!!! GO BACK TO NORMAL, SUU!!”

“Gracious! I had no clue that Rachnera wore something so borderline bellicose!” Mero said while hiding her face with her flippers.

“Shut it! It was supposed to be a relaxing sunny time, so I opted for a more loose choice of clothing!” Rachnera blushed as Suu reverted to her standard visage, picking up her raincoat and putting it back on.

“Did you make the swimsuit yourself?” The mermaid queried.

“Duh! Of course I did! How could I call myself an Arachne otherwise?!?”

“Hmm…that gives me an idea!”

“Uh oh, whenever Mero starts getting chipper is when things go south fast…” Miia shuddered.

“It’s no pro! How bad could Mary’s plan be?” Papi chirped.

As it would eventually turn out, VERY.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“Hah? To what use does thine matriarch have for mine scythe?”

“Oh, you’ll see, Lala.”

Mero was wheeled over to Lala’s room and requested that she come out with hacking harvester on hand.

“Girls, thank you all for coming here with me. Today, I wish to enact a plan I concocted just for the occasion~ ”

“To what measure of oddity are you trying to blindside us with?” Cerea said, eyes glazed over.

“Surely you all recall that escapade we had last summer where we swapped heads at the water park.”

“Bleck! Don’t remind me! I still have some goo in my ear from when I had Suu’s body.” Rachnera frowned.

“Suu highly doubts that such a minuscule portion of her body would stick around for that long.”

“AHEM. I would like to knock out two birds with one stone.”

“Hey! No throwing stones at Papi! They’re super effective against her!”

“You’re not even a Pokemon, pigeon brain.” Miia reminded the harpy.

“Oh, that’s true.”

“MY POINT BEING! If we use Lala’s scythe to swap heads, then Rachnera can make some new clothes for us!”

“WHAT?!?”

The entire harem sans the aquatic dweller were dumbfounded.

“Where’s the logic in that, huh? Why do you want us to swap heads so badly?” Miia roared.

“The dormant strength lying in mine apparatus is not to be mishandled!” Lala griped.

“Trust me, everyone. Since we’re being forced to help out with presentations at the I.C.E. Expo, let’s have some fun with it by learning about some other species’ cultures!” Mero said cheerfully.

“As belligerent as ever, aren’t we?” Cerea grimaced, irked beyond repair.

“Question. Where do I come into the equation?” Rachnera raised her chitinous hand.

“I’m an entrepreneurial cosmopolitan myself.” The mermaid eloquently responded.

“Papi has absolutely no clue what that means!”

“Psst, Suu thinks that’s somebody who’s rich and likes clothes.”

“Ohh, gotcha!”

“…moving on, you’ve been feeling like you’re in a creative slump lately, right Rachnera?”

“Admittedly, I was kind-of sort-of in the mood to spin me up a new wardrobe.”

“Exactly. So with your help in weaving spider silk, and my taste for aesthetics, we’ll make for an unbeatable match-up when it comes to showing off their customs!” The mermaid exploded with enthusiasm.

“Not to be the bearer of ill omens, but isn’t thine ominous ooze technically still an illegality?” Lala chimed in.

“…almost everyone’s customs!”

“Yeeeah no. Us Arachne don’t tend to show up to shoddy public affairs like these, free or otherwise.” Rachnera accentuated.

“…so just my own, Miia’s, Papi’s, and Cerea’s then.” Mero faltered.

“Do not fret for Suu; she can still make herself useful by posing in Rachnera’s hand-weaved garments.”

“Papi’s down for heady swappies again! (Maybe she’ll even get Sara’s big-boobied body again, ehehehe…)” The harpy smiled.

“ *sigh* If you’re REALLY so into it, I guess it wouldn’t hurt to get involved. Lala can fix us up afterwards like she did last time anyhow. (If it means flying high in the sky with Darling once more…yeah, that’d be nice.)” Miia surrendered.

“Helping an honored friend out with family issues isn’t something I’m unfamiliar with, so naturally I’ll do my part to contribute! (Plus, I need to take a load off my chest, and shoulders, and back, and-)” Cerea deliberated on all the various ways she would be relived of her mighty burdens.

“Ladies…! Thank you so much!”

“Pipe down girl, nothing’s even happened yet.” The spinneret savant said.

“Alas, the time for standstill conversation is over!”

Charging up the scythe’s latent ability, Lala unleashed her special move on the four women in a row!

*SLASH!* *SLASH!* *SLASH!* *SLASH!*

Off went the heads of Miia, Papi, Cerea, and Mero!

*PLOP!* *PLOP!* *PLOP!* *PLOP!*

And then…

“GYAAAHH!! Next time give a woman a word or two of warning beforehand! …Although…” Looking down at her new view, Miia had an even fuller chest than usual! “…having legs all of a sudden isn’t the worst if it comes with these airbags to save my fall…”

“Aww man, Mayo got Sara’s body! No fair! Papi’s stuck in a wheelchair…” Indeed, the harpy had ended up with the slick and wet form of Mero. “(…it’s no pro, she’s bigger where it counts now, hehe…)”

“At least your body’s light enough to be carried! How am I supposed to go anywhere like this?!?” Cerea got the lamia’s smooth, serpentine scales and was flopping over in many a failed attempt at moving her new hips back and forth. “Swaying all day with seven feet of tail was NOT in the cards for today!”

