Author’s note: this is a fan work from the manga/anime series of the same name, and as such is likely subject to out-of-character interpretations, plot inconsistencies, or various other discrepancies in the lore of the series proper. How HASN’T Amahara done a head swap brothel yet? He’s sitting on gold!

“Ah, welcome back everybody! How did you all enjoy your time here at the Swap-stitute Creature?”

“BaSeD OfF ThE LoOk oN ThEiR FaCeS, i’D SaY iT’s FiFtY-FiFtY!”

Indeed, now that everyone had finally gathered at the main entrance proper they could all react accordingly to some of their new bodies!

“GAAAH! It’s true! You really DO have my body, Ginny-San!”

“Aw man, that really puts a damper on my mooooood…”

“Oi! I ain’t seeing the big picture, but I got to fuck a halfling so that was nice I guess.”

“Same here. Only complaint was nearly dying in cow cleavage but I’ve been through worse.”

“What? How do you two NOT see what’s wrong here? I could hypothesize from earlier but now it’s been confirmed that Mitsue-San’s beautiful head is on Elza-San’s body!”

“Yeah, that’s right! Mist-errr, Miss? Receptionist-San, how do we get things back to normal?”

“…don’t look at me for answers, I’m already doubting my identity enough as it is…”

“You look the same as always, dear! Although I can’t help but feel like I’ve seen that visage elsewhere…”

“Now now, don’t everyone talk at once please! I’ll explain what happens from here so be quiet and listen, okay?”

“YeAh! iF YoU RaUnChY RaTs DoN’T CaN iT I’lL ShOvE mY FiStS sO FaR DoWn YoUr ThRoAtS YoU’Ll-”

*SMACK!*

“Ignore her, once she fused all four of her mini clones together she’s been even ruder than usual and will likely need some tune-ups once I send her back to Demia-San…”

“TcH! YoU’Re JuSt ToO PaSsIvE, GrOw SoMe BaLlS, oR BoObS, oR WhAtEvEr iT iS ThAt YoU ArE!”

*CHOKEHOLD!*

“One more peep of persnickety intent out of your cornhole and I’ll give a special request to Demia-San to torture you in ways you don’t even know EXIST YET.”

“……..aH…….AcK…..SoRrY…..I’Ll bE GoOd……..PrOmIsE!!!.......”

“I’ll be the judge of that.”

If there was one takeaway from all of this, it was to never get on the genital guessing game’s bad side.

“Anyways! You know how this brothel is supposed to be a side gig of Demia-San’s? Well…that also applies to your collars as well. As they’re nothing more than successfully completed prototypes we had lying around, it will unfortunately take a week for them to recharge enough to give another head swap.”

“!!!!!!!!!!”

“KyAhAhAhAhAhA! oH, YoU ShOuLd SeE ThE LoOkS oN YoUr FaCeS RiGhT NoW! PrIcElEsS! WhY ElSe WoUlD ThEy FlAsH RaInBoW iF NoT tO SiGnIfY ThAt EaCh CoLoR FiLlS iN OnCe PeR DaY?”

“So what you’re saying is that we’re stuck like this…FOR AN ENTIRE WEEK?!?”

“Don’t mooooooan too much Piltia-San! At least this isn’t permanent!”

“It’s no big whoop for me at least. I never got swapped in the first place, ohohohoho!”

“I second Mitsue-San’s notion. (…right…?)”

“I’d like to say I feel bad, but until I see proof that things are off I’ll just assume I got lucky with this whole ‘head swap’ thing you girls are worried about.”

“Bro! There are hooves coming from Piltia-San’s body, a human head on a furry body, and a furry head on a human body! You’re not blind, I know that much from adventuring with you so much!”

“Yeah, sorry Zel. They look the same as they always have for me. Always did wonder how the human-furry combos worked myself, but I’m no science guy so I’ll back down from this argument for now.”

“Nonononono! This is THE worst possible outcome that could have possibly happened! And the fact that there’s nothing we can do about it makes me feel even MORE awful!”

