The Good Life was a hit BBC sitcom in the 1970s, relating the trials and tribulations of Tom and Barbara as they seek to go green, a novel concept at that time, becoming self-sufficient in their suburban surroundings of Surbiton, London, England. They are aided and abetted by their wealthy neighbours, Jerry and Margo.

While this was an entirely feelgood and U-rated show, there have been persistent rumours ever since that the BBC considered a late night, risque version. These rumours were thought to be groundless. Until now.

Celebrity Fetish News has recently come into possession of part of a lost script, believed to be genuine, outlining a potential pilot for what would have been a very different series. The script was accompanied by the single publicity still, shown above. Our information is that the BBC abandoned these plans on the basis of cost, driven by the contractual demands of Felicity Kendal, and her insistence on filming on a closed set rather than before a live studio audience, as favoured by the producers.

We reproduce the fragment of script here for you to judge for yourself whether this would have been a more successful show.

Scene 1: The Good’s kitchen. Tom enters, wearing Wellington boots and Barbour jacket. Barbara follows, wearing boots and dungarees.


Barbara (wiping her dirty brow and pushing her hair away from her face): Doesn't it feel good to have done a full day's work for ourselves, not some corporate monster?

Tom (straightening his back): Well, working for the corporate monster wouldn't give me such a backache!

Barbara (putting on the kettle): Nothing that a good cup of tea can't fix!

Tom (sitting down at the table): I wish everything could be fixed so easily.

Barbara (bringing the tea across and sitting down): Don't be such a grump, Tom. We’re almost ready to plant our spring crops now.

Tom (looking concerned): And that brings us on to our next problem - we don't have the money to pay for the seeds! Or for the rotivator we're going to need to complete the job.

Barbara (smiling, looking cheerful): We'll just sell something, like we always do.

Tom (exasperated, becoming angry): We've already sold everything that we can! The car, the furniture, all our decent clothes, it's all gone! All that’s left is the house, which we need to live in, the garden, which we need to grow our food, and ourselves!

Barbara (now looking serious as well): Can't we borrow from the bank? Mortgage the house?

Tom (holding his head in his hands): I've been to see Mister Johnson, our friendly bank manager, and he just basically laughed in my face. "No income, no interest repayment, no chance" was the gist of what he said, between bouts of the giggles.

Barbara: But there must be something we can do! We can't just give up, Tom!

Tom (looking nervously at Barbara): Well… there is one possibility I've been exploring…

Barbara (leaning forward, speaking urgently): Spit it out, Tom!

Tom (looking down): I've been talking to Jerry and Margo, and they're prepared to lend us the money.

Barbara (looking unhappy): Oh, Tom, I really don't want to impose on our friends like that!

Tom (looking stern): I'm sorry, love, but we have no choice. We really are between a rock and a hard place this time.

Barbara (looking resigned): Well, if we really have no choice… What sort of interest rate do they want?

Tom (brightening up): That's what makes this such a wonderful offer - they don't want us to pay interest, and there's no time limit on when we have to repay it!

Barbara (looking confused): But that's ridiculous, Tom! We can't allow them to just give us charity!

Tom (looking sheepish): Well… there are certain… conditions…

Barbara: I should think so! What do they want?

Tom (looking even more sheepish): They want… you.

Barbara (looking confused again): I don't understand. Me? What do you mean?

Tom (staring furiously into his cup of tea): They want you to… work for them… in the evenings… when we’re not working in the garden…

Barbara (looking astonished): Work for them? Doing what?!

Tom: I'm not sure… cooking and cleaning, I suppose…

Barbara (looking rather affronted): They want me to be their maid?! I'm not very happy…

Tom (finally looking up into her eyes): We don't have a choice, love! I wouldn't even entertain this idea if we did! I'm afraid we're going to have to go along with this. If it gets too much, I'll do more of the day work…

Barbara: We both know that's not going to work - it needs both our labour. Okay, well, I'll give it a go and we'll see how things work out. I'm sure Jerry and Margo won’t work me too hard. When do they want me to start?

Tom: Immediately, they've already transferred the money. I'm afraid you have to start tonight!

Barbara (looking rather peeved): Thanks for the warning, Tom! I'd better go and get changed into something more presentable.

Tom: No need, Margo said just to come as you are.