“If you’d like, we can both figure out how to go toe-to-toe while holding each other up.” By process of elimination, that meant Mero received Papi’s feathered body in the exchange. “If you don’t, I might fall into despair from how small I am now~ ”

“(What the Hell did I just agree to?)” Rachnera thought.

“A fatal mistake.” The slime used her tentacles to read her mind, frightening the spider inadvertently…

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“Going from no legs to two is one thing, but going from no legs to four is really hard to get down pat!” Miia placed her hands against the wall and was attempting to walk with the equine’s body. Thankfully, the last head swap occurrence gave her practice with having feet.

“Ah, but think about how much precision you need to move about with eight legs without slipping up constantly. Just thinking about how much pain I went through is so tragic~ ” Meanwhile, Mero was tapping her newfound talons and taking care not to knock anything over with the wings she now possessed.

“I’d rather not be like this for longer than necessary, so we should make haste with deciding how our updated clothes should look.” Cerea managed to avoid splatting on the hardwood floor after a considerable amount of time had passed.

“Papi thought we were getting new outfits from Ranch. Does that mean we have to change our fashion too?” The bluebird raised one flipper to her chin, contemplating her increased absence of mobility.

“It’ll be hard work, but I think I can scrounge up a few designs I’ve had lying around for a while.” Rachnera said, laying a few sheets on the table.

“For the lamia body under Cerea’s care, a warmer outfit would help mitigate your cold-blooded physiology.” Outlined in the sketch was a brown vest (hopefully not made with snakeskin) and a long-sleeved black and white striped sweater. On the bottom half was still a dark blue skirt, given that they couldn’t exactly put their tails through regular pants.

“You’re correct in assuming that I’ve been having a terrible time with the temperature lately. My foal body could easily go out in harsh winters…” The mare proclaimed, veering her eyes away in wistful fondness for her old body’s capabilities.

“Don’t feel too bad for me, Cerea. I make do with wrapping myself next to Darling as much as possible in bed during the mornings where you’re out and about at unholy hours.” Miia smugly stated.

“Tch!”

“ *cough* With a harpy body her typical tank-top is practicality down to a tee, but it wouldn’t hurt to go a bit more flowery and fancy to match Mero’s sensibilities.” The spider pointed out markings of a sun-tinted green dress. It wasn’t much different than something even a human woman could wear in public without issue.

“I see! Papi’s already cute enough as it is, so there’s no need to gild the lily as they say!” The fishy female agreed.

“Aw shucks, thankies for the compliment!”

“Progressing to Miia, we can’t afford to slack on material as you’re a centaur now.” A massive red skirt encompassed the lower part of the concept art. As for the top portion of the outfit…

“EXCUSE ME? WHY IS THERE HARDLY ANYTHING COVERING UP THE BREASTS?!?” The lamia justifiably complained.

“Sorry Miia, budget can only go so far. Also, anything I could do to contain those gazongas would only end in a wardrobe malfunction of the decade.” Rachnera noted.

“Have fun never finding stuff that fits you~ ” Cerea smirked, knowing she would soon not be the only one who knew the pain of overpriced and undersized wear.

“Mrrgghh…”

“Finally, mermaids are pretty accepted in society as it is. I’d like to make something that suits everyday life without compromising the heritage under your head.” A yellow-speckled tassel dress laid itself bare on the scrap paper. It was glossy and elegant for sure, yet made sure to highlight the watery tail as well.

“Wooaahh! Papi’s receiving some super pretty stuff! Is this really okay?”

“Beads as plentiful as what we’ll need can be bought from any simple arts and crafts store, so splurge as you wish~ ” Mero said.

“No way! Mary’s the best!” Papi leaned over to hug the mermaid but fell out of her wheelchair, hurting herself in the ruckus.

“Oww…”

“Suu will have to keep a closer pair of oculars on all of you if everyone keeps losing their sense of balance…” The slime interjected, tentacles picking up Papi and placing her back in the wheelchair.

“What about mine self? Am I to be castigated back into the encroaching depths from that where I lurk?” Lala popped out of nowhere.

“Oh right.” Rachnera forgot. “Uhhh…how good are you with hundreds of people in convention-wide crowds?”

“…horrid…”

“That’s what I figured. You can sit in the corner and play moral support while I task myself with making four completely unique outfits, I guess.”

The Dullahan slinked off to the couch, removing her head and placing it on the ottoman correspondent to the group.

“I shall rest my weary bones and rise from the graves lest you require my services again.”

“Cool. Suu, if you would please.”

“Absolutely.”

Transmogrifying her sticky form accordingly, Suu became Cerea with Miia’s naked body!