“We do offer our biggest apologies, but in the future we hope that the ‘re-swappification process’ as it were will take less time in the future. Please do come back to support us once you all go back to your usual states!”

“ThAnKs FoR GiViNg uS YoUr HaRd-EaRnEd MoNeY, ChUmPs!”

“OH! ONE LAST THING BEFORE YOU LEAVE! Do not under ANY circumstances attempt to remove the collars yourselves! This applies to even the non-swapped attendees as well! We haven’t DARED to do so until all of our clones got back to normal themselves so there’s no telling what would happen if standard civilians did so of their own free will…”

With that ominous warning out of the way, both parties went to the outside of the Swap-stitute Creature and were ready to say their goodbyes.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“God…I won’t be able to see below me for seven whole days…how am I going to paint my toenails all pretty like now?”

“Oh, that’s easy Piltia-San! I never paid much attention to that sort of thing moo-self, so you don’t!”

“WHAT?!? Then how else am I supposed to entrance my captives when I step on them?”

“I don’t think my clients came to me for moo-ch else other than my colossal chest…they won’t notice.”

“*sniff* I absolutely HATE having these inconvenient, unruly, and ridiculously BIG tits!”

“Conversely, since I don’t have to worry about moo-andering off into someone I didn’t see any more…I can always look up and ahead of me! I have moo-ny chances to try some stuff I could never do before!”

“Hey! If you use my body for anything other than stopping bottoms from having rights I’ll be the laughing stock of the halfling community!”

“Well, if you want to moooodle in my affairs you’ll just have to chase after me then!”

“No fair! I can’t catch up to you looking like THIS!”

And so Ginny ran off as light as a feather while Piltia struggled to make her way over, sloshing and flopping her new boobs around as she had to worry about them slapping her in the face, the stares from the other late night frolickers, and also the reality that she was now a good foot taller AT LEAST.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“Well, that was a waste of time. And for what purpose, just to get fucked? I’m always on the bottom anyway. (At least, I’m pretty sure I am…?)”

“But it was something new, and trying something out even if there isn’t always a positive is better than not trying at all! Ohohoho!”

“Shut it granny, I don’t come to these sorts of places to hear ‘morals of the story’ or whatever.”

The furry in a hurry and the human smelling of semen were at the front entrance of the Swap-stitute Creature and separated from the others. They were just about ready to leave for the night, even prostitutes had to get their beauty sleep after all.

“It never hurts to leave some parting wisdom on the youngsters of the future, even if you personally don’t think it’s needed.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know I know. If you need me I’ll be drinking some of my best liquor, something tells me I’ll want to be as hung over as possible so that the pain makes my body feel less bad.”

“Alright then, dearie~ Have yourself a good one, ya hear?”

Mitsue then went at a comfortable jogging speed off towards her house, much faster than the usual turnaround for someone her age. In fact, she made it in record time by her standards!

“(Whew! I worked up quite a sweat! And yet why do I feel like I should have taken longer to get home? Oh well, it’s probably nothing to worry about! Must have been that aphrodisiac I had earlier!)”

Meanwhile, Elza took her sweet time making it back home due to being a fair bit more heavyset. Any later and the sun would have likely risen with the sounds of harpies chirping! Okay, maybe not THAT long, but it sure felt that way to Elza at least.

“(Crud, maybe I should hit the quest board myself at some point…these hands of mine should be able to smack some sense into the roaming monsters around here…and before I know it I’ll be skinny again! Wait, again?...)”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“Oi! Did all of you guys have as good a time as I did?”

“Hell yeah Stunk! I got to wear THE biggest boobhat around!”

“This trip was surprisingly fun and all, but I DO feel worried about the swap-stitutes…dumb name aside this only left me with more questions than answers on how the Grand Archmage Demia conducts herself…just what is she doing on her breaks that allow this sort of ambiguously blasphemous activity?”

“My time was a dream come true! But only at the start, it soon became a nightmare…”

All the boys were on their merry way out now that they each had the opportunity to fuck the whore of their choice, even if the eventual result wasn’t really theirs in the end.

