How much do you know about your family tree? Not too long ago, I did some digging back into my family history and let me tell you, it’s amazing how some traditions can run for generations without you realizing just how far they go back.

Take my Great-Great Grandfather, Ezekiel. He lived in New York City back during the big waves of immigration, Ellis Island and all that. People came from all over, from Ireland and Italy and Russia and everywhere, looking for a new Life in the land of opportunity. And sometimes they’d find it and sometimes men like by Great Grand Grandpa would find them first.

He would hang around the docks, watching as the new immigrants got of the tramp steamers. In particular, he’d look for young women who did look like they had anyone waiting for them, no friends or family to look after them. And he’d approach, asking if they were looking for work, housekeeping or secretarial or that sort of thing. He was a smooth charmer, so my family says, he had no trouble convincing plenty of young ladies to come back to his apartment, with the promise of a position with a good family.

Back in those days, they called them ‘Chloroformers’. Later on it was the ‘White Slaver Panic’. No sooner had a young lady stepped into old Zeke’s apartment then he grabbed ‘em and gave ‘em a few whiffs of the stuff. When they came to, they were tied up and gagged in a packing crate heading out West. Still plenty of frontier towns in those days with a shortage of women and plenty willing to pay top dollar for a fine lady.

Now my Great-Grandfather, Jonathan, he did most of his work during the twenties and thirties. Where most of his contemporaries switched to running liquor during Prohibition, he kept running girls, most of them to North Africa and the Middle East. Repeal hardly slowed him down and when the War broke out, he kept at it. He had plenty of contacts in the army. Quite a few Liberty Ships crossed the Atlantic packed with GI’s bound for Europe and down below a couple choice beauties in crates labeled “Bombs/shells” bound for Casa Blanca and from there all across North Africa.

After him came by Grandfather Davis. The Cold War was a boon for guys in his position. Lot of people wanting to get out of East Germany and Russia and the like and were willing to pay top dollar for someone to smuggle them to the West. And if a few pretty girls ended up getting smuggled somewhere else? He sold a lot of girls to Japan during their boom in the 80s, before the big crash ended that party. Let me tell you, James Bond had nothing on some of the crazy hijinks Grandpa Davis got up to crossing the Iron Curtain with a tied up girl or two in his trunk. I could tell you some stories my dad passed down to be...but then I’d have to kill you…

Now my Dad, he took over in the 90s, when the business was changing all the time. The internet was the big one. It made it much easier to get in touch with buyers, find “recruits”, arrange transport and payment. He was a big early adopter. Lost a bundle in the Dot Com bust, but he made it back one girl at a time. The War on Terror hurt the business a lot. People suddenly started paying a lot more attention to what was passing through airports, docks, trainyards. You couldn’t just pack a crate with girls and ship it off. And all the fuss in the Middle East hurt what had generally been a pretty reliable market for the product, let me tell you.

And me? Well dear old Dad retired a couple years back, so now it’s up to me to carry on the family business. What’s that? Are you feeling a bit dizzy? Don’t worry, that’s just the little thing I slipped in your drink starting to take effect. That’s right, just relax and let it work its magic. When you wake up, you’ll be in a crate, heading off to a new life somewhere. Probably China. It’s a growing market for slaves these days. You’ll have some company too. You’re the third girl I’ve told this story to tonight. At the very least, you can know you’re helping to keep an old family tradition alive...