“Eugh. Seeing my body from this perspective really is cursed.” The snake remarked.

“The shimmering of her jade eyes only add to the eeriness…brrr…” Cerea shuddered.

“Mero, bring me one outfit each of you lot usually wear.” Asked Rachnera.

“Sure thing~ ”

Being the one individual with only two legs out of the head swapped quartet, the fin-faced female made quick work of scavenging the house for attire.

“Here is Miia’s typical wear.”

“Thanks.”

Forgoing Suu’s privacy somewhat, Rachnera attached both the blue skirt and belt to the bottom and put the yellow side-tie shirt up her temporary scaly body.

“Hmmm, blonde hair and red scales…now that I think about it Suu reminds me of ketchup and mustard.”



The six-eyed girl observed as she recorded the bust, waist, and hips ratio using Suu as a customizable mannequin of sorts.

“One down, three to go.”

As the mucous membranes molecules got all rearranged, she shifted into the lithe form of Mero’s head with Papis’ body.

“Dearie me, seeing my face with an even deeper aquamarine is mystifying~” Mero applauded.

“Suu! We don’t have a birdbath here! Go be naked somewhere else!” Papi cried out.

Tank top in one dangerous-looking hand and short shorts in the other, Rachnera allotted the birdbrain’s clothes on Suu.

“Psssh! No offense Mero, but it’s way too funny seeing your regal head on such a plain body!”

The creepy-crawly lady laughed out loud while jotting down parameters.

“Halfway there.”

Splitting herself once more, Suu shaped herself into Miia’s face with Cerea’s equally-shapely body.

“Huh. Never thought I’d see a day where I l could look at my gallant form from so far away…was it always so big…?” Cerea raised her eyebrows in surprise.

“My face looks even more ready to pounce on someone with Suu’s eyes…creepy.” Miia shivered.

Wrapping the massive navy-blue dress on the horse half, Rachnera attempted to put the standard white blouse on. 

“Hnngghh…how do you even put on shirts every day with these things?”

“Attempted” being the key word here as—

*RIIIIPPP!*

“…I figured as such.”

Sighing in disbelief at the absolute units that were the mare’s breasts, she made extra certain to tailor the data with a much wider margin of error than what was probably necessary…

“Last one coming up.”

The final division and merging of slime cells made itself apparent as Suu sat down and turned into the illustrious body of Mero, the harpy’s messy cowlick-stranded head being a contrast notwithstanding.

“Doesn’t Papi look great like that? She should stay as her once we’re done with the Sexpo!”

“Err, that would cause problems far beyond my political reach if we did so, Papi.” Mero gently prodded.

Calmly sizing up the last girl’s seated form, Rachnera put together a frilly black and white gothic maid outfit, the most taxing attire to wear by far.

“Whew! Thanks for all your help so far Suu; without you this operation would have been WAY more time consuming, and quite frankly I don’t have the motivation for that.”

“You can repay the favor with your body later~”

“What?”

“Do not worry about it. For now, just create those outfits you had in mind for so long.”

Shrinking down to her blob-sized form, Suu slicked her merry way back to her abode.

“Guess I won’t be able to laze about anymore. Unlike a certain blue-skinned girl…”

Rachnera twitched an eye towards the Dullahan, head resting on the ottoman and body hugging a couch pillow as if nothing was wrong.

“Hey girls! I’m finally ho-OH MY GOODNESS.”

Who else to enter his domain but the man of the hour himself, Darling!

“…perchance the Progenitor needst an explanation?”

Bigger trouble than a simple head swap debriefing from the linguistically challenged girl would arrive as both the spider crafting clothes and the residents (hopefully) studying up on the exhibits would soon get involved in a major event…

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“Huff…huff…whew!”

Putting the finishing touches on her last outfit, Rachnera hung it up with a coat hanger and placed it on the coat rack outside her room.

“(I’ll admit it, that sort of brain buster was the exact thing I needed to get out of my slump!)”

Tacking her spider legs down to the ground floor with clothes in tandem, she made her way over to the living room where the head swapped harem were anxiously awaiting the results.

“Alright ladies, listen up! I just barely managed to get your wacky outfits done on time, so get on up there and change into them right this instant!”

“Awesome, you’re the best, Rachnera!”

“Papi’s so proud of you!”

“I’ll be the judge of that. Pre-emptive praise does no one any good.”

“I can’t wait to see how your talents have paid off~”

Miia, Papi, Cerea, and Mero then went to their respective rooms to put on their newly designed runway clothes.

“Are you sure you did your best?”

Peeping out from the sink faucet was Suu in her blob formation.

“On a preparatory budget like mine? All by myself? You bet your ass I did.”

“But will thine efforts ring true, or will they bringst about a chaotic era of falsehoods?”

Also arriving from the middle of nowhere was Lala, spooking Rachnera in the process.

“Even after all these years you STILL get the drop on me…ironic coming from an Arachne I know. Yes, it’ll be just fine already!”

