As Celia and I sit down at the restaurant, my phone buzzes with a text alert.

“Hey genius, most purse-wearers typically put the apartment keys inside the purse. You are not most purse-wearers; you will be able to find your keys inside your apartment.”

I shake my head and giggle. Celia raises an eyebrow. “Just Doreen finding the funniest way possible to tell me I left my keys at her house like a weirdo.”

“Oh shit, we can run back after and get them if you want.”

“In these shoes? No, no running, thanks. Besides, she’s already dropping them off at my place.”

“You two seem pretty tight, were you ever a thing?”

“Me and Doreen? Nah, we’re more of drinking-and-nonsense buddies. Besides, even if I was interested, I’m not really her type, if you know what I mean.”

“Really? I’d have assumed that with at least five Pride flags in her windows, you and I would be extremely her type, if I know what you mean.”

Shit, that’s right, I need to stop forgetting which side of the fence I’m sitting on. “She’s into women who are a little adventurous, a little mysterious, and very willing to let her push them around. I don't know about you, but I’m only one of those.”

“Oh? Which one?”

“Guess.”

I’m spared Celia’s guess when a waiter comes by with water and takes our drink order. Celia orders a margarita, which sounds amazing until the waiter cards her. I get a Diet Coke.

Doreen raises an eyebrow. “Okay, Miss Mysterious. Let’s play a game. If you win, at a point of your choosing on our date, you get to tell me to do one thing - nothing dirty, nothing illegal - and I’m not allowed to say no. If you lose, you have to agree to the activity I have planned without know what it is first. Again, nothing dirty, nothing illegal.”

“What’s the game?”

“Not telling until you say yes.”

“I’m going to warn you I’m not exactly dressed for midnight zip lining.”

Celia laughs. “No, nothing like that. It’s an activity that, based on what I know about you, I am over eighty percent confident you will enjoy.”

I sigh. Time to let Doreen, in absentia, make some questionable choices on my behalf. “Okay, I think I can - holy shit!”

I jump up, my wrist hitting my water glass and spilling it over the source of my alarm - my friend Chuck, who I haven’t seen since the night before my first change and who I completely forgot fucking works here. This sucks - Chuck knows I don’t have a sister, and now I’m going to have to answer a bunch of questions about why I’m wearing a dress and heels and tights and-

“Miss, are you okay?” Chuck grabs a towel for the table and hands me a second one, thankfully not showing Celia that he knows me, and as a man. It’s going to be tricky because Chuck’s a terrible liar, but I think I can-

Oh fuck me. Chuck’s a terrible liar!

He clearly has no clue who I am. Why would he? He has absolutely no reason to think that this woman in a dress, tights, heels, and makeup is his male friend, even if she looks familiar. I didn’t recognize myself in the mirror at first, why would he?

“No, sorry, I’m fine, I’m just kind of a klutz tonight apparently.” I take the towel and sit down. Thankfully, I didn’t get much water on myself, and not any on my hair or face. I don’t have to worry about an impromptu self-taught lesson in touching up makeup.

Chuck dries off the table and goes to get a mop for the floor. While he’s gone, Celia takes a sip of the margarita that, by some miracle, Chuck did not spill when I jumped up. “Okay, that’s gotta be an interesting story.”

I sigh and think fast. “It’s really not. He reminded me of a stalker I had in college. Had to get the police involved and everything. It’s not him, though - the stalker had tattoos Chuck doesn’t”.

“You know the waiter, but he also reminds you of a stalker you had?”

Shit. I am really blowing this. I aim for a half truth. “Yeah, I, uh, eat here a lot? And Chuck's new haircut made him look like Stalker McGee at first."

Celia seems to accept this. “So are you ready for the game?”

“Sure.” I wasn’t before, but now I’ll do whatever to get off the topic of Chuck.

“The game is two truths and a lie. I tell you two truths and a lie about me, and you tell me two truths and a lie about you. If you guess my lie and I don’t guess yours, you win. Otherwise, I win.”

“Wow, C, talk about house odds.”

Celia’s eyes narrowed as she grinned at me. “Hey, I said it was a game. I never said it was a fair game.”

This woman is evil, and I do not  know why I'm finding it so hot. “Okay, deal. You go first, since you’ve clearly thought about this.”

Celia leans back in her chair. “One: Doreen and I talked before tonight’s date. Two: I wanted to come to this restaurant because Chuck’s my cousin. Three: I’ve been engaged twice before in my life - once to a man, once to a woman.”

