Author’s note: this is a fan work from the manga/anime series of the same name, and as such is likely subject to out-of-character interpretations, plot inconsistencies, or various other discrepancies in the lore of the series proper.

“Ah, we’ve finally made it! That was quite the long journey just to get here…” A man with blue-ish grey hair noted to himself. His appearance was average at best, wearing a simple white shirt,  light green fleece jacket, brown khaki jeans, and white sneakers. So much so you could almost say he didn’t even have pupils in his eyes, leaving them a blank white. He went by many names, with the first one being-

“Urgh…hey Darling, can you comfort me from the bus ride by giving me a kiss?” The first entity to leave the vehicle had a seven meter long snake body; she slowly slithered into view with her long red hair, vibrant gold snake eyes, red scales covering her cheeks, red triangular ears, a yellow side-tie shirt exposing her midriff (giving everyone a good peep at her sizeable cleavage in the process), and a blue skirt with a belt wrapped around it. She was a lamia through and through, but everyone called her Miia since her parents were very original with their naming sense.

“Hey, hang on a minute! Hubby should give Papi a BIG HUG for staying still the whole time!” Next to literally fly out the door was a blue winged petite girl; she had short blue hair with a cowlick, a dark tank top covering her flat chest, tan short shorts, and three-toed legs. She was known as Papi, since her parents thought of her as being quite peppy! Okay, not really, but the harpy would have trouble remembering anything more complex than that for more than three seconds.

“Milord, don’t sully yourself with such unyielding platitudes! I can carry you from here!” This person clopped off onto the ground with their horse body; she had illustrious blonde, long hair that was tied up into a ponytail, long and pointy brown horse ears, a white dress shirt that did it’s best to cover up her…hefty horseplay honkers…as it were, a cute red ribbon underneath her collarbone, and a gigantic navy-blue dress to shroud her lower half. She was a proud and noble centaur by the name of Centorea, but she allowed her good friends and “master” to refer to her as Cerea from time to time.

“Master, we’ve safely made it to the Black Lily Ranch. Suu desires to receive a warm hand on her feelers.” This would be easier said than done as this next individual oozed off the bus; she was unique in that she had blue skin and green tentacle with yellow tips coming from her head. Aside from that, her emerald oculars shone bright under the morning sun. This was in contrast to her attire, which was merely a yellow raincoat and yellow rain boots. Suu was a slime, and was named by her best friend Papi cause…her species was in her own words “Suu-per slimy!”.

“Beloved, is there another way off this transportation device? I can’t get my wheelchair down the stairs…” The next person obviously couldn’t walk, but not for the reason you’d be lead to believe; instead of legs she had a pink fish tail for her lower half, gills on her stomach, needle sharp fish ears, and elegant long pink hair ending in spirals on each hair tip. Her name was Mero, and her clothing indicated someone of a royal countenance, including a frilly black and white gothic maid outfit, and a black barrette on her head, being a mermaid of the Neptune Royal Family and all.

“Honey, she’s bluffing you…most modern buses SHOULD have ramp access for handicapped people.” This being rightly pointed out proper safety protocols, but opted to simply lift the wheelchair up with some of her spider silk and plop it on the grassy dirt below. She was the most intimidating member of their entourage having eight black legs, a skull on the back of her abdomen, purple claws, six glowing red eyes, lavender short hair, a black loincloth with gold trim, and to top it all off a very strange top exposing lots of under boob. If this spider by the name of Rachnera Arachnera were to hang upside down from your ceiling at night, that last part would make much more sense in hindsight.

“Progenitor, the woes of traveling on this inhospitable carriage have caused an irreparable chasm in my vessel! To mend this rift requires a banquet suitable for a legion!” In normal person speak, this edgy weirdo and the final person on this trip was tired and hungry. Similar to Suu she also had chilling blue skin but with the added notation of brimming amber eyes and black sclera, ghastly white hair with a scythe-like tip down the middle, a ridiculous black overcoat contrasting with a plain white skirt, black thigh highs and boots, and most of all her trusty scythe. Few mortals wouldn’t feel fear in her presence as she was a Dullahan who could take her head off or put it back on at will, but Lala at the end of the day was nothing more than a poser for the most part by Darling’s standards.

“Now, now everyone…we put the effort in to make it all this way, let’s not get too ahead of ourselves and start bickering!” The bog-standard chaperone attempted to calm down his harem of beautiful monster babes. Why WERE they all here anyways? This goes back to a week prior…

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“Hey Darling-Kun, I kind of need a favor from you…”

“Hmm? What’s up Ms. Smith?”

