Depression

WARNING:  Before I begin this story I must caution you that it deals with really sensitive subject matters.  For this reason, my usual assistant, Carlie, will not be making an appearance in this story.

Yes, this is loosely based on the picture in the Favorites folder “Broken Up,” but this is a serious matter as well.  This story goes to some dark places, and it has some extra parts to it.

This story deals with suicidal thoughts and depression, so I cannot stress this enough.  If you, or someone you know, deals with these things, GET HELP!  There is no shame in asking for help and none in wanting to live a better life.

This is the reason I placed this in the mature audiences category, but, if you think you can handle it…

Emily sighed again, still not sure what went wrong.  She was sure that she and James were meant to be together forever, so how could it have gotten so messed up.  Sure, she caught him cheating on her, but then he just slammed the door in her face and told her to get lost.

What did she do?  What more could she have done?  Was she destined to be alone?

What right did she have to go on if everything just kept messing up?

Emily didn’t even know why she couldn’t cry.  It seemed too much for her right now, too much.  Everything was too much.

She opened the door to her apartment and went inside.  As she reached for the light switch, she suddenly didn’t feel like it.  No, better in the dark.  Nobody could see what a mess she was.

What did it matter anyway? What did any of it really matter?

Sighing again, she could only think of one thing.  She went into her bedroom, looking at her bed, and decided.  No note, no nothing.  Let it just be a mystery if anyone cared.

Emily looped the belt around her neck, knowing that it would all soon be over, then slid the buckle on a door hook.  She took a few deep breaths before she dropped and felt the tightness.

But then the tightness came loose.  Something was wrong.  She tried to look around but, somehow, she couldn’t move her head.

What was this?  She tried reaching up as she felt herself fall, but nothing was there.  Her head was gone.

She found her head with her hands, somehow picking it up and turning it around to examine the rest of her body.  Was she crazy?  Was she actually dead?

No, a quick check showed her chest expanding and falling, meaning she was breathing.

As she tucked her head under an arm, she found the light switch and flipped it on before sitting down, her head on the table.  What happened here?

As she thought, trying to find her way through the fog, she remembered something, something from her family’s past.  In the 1960s, her great-grandmother was a magician’s assistant.  Sure, she thought all that magic stuff was really bunk, nothing but fancy hand movements and misdirection.  At least that’s what she thought.

But could it be that it’s all for real?  Could it be that she’d tapped into a family line of magic?

As she pondered this, two other thoughts entered her mind.  First, it kind of felt good, having her head removed from her body. Sure, she knew she wasn’t dead, but she felt better.

Second, how would she get her head back on?

In a bit of a panic, Emily picked her head up and placed it back in its usual spot.  A rush of pleasant feelings came over her as she felt her neck reattach.

But then other thoughts came.  James still wasn’t a part of her life anymore, and he’d been her whole life until then.  Still, if she couldn’t end her life that way, what else would happen if she tried something else?

Not knowing what else to do, she looked up other magic acts.  Nothing seemed to be able to permanently end her, but then she stumbled across the tales of many magic assistants and them telling of something she hadn’t even considered before.

They told of actually being cut in half at the waist.

She read the accounts, a glimmer of hope as she thought about how they said it would feel.  She easily recalled how good she felt with her head detached, would it be even better at her waist?

Even if it didn’t work, it would be something good.

She looked around for a bit, then found her largest carving knife.  As she got undressed, she lay down on her bed, ready for whatever came.

She hesitated a moment, breathing in and out again.  If it worked, it would be something she could keep hold of, something to make her feel better again.

If it didn’t, if the magic was one-trick only, at least she’d be out of her misery forever.

She sliced across her tummy, feeling…something.  It felt so strange, feeling that blade scrape at her body.  So, she sliced again.

There was a brief flash of pain as she felt her skin part, but that soon passed.  She’d cut into herself, but she’d already known that it worked.  There was no blood, no nothing.

She cut deeper, a rush of good feelings coming at each cut, each time getting more and more intense as she continued to cut her waist.  Nothing was going to stop her now as she went deeper and deeper.

Sure, no blood, but it felt so good, and she needed it so bad.

She paused a moment at her spine.  Was the blade sharp enough?  She had no idea, so she just tried a cut and nearly screamed in pure ecstasy.

As she cut into her spine, every time she and James had sex came back to her, and the feeling got more and more intense.

She knew it was good when, as she finished cutting through her spine, she went into a full-on orgasm, feeling that intense rush go through her divided body again and again and again. As she finished cutting herself in half, she dropped the knife to the side.

It was what she needed, the idea that she could feel good again.  She set up on her elbows, pulling her halves apart, and just marveled there.

Across the waist of her bottom half was a flat layer of skin.  She brushed it momentarily, marveling and actually smiling at the good feelings it brought about.  She reached under her top half, feeling the same skin and realizing that she no longer wanted to end her life.

No, she wanted to stay in halves.

But how?  As she thought on this she realized how tired she was, kicked off her shoes with a bit of a giggle, but then lay awake as her top half reclined on bed.

She wondered what James would think, but then remembered what had happened.