Before too long, the four girls came out of their rooms in their swanky new dress wear looking ritzy as could be!

“No time to waste, girls! Get on out there with Honey in the van!”

Waving their goodbyes to Rachnera, Suu, and Lala, they made haste to the human as they got in the car and he drove off.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“Okay everyone, we’ve finally made it to the convention center!” The human exhaled, dropping a few bags on the ground in exhaustion.

“Thanks so much for taking us here, Darling!” Miia cheered, first to step out of their spacious van with her brown horse hooves.

“It’s less a problem of transportation and more the fact that you girls didn’t bother to tell me about this whole shindig until way after the fact.” Darling reprimanded.

“Hubby! Papi already said she was sorry a hundred times over!” The bluebird moped, carefully going down the ramp from the trunk in her wheelchair.

“Did you now? Cause I can’t recall you apologizing even once…” Cerea sauntered out, long ruby snakeskin following behind.

“Far be it for me to be the arbiter of good manners, can’t we all just get along with Beloved?” Mero flew out the vehicle, dive bombing into their host by accident!

“Ugghh… (If I stay here I’ll soon become a splatter on the concrete…)”

Smacking the dust off his worn body, Beloved got ready to disembark from the premises.

“Call me if you need me at all! I’ll just be keeping an eye on Suu, Rachnera, and Lala as moral support!”

They all waved goodbye with their hand, wing, or flipper as they entered the sprawling interior. The group was starstruck as every square inch of the building had plenty of species visiting, running, and participating in the stalls lined up on the convention floor.

“Welcome to the I.C.E. Expo! Be sure to pick up your guest-HEY WAIT A MOMENT, IT’S YOU GUYS!”

As one of the more recent key representatives of the Interspecies Exchange Accord, a familiar Kobold bounded their way on over to the quartet. Chestnut fur and tanned skin covered her from head to toe, and she was wearing a professional business suit alongside a pair of glasses.

“Polt! Wasn’t expecting to see YOU of all people here!” Miia shouted.

“It’s great to see you all again! But…I’m pretty sure you all didn’t look like THAT last we met…” The dog person questioned.

“It’s a long story. However, we DO have our own guest passes in tow already thanks to Mother’s official endorsement~” Mero fwipped them out, but couldn’t hold onto them for long as her wings made it difficult to do so.

“Let me help with that. If you can’t even hold onto some press badges we’ll never be able to present the fruits of our labor!” Cerea used her serpentine tail to grab the fallen passes.

“I don’t know what sort of freaky magic affected you lot, but what are you all doing here?” Polt inquired.

“Papi’s here to tell fun facts about mermaids!” The harpy-minded individual pulled out some flash cards from a purse attached to the wheelchair.

“Haha, you sure came prepared! I’m too busy to chat much longer, but maybe we’ll meet up elsewhere! Toodles!” Polt zipped off to conduct what were indubitably important sociopolitical agendas.

“Well gang, let’s have some fun!”

Putting their appendages together in a group rallying cry, the four of them went their separate ways off to the assigned exhibits.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“Hmm, look out for that horse chick! She’s got some long ears!” A slender fish man said.

“You sure she’s not some kind of snake? That body of hers could coil around me instantly!” His shorter sea bream friend replied.

These onlookers and more passed by Cerea as she was helping out at the lamia exhibit.

“G-Greetings to all of you! H-Here are but a f-few factoids about our species!”

Thanks to Rachnera’s dedication, the mare was warmly dressed in the planned brown vest, black and white sweater, and dark blue skirt from the design sketches.

“Ahem! A c-c-common aptitude among Lamia is their p-propensity for both perfumes and p-poisons alike!”

However, no manner of hand-woven garb could make up for Cerea’s nervousness in public. The last time she got head swapped was with Mero’s body, plus she was at a water park meaning she didn’t stand out too much. Here though…

“(Am I doing this right? Will I slander the fine lamia folk with my imperfect grasp on their traditions?)”

Needless to say, the poor girl was having a rough time of it.

“Hey, you! Don’t look too somber over there or else you’ll drive away willing customers-GUESTS.”

Slinking on over was a small pink-scaled lamia with short twin tails of the same color.

“That’s right, Miss. We have to be on our best behavior lest we risk departure from the stall.”

Another lamia with long, straight blond hair showing off her forehead and yellow scales also gently came by.

“Eh, it’s no biggie! There’s a zillion other lamia here just wrapping up our patrons at the other stand with their tails. Surely one or two of us could take a break and upper management would never notice if we switched with them.”

A third lamia gloated, this one with medium-length green hair and scales to match.

“T-Thank you for your moral support, but I must continue doing my duties alone.”

“Naaah. Gonna veto that option right away. You gotta let our guests know how ready and willing our species is for ‘interaction’ together, shy wallflower or not.” The pink haired one said. “And would ya look at that, here comes a bunch of humans now! You ladies gotta join in on this too!”

Within seconds the three of them got right to work tailing the new arrivals.