Barbara (now looking annoyed): I suppose they've got some stupid frilly uniform for me to wear! What time do they want me?

Tom: Margo said she wanted you there before Jerry gets home. She wants to… show you the ropes… or something…

Barbara (getting up and walking to the front door): Well, you'd better wish me luck!

Tom (giving her a kiss): Good luck, love, I'll see you… when you're free…

Scene 2: The Ledbetter’s front door. The doorbell rings and Margo appears, wearing riding boots, jodhpurs and a white blouse. She is holding a riding crop. She opens the door and Barbara enters, still wearing boots and dungarees.


Barbara (wiping her dirty boots on the mat): Hello, Margo! Tom told me you wanted me to come over… Oh, sorry, were you going out riding?

Margo (smiling): No, no, I was just… Why don't you take off your boots and we’ll go and have a chat. Has Tom explained what we want?

Barbara (walking through with Margo): Well, only vaguely. I got the impression you wanted me to do some skivvying for you.

Margo (confused): Skivvying?

Barbara: Cooking, cleaning, that sort of thing. A sort of maid service, I suppose.

Margo (understanding dawning): Oh dear me, no! We would never make you do something like that! That's so typical of Tom, leaving me to sort things out!

Barbara (confused but looking relieved): Sort things out? You don't want me to be your maid?

Margo: Certainly not! If we wanted a maid, we could just employ one from an agency. No, Barbara, we want you to be our slave!

Barbara (shocked): Your… WHAT?! Did you say ‘slave’?!

Margo (smiling confidently): I did, darling. I’ve had a hankering for owning a slave since we had servants when I was a child. And Jerry - well, Jerry has some rather distasteful predilections which I am no longer prepared to put up with, so having you as our slave would be perfect. He's always had a soft spot for you, Barbara - or, more accurately, a hard spot!

Barbara (putting her hand to her mouth, while her cheeks flush in embarrassment): You can't be serious! A slave?! Not only that, but… a sex slave! There's no way I'm doing that! I couldn't possibly! How can you even ask me?!

Margo (her nose in the air): I'm not asking, Barbara. It was all Tom's idea. But that's fine, if you can't bring yourself to do it, we'll just take our money back and say no more about it. Although, from what Tom was saying, you’ll have to sell the house, so we won't be neighbours anymore, which is a shame, I'll miss you two. I wonder where you'll live? Down by the canal perhaps…

Barbara (looks of shock, horror, anger, resentment passing across her face): Fine! What do you want me to do, Margo?

Margo (smiling at Barbara's acceptance): Well, I think it would be appropriate if, from now on, you call me Mistress. And of course, Jerry will be Master.

Barbara (still looking mad as hell): Very well… Mistress!

Margo (smiling a little broader): Well done, Barbara, that must have been very difficult. I'm glad you've recognised the inevitability of your situation.

Barbara: What I’ve recognised, Mistress, is that I have been manipulated into an impossible situation by my shit of a husband and my so-called friends!

Margo (looking stern and flexing the riding crop in front of her): Be careful, Barbara! I'll ignore your insolence this one time, but in future you will be punished for such an outburst! Now, take off your clothes and we'll get you into your slave ‘uniform’.

Barbara (looking shocked again): You want me to strip? Here?! Please, Margo…

Margo (hitting her across the back of the knees with the crop): Last chance, Barbara! You’d better learn to obey, and quickly, otherwise things are going to get very painful! Yes, I want you to strip! Right here, right now! Chop Chop!

Barbara (reluctantly taking off her dungarees and stripping down to her bra and pants): Yes, Mistress!

Margo (raising the crop threateningly): All the way, Barbara!

Barbara (stripping out of her underwear): There, satisfied now, Mistress?!

Margo (opening a box on the table): Very good. And now, let's get you dressed.

She takes out a black leather collar and fastens it around Barbara's neck, locking it in place with a small brass padlock. She then puts similar leather cuffs around her wrists and ankles, also locking them in place.

Margo (with a beaming smile): There! Don't you just look perfect! Now, before Jerry gets home, let's try a few basics. Okay, kneel submissively for me, Barbara.

