Author’s note: this is a fan work from the manga/anime series of the same name, and as such is likely subject to out-of-character interpretations, plot inconsistencies, or various other discrepancies in the lore of the series proper.

“Zzz…Papi’s dreaming right now…woah! Now Papi’s in the air! Let’s fly really high!”

*WHOOSH!*

*CONK!*

*OUCH!*

As Papi flew up to the top of the sky, she suddenly crashed into…the ceiling…?

“Hmm…why is there something solid in the sky? Is it invisible? Maybe Papi’s mind needs to be stronger…”

“(What is your latent desire?)”

“EH?!? Who said that?”

“(I am your thoughts, feelings, passions, and motivations. I am who you believe yourself to be. I am you, and you are me.)”

“…err, Papi doesn’t really understand that sort of thing…”

Somewhere in the distance you could hear a faint smack against a forehead.

“(…let’s try that again. What do you want the most right now?)”

“Oh, okay! In that case, Papi wants to be powerful! Then Papi can smash her way through whatever is blocking me!”

“(I see…in that case, why not ‘borrow’ that quiet tan cow’s body? She could be more than enough to break that mental block of yours…)”

“That should be alright! I hope that Carrie doesn’t mind…”

*SLASH!*

“Whuh? Papi feels even lighter and sleepier than she usually does…zzz…now things are getting heavier and darker…zzz…oh well…good night voice, see you when Papi wakes up…”

*CRASH!*

And so Papi broke through the glass façade her dream world had conjured up, into reality itself.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“Mmm…it’s morning time now, isn’t it? Papi’s always been an early-bird, so everyone else needs to wake up to match me! But first Papi needs to stretch her arms and legs to fly…hrngh…okay! They feel even stronger than usual even! Imma fly to Hubby and have him rise and shine!"

*SMACK!* If “flying” indicated falling face first into the ground, then Papi passed with soaring colors.

"Ouch! Guess my body needs to wake up a bit too before I can do that..."

Papi then let herself out the door very quietly so as not to bother everyone else, ducking her head underneath the door frame to do so. It was still dark outside, so even though it was early it was less like the first sunrise of the morning and more like before even the crack of dawn itself. “Hubby” was sleeping off in another guest room away from the others, snoring a good bit since he had done cooking for thirteen other people and was likely very tired. Sadly for him though, Papi had other plans.

“Hey Hubby, wake up! Papi’s here to make sure you’re awake and ready to play!”

“Snrk…Papi, leave me alone…I’m sleepy still…give me thirty more minutes…”

“Aww…but Papi was gonna carry you around now that the weird voice made me more powerful!”

“I don’t care…you can always do that later…now if you excuse me I’m nodding off to the land of dreams…”

“Mmph! Fine! Be that way, Hubby! I’ll see if anyone else wants to play with me right now instead…”

*SLAM!*

Papi had slammed the door with more force than she intended, startling Hubby in the process. For now, she was left to her devices alone and dejected.

“Let’s see…who else cares right now…oh! Suu’s always my best friend in the whole world! Papi will try and find her!”

Papi went back down the hallway to her sleeping quarters when unexpectedly she saw a shadowy slimy body!

“…nonononoNONONONO…”

"(Hey wait a minute...that doesn't look like Suu...maybe she's playing pretend? Then again Papi’s never been good at seeing in the dark…)"

Suu had the capabilities to morph her face and body into the other members of the harem so this much wasn’t unheard of…

“Suu! Good morning to you! Are you doing impersonations of other people again?”

“…!!!...”

Now that she was noticed the mystery mucous attempted to get away, but kept losing feeling in their liquid legs and face planted multiple times.

“Are we playing tag now? Papi’s good at that! I’M GONNA CATCH YA!”

“Wait, NOOOO-”

*SPLAT!*

“Oops! I fell over onto you by accident cause I couldn’t see underneath me for some reason, anyways TAG YOU’RE IT NOW!”

“I’m not Suu, I’m Cara!”

“Well, duh! You have her face right now, silly!”

“No, you don’t understand. Your friend ISN’T mimicking my face right now because she’s not here.”