“Hey mister, you wouldn’t happen to be interested in how lamias work, would you?” Said the small snake as she grabbed onto an arm. “Did you know that on average we’re 69% more likely to be virgins?”

“She’s right you know; And more often than not, the likelihood of having a threesome with our species is extremely high~” The blonde one pressed herself up against the back of another human, huge breasts squishing up in turn.

“And it’s not even limited to just that! All day orgies in secluded rooms to yourself are yours for the taking! Don’t you wanna be something more than what you are right now? Maybe even…my boyfriend?” The green lamia seductively looked up at her catch, arms pressed together to emphasize her curves and elongated forked tongue sticking out.

“Wha-wha-WHAT?!? (Those scoundrels! This was never a history corner! It was all a ruse to fornicate!)” Cerea’s face was flustered worse than the scarlet hues of her own scales, she also put her hands up to try covering her meek expression.

“I-IT’S NOT ALL SEXUAL PLEASURE THOUGH!!”

Turning to look at Cerea, the humans gazed at her.

“W-W-We also have proper rituals for courting, d-dances from long ago, and high-class bouts of antiques! S-See for yourselves!”

Saving the reputation of the lamia booth, the equine breathed a sigh of relief as the charged up atmosphere slowly faded away and the guests renewed their pace elsewhere.

“Hey, what was that for?!? We were just looking for a quick fuck!”

“What a clam jammer…I guess your clothes WERE a mite too conservative for our tastes…”

“Conventions like these are our only way of snagging cherry boys! Go be a prude some other place!”

The three lusty lamias pouted as Cerea was left to her own devices…

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“Oh wow, that lady over there has a really pretty face! She looks familiar though…” A man aquatic in nature shouted.

“Does she? The rest of her looks pretty bog-standard to me…” His scaly acquaintance tilted his neck in puzzlement.

“Greetings all con goers! Today’s showing from the harpy stand will feature various nomenclatures of sub-species!”

As royalty of the mermaid kingdom, Mero was dressed nicely in the warm green dress Rachnera had made just for her. She was also no slouch both in her now bipedal posture and when it came to public speaking in front of huge crowds. 

“Within the division of avian culture lies an expansive and wholly unique nationalization unperturbed until fairly recently by outside denominations!”

…in fact, her linguistics were almost a little TOO royal for the average Layman to handle.

“Geez, slow down! Us harpies can’t keep up with your big words!”

*BOOM!*

“Aaannd there goes another one of our crew.”

A harpy representative sighed. She had long brown hair in the back and silver bangs in the front, and was wearing the equivalent of Native American clothes. Her wings were a mud brown coloration slowly fading into a gradient of sandy tan.

“This makes fourth harpy to overheat and keel over from hard words you’re spouting!”

“Oh dear, pardon me for violating and transgressing your minds with all those technicalities~” Mero fluked, making an “oopsy!” face in the process.

“It’s no pro…me thinks. We Raptors have strong and able bodies, it’s just our brains are not so good.”

“But I thought your group would have liked an ample helping of information for the denizens to walk away with!”

“Oh, they walk away alright! They just as confused as we are! That no good! If you don’t stop me will scratch your face next time!” Angrily flying about in the mermaid’s view, the Raptor leader made her threat loud and clear.

“Ahaha, sorry, sorry~ (Gracious, if only I had some Flash cards on hand, er, talon.)”

“Hrngh…” Brushing her wingspan aside, the Raptor leader went back towards her mates to check up on the fallen.

(“Hmm…oh! Visual learning works splendidly with Papi, perhaps they can focus better on pictures?)” Mero excitedly recalled. She wasn’t deemed the best teacher in the homestay’s household for no reason after all.

“To those of you still standing, could you please draw how you live your lives?”

“Hah? Methinks I can do that.”

“Me too!”

“Me three!”

Passing out pieces of paper and crayons, the remainder got to work detailing (as best they could with wing nubs at least) where they lived, what they ate, and other common traits harpies shared.

“Done! Have a look, lady!”

Taking the Raptor leader’s drawing first, it was a hastily scribbled ocular nightmare for an untrained eye!

“(Wow! I’m not sure what to say…it’s indescribable in its own other way…)”

“This is mountain where me lives, prey that me catches, and family that me lives with! We even have song that all harpies never forget even after three steps!”

“(Saved by an explanation!)”

Collecting the rest of the “art”, Mero put them all together on the table for viewing access.

“(They’re good people, but what sort of antics will I have to babysit them through next?)”

If the fishy female was lucky, other visitors to their booth would get the gist of their chicken scratch…probably.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“Haha! That fiery-haired lass is surely striking something fierce within me!” A tuna man with a monocle wiggled his arms in excitement.

“You’re telling me! The rest of her body is also something to admire…pro-fish-ionally of course.” Their buddy raised his own looking glass in a conspiring way.

“(Grrrr! Those lousy lunkheads…! Why am I being subjected to this?)”