Margo (looking down at Barbara, who is looking up at her): I said submissively! Eyes down on the floor, slave, not looking up at me, challenging me! Put your hands on your thighs, palms up, to show that you are no threat! Now open your knees. Wider. Wider! I want you to offer me, or Jerry, or anyone else I choose, your sex, to do what I like with!

Barbara (looking up sharply with a shocked look): Please, Margo! This is too humiliating! We're frien-AAAAAAHH! (Barbara screams and put her arms over her breasts when Margo hits them hard with the riding crop)

Margo (looking angry): I warned you about not showing due respect, Barbara! Now, assume the position! NOW! That's better. If you don't do as you're told, dear, you are going to suffer. And it will only be worse when Jerry gets home, he can be really vicious with a flogger! Speak of the devil…

They hear the front door open and close, then the living room door opens and Jerry walks in. He sees Barbara kneeling on the floor and smiles, then goes over to Margo and kisses her

Jerry: Evening, darling, how was your day?

Margo: Quite exciting, dear. As you can see, we have our new slave!

Jerry (looking down at Barbara): So I see. Fix us a couple of large gin and tonics, slave.

Barbara (looking up fearfully): Er… yes… Master.

Jerry (watching as Barbara fixes the drinks, her hands shaking): You seem to have done a good job of getting her training started, Margo.

Margo: It's very early days yet, darling, we really only just started. But I'm sure she'll learn quickly. Either that, or she's going to get a very sore bottom!

Barbara: Your drinks, Master, Mistress.

Margo: Very good, Barbara, now kneel as I've taught you.

Jerry (lifting Barbara's chin until she's looking into his eyes): I've always wanted to see you like this, Barbara - naked, on your knees before me. (Looking at Margo) Pardon me, dear, but do you mind if I use her?

Margo: Please do, darling! That's what she's here for, after all - to be used by us!

Barbara (watching in horror as Jerry unfastens his trousers): Jerry, please! For all the years of our friendship! Don't do this!

Jerry (slapping Barbara hard across the cheek): For all the years of our friendship, Barbara, I’ve had a raging hard-on just waiting for you! I'm certainly not going to pass up the opportunity now!

Jerry grabs Barbara's hair and thrusts his erection into her mouth. Barbara chokes and raises her hands to push him away. Margo steps in and grabs her wrists, locking her cuffs together behind her back. Jerry sips his drink as he nonchalantly fucks Barbara's mouth until he comes.

Jerry (pulling out and doing up his trousers): Lovely, Barbara, that was everything I had hoped for! I think I'm going to enjoy our new relationship!

Margo (stepping in, pulling Barbara's head back and clamping her mouth shut): Come on now, Barbara, swallow it all down, like a good cum-sucking whore! You don't want to be clearing up the mess from the carpet, do you?

Barbara (coughing and spluttering): Please, Margo, Jerry, let me go! You can't do this to me! Tom will-

Jerry (angrily): Enough! Tom will do absolutely nothing! He knows that the two of you need the money, and we're the only place he's going to get it. But not only that - your loving husband has long harboured fantasies of you being a sex slave, and is planning to use you like this as well! Now, I think we've heard quite enough from you. Margo, would you do the honours and gag her?

Barbara (shaking her head desperately): No, you're lying! Tom would never-MMMMMMMPHF!!

Margo stuffs a ball gag into Barbara’s mouth and straps it on. The living room door opens and Tom enters.

Barbara (looking up at him): MMMMMMMPHF!!

Tom (looking down at her sheepishly): Hello, love. I'm sorry about this, I tried so many times to tell you how I felt, but one look at that sweet little round face of yours, and I couldn't. The thing is, one drunken night, Jerry and I got to talking, the subject of you came up, and it turns out that we were both fantasising about you in the same way. Margo overheard us talking, and, rather than being angry with us, suggested this little plan. So,  here we are.

Margo: Yes, all very interesting, boys will be boys, etcetera ,etcetera. Why don't we take our pretty little slave upstairs and start her training in earnest?!

Margo and Jerry grab Barbara and drag her out of the room and up the stairs. Tom follows.

Barbara (struggling wildly): MMMMMMMPHF!!



This is the last page of the script which we have obtained. We believe that this is all there is but, rest assured, if we discover more, you will read it here exclusively in Celebrity Fetish News! Be sure to subscribe to get all the latest and dirtiest secrets of all your favourite celebrities!