“And why would that be, huh? Papi knows of no one else that can be a faker like Suu! Therefore you ARE her! Come on, let’s see someone else now!”

Papi then grabbed “Cara’s” slimy hands and forcibly dragged her down the hallway. After a minute of walking, the two of them encountered someone else!

“Papi, my dearest friend. Where is Master? Suu is currently undergoing a mental crisis of her own…”

“Suu, it’s great to see you! Hubby’s being kind of lame and sleeping right now. But wait a minute, if you’re being held by Papi’s hands right now…how can you be in two places at once?” Papi interrogated of the slime.

“Have you tried looking at this ‘other person’ in any great detail?”

“(…please use your brain for once, please use your brain for once…)”

“Hmm, the one in Papi’s hands says that they’re Carrie, but they have a slimy body like you do, Suu. Meanwhile, you’re talking to Papi even though she doesn’t have you in my hands right now…and that’s not getting into how you’re also the same height as Papi!” The bird brain’s neurons were firing on all cylinders as she started heating up.

“Let me give you a hint; I can always change shape to be tall or short without issue, but are YOU any closer to the ceiling than usual?” Suu noted.

“Oh yeah! The strange voice told Papi she could break through the roof when she was sleeping, and now that Papi looks at herself better…!…?...!!?...HUH?!? WOAH! PAPI’S SO BIG ALL OF A SUDDEN!”

“(NOW she gets it…)”

“Papi’s now super tall, and has tan skin like her mommy, and now she’s so strong that she can lift these heavy boobies of hers no problem!” The avian finally understood what was going on somewhat, groping her chest with her brown arms in the meanwhile.

“And just who’s body do you think you have right now?”Cara grumpily stated.

“Looking at Carrie’s body, looking at Suu, and looking at Papi’s new body…aha! This must be your body underneath Papi’s head, isn’t it Carrie?”

“Excellent deduction work Papi. I knew I could count on you.”

“(…could have figured that out sooner…)”

“Which means that Carrie must have your body, Suu! But then who’s body do YOU have?”

“That is an question Suu cannot answer right now. Even if Suu uses her transformation skills, she can only make her head different, not her body. Hence why she was looking for Master. The only clue is that this body is also quite muscular like a cow’s…”

“WHAT? How does that make any sense? Now Papi’s even more confused…”

“Speaking of…think I can make this slimy body look like mine was?” Cara inquired.

“Give it a shot if you must.”

“Yeah, go for it Carrie! How tough could it be?”

*sclorp* *schlip* *schlarp*

“ *huff*…*huff*…*huff*…fuck…”

To try and become something you’re not if you weren’t already a slime was impossible sadly.

“I hate this…I never asked to be this way…*sniff*…WHY AM I LIKE THIS?!?” Cara was more than upset (and reasonably so!) as she started to actually tear up, a rarity for the usually despondent dairy provider.

“Papi would give you your body back, but if she tried lifting her head off by herself Papi would likely die, or worse…”

“Or worse…? OR WORSE??? WHAT COULD BE WORSE THAN THIS?!? MY OWN BODY IS BEING MOCKFULLY PARADED BY THE DUMBEST PERSON HERE!” Cara was starting to see red as she was forced to face the reality of the situation.

*HYAAAAAHHHH!!!*

“…!!!...that voice…was that Ruto’s…?...HAS THE SAME THING HAPPENED TO HER AS WELL???” Cara thankfully stopped herself from getting too mad as she prioritized the screech from her friend far away and made a mad dash toward her direction.

“Hey! Get back here Carrie! You can’t go far with Suu’s body under your head!” Papi stormed off after Cara in record time given she actually had solid feet…hooves now…to run with. Suu also followed behind, concerned for her feathered friend’s safety.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

As the trio came closer to their original resting area, they could hear some audible whimpering within their proximity…

“ *sniff* Euuugghhh…”

“Ruto! You alright? Everything’s gonna be okay, got it?”

“ *sniff* How can ANYTHING be okay when I look like THIS?!?”

“Wow Carrie, you can run pretty fast for not having solid legs like Papi! Although…is that Pluto…? I feel like she was bigger than that…”

“…!!!...FUCK! Not you too!”