In case the descriptors didn’t tip you off earlier, Miia was currently clopping about with a lance in hand, her horse body trotting and jiggling to gravity’s whims. Her red skirt was incorporated into the design ethos without issue, and by the whims of good fortune the buttons on her oversized blouse were barely hanging on as a bonus between the red tie on top! 

Why was the fanged girl going through these motions? We’ll have to backtrack some time ago…

“You there! The red-haired one!”

“Who, me?”

“Do you reckon anyone else with hair burning like the valor you’d find on a summer sunrise is around?”

“(Ugh, I forgot how stuffy centaurs were…)”

Miia was rekindled of the harsh reality that helping to man a booth of chivalrous knights would lead to more than her fair share of flowery frivolities. Suited up in silver armor from head to toe, er, hoof, the manager was a tried and true Heavyweight centaur who was more than willing to exorcise any blemishes on the premises.

“I’m more than proud that you’ve decide to acquiesce yourself onto our fair volunteer ship guild!”

“Ahaha…I didn’t exactly have a say in the matter…”

“Regardless of intent, the fact that you’ve harkened yourself at this exact moment means that you’re looking to help out with our holy jousting competition, is that not true?”

“What.”

“Was I not clear in my predilections? Don the armor of your choice posthaste!”

“WHAAAAAT?!?”

As if on cue, a couple of lightweight centaurs allocated the various pieces of armor needed to protect the slit-eyed girl of major danger not unlike a NASCAR pit crew fitting a car of new tires.

“Hey, get off me! I don’t need no janky crap like that!”

“But you’ll get hurt if you don’t wear it!”

“Yeah, last thing we need is more casualties on the battlefield!”

“I’M NOT WEARING IT AND THAT’S FINAL!” Miia screamed.

“Tch! Arrogant cur, aren’t we? It’ll do you no good to be like a scoundrel accused of untoward acts! But if you wish to partake in our sacred tradition in your base form, I welcome a self-imposed challenge to change things up!” The Heavyweight pointed an armored finger to the snakey lady.

“And what are you gonna do if I don’t participate in this madness, huh?”

“Oh, it’s a horrendous tale of agony to even IMAGINE it. Behold, the Hot Rope Jump!”

A lightweight showed off her skills in prancing up and down, evading the “deadly” exercise equipment held by a couple others without hardly breaking a sweat.

“…I don’t see the issue.”

“Hohoho! This conundrum shant perplex a smaller mare like her, but if someone of your size in multiple aspects were to attempt it…”

“Wait, you don’t mean…”

“It’s exactly the implication you’re assuming.”

“(Shit…if I’m left between running straight ahead or risking a tit-tanic disaster I’d rather go with…)”

“Alright, you’re on!” Miia declared.

“That’s the spirit! Now face me head on in a battle for the ages!” The Heavyweight roared with vitality.

Setting up the stage for a bout unlike any other, a small crowd formed around the perimeter waiting for the action to start. Once everything was ready, an announcer ringed a bell to signal the beginning of the event.

“This match is going to get red-hot, folks! We have our Heavyweight champion of jousting facing off against a newcomer challenger, and unarmored at that! Does she have a suicide wish? Only one way to find out!”

*ding* *ding* *ding*

And now we return to the present.

“HAH!”

“Eyyaaahh!!”

Swiveling out of the way of the approaching lance, Miia crashed headfirst into the opponent’s side of the wall!

“Uh oh! Seems like the challenger is in a bit over her head this time if only one attack’s passed and we’re already running into problems!” The announcer riled up the crowd with her statement.

“(What the hell am I supposed to do against someone with way more experience than me?!?)” Miia grunted as she picked herself up.

“Ohohoho, this is delicious! None shall stay on their feet as I perform my next feat of brilliance!”

Making a mad dash for Miia’s location, the snake had no choice but to take the brunt of the blow of the Heavyweight’s offensive maneuver! Or so she thought…

As a safety precaution, the lances used at the I.C.E. Expo were tipped off with cotton balls to reduce the likelihood of injury. This meant that while Miia had most definitively gotten the wind knocked out of her, she wasn’t at risk of a truly fatal jab. Another factor was…

“(Thank God for these pillows coming in clutch for once!)”

Softness against softness only begets more softness.

“The champ nets a point! First to five is the winner!” The announcer flipped a scoreboard for all to see.

“(Now I know what the limits are!)”

If there was no risk of approaching demise, Miia had no reason not to go all out!

*jab!* *whap!* *fwop!*

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!? YOU’RE ONLY ALLOWED ONE THRUST PER RUN!”

“So? This was all crafted out of the blue by you! Rules be damned!”

A stray hit landed on the Heavyweight, scoring Miia a point!

“Retreat!”

Backing up to their respective corners, the two grisly girls started daggers at each other. After a few breathes, they made another sprint to each other! This went back and forth for a good couple minutes of clashing until the score somehow became 4-4.

“Well? Are you willing to give up yet? The odds are not looking to be in your favor anymore.”

“ *huff* *huff* (Think, Miia! What would Darling do in this situation?)”