Who else to ask for hare-brained requests than the Monster Ops Neutralization (M.O.N. for short) agent herself, Kuruko Smith. She had sunglasses and a dark business suit with a tie and buttons as one would expect. Slightly more lascivious were the stockings and heels, and to finish if off she had jet-black long hair. She was a human coordinator who was taking a break at Darling’s house by going for some his home-brewed coffee, despite likely being needed elsewhere for actual professional duties.

“I’m sure you’re aware of the foul misdeeds of Black Lily and that damn lunatic president.”

“Well yeah, I’ve been coerced into more than a fair share of their schemes by now, why do you ask?”

“Now this may be unfounded on my end, but I get the feeling that ever since you left their farm a while back that there’s been some unscrupulous activities going on in your absence. Think of all the unwarranted and illegal ongoing developments that could be happening right under our very noses!”

“Ms. Smith, no offense…but you sound way more serious than usual. Are you sure that you’re not just trying to get a leg over him from a government perspective?”

“Ack! You’ve got me there, Darling-Kun! Tee hee~”

Acting cute to no avail, the pettiness of the agent did no favors for Darling and he could nothing else but put his hand on his face in disbelief.

“But for real, Darling-Kun; if you could just check up on them for me that would be super swell! Pleeeeasse? I promise I’ll make it worth your while!”

“Hmm, I HAVE been looking into getting a better kitchen lately…more space to cook up some fancy feasts would be pretty good in the long run.”

“Sure, that’s fine. We can always reimburse that for you under government expenses.”

“Ooh, and maybe we could get some updated silverware! The knives I’ve been using are getting a tad rusty after all.”

“Not a problem! Though since that one’s not directly related to the infrastructure of the house proper that might be a bit harder to worm in.”

“And if I might ask, a week’s supply of food for all of my inter species exchange residents!”

“Err, o-o-of course!”

“Great! I’ll even bring the whole gang along so that they can verify and take notes on any suspicious wrongdoings just in case! You DO need a lot of time and space to renovate my house, right?”

“…sure, what could possibly go wrong? Ahahaha…(Oh god why the fuck did I think this was a good idea?)”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

And so that brings us to present day. Darling gathered all his haremettes around and explained what they would be doing here.

“Darling, are you SURE about this? I mean, is there REALLY any reason to follow her orders like some sort of dog?” Miia stammered out.

“Papi thinks everything will be A-OK! Plus, I get to see the chickies again!” The birdbrain was a simple person if nothing else.

“Milord, were it not for the plentiful veggies here to incentivize me I would have a hard time believing Ms. Smith’s true intentions…” Cerea worried to herself.

“Master, Suu is feeling a tad dehydrated…let’s get to a shady area promptly.” The slime had no inhibitions regarding this “mission” as it were.

“Beloved, is this some sort of secret-spy excursion we’re doing? To foil the plans of an evil bigwig just trying to do his job…that’s so tragic~” Mero…was an odd one even for a crew like this; she had an ever so slight tragedy fetish that distracted her from a good few things in life. Still, she seemed enthused to help out.

“While I DO think that she’s giving you the runaround for no real reason, if it means dumping on that executives’ property you won’t see ME passing up that opportunity.” Rachnera curtly smiled, coming up with devilish ideas in her head in the interim.

“An invasion into the sacred battlegrounds of Bres himself? And you neglected to inform us of this prime chance until now? Hasten thine legs of yours, we have nary a moment to spare!” Lala…said SOMETHING to the effect of “Let’s go!”…I think.

Hiking, slithering, flying, and any other mode of mobility you can imagine for a few minutes on the somewhat inclined farm ground, they soon made their way over to the entrance of the Black Lily Ranch. The junction was a pasture with the typical animals you’d expect to find; cows, sheep, and goats helped supply their company higherups by being sheared for wool or milked for dairy, while the Black Lily Organization paid it’s employees good money to stick around in a somewhat quaint area like this one doing their business. As they entered the front gates, someone approached them!