“Tomorrow I’ll wake up bright and early to give my praise and write a good review on this brothel!”

“Agreed! It also helped that nothing bad happened while I was getting my groove on with Ginny-San!”

“Kehehe, I might have a new niche to carve myself into…maybe not full time but if it shows up you won’t see me feeling queasy I suppose.”

“Umm…I’d rather not go here again if I can help it. I prefer my brothels to be in a bit more of a controlled environment honestly…”

Obviously the lads would give their full thoughts when they weren’t drunk on their own hubris, but for now today was a mostly successful day of pleasure! Certainly a better time than the Lilim Den, the Mystery Garden Light, and way better than the Warm Raw Egg! It’s best that we don’t recount those spine-chilling stories while focusing on this one though….

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

A FEW DAYS LATER….

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“Ah, perfect! That’s another review completed! Now we wait for the crowd to gather ‘round and see what their consensus is.”

Echoing the exact same thoughts he had before the events of the head swap brothel, Stunk posted his final review of the Swap-stitute Creature for all to see.

“As nice as it is to be at our drink zone again, we’re still waiting for HIM to show up and pay us good!”

Kanchal was impatiently sitting at a nearby table, keeping his eyes on the door of the Ale and Eats for the shambling stranger from…wherever it was he originated. In the meantime, Stunk made it a point to order some early mugs as celebration for another job well done.

“Oi! Meidri-San! Where is my damn beer? I’ve been waiting longer than usual for it to show up!”

“Yes, yes! The only problem there is that you showed up close to opening time expecting to get drunk off your asses-I MEAN ‘hides’ earlier than usual!” Meidri corrected herself as she sloshed her way over to the two of them.

“Thank you very much, Meidri-San! You’re as boobielicious as you always are!”

*CONK!*

“Sheesh man, get it together. It’s too early in the morning to start praising her massive milkers without proper caution.”

“It’s weird Kanchal, that attack felt both stronger and slower at the same time. If I saw it coming I might have been able to dodge outta the way for once.” Stunk pondered to himself as Meidri angrily jiggled her way back to the back of the kitchen to prepare the first courses of the busy day at the inn.

“Yawwwwn, geez laweez! Why is it you’re only willing to wake up early when it comes to perverted stuff, Stunk my buddy my pal my friend?”

“Now now, Zel-San. I think one of your Earthly sayings goes ‘the early bird catches the worm’ and who better to be a bird than me with my wings, ahahaha!”

“……………Crim-Kun. Please stop forcing these shit jokes before I have you cook an entire breakfast for me on your day off.”

While Crim was a standard “early-bird” as it were, Zel HATED waking up any time before the afternoon if he could help it. Then again, the idea of “why would somebody as long-lived as an elf care about the time of day when they can live for centuries?” was a mystery on its own. Regardless, the two blonde boys made their way over to the human and the halfling.

“Glad to see that you could make it, Zel and Crim! You DO have your reviews on hand, right?”

“Would I ever betray the expectations of my best friend in the world?”

“How am I supposed to make money off these schleppers otherwise?”

“Yes, I do. Here’s hoping it will prove as a precaution to others….”

The remaining three handed their reviews over to Stunk, who gleefully pinned them to the cork board.

“So, do we know when that creepy cryptid is going to arrive?” Zel questioned aloud.

“Well…I’m not sure honestly. I just figured that Meidri would be alright with us being here until they show up if we keep paying her for alcohol.” Stunk dumbfoundedly announced.

“The real answer is that this humanoid hoser is just looking to get more than a little tipsy.” Kanchal spouted some facts to the gang.

“Ugh, Stunk-San! Why are you like this?” Crim could only furrow his eyes in frustration.

Luckily for them, the monstrous mumbler was actually en-route to the bar to check up on the saucy scriptures. Only problem there is that…they were slow. Like, REALLY SLOW. They could show up whenever, as they had nothing better to do than leisurely straggle their way over scaring more than a few passerby’s in the process due to their untoward appearance.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Meanwhile, a couple hours had passed and the regulars were starting to pour in due to the ensuing lunch rush. In between bites of minotaur meat and crunchy corn, a few of the patrons were crowding the notice board as they usually do whenever it came to finding good information on the newest brothel.