“It is just as Suu surmised! Looks like the three of us weren’t the only ones affected in this incident!”

“Hang on a minute! Even Papi knows her own body when she sees it!”

“ *sniff* …miss bird person…you’re the one who originally had this body...? I'm finding it harder to remember than usual..."

As the sun finally started to rise into dawn, the morning light revealed that Ruto, who was once the biggest for at least two factors, was now quite literally the smallest chick at the ranch.

“So does that mean…!!? EVERYONE, GET IN, QUICKLY!” Cara was on high alert by now as she ordered Suu and Papi to follow her into the bedroom. And what they saw then could only be described as chaos.

“GAAAAHHH!!! WHY CAN’T I WALK??? IT FEELS SO WEIRD!!!”

“WHY CAN I WALK??? THIS FEELS SO STRANGE!!!”

“I see now! To go further I simply needed more horsepower! Alas, even I can’t beat a crude joke like that into the ground…”

“IF YOU WOULD STOP CRACKING JOKES AND EXPLAIN WHERE MY LEGS WENT THAT WOULD BE SWELL!!! I ONLY HAVE TWO NOW!!!”

“AIIIEEE!!! I’VE GOT WAY TOO MANY LEGS TO CONTROL THEM ALL AT ONCE!!!”

“That’s nice for you, but try losing six legs AND growing ten cup sizes at once!”

“To grow a pair of legs and yet still have the smallest breast size out of my entourage…so tragic~”

“HOW CAN YOU DERIVE PLEASURE FROM A FREAK ACCIDENT LIKE THIS, YOU MOPING MERMAID??? I CAN’T EVEN STAND UP AND SMACK YOUR FACE MYSELF CAUSE OF THIS TAIL OF YOURS!!!”

“At long last! The residents of this domicile have all woken up to observe their new vessels! I feel so much stronger already with my new form that I could crush any opposing force I come across easily!”

There were no words to describe something so horrifying like what had just occurred. It seemed as though all of the harem and all of the cows somehow got their heads swapped onto each other!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“Everybody, calm down! We have no choice but to figure out who has who’s body at this point!” Suu tried speaking up but to no avail as the bedroom festered still into anarchy.

“(God, this SUCKS! How did this even happen in the first place? Will we ever be able to return to our previous lives…or are we stuck like this forever…?)” Cara could do nothing but slump down to the floor in agony, slowly losing cohesion both physically and mentally.

“Come on, this isn’t the end of the Earth! Even after something so tacky we’re still alive to see another day! Papi’s always been a glass half-full sort! Or was it glass half-empty? Papi can’t remember…” The bird-turned-cow attempted to raise morale, but a good leader usually has their motivational quotes down pat. Needless to say, the former harpy couldn’t give a inspirational speech to a child if she tried.

“…umm…everyone…it’s kind of loud…COULD YOU PLEASE STOP SHOUTING!!!” The ironic request from Ruto broke through to all present, they turned their attention to the meek moo.

“Thank you Ruto. As I was saying earlier, identifying who we are now will lessen the confusion currently in the atmosphere of this room.” Suu clarified.

“…I guess I’ll start then. I’d sit up and greet you all, but I’ve got a snake body and don’t know if I’ll ever be able to walk again…” The first to speak up was none other than Miru. Her long, chocolate brown and platinum blonde hair combined with her upwards curved horns were contrasted well with her new scaly seven meter long body. She was also wearing a yellow side-tie shirt and a blue skirt with a belt wrapped around it. Basically, a new species of horned viper had been created!

“ *sigh* Tell you what, I’ll give you some advice; it’s all in the hips. There’s a reason most of my friends back home are such good dancers. I’d argue that putting all your weight in your…my…?...legs is odder.”

“Ah, actually I don’t wear a jumpsuit. I think you might have Chizu’s body instead…”

“(HUH?!? THAT DAMN BLUNT COW’S BODY IS UNDERNEATH MY HEAD NOW???) Indeed, Miia’s long red hair, pointy snake ears, and predatory golden eyes were now affixed to her “prey” that she groped the afternoon prior in more ways than one. And to make things weirder still, she now had a blue cow tail coming from her rump, cow hooves, and much larger tits on her chest. To top it all off, she was one of the tallest members in the room.