Oof. Those are three quality statements for this game. I don’t know how I feel about One; it would a couple things about tonight make a lot of sense, and it would definitely be Doreen’s kind of bullshit. I really don’t want Two to be true; that would be both embarrassing now and complicated later. On the other hand, I really want Three to be true, Celia being bisexual could make things less complicated later.

Ah well, in for a penny, in for a pound. “I think statement Two is the lie; you know I’d be mortified, and it would throw me off my game. But you have to tell me how you know Doreen.”

Celia stares me in the eye for a few seconds - just long enough to unnerve me - before laughing. “Good call, but I’m not explaining my truths until after your turn.”

“One: I do not own anything I’m wearing tonight. Two: Your perfume is exactly the same as my ex-fiancée’s. Three: I hurried to finish reading Left Hand of Darkness today because I wanted to be ready if you asked any questions about it.”

Celia looked at me. “Hmm. I know One is true.”

what

“Two would certainly be interesting, but that would mean you’ve been engaged before, to a woman, and I’m not sure if I buy that; you don’t seem like a long-term lesbian.”

hah

“Three would mean that you saw the bookmark before today, but didn’t text me until today for some reason, and I don’t think you’d admit to that.”

holy shit I didn’t think of that, this is what it feels like to be completely outmatched

“So I’m going with Two as the lie.”

I thrust my arms into the air in victory… and punch a tray of drinks Chuck is carrying. This time, I get drenched instead of him. On the plus side, it’s all water. On the minus side, my dress is soaked and I don’t think towels are going to be good enough.

I sit there, mortified, my arms still in the air, as Chuck goes to get more towels anyway. Celia, thankfully, waits until he is gone to start laughing her ass off at me. “I’d give you my spare clothes from the car, but I don’t think they’d fit you, and I didn't bring a jacket. Does Doreen still have access to your apartment? Can she bring you something?”

“Oh God, that means I have to tell her all this.” I pull my phone out anyway and text Doreen: “Hey, is that long dress still available? Have a bit of a fashion emergency here.”

Doreen texts back almost immediately. “Oh nooooooo, it’s on its way”

I put my phone away and turn back to Celia, and I have no idea how much of my clothes she can see or see through because this is not a thing that has happened to me before. “So, um, in a calmer fashion, no, Two was not a lie, you are wearing the same perfume as my ex. I am, in fact, worse at five-dimensional chess than you, and did not think about the implications of Three. Now it’s your turn, although I’m starting to think that our Ones might be connected.”

Celia smiles. “Clever girl. Doreen called me on Sunday - I assume she got the number from seeing the bookmark? She told me that you were interested, but a bit anxious about it. I had a couple ideas for dates already, and confirmed them with her. She told me she’d have some outfits ready for you to choose from when you finally decided to get off your ass and call me.”

“And your Three?”

She waved her hand. “I’m not going to dwell on exes on a first date. Let’s just say that they both wanted me to be someone different than who I am, and that would have made me something less than what I am. If you can’t be your whole self with someone, why should you settle for being less than that on their behalf?”

Oh no. She’s right. I’m going to have to tell her. Sooner rather than later.

——————————————————————------------------------------------------------

Doreen comes in, declaring herself the Grand Mistress Of The Traveling Dress. We head to the restroom - without Celia - where she jokingly admonishes me for doing something she wouldn’t do. “I’d never spill drinks on a waiter twice!”

Thankfully, I’d had time to prepare a response for this. “Not only did I do something you would have done, I did something I’ve seen you do - throw drinks on Chuck twice in one night!”

Doreen stared at me. “Oh my God, you’re right, I have done that. Good job staying within the rules of the game, then.”

The way Doreen says “game” doesn’t sit quite right with me. “Speaking of ‘game’, I was wondering something about these dresses, and the other outfits you had ready for me…”

Doreen cuts me off. “I dropped them all off at your place when I dropped off your keys, and if you’re worried about paying me, we can talk about that later. Obviously you don’t need to pay for anything you haven’t worn if you don’t want to. But I need to get home, and you have to get back to your date!”

The way Doreen rushes off doesn’t sit well with me. She's clearly hiding something.

——————————————————----------------------------------------------------------

Newly “dressed” and mostly dry, I come back to the table. Our meal’s over, and Celia has spared me another interaction with Chuck by picking up the tab. We head back to her car.

“Okay, now I have this second part of the date planned, but you don’t have to do it if you don’t want to. Do you want me to tell you now, or do you want to be surprised?”

“You were planning on surprising me, right?”