“Oi! Welcome to the Black Lily Ranch-OH HEY, IT’S YOU GUYS!” The figure who made their way over to the harem quite literally towered over everyone; they were a VERY tall and muscular individual wearing blue overalls (doing it’s darndest to make herself presentable in the face of her massive milkers) and carrying an axe with some white gloves. Aside from that, they had a two tone hair color of both rose-gold and black short hair, long hooves, a black-and-white cow tail on both her rump and the back of her head, and even a cow bell on their neck. Cathyl was a minotaur, and no stranger to the moo-nster-I MEAN MONSTER GIRLS before her.

“What brings you all the way out here?” The huge girl inquired.

“Ah, we were all sent out here to observe this ranch and see if everything is ‘up to code’ as it were, government orders and all that.” Darling stated.

“That’s strange, I never heard anything about that from them…how do I know you’re not just looking to pilfer our crops for your own gain?” Cathyl loomed over Darling in a somewhat terse manner.

“Hey, you cud-chewer! Back off from my Darling! He would NEVER do anything so underhanded!” Miia snaked over to Darling’s side in his defense.

“Yeah, Catty! Papi knows that Hubby is a good man!” The harpy said the wrong name but had the right idea.

“Are you sure you wish to inflict a moral quandary like that upon us without reason?” Cerea looked about ready to instigate verbal warfare.

“Chill, chill! I’m aware of his…good qualities…as well, just making sure is all.” Cathyl backed off without a fight, slinging her axe behind her shoulders and making her way over to the farm proper.

“Master, permission to wrangle her into submission?” Suu lacked traditional blood, but she was still somehow bloodthirsty, tentacles looking primed into attack position and everything.

“No Suu, it’s cool! Tell you what, why don’t you keep an eye out for the others, alright? I know I can trust in you to keep them safe.” Darling asked of the slime, giving her a head pat in return.

“If Master says everything is fine, then it is.” This calmed her down enough to turn her into a smaller and more peaceful form, not much larger than a blob and with ambient blue eyes without pupils alongside little slimy hand stubs. She liked this form for other reasons than her usual one, and it was another way that she could stand out compared to the others.

“Fantastic. I’ll see if they don’t already have the paperwork in their administrative building.” Darling then skedaddled over to the front desk and became busier than a bee girl. Luckily for him, another familiar face popped into his view as he entered!

“Oh, good afternoon Mr. New Hire! Well, I’d say you’re not really a new hire anymore per say, but hey if that name fits…” Poking fun at Darling was someone with short horns twisting inwards, short sky-blue hair,knit arm warmers (likely made by her own wool), thin elongated ears, and overalls. Merino was one of the sheep girls here, and she helped to keep an eye on any important documents alongside taking care of the menial chores like cleaning, doing laundry, and any other standard housekeeping task.

“I guess I have no choice but to allow it, ahaha! But back to business, did Ms. Smith or any of her government employees send an approval letter for us to be here on officially sanctioned observation?”

“Hmm, let me check…” The pan faun panned over and fawned through her desk for any recent papers that would allow the harem safe access through the ranch.

“Aha! Here they are, Mr. New Hire! All the documents in perfect working order!”

“Perfect! Thank you so much, have a great day!”

Darling’s good manners were one of the good qualities that gave him acquiescence over seven other girls without there being a World War for his…lineage shall we say. Well, there wasn’t enough in-fighting to cause truly troubling relationships at the very least.

“Alright guys, we’ve got the go-ahead to get inside!” Darling sauntered outside only to see even more people had arrived! Five other minotaur’s had grouped together and were saying their hellos to the harem.

“Good day to you, guests!” A tall person with breasts spilling out on all ends of her overalls and with long, chocolate brown and platinum blonde hair gently greeted them. Her horns were decently sized and curved upwards.

“Ah, it seems as though some hapless hooligans have arrived thus.” Someone a few inches taller than the first minotaur with long platinum blonde hair, and ending with grey-ish blue hair into a ponytail crudely called out. Her horns were long and went straight to the sides, and she was the only one wearing what seemed to be a jumpsuit hiding her large tracts of land made out of jeans-like material.

“Heya! Who are you people anyways?” The ‘smallest one’ of the bunch (who was still taller than most of the harem!) happily hollered. She had light brown and platinum blonde hair that was styled into twin tails, and very short horns pointing up diagonally. Overalls were her clothing of choice, and her breasts were ‘small’ enough to wear them with no issues aside from a slight bit of side boob.

“…mmph, hello.” A brusque bovine wearing a black tank top revealing some under boob bellowed. She was the only tan one of the group and had rippling muscles for days! She was clearly the tallest one there, with short, messy platinum blonde and dark brown hair and easily the biggest horns out of all the cows there, pointing straight upwards like a bull’s would. Her jumpsuit was tied around her waist, showing off her sick gains for all the world to see.