“I feel safer knowing that my body is under possession of someone who knows how to milk a cow with vigorous enthusiasm. I’ve also been lessened of some of my duties as well, given that this equine body doesn’t seem capable of producing dairy…I almost feel lighter even.” The cow with long platinum blonde and grey-ish blue hair into a ponytail crudely called out. Fitting hairstyle aside, her sideways horns on top of a white dress shirt and navy-blue dress would leave anyone unaware of her previous life as someone who wasn’t a four-legged horse-hoofed being mistaking Chizu as a bull hilariously enough.

“Way to call someone out! Sorry that I’m a little lacking in the breast department, you literal cow! (The worst part is that compared to the others…I think I ended up as the smallest cow! Me! Who was once THE incredible I cup beauty! I can’t tell if that’s more or less embarrassing…)” From Cerea’s perspective, she had actually SHRUNKEN in height, her blonde long hair and pointy brown horse ears now adorning a minotaur body with a brown-tipped cow tail and hardly a bust size increase to make up for it. How someone with milky bovine boobs like hers could get breast envy even at this level was left to be seen…

“Hey! That statement could be seen as racism, you know! Then again…I guess you ARE a cow now, hehehe…” Cream boasted. Her light brown and platinum blonde twin tails and diagonal horns were now on top of a body with eight black legs, purple claws, and under boob-exposing top. If there was any good news it was that she was gradually getting used to walking around, one arachnid leg at a time. Plus, if the price to pay for being sexier was a bit of fine motor tuning who’s to say it was all that bad?

“When Honey wakes up to see me standing over him with such a lewd body he’s NEVER going to want to leave my embrace… (Holy SHIT! Was her body ALWAYS holding back such powerful desires? I can barely control myself from falling over with her…my…?...breasts on me and letting all of my sinful lust loose…)” Rachnera’s lavender short hair and six glowing red eyes had seen a lot of bullshit in their day, but this had to have been THE most confuzzling event her ravenous readers had peeped. Looking down at her new body, aside from a cow bell on her neck she couldn’t even see her new cow hooves and green-tipped tail due to how absolutely MASSIVE her milkers were. They were so huge that you could tell the former spider they had their own gravitational pull and she would nearly be inclined to agree, what with being the new owner of them and all.

“…D-D-Don’t do anything too rash with my body! I’ll never be able to live it down otherwise! (However…I wouldn’t be lying if I said that maybe being so small now might make things easier…or was I always that way…?)” Ruto’s platinum blonde and green braided ponytail, downwards facing horns, and shy demeanor were now contrasted by being a whole two feet shorter! She had the body of someone who once wore a dark tank top covering her flat chest, tan short shorts, and three-toed legs. Now she could better look up to others, or rather, EVERYONE if she wanted to.

“Papi has Carrie’s body now! She figured that out all by herself earlier today too!” No prizes for guessing what Papi now looked like but if you must know, she still had her iconic short blue hair with a cowlick. Other than that though, the rest of her new body was wearing a jumpsuit tied around her waist, a black tank top revealing some gigantic under boob, rippling muscles, and heavily tanned skin. On top of having an auburn-tipped tail as well, Papi now had the privilege of being even taller than Miia! A stark contrast from her earlier days to say the least…

“Argh…for the last time, my name is Cara! I’ve got that slime’s body now… (It’s even more sensitive than my own former body as well…)” Cara didn’t hide the fact that her short, messy platinum blonde and dark brown hair and exponentially large horns were now sitting atop nothing more than a yellow raincoat, yellow rain boots, and see-through gelatinous, goopy blue “skin”. It would be a miracle if she could find a way to walk, or hold things properly, or even breath with a non-mammalian heart.

“Suu has deduced that aside from the cow leader, there is only one dairy minotaur body left that she has been forced to inhabit.” If you’ve been paying attention, that would mean that Suu’s hair tentacles, jade eyes, and transformative head were now stuck like jelly on Miru’s body. It was “average height” for a minotaur at a bit over six and a half feet tall, and had ridiculously sized breasts to match. Were it not for Rachnera now beating them all out, Suu would be one of the biggest providers of farm fluid.