“A tie against a monster on the field isn’t good, folks! Especially in a prolonged fight like this one! Will she grasp for victory, or fall too short?” The announcer said with bated breath.

“(Grargh! Screw it! There’s no point to these dumb shenanigans!)”

Bolting full speed ahead, Miia stopped thinking and rampaged to the armored horse!

However…

*snap!*

That would prove to be the killing blow in more ways than one.

*CLANG!*

Force is defined as acceleration times mass. Knowing that, this meant that the button that flew off Miia’s blouse made a noble sacrifice to fly right into the helmet of the Heavyweight at velocities matching the sound barrier, rattling her brain in a sneak attack!

“Guh…incorrigible ingrate…”

Collapsing on the ground in somewhat staged anguish the Heavyweight tumbled down, armor and all!

“…eh?”

“WOAAAHHH!! What an impressive display of jousting that was, folks! And is that…OH CRUD! CUT THE CAMERAS!” The announcer hastily covered up the footage with her hands in an effort to get the visual peepers off the snake’s exposed and bountiful cleavage.

“HYYYAAARRRGGGHHH!!!!”

Victory went to Miia, but at what cost?

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“Hmph, look at that simpleton and her brash way of speaking!” A lanky halibut person puffed.

“You would bet someone of our persuasion would be able to hold her own in a battle of vernaculars…” A stout fish bass man pondered.

“Uhhh, wait everyone! Papi knows all about fishies! Come back!”

As the final member of the entourage at the I.C.E. Expo, the birdbrain was encountering her own strife when it came to the trivia she was designated to teach. On the bright side, her appearance was very gaudy given that she was wearing the yellow-speckled tassel dress that Rachnera had made for her.

“Gwa hah har! Yarr’ll never convince anybone of aer superiority if yarr don’t even have yarr sea legs!”

The fish folk that spoke just now was a lady with a rough accent, a scar on her cheek, short tussled blond hair, and pointy ear fins. Attached at her hip was a scabbard to hold her cutlass (wooden at the moment due to regulations), and she was wearing a blue-and-white striped shirt that exposed her midriff with a red vest. Her lower half was that of a shark’s, and unsurprisingly that made the lass a Shark Mermaid.

“Come off it now; we came to the surface explicitly to inform these humans and the other monster species of our undersea civilizations.”

The other lady had gold rings on her wrists with tattoos to match and spiky short blue hair. Her accessories included a headband, arm bands, chest bindings, and a pelvic loin cloth, all permeated in the colors of blue and gold. Her no nonsense attitude was exemplary of the Fresh Water Mermaid race of beings, naturally.

“Waaahhh!! But Papi can’t remember all this stuff, her head feels like it’s going to go kaboom!”

*smack!*

“Cut it out. You are a member of the auspicious species of the Mermaid Kingdom, so start acting like one.” The Fresh Water Mermaid reprimanded Papi with a stern look.

“ *sniff* THAT WON’T MAKE PAPI FEEL ANY BETTER!!!”

*CONK!*

“Pipe down! Yarr’re a poor dog blubbering worse than a harpooned whale!” The Shark Mermaid whacked the dense girl’s head with the blunt end of her scabbard.

“WAAAHHHH!!!!” (This is hurting Papi too much! If only Hubby or Mary were here to help…)”

Even though the bluebird was given Flash cards to help out the watery gang, unfortunately Papi had a deficit of wisdom to be able to “say it, not spray it” as the locals called it.

“Wait a moment. If informing our guests isn’t something she can do well, then why not have go for a practical demonstration in our giant tank?” The freshie realized.

“Gwa har! Of course! Brawns over brains!” The shark applauded.

“(They couldn’t have figured that out for Papi sooner…?)”

Wheeling the bruised harpy over to the vacuous aquarium, Papi slowly climbed on in for a dive.

*splish!*

“(Hold on…PAPI FORGOT SHE CAN’T BREATH UNDERWATER!! AAAHHH!!)” She burbled in terror!

“Shut yarr trap! Calm yarrself!” The shark yelled.

“(AAAHHH!! *huff* *huff* AAAHHH!! *huff* *huff* AAAHHH!! …so when does Papi drown exactly?)”

“ *sigh* They couldn’t have given us a smarter volunteer, couldn’t they? Damned budget cuts…” The freshie soured.

“(…ohhhh!!)”

Indeed, due to the gills she now possessed the girl wasn’t ever in peril of losing her air supply.

“(Papi forgot about that part, ahahaha!)”

“Glad the ringing in me ears is gone now at least, gwa har!”

“Your ears won’t be the only things in pain if you don’t stop chuckling creepily to yourself like that.”

Now that Papi had arrived at the foregone conclusion of survivability she was swimming around the tank, building up to neat tricks and acrobatic aquatic assaults alike. 

“(Wowzers! Papi feels free in here now that she’s used to it)”

Turns out that being in the air and being in the ocean had similar properties of not touching the ground, so it was a better fit than the webbed girl initially thought.

“Mommy! Look at that mermaid!”