“I didn't think you’d peg me as bisexual, so yes.”

I smile. “I’d have thought bisexual was the easiest way to peg you, but if you want the element of surprise, you can have it.”

Celia’s eyes widen. I don’t think she was expecting a pegging joke from me. Doreen certainly couldn’t have led her to expect it.

She drives us to the bookstore and gets a plain brown bag out of her back seat. “Welcome to your blind date!”

I stop. “What?”

“It’s a blind date. With a book.” Celia takes a second plain brown bag out of the first one. “It’s the first date that gives you the best chance of a second one! We each take the brown bag and find a book that we want to share with the other person, or think she will enjoy. We buy the books, put them in the paper bags, and give them to each other - no peeking! When you get home, you have until the next date to read the books, and then you talk about them on that date!”

Okay, this is cute, and it’s definitely up my alley. “You’re on.” I take the paper bag and start walking towards the cookbooks. To be clear, I have no intention of buying Celia a cookbook, but the cooking section does give you the best view of the rest of the bookstore. I’m not going to peek at what book she’s going to buy, but it can’t hurt to at least know what genre I’m going to be reading.

Once I’m in position, I peek over the top of the shelf (hey, since I didn’t lose any height when I changed, I can actually see better in heels!). Celia’s already heading to the register? And she doesn’t even have a book? That bitch; she outmaneuvered me again! She must have put the book on hold before we even got here! I need to make my pick. She told me she was into “contemporary” spec fic and classics. I’m worthless on classics, and everyone who likes them has already read them anyway. That Becky Chambers book I checked out last week was really good; did she say she’d read it? Damnit, I don’t think she told me one way or the other. But she did tell me that she’d read Discworld, so maybe if she didn’t tell me she’d read Chambers, she hasn’t?

Fuck it. It’s a good book, and if she’s read it, it deserves to be read again. I’m not winning “what hasn’t she read” with a damn librarian anyway.

My phone buzzes as I’m finding the book. It’s Celia, telling me that she’s playing fair by waiting in the car now that she’s made her purchase. That’s sweet, but this still feels like the most rigged of rigged games - one that’s rigged both against me and for me, if that’s even possible.

I buy the book, paper bag it, and head to the car. Celia asks if there’s anything else I’d like to do. Yes, oh God yes But I’m starting to get nervous about timing. I still don’t know how this sex change thing works, and I don’t want to push my luck when everything seems to, against odds, be going so well. I tell Celia I need to work in the morning, and we head for my apartment.

———————————---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Celia walks me to my door, and we exchange books. She says, “I’m curious to see what you think of this one since you got through Left Hand of Darkness so quickly.”

What? "You knew?”

“If Doreen called me on Sunday, that means you had to have opened the book on Saturday or Sunday, and nobody who checks out three books or more a week is taking longer than a couple days to finish them.”

“You knew both my lies at dinner… and you picked the wrong one anyway? Why?”

“I knew you were going to agree to the book blind date no matter what. I had almost the whole night planned for us, and I wanted to clearly and plainly give you the chance to tell me something to do at least once tonight.” She sighs. “And you still didn't. I'm used to getting what I want on dates, but I guess you can't get everything you want." She turns to leave.

I grab her hand. “This date's not over until I say it is, and now I'm making you kiss me.”

She doesn’t seem disappointed.

————————————————————-----------------------------------------------------

I close the door behind me. That was... quite the experience. I can already tell I’m going to need to set some future boundaries with Doreen, though.

My shoes are off and I’m headed to the bathroom to shower. I notice myself in the mirror and realize that Doreen and I never took the opportunity to fix my hair and makeup after the Drenching Incident. My hair is an absolute mess, my makeup runny and asymmetrical. Celia kissed that face? Good thing she wasn't allowed to say no, I joke to myself as I get in the shower.

Showering definitely includes some creative reminiscing on what I’d have liked to do with Celia after the bookstore. Still five stars.

After showering, I put on some pajamas - a men’s tank top and jogging pants, but I use what I have. I notice that Doreen has partitioned my closet and hung my female-appropriate clothes there. With her arrangement, it’s easy to hide all the clothes of one gender or the other behind a door while the others are visible. Probably best to keep the doors closed entirely for a while, though.

My phone buzzes, I glance at it briefly. Doreen can wait; Celia couldn’t have.

I get into bed with my brown bag book. Celia’s written a note on it: “Finish it once and I’ll never ask again.”

I open the package to find a copy of Virginia Woolf’s Orlando.

Damn, I guess she does know how to get everything she wants.