“…Am I the only one who noticed that it was a mite too coincidental that while the ten of you had gotten head swapped, Cathyl-San, Lala-San, and myself are left out of your mix?” Mero pointed out. The former mermaid with needle sharp fish ears, black barrette, and elegant long pink hair had been left with a tan body that was much smaller than the rest of the harem’s. In fact, she was almost milquetoast in comparison to her standard royal elegance, unbefitting of a monarchist like herself. She was still MUCH bigger in other places than usual…that was the one, er, TWO things above average…

“I’m not much of a thinking type, but I guess something IS a tad fishy about that, huh?” Cathyl made a jab at herself unintentionally there, what with her two tone hair color of both rose-gold and black short hair, upwards pointed horns, and hair tail not meshing well at all with her new dainty, pink fish tail for her lower half, gills on her stomach, and frilly black and white gothic maid outfit. She would have all the time in the world to ponder though, unless her new source of breathing, H20, started to run dry…

“Zut alors! Were I able to track down the culprit myself I’d smash any hope of them entering Valhalla with my own two hands. I’d use other means, but my trusty scythe has made itself missing…” Lala was the last to speak, her exuberant amber eyes with black sclera, ghastly white hair with a scythe-like tip down the middle, and spooky cerulean face being on the peak of (by process of elimination) Cathyl’s body. The former Dullahan was now VERY tall and VERY muscular, wearing blue overalls and white gloves, stepping with long hooves, and had a black-and-white cow tail on her rump. Lala was practically a skyscraper, a metaphorical monument to any marauders who would meander with her, and also striking yet another wacky pose while making such a potentially devastating proclamation.

“Come to think of it, where’s YOUR body, Lala?” Miia questioned in between trying to avoid falling over from growing both a pair of legs and a pair of udders.

“(Erm…) LOUTS! Were I to have omniscient vision over all creation I’d have sullied the dastardly fiend without breaking nary a sweat!” The formerly headless woman hand waved that proposition with all the grace of a newborn baby attempting to eat a cookie, which is to say awfully.

“So you don’t know then…great, just wonderful.” Cerea stared at Lala with such disapproval it as palpable.

“Oh, that’s right! Hubby said that he would wake up in 30 minutes when Papi saw him! Let’s go!” Papi then stormed off out of the bedroom at long last, leaving everyone else eating her dust.

“Papi, my friend! Return posthaste! We still have much to discuss with the others!” Suu jogged after the former harpy, bouncing and jiggling in a decidedly non-slimy manner all the way down the hallway.

“If it’s a matter of galloping, then I shall endeavor to ensure my new position as a powerful pony!” Chizu alliteratively pranced after the duo of dummies, not having much of an idea what the point of seeing Darling even was. For the most part the antiquated former minotaur with newly minted adipose was making quick use of her new body swimmingly!

“I should REALLY go to see Darling…hopefully he can give me some advice on how to be more like him when it comes to running amok…” Miia then walked with her new hooves slowly but surely, taking careful note of the rhythm and pace one would usually step to.

“Golly! Let me just skitter with my new insect legs over to this ‘Darling’ of yours! I want to see his cute, just awoken face!” Cream stumbled somewhat, but eventually got the hang of controlling all eight of her legs one by one. Luckily for her, the former mini-moo didn’t get head swapped onto a centipede girl, now THAT would have been an impossible request to fulfill…

“Tch! Now I’ve gotta keep an eye on all of them! You! Ms. Spider! Why don’t you carry me over to Mr. New Hire’s room? I’d chase after, but I can’t exactly move on my own… (plus…if I get thirsty there’s no harm in maybe sneaking a sip or two of a refreshing leak of milk…WAIT, WHAT AM I THINKING?!? THAT’S YOUR FORMER BUDDIE’S CALCIUM-FILLED, HEAVY, DELICIOUS TITS! GRAAARRRGGHH!!!)”

“Fine! But don’t blame me if the ride is too wobbly for you, even if I DO have the biggest airbags you could ask for if you got hurt…” Rachnera obliged the once-minotaur’s request, using her strong arms to gently lift the cow-maid’s body and wedge her comfortably between the spider-cow’s dairy bags. They then got a moooooove on, bolting after the others shortly.