“I see, she IS performing some spectacular moves, isn’t she?”

The crowd peering from the outside in had a shortage of fins, gills, and scales, but even across interspecies borders they could tell that Papi was having the time of her life in a birdbath of her dreams.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“ *siiiigh* Today has been an absolutely nightmarish day…”

“My day was busy, yet productive so I’d consider it a job well done~”

“Good for you I guess, but I wish I could rewind the time I spent here…”

“Papi had an amazing day! She’s super tired now though.”

Cerea, Mero, Miia, and Papi had departed from their posts towards the end of their volunteer shifts and were nearing the front door of the con hall.

“Hey Cerea, you sure you don’t want to check any other exhibits out? We’re allowed to freely go where we like now that our duties have been completed.” Miia asked of the mare.

“Dealing with your incessant lamia tribe all day quite frankly has shot any good attitude I had.” The blonde remarked.

“…point taken. The centaurs were also super insistent I participate in their little chivalry game or whatever...considering how much jiggling I went through, I formally apologize for every time I’ve insulted you for not jumping despite being a horse.” Miia lamented.

“…thanks?”

“As for you, Papi, did you enjoy your time at the mermaid stall?” Mero chattered.

“Not at first. But Papi got to do super-duper cool tricks in the big fishie tank!” The harpy sparkled.

“Glad to hear it~ Your fine feathered friends were…excitable…to say the least. Where do you all get the energy to peep all day?”

“Papi thinks it’s cause we always act like children, but in a good way! It’s no pro to take it easy after all!”

“Really? How nice to be so free-spirited…”

Everyone was weary in their own ways as a certain Kobold popped around the corner to greet them!

“Hey guys! Finally caught ya! Leaving so soon?”

By convention standards leaving at ONLY 9 PM was considered pretty early, especially so if you were a nocturnal species.

“Darling didn’t want to risk us tiring ourselves out when we’re looking like this.” Miia clarified.

“Milord absolutely made the right call in that regard…” Cerea added.

“Awwww! And right as I’m finally done with all those bureaucratic folks too! We’ll definitely have to catch up some other time though! Give my thanks to Mr. Human for allowing us your help, alright?”

“Papi will remember no pro!” Said the birdbrain.

“And if she doesn’t, I certainly will do so for her.” Mero answered.

“See ya next year for another I.C.E. Expo, folks!”

Right on cue, Darling had showed up with the van and the four haremettes entered fully exhausted from a day that they wouldn’t soon forget.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

EPILOGUE, A FEW DAYS LATER

“(Who’s this letter for?)”

Rachnera was up at sunrise for once and saw something on the counter. Slashing it open with one of her claws, all six of her arachnid eyes widened.

“Opening up someone else’s mail is considered rude by Master’s estimates.”

“The boroughs of your insatiable desire for knowledge will surely become a moor of maliciousness!”

Suu and Lala were also dripping in and walking out of the shadows respectively.

“Yeah, yeah, I know, I know. Screw me for being awake at a reasonable time for once.” The spider closed her eyelids in annoyance.

“Suu will get the others to show up as well if this matter is so important.”

“Do not disturb their restful slumber quite yet; it’s only now been safe enough to properly re-scramble their skulls back to their rightful vessels, so their souls are considerably muddled at the moment.” The Dullahan detailed, posing all the while.

“Let me guess, you just don’t want to anger them from their beauty sleep, don’t you?”

“…how did you know?”

“Woman’s intuition.”

“Suu is considered gender fluid by the greater public, so she wishes to figure this odd power out someday.”

“Enough talk! If the two of you bozos don’t want to read this letter, then I will!”

To my dearest daughter Mero:

Based on the reports my fishmen butlers have submitted it seems as though the events this past weekend went swimmingly well for you and your cohorts. You DID notice them walking around on the premises, did you not? They weren’t exactly covert if all the pictures they took were any indication. While I am saddened you didn’t visit me at the I.C.E. Expo, that too is it’s own tragedy so for now I will let it slide. I don’t need to spell out to you the power a great dramaturgy holds. Congratulations on passed my test with flying colors. And speaking of, don’t think I didn’t see those wings you had. I will be rapidly approaching your destination the next time you sully your body henceforth, am I clear?

--Signed, Queen Lorelei du Neptune

“Scary…”

“Even a corporeal eminence of death like myself felt the chill of the lowest circle…!”

“Suu doesn’t really get it, but somehow we avoided the cold heart of hate just now, didn’t we?”

The trio shuddered and hastily put the letter back in the envelope, leaving it in care for the other half of the harem to read on their own time.

“But it was still fun to make those clothes for them, wasn’t it Rachnera?” Suu smiled.

“Mmm…I suppose. Just don’t expect me to do it too often now, ya hear?” Rachnera griped.

“My form weeps at the sight of such generosity. Metaphorically, I mean.” Lala sarcastically said.

And so as the Arachne argued with the slime and the headless woman, so ended the antics of yet another every day life with monster girls…

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~