THE SWAP-STITITUTE CREATURE

STUNK: “While the interior of the brothel itself leaves much to be desired, the rooms were banging, and the girls even more so! I had the chance to wear a collar that…swapped the heads between my girl and another one? I didn’t notice anything strange going on, but the acting was so good they might as well had been! The only downside is that you need to leave the collar on for a week afterwards unless you want something unspeakable to happen, but that’s not too bad in the long run! (7)”

ZEL: “Hoo boy! At first the subject matter might be a bit much for common folk, but if you apply yourself properly and get in the mood you can have a pretty fun time overall! I personally made someone who was usually dominant into my submissive little bitch due to the head swap, and to see them confused and lacking assertiveness was a mental rush I certainly wasn’t expecting when I arrived! The key differentiator is who’s left ‘aware’ or ‘unaware’, so if you roll the dice bad it has the potential to be unenjoyable, so just take note of that if you want to go! (8)”

KANCHAL: “As usual, I made sure to take on a girl that would be buckling down under my knees, and boy did they deliver! I really liked seeing them struggle to maintain control of the situation as I darted around the room, watching those milkers bounce all day…I’M GETTING DISTRACTED HERE! Point being, while it wasn’t anything out of the ordinary aside from the foreboding atmosphere at the start and not taking into account the rude receptionists, I have no major complaints! (7)”

CRIM: “Uhhh, how can I put this? It was…as unholy as you would imagine it to be. Seeing your favorite lover getting head swapped with someone you don’t like isn’t any fun at all. The worst part is that the new user doesn’t even use their new body in the right way! Granted, that issue is likely less bad with girls you’re less familiar with but the point still stands! I may have felt good at the end of it, but not because I wanted to savor the moment. ONLY WEIRD PEOPLE SHOULD EVER COME HERE! (3)”

“Huh, seems like pretty decent reviews for the most part.” A dwarf with a helmet noted.

“That’s true. But keep in mind these guys are experienced in what they do. Swapping heads around like a creepy mad scientist…I don’t think I’m ready for that sort of wackiness quite yet…” A horned being reluctantly worded out.

“To go through life living a different perspective, with a different head on your shoulders both figuratively and literally…it could be an eye-opening revelation for certain…” A blue winged draconian virgin philosophically pondered to themselves.

The reviews themselves were going well on the monetary end if nothing else, but the gang’s ideal client still hadn’t showed up yet even after a bit more waiting afterwards.

“Ehhhh….ware da hell izz dat goiy anywaysshhh? I want sum moneayz! *Hic!*”

“We wuz reviewerz and shit….dat’s why we deed are job! *Burp!*”

This of course left Stunk and Kanchal, who had been drinking mug after glass after pint of alcohol all day, VERY VERY DRUNK off their asses.

“Somebody should really get these guys a bucket before things get bad…” Zel worried about his cum-patriots as he browsed the menu for a hearty salad, now that it was the afternoon and he was actually hungry.

“I’ll see if Meidri-San has one lying around in the back…even if I’m not working I can probably sneak one out here for the greater good.” Crim floated their way over to the backrooms, away from the rowdy crowd of liquor lickers. On the way there…

*SMOOSH!*

“Ah! Sorry about that Meidri-San! It’s dark in here and I didn’t know you were also looking for supplies of your own…”

“Geez Crim-Kun, you know you have to give me plenty of personal space or else someone as light as you will get knocked about unconscious!“

“Ehehe, sure thing Meidri-San! I’ll keep my eyes and ears open for next time!” Crim made his getaway with bucket in tow and flew back to the three lewd pigs he called friends.

“(…wait a minute, something about that encounter didn’t feel quite right…why didn’t Meidri-San have the lights turned on? And I always give her space to move around in, but she needs more still? And I’ve accidentally put my face…in between her bosom…on more than one occasion and it never felt anything like that…)”

“Hey guys, I got a bucket for you…but more importantly I think something’s wrong with Meidri-San!”