“I’m not confident the rest of us should go after the other half of our group, that smaller guest room can only hold so many of us after all…plus I need some time to learn how to shimmy with my reptilian resemblance…” Miru confessed to the remaining folks.

“Aye. The more we can get used to the other’s body, the better. (The infuriating issue is WHY I would EVER wish to get used to being the smallest in everything…)” Cerea stood firm on the outside, but internally she was having a critical error. To become shorter was already enough of a shock, but losing two legs only compounded the former horsie’s mind further. Finally, her unwarranted envy of the cows got worse since her haremettes were all BIGGER than she ever could hope to be…

“…err…that may not be so bad actually…I almost LIKE having less to worry about on so many levels…I feel so much lighter, and free, and happy for the first time in forever…I could get used to this…” Believe it or not, RUTO of all people was the most accustomed to the spine-chilling situation at hand, er, wing.

“When Beloved gets here, he’ll have to princess carry me everywhere too, just like Rachnera-San did for Cathyl-San. (But to revert back to not having legs if this somehow gets fixed…that could be too tragic even for mel~)”Mero was fantasizing about the moral event horizon once more, truly the depths of her murky former mermaid mind were too much for most individuals to bear…

“At least you HAVE solid legs to work with! I don’t even get that much!” Cara grumbled aloud to the group. If there was any consolation prize, she could always learn to visualize her new viscous vessel vibrantly enough to veer off-course from villainy.

“Hmm, this may be a supernatural suspicion, but what would happen if I, a former Dullahan, took off my head from this Atlas-like body?”

*POP!*

Much to everyone’s surprise, Lala was able to freely remove her head at will from her body! This was “the sky is blue” tier logic, yet no one thought it would be possible even still. She then held it under her new charitable chest, absentmindedly gazing at the others with a deadpan expression on her face.

“GAAHHHHH!!!”

Unfortunately for the former minotaurs, they were anything BUT.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“Okay Hubby, Papi remembered that you were going to wake up by now! So DO IT!”

“…mrrgghh…I’m awake…” Hubby finally got himself out of bed and sat up on top of the mattress.

“Papi’s so cool that she knew about this, huh?”

“…mmm, morning. But the Papi I know couldn’t recall anything beyond three step’s worth of info…”

“…Pap-Eh?”

“Master! Papi and Suu have returned to you! Do you know anything about what has happened to us?”

“Oh, good morning to you too Miru! Thanks for greeting me! You don’t have to treat me so formally though just cause I helped out here once upon a time, ahaha!”

“(…Suu is feeling very puzzled…why would Master say such a line?)”

“DARLING! HELP US! Somehow our heads got swapped on top of each other, and now I have this needlessly bloated cow-tittied body!”

“Woah, alright then! Seems like everyone’s joining us today! Cara and Miru beat you to the punch though, Chizu.”

“WHAT?!? B-B-But it’s me, Miia!”

“Sorry, but the Miia I know is more passionate than you when it comes to love…”

“(No…Darling would NEVER say something like that to me…)”

“I wish you a fruitful and vigorous morning! However, do note that my entourage of friends are having…shall we say, many problematic negatives right now…”

“Hey there Cerea! If it’s a problem I can reliably fix, then once I get ready for the day I’ll have it solved in a jiffy!” Darling promised to Chizu.

“Err, perhaps you’ve mistaken me for one of your other compatriots?”

“Nope! Who else would talk so gallantly over a mere quirky issue?”

“…I see. This is fine I suppose…” Chizu then glanced away from Darling’s non-descript eyes, filled with so much brightness it was hard to look at.

“Hey guys! What’s going on in here?” Cream busted into the room, she was panting tiredly from working so many foreign nerves simultaneously.

“Oh, not much, Rachnera! Cerea here says that you guys were having problems with something or other, I’m just wondering what it is.”

“Ehh? I could never be so sexy like she is! Kyaaah, you absolute charmer you!”

“Nonsense! Stop calling me such silly pet names, Rachnera! I’m my own man, you know.”

