“Thunk!”

The sound of the quarter sliding into the coin slot stirred the inhabitants of the arcade cabinet. Sprites rushed to and fro, getting into their positions. “Places everyone!”  

“Ka-Thunk! Bwooo-da-da-dee!” With the second quarter, the arcade game flashed into lit, tinny 8-bit notes playing triumphantly as, somewhere indistinctly ahead and above of the sprites, the watching eye of the screen lit up.

As she had countless times before, Princess Peppermint took the stage, in the throne room of her candy palace. True to her name, she was dressed in an elegant red and white striped dress. Her scarlet locks spilled from a crown bearing a candy-striped gemstone.

“What is going on?” She said, a large speech balloon floating overhead. Across the room, the door opened and her chancellor Toady Toffee hopped in.

“It’s Lord Licorice, My Princess!” He croaked in distress. “He’s attacking the castle! Rrriibbbitt!” He gave a long croak as the door behind him burst open, sending the sticky sweet frog flying across the screen. In stepped the towering, intimidating figure of Lord Licorice.

“Your highness…” He said, crossing the room as she fell back. “As you did not answer my most recent marriage proposal, I thought to come and present my offer in person.”

“You fiend!” Princess Peppermint said, throwing a hand to her forehead melodramatically. “I will never marry a creature so sour as you!”

Lord Licorice continued his advance, menacingly. “You will soon change your tone, my dear. Soon, the crown of candy land will be mine! Muahahahaha!” With a final lung, he snatched the Princess. Princess Peppermint struggled theatrically in his grip for a few seconds. The two collapsed into a pile of animated dust, from which stars and bolts of lighting periodically shot out. When it finally cleared, Lord Licorice stood triumphant. Princess Peppermint had been tied hand and foot. Her torso was practically coiled in rope, pinning her arms to her back.

“Mmmppphhh!!!” She whimpered towards the player, her speech bubble thoughtfully translating the gag-speak into: “Oh! Help me Captain Candy! You’re my only hope!” Then, with another evil laugh, her captor leapt across the throne room in three bounds and off the screen.

“Well, that went well, don’t you think?” Lord Licorice said, setting Princess Peppermint down, once they were safely off screen. “You were splendid, as always.” He told his captive.

“Mmmppphhh! (Aww...thank you.” She replied, blushing. “Mmmpphhh mmpphh mmmpphh mhhpphh mhhpp… (I rather thought your entrance was very good as well. Quite dastardly.”

“You really think so? What about that evil laugh. You know, I keep practicing, but I just don’t know if it’s got the right oompph to it yet, you know?”

While the two chatted, off to the side, Captain Candy had his big introductory scene, rushing into the palace to find the Princess kidnapped, taken who knows where? Certainly not a few feet off screen. Then, he began to move under the player’s control as the first level began.

“Really? First pit?” Lord Licorice commented, as Captain Candy plunged to his doom down a bottomless pit. A few seconds later, he popped back into existence, good as new, at the beginning of the level, but already down a life.

Princess Peppermint gave a muffled groan. “Hope this player has plenty of quarters.” She thought to herself. By an odd quirk of the games programming, the sprites stayed in whatever state they were when the current game ended. For her, that meant she stayed tied up, like this, until the player reached the final level and Captain Candy officially rescued her, which was a bother when they proved unequal to the challenge, like this one seemed. Still, it was better than Captain Candy and Lord Licorice, one of whom, depending on which way things went, would be ‘dead’ until the game rebooted.      

Slowly, painfully, Captain Candy advanced through the first level, seeming to fall into every pit, get hit by every single one of Lord Licorice’s gum drop goons. Before he reached the end, the player had already had to shovel in two more quarters for another set of lives. Princess Peppermint didn’t know how many more he had. “Hopefully They’ll get better once they gets the hang of it.” She thought.

They didn’t. Level two was a repeat of the first, life after life lost and a third pair of quarters slid in before it was finished. At least after that, Princess Peppermint got a cutscene. Alright, sure maybe most of the dialogue was said by Lord Licorice, ordering his minions to redouble their efforts to stop Captain Candy before he reached the Fortress of Death by Chocolate. All of it really, apart from the odd “Mmmppphhh! (Save me, please!)” But she was in the scene nonetheless, a little bit better than glorified scenery. She could struggle and even swing from the thick chain that now suspended her several feet of the floor.  

The scene ended and the screen once more turned its focus to Captain Candy’s increasingly depressing attempts to get through each level before all of his lives were depleted. A few more quarters were slotted in, but eventually, the player evidently gave up.

Princess Peppermint got one more scene though. She was in the center of the screen, still tied up, gagged and suspended from her chain. She looked up at the screen, squirming in her bonds and emoting as hard as she could, begging her hero not to give up and abandon her to the merciless clutches of the evil Lord Licorice. Above her head, the 10-count timer slowly ticked down, the captive Princess growing more and more distressed as it became apparent no rescue would be coming for her this time…

The counter hit 0, the screen went dark. Princess Peppermint slumped in her chains, giving a long sigh of disappointment through her gag. Lord Licorice walked over, setting a hand on her shoulder. “So…” He teased, gently pushing her so she swung back and forth. “Think anyone else’ try before the arcade closes? Or will you be hanging around here all night?” He gave his evil laugh another try. The Princess sighed, hoping another player came by soon...