“Err…hi there…c-c-can I ask what your reason for being h-h-here is?” Finally, the last minotaur had platinum blonde and green hair somehow, it was styled into a braided ponytail. She was ‘wearing’ overalls, but it was more like her supersized bust (even compared to the rest of them!) was trying it’s best to escape the confines of them for dear life. One would notice from her dainty demeanor and welcome that her horns were also shyly pointing downwards at a right angle. 

As you might have guessed, to say that wearing overalls was part of the job wouldn’t be an understatement at all. The occupation was messy enough on a good day as it is, so you needed to wear something tough and rugged if you wanted to avoid changing clothes every thirty minutes. Other common traits included white gloves for roughhousing, long cow-like hooves, tails matching their hair colors, long and pointed cow ears, and collars with bells on their necks…must be some sort of fashion statement on the farm.

“Beloved, they’re a bit…imposing…as it were. Could you kindly sort this mess out for us?” Mero asked of her lover.

“(Tch! These guys again. I’m still miffed over what happened last time Honey was here…)” Rachnera had her own share of problems with the way the minotaur’s had…ahem…conducted negotiations with Darling during his prior visit at the Black Lily Ranch but stayed silent out of respect.

“Alas! A horde of heifers have strewn themselves abroad our enclosure! How shall we take care of them, Progenitor?” Lala’s first instinct was to strike a fancy pose in response to the cows crowding around.

“Come on now guys! Why’s everyone in such a sour mood today?” Darling said aloud as he scratched his scalp in bemusement, oblivious to the ‘cow-petition’ as it were.

“Ahaha, you said ‘sour’ like ‘sour milk’, right Hubby? You’re so funny!” Papi laughed to herself, completely ignoring and disarming any tension.

“That’s…not what Darling was going for.” The lamia facepalmed in turn.

“And yet she’s done a mighty fine job at surmising what our goal here is. To check on the quality of the goods here by tasting it ourselves and seeing if there’s any needless tomfoolery afoot.” Cerea clarified to the minotaurs.

“Ah, really? Seems like Mr. Newhire over there has the proper paperwork, so we can introduce ourselves as well. I am Miru, it’s a pleasure to meet you!” The chocolate brown haired one said.

“Suu is VERY capable of giving and receiving pleasure too.” The slime innocently retorted.

“I am known merely as Chizu, and I shall make myself less apathetic in the face of these new acquaintances.” The blue haired one shamelessly admitted.

“(There’s being blunt and then there’s THIS!)” Miia thought to herself as she responded with a wry smile.

“Howdy folks! I’m Cream, and if it’s milk you’re after I’m not exactly the biggest provider of it but do know that I’ll do my best for you guys!” The light brown one gave away a bit too much info for a public appearance.

“(Hmm…so she too is somewhat perturbed by the absolute size of these cows…)” Cerea quietly mired. Even though she was the most well endowed of her haremettes, she knew well that she couldn’t compare to the cows and that irked her, regardless of if she had no real reason to feel that way or not.

“Welcome to the ranch or whatever. Make yourselves at home. I’m Cara.” The tan one briefly announced.

“Hey Carrie, you don’t have anything more to say? I might forget something important otherwise!” Papi questioned of the muscly minotaur, not taking into account she would forget anyways.

“Umm…yes…good day and all that…I’m…Ruto…hi…” The green haired one muttered.

“Hah? Speak up now, it’s rude to not introduce yourself correctly.” Rachnera prodded the shy cow, no pun intended.

“I’m…uh…Ruto…”

“Pardon?”

“I’M…RUTO!!!”

“OUCH! It’s all or nothing for you, huh?” The spider made a mental note not to aggravate the super busty minotaur too much. Despite being so big, she wanted nothing more than to have very little stage presence.

“Now that that’s taken care of, I’d like to perform an audit on your aubergines, a bisection of your botany, and a cleanup for your cloth.” Darling eloquently worded.

“Beloved, what did you mean by that?” The mermaid haplessly had no clue on what he said, and surely no one else did either.

“Oi! He means that he wants to inspect the place, simple as!” Cathyl returned with axe in tow, now holding a good chunk of wood in the other arm.

“Hark! Keep yourselves amidst on professional parole, lest you be swallowed by untimely darkness!”