“…yeah no, I’m not Rachnera; I have her alluring body, toned spider stomach, and curvy breasts is all!”

“Exactly! Your point being? Or is it that you’re trying to seduce me again, eh Rachnera?”

“…I guess? Ahahaha…” Cream gave up trying to convince Honey of anything “off”, cause at this point it would only be a detriment to her new body’s inherently charming qualities…

“There you all are! How dare you try and go off on your own when you all look like that!”

“Yeah! Too much boobage in one room will make Honey go wild with lust!”

“…okay, this is getting to be a bit much. I don’t need so many people saying hello to me first thing in the morning. But I’m still happy to see you, Mero and Ruto. Glad to see that you’ve opened up enough to carry one of my interspecies exchange housemates! I’m sure Mero appreciates it! But you DO know that she has a wheelchair, right? Don’t forget you can use that next time, it’ll make things a lot easier! And uh, no offense…but you might be the biggest perpetrator of having too much boobage yourself, Ruto…huh, guess that WAS the dilemma at hand after all!” Honey “solved” the inconvenience in no time flat! Mission Accomplished, right?

“…Honey, I love you…but there is so much wrong with what you just said you’d be liable for legal charges in a court of law…”

“That does it! I’m never letting you or your harem stay at the Black Lily Ranch ever again! That’s what I would LIKE to say, but the damn govt. paperwork is forbidding me from kicking you outta here outright. Besides…I can’t really kick you right now anyways…”

“Wow Mero, what’s gotten into you today? Did somebody pee in your pool last night or something? If so, we should probably get a new filter for that pronto. And Ruto, you’ve gotten really bold lately to be saying something like that to me too! I’m almost hurt! ‘Almost’ being the key word here.”

“(Oh for crying out loud, Honey! I’m already struggling NOT to jump your bones due to this milky massive body of mine and now we’re having complications like THIS occur too?!?)”

“(This man’s been done dirty somehow…not even HE could be so dense as to forget what his own harem mates look like, right?)”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Last night, after the initial head swapping happened…

“( *huff* *huff* *huff* Wait up, Saane! My wings are slowing me down!)”

“(‘Kay then, I will. But are you sure you don’t want to swap yourself onto someone with less baggage on their back?)”

“(Oh I’m sure alright! I don’t know if I could ever return to normal if I did!)”

Lilith and Saane were running down the hallway, victorious in what they came here to finish.

“(…!!!...hey babe, could I trouble you for one last job?)”

“(Gargle flargle margle, this better be good…)”

“(In the room up ahead is Mr. New Hire’s sleeping place! I want to mess with him too!~)”

“(Hmm, I guess that’s okay. I want some revenge since the last time he sicced that boar on me!)”

The two devilish dames then carefully opened up Darling’s door and went inside.

“(Alright, what do you want me to do?)”

“(Well, here’s the thing; Mr. New Hire will likely yelp out that we did something to his precious harem. Your job is to hypnotize him so he believes that they’ve always looked like that.~)”

“(…you know what? Fair point.)”

Lilith then climbed on top of Darling’s body, initiating the hypnotism spell one final time for the night.

“(What is your latent desire?)”

“…snooore…to make my harem as happy as they can be…”

“(I see…in that case all you have to do is treat them all equally, and not dissuade them for how they might look to others…then again, if you’ve had them this long without dying you likely know how to do that already…basically, just keep treating them like usual, okay?)”

“…mph…sure thing…”

Darling then rolled over in happiness, being fully convinced that the words he just heard in his subconscious could do no wrong.

“(Whew! I’m dead tired after all that magic casting!)”

“(Good work babe! Once we run away from this blasted ranch I’ll treat you to a super sweet surprise!~)”

“(Oh golly, you will? In that case I want the fruitiest parfait money can buy!)”

“(…okay, maybe not that sweet, but I’ll see what I can do for my little devil!~)”

The corrupting couple then snuck out the same way they barged in and finally ran for the hills. Well, they were actually MUCH further away than a tired satyr and lesser devil could run to, but it’s just a metaphor for how much they REALLY wanted to get away with their little prank before the sun came up…

sss