“Dee oonly ding wrung wid Maidree-Sin eez how HOT she izz!”

*HLECK!!!*

“Aaaand that’s your cue to hand over the bucket.” Zel sighed in dissatisfaction.

“Har har har! Dumb hoomin kin’t evan huld heez licker fur mur din tree glessez!”

“Kanchal! That’s quite mean of you to say about a good friend of ours! However, I currently have worse to deal with…” Crim was about to do the dirty work themselves when-

 *SLAM!*

“Aiiiieee! It’s the monster again!”

“Help! He’s gonna turn this bar into a war zone!”

“That does it! Next chance I get I’m investing in magical scents that make rooms smell better!”

It took long enough, but the lurching loudly moaning being finally made their way over to the noticeboard, attracting the ire of the drinking denizens. Slowly taking their time on reading the review proper, eventually they turned towards the main group.

“GLOARGH…REVIEW IZZ SUFFICIENT……GIVEZZZ GREAT CONTEXTZZZ……LOTZZZ OF WORDZZZ…”

If nothing else, the smelly stranger seemed to enjoy the literary prose about fucking hoes.

“GLORF…REVIEWERZZZ…DO…WONDERFUL JOBZZZ…NOW GET PAID…”

“Hell yesh! Time to rollin da moolah! Bwehehehehe…” Kanchal intoxicatingly giggled.

“Since our main guy is out of commission right now due to your turtle-like speed getting here, I’ll ask in his stead; why did you want us to review this joint in the first place?” Zel inquired of the ingrate.

“UROARGH…EASY QUESTIONZZZ COME WITH EASY ANSWERZZZ…” They then pulled a few dolls out from their jacket, much to the shock of the elf.

“MERAGH…AS ZOMBIEZZZ…WE DON’T GET MUCH IN THE WAY OF FETIZHEZZZ…CREATURE FEATURE WITH HEAD SWAPZZZ…MAKEZZZ IT LESS HARROWING TO DO JUST THAT…”

“Ack! You were a zombie the whole time?!? No wonder I got the chills just from looking at you!” Crim committed racism in the open unintentionally at the news.

“But that doesn’t explain what the dolls are for!” Zel yelled in confusion.

“SLURSH…I CREATOR OF DOLLZZZ…WANTED HEAD SWAP CAPABILITIEZZZ…NEEDED FRAME OF REFERENCEZZZ…SELL PLENTY OF DIFFERENT SPECIEZZZ…THEN I RICH RICH RICHNEZZZ…”

“Hang un a meenuutt! Making moaneyz ezz moi jab yu undid umbesell!”

*CONK!*

Kanchal then went face first onto the table from drowsiness and into the night-night zone, leaving the others to stare at him awkwardly.

“So let me get this straight, all of this was just a marketing campaign to bring awareness to your shitty voodoo figures?” Zel badgered his client.

“WROARGH…NOT VERY NICE ARE YOUZZZ…GUEZZZ YOU NO WANT PAYMENTZZZ…MORE MONEYZZZ FOR MEZZZ…”

“NOW LISTEN HERE YOU LITTLE SHIT!” At the sound of capitalism going unchecked Kanchal woke up in record time.

“Kanchal, please! Control yourself! Do pardon this fellow here sir, he’s been drinking all day and is no more than a little temper tantrum throwing child…”

“HMPORGH…APOLOGY ACCEPTEDZZZ…FOR NOWZZZ…”

*CLINK!*

The sound of shiny gold pacified the halfling instantly, changing his mood like a revolving door.

“Sorrys aboot da commotion Mr. Zombie! I get a tid miffed wen moi sarvooces urn’t mit wid alluckited guds instuntly, hehehe!”

“(……….little shit……….)”

“Pardon?”