“Don’t mind Lala, she’s just saying that you should be acting with good behavior and everything will work out.” Darling translated for everyone.

“That’s nice. Alright, get your cahones over to the processing plant so that we can move on with our day!” Cathyl ordered of everyone present. Both the harem and the minotaur’s made quick footwork (or otherwise for those without legs) behind the mega moo.

Meanwhile, in a nearby bush…

“Ooh, how DARE my mistress interact with a girl with as big of boobs as THAT HARLOT DOES!!! Doesn’t she know that a flat chest is best?” Suddenly, a small girl with dark skin and short blue hair made herself pout in frustration at what her light green eyes with black sclera was seeing. She also had purple demon-like wings and short inwards facing horns to match. Aside from that, white sneakers, a trendy black and white hoodie, grey thigh highs, blue short shorts, and a devil tail with a heart tip were on her being.

Lilith the Lesser Devil was currently seething at not being able to see her ‘mistress’ for a while. Well, Rachnera was less of a mistress and more somebody who just so happened to perform various acts of ‘punishment’ for messing around with the gang in the past. Still, the fact that the demon followed them all the way out here just to have her way went unnoticed by the imp.

“Hey there girlie, you’re looking kind of cute with that bush of yours!”

“Huh? Who goes there? And don’t call my hiding place ‘my bush’, only I get to make the lewd jokes here!”

“I heard you bemoaning about one of my cow friends. That wasn’t very nice you know.”

“And why should I care? That’s all these farm folk are anyways, DUMB MILKY BITCHES!”

“Says the cute, soft, entrancing girl before me~”

“I-I-If you’re going to try and compliment me, at least say it to my face!”

“Sure Babe~” The offender revealed themselves to have brown skin and large breasts, not quite as large as the cow girls of course but you certainly couldn’t call them ‘small’. Regardless of her tits, she was wearing overalls and knit arm warmers like the sheep was, had short blonde messy hair, and small horns. Needless to say, the stranger was doing her best to try and rile up the lesser devil at her own game.

“NOT LITERALLY, YOU SULTRY SALAMANDER!”

“But you’re the one with the tantalizing tail, babe~”

“E-E-Eh?”

“And your wings look so cool, I bet you could wrap them around your lover and cuddle them all night~”

“W-Whuh?!?”

“And best of all, I could never stop looking into those iridescent eyes of yours…babe~”

“S-S-S-STOP IT RIGHT NOW, GET SOME HELP!!!!”

*THWACK!*

That was too much flirting even for the imp to handle and as a result the satyr got smacked a new one.

“Oof…okay okay. I’ll stop now. I’m Saane the Satyr, you already know it was a pleasure to make your acquaintance~”

“Tch…I’m Lilith the Lesser Devil…since you caught me red-handed I guess you’ll just have to do as you please with me…”

“Mmm, I don’t feel like it~ Besides, I got my fill just now from playing with you~ Instead…why not try and make your mistress see a different perspective with all six of her eyes?”

“What do you mean by that?”

“You saw that scythe the blue edgy lady was holding, right? And as a Devil I’m sure you’ve got SOME SORT of wacky magic you can cast on your victims.”

“…your point?”

“Try and have her believe that she’s ALWAYS been as busty as that cow you hate so much. After all, she deserves a MUCH MORE BEAUTIFUL body than the one she has right now, doesn’t she?”

“Y-Y-You want me to lop their heads off…a-a-and put them on other bodies? You’re a real sick FREAK, you know that?”

“Yes, and?”

“I’M IN!!! And while we’re at it, maybe I should screw around with all the others as well, kuh hee hee!”

“That’s the spirit! I can tell we’ll have a veritable relationship to come! It’s been too boring here at the ranch for a long time now, and I could use some excitement! Maa haa haa haa…”

And so the worst, fiendish, most evil partnership ever was formed! Only fate could tell from here how awful the following events would be…

Yup, it’s the start of a brand new ChenMango penned fanfic! I cranked this bad boy out over the course of like 8 hours just today, guess I had a lot to say since the last time I wrote a bigger story than the Student Transfer caption series I’ve been doing on the side. As usual, updates will come out as they are completed so if you’re a fan of my work stick around! Oh and one last thing, this chapter is dedicated to Harddropper/Poly on various parts of the Internet as it’s their birthday today! You’re a real G, you know that? Have yourselves a good one wherever it is that you’re at!