“TULOOUGH…FORGET ITZZZ…ENJOY YOUR FILTHY MONEYZZZ…TIME TO WORK ON DOLL IDEAZZZ…”

Making their way out the door and back into town, the zombie grumbled, shambled, and felt downright bamboozled at the audacity of the greedy halfling. They at least paid the reviewers their dues because that was the terms of the deal, but if they had the choice such awful customer service would have likely lost them the financial fortitude otherwise. 

“Now then, with the gold in tow…nap time!” Kanchal went back to sleeping on the table at the first sight of his penny pinching being rewarded.

“…Let’s get to cleaning up this mess on the floor.”

“Oh yeah! We got so caught up in his spiel that the OTHER stinking thing was right in our faces the whole time uncleaned!”

Zel and Crim were about to make their move out of the good of their hearts when-

“Ugh! Don’t worry, I’ll take care of it for you!”

“Oh right! Meidri-San’s the one working to-DAY?!?”

“Good thing that she’s here to-CLEAN UP STUNK’S MESS?!?”

“…what’s with the raised tone of voices? Is something the matter?”

“Y-Y-You’re…y-y-you’re…”

“NOT SUPPOSED TO LOOK LIKE THAT!!!”

“…I look the same as I always do though?”

The reason that Crim and Zel were in such a tizzy was due to the fact that Meidri had a body that wasn’t her own! And upon further inspection, she wasn’t even wearing a collar. Under her head was actually the body of the OTHER busty cow around these parts, Ginny’s friend Milky! Instead of the pale vanilla milk Ginny offered, Milky’s skin tone was a tan to chocolate flourish. Even if she had slightly smaller boobs than Ginny, they still looked absolutely gigantic on the former birdmaid’s form.

“THAT’S NOT THE MEIDRI-SAN I ONCE KNEW! HOW DID THIS HAPPEN TO YOU?!?”

“Yeah! Since this isn’t your own body, why did you take the collar off?!?”

“Let’s see, I was walking around town when I saw someone offer me a ‘make yourself more beautiful necklace’, I bought it just for fun and when I woke up I instantly felt much more sexy!” Meidri recalled.

“Once I felt more charming, the salesperson told me to remove the collar once I switched the light from green to red and let the effects sink in, whatever that means…”

“Ohnononononononono….”

“Shit! When I get my hands on that mad mage I’ll kick her ass so hard she’ll HAVE to cast a spell to make you back to normal! What if this effect is permanent?!?”

“…? As much as I hate being stared at by Stunk even I want to stay pretty, don’t you think?”

Meanwhile…

“Hey! What’s the big idea, you moooonie?!?”

“Kyehehehe! Don’t you worry about a thing, Milky-San. I’m only going to make you feel better…”

As it turned out, The TRUE Grand Archmage Demia had kidnapped Milky, bounding her arms and legs into shackles, and was using her for the wizard’s wild wardrobe war plan!

“Your body isn’t moo-niscule by any means, but I want my actual body back!”

“And risk other people seeing you with MY BODY? Kyehehehe, I THINK NOT!”

“Nooooooo! I don’t want to be stuck as a human forever!”

“Too bad. That featherbrained fool's cute and whimsical body is a nice change of pace compared to the usual sexiness I exude. AND it’s still got the potential to grow into an even more alluring ideal!”

Indeed, Demia had head swapped herself, Meidri, and Milky in an unprecedented three-way head swap! Meidri had Milky’s body, Milky had Demia’s body, and Demia had Meidri’s body, yet only Meidri was left ‘unaware’ due to the deceitful directions Demia had delivered to the dodo with a derriere!

“Now then, where should I slut it up with this bitch’s body first…”

THE END

Yep, that’s right! This story has a BAD END compared to the usual whimsical feeling of the canon series itself! Thankfully this is just a fanon work, so you can always pretend that things get back to normal, or you can imagine that Meidri’s permanently stuck with Milky’s body, whichever one you prefer really. Hopefully I established enough wank material for you all to enjoy, and thanks for reading this short novel length series! My next plans for writing may or may not involve a DIFFERENT monster girl focused series…but don’t expect it to be more than a simple one-shot affair if things work out. Otherwise, have yourself a good one until the next time we meet!